Groovy Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Typically I have only dated really athletic men. I'm active and have played on various city adult sport leagues in my 30's now. But in time I have realized a hard body does not always make a girl happy as much as a big heart. Recently I have dated looking for the lasting traits and tried to look at beauty as skin deep. I met a man whose 6' 8" and a bit heavy set. When we met he was 75 pounds heavy but has lot 25 pounds since we met. I know he eats a lot due to his height and only eats one meal a day but it bothered me he ate 3/4 a large deep dish pizza and a platter of chicken wings for dinner last night. He's a 3x and would be a 2x if he had a better weight. He exercises at the gym but admitted he hates it, I love exercise. He is so good to me and it hasn't been long for us. But he has just told me he loves me and talks about us maybe living together and getting married. It haunts me how much we have in common and I have not met anyone whose made me feel this way in about 11 years! He makes me laugh a lot too. I am not willing to go as fast as he is and declare what he has for me, but it's hard to imagine life without him. I know being real health conscious I can help him exercise more. But I don't want anyone to feel like I am trying to change them. I know a lot of it is just committment phobia. I am worried that if I were to settle for life we both could get old and fat as well as disinterested in sex all together. That he'll stop trying for me. I know he is already at a great health risk when he is such a tall man and it taxes his heart to pump blood for his body and then I think about him being overweight and it worries me. I know I am being very silly but would appreciate some feedback.
Linlin Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 I would express it to him as you being concerned about his health and you want a long life with him. I would also try to exercise with him and help him make better choices. In the long run, looks fade and beauty is only skin deep. One of you could get ill or gain weight, etc. What you have to decide is do you love the person regardless of what could or may happen in the future.
westernxer Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Other than being fat, he makes you laugh, treats you well, and has already lost 25 pounds. What is the problem? Tell him to take a hike if your insecurities bother you that much. Then find an athletic guy who will justify your superficiality. It's only been 11 years since you've felt this good, so why should you care if you break his heart? After all, he's just a big, tall, fat guy who loves you for you, but you've got high expectations, so why settle for less (figuratively speaking)? Oh well. What could've been...
alphamale Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy I know I am being very silly but would appreciate some feedback. ummm...what sorta "feedbag" are you looking for? yuck yuck
The_Fool Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Excersize with him. Do outdoors-y things with him. Most heavy guys want to lose weight and really enjoy being active, they just will rarely (if ever) do it on their own. The healthier he gets, the more fun it'll be for him. Can you imagine him being 75 lbs heavier? Can you still not imagine life without him? What does that tell you? The old joke goes: "I may be fat, but you're ugly. At least I can lose weight." There are worse things to be than overweight. Just know that someone that tall will almost always struggle with their weight.
Author Groovy Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Thanks everyone but Westernexer. Even thanks for Alphamale cuz some of his posts have helped me. I mean, obviously I want to date him and if that was it I wouldn't care. I think the weight has just been more on my mind because he's talking about settling down with me. I would be able to love someone if I got married and they ended up heavy. But I think we all want to settle down with someone who we can imagine a healthy life with and when we see that may not exist from beginning, it's frightening. And though I admit some of it is superficial a lot of it is just caring about him and his well being. I will try to inspire him in what I think he wants for himself. It's not like it all needs to be clear right now and I guess time will tell.
westernxer Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Nothing personal. (Be careful what you ask for...)
Craig Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 You've met your soul mate what more do you want? I think you're being silly.
Israfil Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Groovy, I think your concerns are valid. Being overweight causes numerous health problems and diminishes your attraction for a person. However, if you really really love him, then you will see past his weight. What I have learned over the years is that you have to accept someone for who they are right now - not who they can potentially become in the future. If you cannot accept him the way he is - be sexually attracted to him and love him as unconditionally as you are able - then you should move on. Its great to encourage him on his path to becoming healthy, but ultimately it has to be his choice and motivation. And it shouldn't be done for you - a healthy lifestyle should be something that he wants to attain for himself, outside of the relationship. Ultimately, you can't change anybody - and really, when you think about it, you shouldn't want to change them.
moimeme Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Discuss it with him. It is about health, IMHO. My last ex put on 30 lbs in about 8 months and it put him at risk because he began to have cholesterol problems. We lived together and I quit buying high-calorie foods. He ate three meals plus snacks as we're supposed to do but he'd snack on popcorn with no butter and other healthy stuff. I wouldn't agree to go out for meals unless they were not fast food - I cooked instead. I also got him walking. You could just get together for long walks on a regular basis - no changing, no gyms, and it's still exercise. The ex took off all the weight and had changed his eating habits quite a bit. He was pleased because he felt better and it hadn't been horrible because I made a real effort to find and make healthy stuff for us to eat. I discussed it in terms of his health, too, and that, fortunately, was persuasive. you shouldn't want to change them. I have to disagree on the issue of health. There's not thing one with wanting to get someone who doesn't care about his own health to care more about it or to encourage him in his quest to change. This guy is already losing weight so he's part way there. Her encouraging him and cheering him on is supportive, IMHO.
Author Groovy Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 I agree, changing a person never helps and I would never want to resent anyone for not being what I want. I am trying to look past the weight issue. He has lost 25 pounds and said he did it for himself but that I help motivate him. And that he's like to lose 25-50 more pounds. He said he got heavy a year ago and has never been heavy before. I hope he is doing it for him because if it's for me than it would never work out.
The_Fool Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy I hope he is doing it for him because if it's for me than it would never work out. Don't start second-guessing his motivation just because he said you encouraged him. It's sometimes hard to figure out what makes a guy motivated to do something, but it's rarely just one thing. Maybe he suffered from depression when he began gaining weight, and meeting you had helped to snap him out of it? Maybe, because you like to excersize and be healthy, he has a better appreciation for it--or it helps make it more fun for him? Everyone loves having their own cheerleader. Sometimes, that's all the motivation someone needs. Edit: Fixed som speling and teh grammer error.
Author Groovy Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Your absolutely right, I am second guessing and I shouldn't.
Recommended Posts