lauri Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I went through a really bad breakup over a year ago (you can see my threads in the breakup section. The things I went through were pretty bad and it took me a long long time to get over them. Recently, my ex appears back into my life and told me that she wants me back and wants to take things "slow" because she hasn't been able to get over what happened between us and that she feels that she can't find anyone better and it took losing me to realize that. The thing is, I feel that once a girl loses interest in you that it is impossible to regain it. She will remember those negative qualities you have and will hold onto them in the back of her mind, and will remind her constantly of why she broke up with you. My ex, when she saw me in person, seemed super interested. I know she feels this way because she finally got me to speak to her after 1 year and she is really excited. She kept talking about what happened and believes that I can "make her fall inlove" with me again (key word here is she isn't inlove with me right now). I don't think I want her back and quite frankly if I don't, it is probably for the best. But what I want to know is, am I wrong that a girl can't regain interest in you? Or is it possible? I don't want to try getting anything with someone if there is little or no hope. I'm curious to hear about everyone's experiences and if someone could eliminate those feelings someone has about you after more than a year since the breakup. I don't know if a second chance is even possible.
preraph Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Your thinking on this is clear. Number one, most women don't start loving you again just because they can't get anyone better. Two, anyone who would settle with someone they don't love anymore for that reason is a twit who can't stand on their own two feet and will drag you down with her every hour of your life you give her. Number three, she does with with zero regard for your feelings and is only thinking of herself. I know you can do better, whether she thinks she can or not!!! 3
movingonnow1 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Your ex sounds extremely confused. I have followed your posts for a long time ...but I am curious if a girl could ever regain interest after she ended it with you.
Author lauri Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 Her logic is that she likes me / wants to see where things will go and it took her losing me to realize this. She looks at it like we cannot expect to date immediately after we come and she wants to see how if she will fall in love with me again. She said she likes me and I explained to her even if she wanted me back now I would tell her that I would need months to make a decision. I don't know if that is possible for her to regain interest, but I KNOW she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. I'm over her and I'm not affected by this as much (NC is king for putting me back on my feet). I did confront her on some of these things and I think because I called her out on her BS she started to "back off" which lead me to creating this thread. I think my decisions and the way I acted showed her that the "reasons" why she lost interested in me "still exist". I guess I was trying to see if it is possible for an ex to regain interest in you - she did try to come back into my life for over an entire year, but all of her actions kind of scream that she isn't interested. I'm asking this also for everyone else who is considering a second chance as well. I honestly believe that a woman is done forever after she ends it with you...I'm interested to see if people think I'm wrong. 1
BC1980 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I think it's always possible to regain interest. In theory, yes, it's possible, so I don't think that's the main problem. The issue is that she is now expecting you to do something to regain her love. That seems unfair and a huge gamble. I mean, what can you do to make her love you? She either does or she doesn't. It's not like you can earn it. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Sounds like she had GIGs but now realizes the grass was greenest where she was. I wouldn't take somebody back who thought it was OK to throw me away in the 1st place.
chados Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 it is definitely possible. but its very common at tougher times to remember who was there for you. that doesnt mean the attraction will last during the relationship. whats important to know is that woman mostly gain attraction when they have someone that understands them and they feel safe with. woman wants to communicate to share and increase intimacy with her partner while men see communication as a way to solve a problem as fast as possible. when a woman talks about a problem the guy believes that the woman want him to fix the problem for her. but she doesnt always need to solve the problem. having someone that shows empathy makes hear heal from inside and removes anxiety. when a woman tells a man what to do he feels attacked and gets defensive. when a guy is telling the woman her problems arent as big as she think she gets defensive. basically a guy wants to know that she belives he can handle everything and that she wants him to solve her problems. while a woman wants a man who will "listen" to her problems and understand them. not always solve them getting together or not is completely up to you. i think that she has to work to regain your trust and not the other way around.
frigginlost Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 Yes, it is possible. Anyone who says differently, is in my humble opinion, bitter about something, or over analyzing the situation. Case in point: My best friend's girlfriend walked out on him a year and a half ago. She threw a line in the water with him 7 months ago to see if he would bite. He did. He went into the "getting to know her again" phase because he was unsure of her true intentions as she stated she was really interested in him again. He decided to move forward with her and put it in his head that the previous relationship they had was dead. It never existed. They are extremely tight right now and have been doing fantastic over the last 6 months. They are even talking marriage... They both learned a ton about themselves while they were away from each other. They were together for 4 years before the split when she walked.
LifeGoesOnMan Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 She kept talking about what happened and believes that I can "make her fall inlove" with me again (key word here is she isn't inlove with me right now). this is your red flag/huge warning/cue to run far away. do not waste your time trying to make someone who was in love with you, who fell out, fall back in love with you. its a miserable, painful process and it is NOT the same as reconciling. SHE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU ANYMORE, AND IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. seriously, I am warning you. 1
chados Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 this is your red flag/huge warning/cue to run far away. do not waste your time trying to make someone who was in love with you, who fell out, fall back in love with you. its a miserable, painful process and it is NOT the same as reconciling. SHE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU ANYMORE, AND IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. seriously, I am warning you. this is true. its degrading and hurtful if you dont succeed. maybe even if you do it can feel like you put all the effort in there. invest equally when in a relationship. when someone breaks up with you, you let them invest in you to get you back.
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