Yet Another Friend Zone Topic - YAFZT!

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

OK, this is going to sound so very impossible for some, though dating to me sounds so impossible as well.

 

Since I am not a social person, the term friend zone seems a bit funny to hear, like it's death valley for men. As if nothing is to be gained from it.

 

All my relationships, oddly enough started from this place called the Friend Zone.

 

Is it some secret woman prefer to get to know a guy first but afraid to ask to slow down??? That is just a for you to think about. As i am one who only thinks of things if brought up for the most part. I prefer not to try to over think anything as it can side track me to some endless loop of contradiction and fact, well most of the time... but not today. HA!

 

To me a Friend Zone is a comfortable spot to be in. It allows one to be who they are without having to be careful on how they are understood. Though I admit a few women can't even be that way in a friend zone. Maybe they don't know how to show themselves in public. Afraid possibly, or so caught up in being in control of who they are. Like a man's ego and confidence but in a womanly manner.

 

Now that is one to ponder... a man's confidence, like does anyone see it, or does he have to show his ego more than what he is capable of??? Again another odd question that I jest to myself as it has no importance to me.

 

I always tell my friends I have no ego, so don't bother with all that man stuff. A simple complement, no arm bashing, or a beer for wining at the pool table. I guess that can be taken as a lack of what ever. Maybe I am too over confident. HA!!!

 

So, here I am back at the friend zone, thinking I have had the same relationships other people have had, without making friends first (Yes, dating), and still have terrible issues just as well. Looking at a handful from Friend Zone to full blown relationship having only the last 2 out of the 5 being long term and best ever, and only in using my own ways, away from common expectations and practices. So, is there any difference... It takes a bit of time, but you do know what you are getting, once you make it out of the friend zone.

 

I am so sure, that I could have saved a lot of time and effort with my 1st four relationships, by saying no. Just because I knew of major incompatibilities. Not being hard up, I just wanted to show that I can be trusting and allow love with someone who is willing to give me a shot. That sounds fair enough, doesn't it??? Now, don't you go and answer... Gosh you give peeps a hypothetical question, and they want to answer it in every detail. HA!!!

 

Now, if you take such decision as a true friend... You must be willing to accept the bad in your friendship to deny an end your relationship, because friends just do that, else you would not be friends. Right??? LOL

 

See I am starting to get in this endless loop thing I explained earlier... So if you start getting into a constant fact vs contradiction loop, don't blame me, as I did not force you into reading this. Go away, don't bother reading further... find something to do or read to clear you mind. Well since you are still here reading...

 

As in many friendships the other may expect something over and above, or show a side of themselves that even all of their friends never expected in such a drastic way. From that, it looks to me casual friendship just a facade between peeps. With all that said... Is there really a friend zone??? No, save your answer, it is another thought to make you think again. I bet everyone who has gotten this far is going WTF!!! Bloody hell, why ask a question if you don't want it answered???

 

Now I accept your comments... If anyone feels free to. Maybe this is another one of my oddly strange and troubling thoughts, that many may find futile or to toss away in disregard.

Edited September 29, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA

[Natsu21]

I'll keep it simple for all men and women, imo.

 

If your primary goal is sex and ONLY sex, the "friend-zone" is a horrible place for you to be in. Get out.

 

Women, if you are aware a guy wants to have sex with you and you're straight up not interested, let em know that.

 

That should clear up any confusion.

 

You can't just be nice to a woman and expect sex. She's not a machine where nice tokens are put in till sex falls out, nor should men be expected to be happy being friends with a woman they have no interest in the friendship with.

 

Honesty does work to a degree.

[isisisweeping]

OK, this is going to sound so very impossible for some, though dating to me sounds so impossible as well.

 

 

Now I accept your comments... If anyone feels free to. Maybe this is another one of my oddly strange and troubling thoughts, that many may find futile or to toss away in disregard.

 

I have wanted to be slow and get to know someone first and if they bailed and couldn't be my friend, they wouldn't have a chance and they would have otherwise...

 

 

BUT, having been in a situation where they guy says not right now, and that he's really interested but can't do a relationship yet, I recognize it is a super hard place to be - basically because you don't know if someone is being completely honest with you or not .

So no real advice!

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I have wanted to be slow and get to know someone first and if they bailed and couldn't be my friend, they wouldn't have a chance and they would have otherwise...

 

 

BUT, having been in a situation where they guy says not right now, and that he's really interested but can't do a relationship yet, I recognize it is a super hard place to be - basically because you don't know if someone is being completely honest with you or not .

So no real advice!

 

Yeah, I see that, and I may have to add for clarity. That is what I get for feeling a bit odd today. Like lightly over medicated with Nyquil at the time. I thought it would pass and not be hard to allow thoughts to be so clear once typed. Gosh I was wrong. Feeling better now...

 

I assumed when one is placed in a Friend Zone, there are one of two things going on. The expectations that need to be addressed by self reevaluation or with the friend. The other being mutual understanding and total acceptance. For the latter, I have used that in mind in my topic.

 

A being stuck feeling that you will always be friends can happen as such, but does not mean you have to be.

 

So, I guess when placed in a friend zone, what makes it so difficult is that there is no full understandings are being made, as it seems to be a time-out corner. Not that your punished, just the one that put you there is not sure of how to make an understanding that seems contrary to what is expected. Sometimes it is a matter of what they want, and sees something that may complicate things. That is up to them to allow for discussion.

 

To turn around a Friend Zone to get back into what you had, can only be done with proper talk. It does not mean deep talks right away, but in allowing for trust to build within simple talk about small issues. Not just being one-sided, also how they effect the both of you. Plus being able to accept things that may be personal issues.

 

I think if you go into expecting the talks to allow getting back what you had, as your expectation to promptly resolve will make the situation seem pushy. Like your ready to burst through the door. If anything discussion should only be for allowing understanding.

 

You should be able to see what he feels when around you. You now better, so to speak, if you are just a friend. If he has deeper feelings than what he shows, then it is a matter of growing with him out of the friend zone.

 

Once you have his trust and understanding, and show that accepting the issues by working together, you both can be closer than friends.

 

My friend zone change over to relationships, were methodical and allowed for time for things to happen. Once placed into a Friend Zone, makes one feel time is against them. That fear your worst enemy more than any other fear. Being patient while seeing how the other truly is with you. As we all know you cannot make a player into a lover just by believing.

 

I will attempt a better edit of my topic, as your comment does show that this is a lot broader than what I intended. Hope you see my reply helpful.

Edited September 29, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA

[smackie9]

Here's my experience on this topic. As a woman, I never dated anyone I put into the friends zone. I knew right from the start there are no romantic feelings. I don't make friends with guys I want to date, I just let them know I am interested. I don't wait around for things to warm up. I want things to go off like fire. Why are some women like me and others not? I am a tomboy, that is spontanious, with an aggressive/confident personality. I know who I am attracted to, none of this taking things slow...never! Then you have the indecisive, unsure, take their time to get to know you, non riskers. Those are the ones you hang tough through the friends zone with, then there is a good chance they will warm up to you.

[smackie9]

I'll keep it simple for all men and women, imo.

 

If your primary goal is sex and ONLY sex, the "friend-zone" is a horrible place for you to be in. Get out.

 

Women, if you are aware a guy wants to have sex with you and you're straight up not interested, let em know that.

 

That should clear up any confusion.

 

You can't just be nice to a woman and expect sex. She's not a machine where nice tokens are put in till sex falls out, nor should men be expected to be happy being friends with a woman they have no interest in the friendship with.

 

Honesty does work to a degree.

 

 

Being clear and concise upfront that you will never date them doesn't alway work. I still had tearful slobbering mumbles from them over the phone.

 

I'm not even the cuddle hugging type either. Just being like one of the guys.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Here's my experience on this topic. As a woman, I never dated anyone I put into the friends zone. I knew right from the start there are no romantic feelings. I don't make friends with guys I want to date, I just let them know I am interested. I don't wait around for things to warm up. I want things to go off like fire. Why are some women like me and others not? I am a tomboy, that is spontanious, with an aggressive/confident personality. I know who I am attracted to, none of this taking things slow...never! Then you have the indecisive, unsure, take their time to get to know you, non riskers. Those are the ones you hang tough through the friends zone with, then there is a good chance they will warm up to you.

 

Ah, well I don't know if I'll ever meet a woman so open and sure about such matters like you. Though when I am out and about, I keep to my self, unless I get to know the peeps around me. Even though I am a shy gent, I would prefer women to be more like you, though a bit toned down with expecting men to be more aggressive. That is why I take the friend zone approach. Women with SO seem to fit your side of the bill, and that is how I got a few of my relationships.

 

I just wanted to show that there is a better side of friend zones than most see. I guess because of my demeanor I can be trusted by how I am with what is around me. So a woman's aggressive side is never judged or taken indifferently. If anything it is how I am judged that turns me off. So, I guess that is why many women don't like to be a bit aggressive. As there are many ways to place a woman as unsatisfactory as a long term mate.

 

glad to hear your side of things... as I don't get that much when I bring up a topic. It thought this would be like all the rest of my topics in the relationship threads.

Edited September 29, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA

[smackie9]

I think that is why I'm such a magnet for these type of guys, because I'm so up front and not confusing. I don't send mixed signals.

 

Don't get me wrong, I have dated shy guys. I am agressive enough to have np asking a guy out on a date.

[LoneIsland]

Friend zone is a load of BS and designed to trap the weaklings and the sissy boys. A guy can easily bust out of the zone by simply refusing to play the game.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Gosh, I am starting to see a great divide to my thinking. I see light on one side of the tunnel while others are on the other side left in the dark.

 

I always thought of myself not being around too many friends, but it seems the only way to get passed the friend zone is to make more friends in the zone, as it takes time to have both truly see significance past sexual attraction or getting through difficult issues that placed them there.

 

I don't know how open people are outside of how I see for my own experiences. Seems like when I bring up being open in discussion in a relationship, more than enough say why complicate matters so early.

I was told many of time about issues right away. Like, you are not getting anywhere with me until you understand, sort of thing. So I went along under the terms given, as acceptance. Then light switches were flicked and I am out of the friend zone. I truly think that in order to get a proper go out of a friend zone, is to not have any expectations and understand the one who places you there. Obviously they want you to fit in, but can't make you be what they really want.

 

For example, some people are uncomfortable about someone showing affection or being thought of as attractive, as they are not use to it. Many think that should not be an issue and go about as if the other may expect it. Many allow but have reservations, as they want a deeper connection, and feel that they can trust.

 

Time will allow you to see and understand them. Sort of how I am, in being slow to many, but I want the person that is interested in me to realize there is more than what appears on the outside. A for men, I think many attractive or strong women have that about them, and need to feel by how they are accepted. Will you put up with their BS, and be a good doggie, or say no I will not put up with it. Sometimes you must say what you feel when there is nothing left in the Friend Zone but being alone.

 

I had that moment with a woman, telling her everything I felt while in the friend zone, and having her cry in my ear. I knew she wanted what I was offering, but had unfinished business with her own feelings and hope with another. I am sure I could have torn her way, but I realized I would be doing this out of my own greed. Sometimes Friend Zones are their just so you can see the full picture, whether or not it is for your benefit alone or for he future of the relationship. That was one friend zone that I have no regrets in being in, as we both had our time that ended in a sad goodbye before actually parting.

 

Take it or leave it, a Friend Zone is a place of mutual acceptance, if you cannot find acceptance in the Friend Zone, then there is no other means to build. Once built, then it is either to move forward or finish with a proper ending. I rather have a friend zone to guide me than to have a broken ending.

Edited September 30, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA

[smackie9]

Friend zone is a load of BS and designed to trap the weaklings and the sissy boys. A guy can easily bust out of the zone by simply refusing to play the game.

 

No the friends zone was invented by the weaklings that don't have enough confidence to be upfront with their intentions. There is no so called "trap" They put themselves there, no one else is to blame.

[LoneIsland]

No the friends zone was invented by the weaklings that don't have enough confidence to be upfront with their intentions. There is no so called "trap" They put themselves there, no one else is to blame.

 

That would be girl-BS. As men, we regularly get asked to enter a woman's friend zone. Some of us know what it is, others not so much. You'd never get a man asking: hey can I be in your friend zone ? The zone is always entered on a woman's invite. So, no, the men did't put themselves in the trap. Instead they were lured into the trap.

 

In the case of the OP, he's rather comfy in the trap.

[smackie9]

The problem is, girls can be intensely emotionally attactched without sexual attraction. This is why there are mixed signals, because guys feel if there is emotional attachement there must be attraction. But it ends up being the wrong attraction, and they get shot down in flames when the guy expresses emotions, feelings and or interest. This is where the "she led me on...." bitterness sets in.

 

Now I can understand the frustration with "fuzzy boreders" where they hug, and kiss you, give you pet names, text you a lot and even lie in bed with you. The term "cuddle bitch" is coined. Where you are a BF without benefits. You make a move and you get "oh I don't think of you in that way or I'm still confused" blah blah blhah bs bs bs. That is where these girls need a slap to smarten up and stop using guys as their emotional tampon. It's mean, cruel and selfish.

[smackie9]

That would be girl-BS. As men, we regularly get asked to enter a woman's friend zone. Some of us know what it is, others not so much. You'd never get a man asking: hey can I be in your friend zone ? The zone is always entered on a woman's invite. So, no, the men did't put themselves in the trap. Instead they were lured into the trap.

 

In the case of the OP, he's rather comfy in the trap.

 

 

Denial comes to mind........how can it be a "trap"? If you step up and ask the girl out, you don't put yourself there.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

No the friends zone was invented by the weaklings that don't have enough confidence to be upfront with their intentions. There is no so called "trap" They put themselves there, no one else is to blame.

 

HA! Could not say it any better... I am too kind to peeps who post on my threads. But if it were someone else's thread then it would be different.

[LoneIsland]

The problem is, girls can be intensely emotionally attactched without sexual attraction

 

A man can increase the sexual attraction by telling her to get with her trap. I had a case of a woman come begging afterwards. Imagine the indignity she must have felt.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

A man can increase the sexual attraction by telling her to get with her trap. I had a case of a woman come begging afterwards. Imagine the indignity she must have felt.

 

If that is how you feel, I think the women you deal with are very broken.

 

And no, she already had no dignity to begin with for such a relationship you suggest.

[irc333]

but it seems the only way to get passed the friend zone is to make more friends in the zone,

 

This is called building social capital. By continue to be okay with the 'Friendzone" and as most friends tend to have networks, you'll eventually start to have more opportunities to meet other women/men.

 

If you just cut that one woman off because she "Friendzoned you", you'll loose your chances at meeting her friends or even her FRIEND'S friends.

[LoneIsland]

This is called building social capital. By continue to be okay with the 'Friendzone" and as most friends tend to have networks, you'll eventually start to have more opportunities to meet other women/men.

 

If you just cut that one woman off because she "Friendzoned you", you'll loose your chances at meeting her friends or even her FRIEND'S friends.

 

Well the woman who came to me begging tried to set me up with someone else first after I told her where to go with her friend zone. The set up was done after I unfriended her. As a man, if you stand your ground on what you want and don't let them push you around, they'd respect you more.

 

One of the reasons people get put in to the friend zone is because they are useful to her. That usefulness doesn't disappear just because you bust out of the zone. She'd try another way to get your usefulness back.