KeepCalmCarryOn Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 So I am really bummed out, I met a guy on POF (and OKC) and he is super cute and nice but most importantly he is 24 and wants marriage and babies ASAP:love: I want marriage and babies ASAP too like before I turn 25 in 1 year and a few months. So we have been talking for months and we bicker he says I nag and I try not to because I don't want to push him away but he also just isn't considerate. Like I will ask him if I can call him and he says yes then I call and he doesn't answer and I ask why and he's like "wtf can am I allowed to go to the bathroom" or something like that and then I apologize because I don't want to make him mad. So yesterday we were supposed to have our first date and I was so excited I texted him in the morning and said "Good Morning Sunshine! I am so excited to meet you I can't wait" and he said "Don't ever call me sunshine again omg you're a white girl in a black girls body". I kind of lol'd it off and said "is that bad?" he said "Just your personality and how you talk is like a white girl and its unattractive". I apologized and told him I could you know be more "black" if he wants. I don't really know what that means? I grew up in a predominately white area and I just talk how I talk and act how I act. Anyways he never texted me back and I asked if he still intended to go out and he didn't say anything. Finally an hour before the date I was like "I knew you would find a way to ditch out, I'm so tired of this" then he was like "what are you talking about, I fell asleep I'm tired of you, you're crazy". We texted all night and basically I apologized and he said he doesn't forgive me and then I told him I would really try to be different I just need him to give me another chance and he didn't say much. He said that I have to make it up to him and he said he wanted me to have him over and cook for him and then have sex. I just really feel like a first date shouldn't be like that, but idk we have talked for a while and he seems like a good guy like he wouldn't try to kill me or something. I just want this to work and I need to be better because he will stop talking to me if I don't. I made him so mad already and if I really want a family soon I have to get it together. What do I do?
Gaeta Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 OMG hon, how old are you? This man is trash from beginning to end !!He has no respect or consideration for you. A good boyfriend candidate will like you for you and for everything that makes you, you ! You drop that loser immediately and find yourself a nice one. 20
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 OMG hon, how old are you? This man is trash from beginning to end !!He has no respect or consideration for you. A good boyfriend candidate will like you for you and for everything that makes you, you ! You drop that loser immediately and find yourself a nice one. I am 23. Finding someone decent is so hard. So so hard, nearly impossible and I just don't have the time now I am getting older and older
Fondue Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I am 23. Finding someone decent is so hard. So so hard, nearly impossible and I just don't have the time now I am getting older and older I'm just going to ignore the whole "I'm old at 23" crap . So you're going to settle for a dude you haven't met and already treats you like **** instead? 12
Tayken Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 @OP....I know you said you are 23, but please don't ever say you are getting old. Nothing wrong with what you called that nincompoop. I can think of other things to call him starting with w4nk3r, but that is besides the point. It's that bad boy image you don't need. The disrespect has already started before you even meet, just think of what is to come if you go down this road. As a man, I harp on about mutual respect here, and there is a reason I do. It means so much in any relationship professional or personal if you are to succeed. Dump the child pronto! 3
amaysngrace Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 He sounds like he resents you for who you are and is a racist too. He doesn't sound like he passes the "make a baby with me" test. 9
Gaeta Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I am 23. Finding someone decent is so hard. So so hard, nearly impossible and I just don't have the time now I am getting older and older Yes it's hard but if you want a good marriage and a good life, you need a good man. You don't start making babies with a man that does not respect and love you. Life will be a living hell, and you'll end up a divorced mom raising your children alone. Marriage can be done and undone, once you have a child with someone you are linked to him for the rest of your life. You have to make sure he's a good decent human being. You are only 23, you've got another 15 years in front of you to think babies. Slow down. 3
lollipopspot Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Why would you choose this jerk to be the father of your child? Don't you think a child deserves a loving, respectful, responsible father? What was your own father like? 1
lollipopspot Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 You are only 23, you've got another 15 years in front of you to think babies. Slow down. More like 20, but by that time there will be even better egg freezing and other technologies to extend it even further. 1
Toodaloo Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 OMG hon, how old are you? This man is trash from beginning to end !!He has no respect or consideration for you. A good boyfriend candidate will like you for you and for everything that makes you, you ! You drop that loser immediately and find yourself a nice one. This and more! Your 23! I would kill to be 23 again and haven't written myself off yet! For goodness sake have some respect for yourself! I had no idea white girls and black girls spoke differently - I thought as long as it was the same language and all...! This guy is a racist, bigoted IDIOT! and you want to breed from it??? If he were a bull on a farm he would have been burgers by now. 10
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 Why would you choose this jerk to be the father of your child? Don't you think a child deserves a loving, respectful, responsible father? What was your own father like? My dad is awesome, my parents have been married for 28 years and he is nice and respectful and loves my mom a ton. I do think a child deserves that I just don't think he is a bad guy. I mean I see why he gets annoyed with me. His comments weren't necessary though. Idk it is hard to find someone my age who wants a family as much as he does you know?
amaysngrace Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 My dad is awesome, my parents have been married for 28 years and he is nice and respectful and loves my mom a ton. I do think a child deserves that I just don't think he is a bad guy. I mean I see why he gets annoyed with me. His comments weren't necessary though. Idk it is hard to find someone my age who wants a family as much as he does you know? He's not a good candidate for you if he treats you like crap already. These are big red flags. Put as much focus into all the bad things he says if you find yourself getting hung up too much on him saying that he wants a family. It will help you keep a balance in your head. 2
Natsu21 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 KeepCalm... I was told by black women in my town that I wasn't black enough for them. Be proud to be human and don't let racial stigma define you. You sound like a catch to me. A real catch. Lose the zero, get with the negative five. ^ lol jk bout the negative. With me, your future's like a proton. Positive. 2
WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 (edited) Baby girl I'm 23 and there is no way in hell that I would EVER put up with this mess! You are young and he isn't the ONLY guy out there you may have a "deadline" for marriage and kids but seriously, let him go...he is keeping you from someone else waaayyyy better. He is an abuser, he is walking all over you, making you feel like nothing and you are allowing it. Please stop! You are not saying anything wrong, you are desperate so you see nothing that is wrong. Open your eyes. Edited September 29, 2014 by WhatIsLove2014 3
Toodaloo Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 My dad is awesome, my parents have been married for 28 years and he is nice and respectful and loves my mom a ton. I do think a child deserves that I just don't think he is a bad guy. I mean I see why he gets annoyed with me. His comments weren't necessary though. Idk it is hard to find someone my age who wants a family as much as he does you know? No no no no no... You need to step away from dating, men and babies if this is how you are thinking... You need to go right back to basics on things like self respect and respect for others. Once you have those figured out you will get there. This guy, nah. He has no respect, he doesn't care about you. He is playing you along because you are desperate for babies... 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 My dad is awesome, my parents have been married for 28 years and he is nice and respectful and loves my mom a ton. I do think a child deserves that I just don't think he is a bad guy. I mean I see why he gets annoyed with me. His comments weren't necessary though. Idk it is hard to find someone my age who wants a family as much as he does you know? Tell your parents about what this guy is saying to you and how he is treating you. Since they have what you are looking for, they can tell you if its right or no, because you already defending him when he is OBVIOUSLY an a*hole to the MAX 2
stillafool Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 This guy sounds like the biggest arse I've ever heard about. Guys use to tell me I wasn't black enough for them also when I was young. They would say stop acting like a white girl. WTF?! Don't give this guy one more moment of your time because he is going to treat you badly. Already he thinks you are so weak you will cook him dinner and have sex with him before he even spends one dime on you. He is a racist pig. I don't know why you want babies and a husband at 25. If it happens I feel you will regret marrying and starting a family so young. What about your career? If you must marry young try meeting a man through your church. Alot of young men in church want to marry young because they don't want to fornicate. 3
maysj18 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Hey girl, I'm 23 too and I hope you consider what everyone is saying. We are waaaaaaaay too young to be thinking about babies and marriage. The reason you're having a hard time finding a good guy is because you don't know what good is at this stage in your life. I mean, you kind of made that clear by apologizing to this loser. As far as not acting "black enough", are you black in the first place? If so, I applaud you for not acting that way. What did he even mean by that? 3
ComingInHot Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 So I am really bummed out, I met a guy on POF (and OKC) and he is super cute and nice but most importantly he is 24 and wants marriage and babies ASAP:love: I want marriage and babies ASAP too like before I turn 25 in 1 year and a few months. So we have been talking for months and we bicker he says I nag and I try not to because I don't want to push him away but he also just isn't considerate. Like I will ask him if I can call him and he says yes then I call and he doesn't answer and I ask why and he's like "wtf can am I allowed to go to the bathroom" or something like that and then I apologize because I don't want to make him mad. So yesterday we were supposed to have our first date and I was so excited I texted him in the morning and said "Good Morning Sunshine! I am so excited to meet you I can't wait" and he said "Don't ever call me sunshine again omg you're a white girl in a black girls body". I kind of lol'd it off and said "is that bad?" he said "Just your personality and how you talk is like a white girl and its unattractive". I apologized and told him I could you know be more "black" if he wants. I don't really know what that means? I grew up in a predominately white area and I just talk how I talk and act how I act. Anyways he never texted me back and I asked if he still intended to go out and he didn't say anything. Finally an hour before the date I was like "I knew you would find a way to ditch out, I'm so tired of this" then he was like "what are you talking about, I fell asleep I'm tired of you, you're crazy". We texted all night and basically I apologized and he said he doesn't forgive me and then I told him I would really try to be different I just need him to give me another chance and he didn't say much. He said that I have to make it up to him and he said he wanted me to have him over and cook for him and then have sex. I just really feel like a first date shouldn't be like that, but idk we have talked for a while and he seems like a good guy like he wouldn't try to kill me or something. I just want this to work and I need to be better because he will stop talking to me if I don't. I made him so mad already and if I really want a family soon I have to get it together. What do I do? The Bolded, What in the HE$$ is wrong with You just being YOU. Nobody else will be as good at being Just Who You Are besides YOU! I am so bloody mad, I want to kick this sorry excuse for a man in the shin! ! He is systematically undermining your self esteem and self worth and you are allowing him to do so because why?!?! He's 'cute' and wants babies?! Are you kidding me right now?! How in the HE$$ can you not be 'black enough'? How on the God's green earth can you be too much of anything with regards to your skin tone or personality?? I am who I am because of my nature and because of my nurturing. So are you and do not EVER be ashamed of that. ...jeez I hate that guy... 4
Omei Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 (edited) Its clear that your rush to be married and be ready to have kids within the year is making you settle for any jerk on the block. The fact that your willing to settle for guys like this shows your not ready for marriage or worse you will get married and its going to be an utter disaster like an unhappy marriage or worse one that doesn't work out and your left alone and pregnant. SLOW DOWN, do you even own your own place yet? Don't settle with a dick just so you can have a shot at your dream life that would have very little success because of who you picked to get there faster. Edited September 29, 2014 by Omei 4
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 Its clear that your rush to be married and be ready to have kids within the year is making you settle for any jerk on the block. The fact that your willing to settle for guys like this shows your not ready for marriage or worse you will get married and its going to be an utter disaster like an unhappy marriage or worse one that doesn't work out and your left alone and pregnant. SLOW DOWN, do you even own your own place yet? Don't settle with a dick just so you can have a shot at your dream life that would have very little success because of who you picked to get there faster. I moved into my first apartment 2 months ago I am really proud of that I love it. 2
mightycpa Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Not black enough, huh? That's easy. He' just fronting his blackness through his speech. He is so insecure about it that he demands you do the same. This guy has no roots, no core, no inner person. He's adrift, and he has adopted elements of an easily identifiable culture in a vain attempt to belong. He has latched onto this because without it, he doesn't know who he is. He wants to date an image, not a person. Is that you? Give him his wish. Tell him you are 5.0. 3
ComingInHot Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 KeepCalmCarryOn, I would really like you to tell your parents what this douche said. To your parents, say that you heard from a friend what this guy said. Listen to their reactions and take note. Your of age where your parents/mentors advise will matter the most for your future. * 1
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 Not black enough, huh? That's easy. He' just fronting his blackness through his speech. He is so insecure about it that he demands you do the same. This guy has no roots, no core, no inner person. He's adrift, and he has adopted elements of an easily identifiable culture in a vain attempt to belong. He has latched onto this because without it, he doesn't know who he is. He wants to date an image, not a person. Is that you? Give him his wish. Tell him you are 5.0. He is white. I know it is complicated I should have mentioned that I guess. I am black he is white he has only dated other black women and I don't know what he means by I need to be more black? I don't know his exes so I won't assume anything about them but I guess he just wants me to be like that? He told me when we first started talking that he usually doesn't date or talk to light skinned girls. He is also really really into the idea of biracial children. He only wants mixed kids, both of his siblings are in interracial relationships and his nieces and nephews are mixed thats why I think
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 KeepCalmCarryOn, I would really like you to tell your parents what this douche said. To your parents, say that you heard from a friend what this guy said. Listen to their reactions and take note. Your of age where your parents/mentors advise will matter the most for your future. * My parents would be appalled. I will tell my mom about it tonight and report back. 2
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