stillcold Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Hey all, I'm a male (25) that's been dating a female (23) for about two months now. No official title yet, just still testing the waters so to speak. We see each other about once a week and speak/text about a 1-2 times a week due to busy schedules and it's clear we're both interested in each other; however, it is still very hard to hold conversations with her even after two months of dating. From a conversation standpoint, it's mainly 70% me and 30% her, and I feel she still hasn't "opened-up" so to speak making it very hard for me to keep interested as it's killing my attraction for her pretty fast. She was in a LTR about a year and half ago where she ended up breaking it off for specific reasons regarding her partner. Don't know if that has anything to do with her being "reserved" so to speak but at this point I feel maybe she's not being "reserved" but rather it's just an issue of "compatibility" as I've dated other girls where we've spoken for hours non-stop on the first date whereas with her it's almost as if there's nothing to talk about even on our 10th date. So what do you guys think about this? Is this an issue of "compatibility"? What would you do in this situation? Thanks.
LME Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 At this point it sort of sounds like a compatibility thing, but I can only speak from experience. I am pretty shy and reserved when I am dating someone new but I am usually over it the 3 week or so mark (depending on number of dates) If I was with someone for two months and conversation felt like pulling teeth I would probably talk to them about it or try to get a better feel of what they are thinking
tpham18nm Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I had a girl like that. What I found out was that she had something dark to hide. It just depends on what it is that you guys are talking about. Like are you disclosing information about yourself approperatly, while she just listens and hides whatever she has to disclose? Or does she not talk? The women I dated who were all reserved were totally broken inside. One was a single mom at 19 (wtf was I thinking?) And the other one was a girl who was depressed due to being sexually abused by her BF. Either way, now I just run away!
Author stillcold Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 Thanks for the reply. I'm starting to think it's a compatibility issue but I'm also confused as to what she thinks about it as well. Case in point, we went on our 10th date a few days ago which I found boring but she still texted after saying she had a good time and etc.. So I don't know what's really going through her head about this.. I mean, I thought the night was pretty bad in terms of success for a date and by far the worst one, but it ironically was the one she also decided to text after and say thanks considering she hasn't done that in a while. Let me know what you guys think.
90s kid Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Ask her questions about things that she's interested in. Maybe that will draw her out of her shell and get her talking. If all you're getting back are short responses, then she may just be a really bad conversationalist.
Author stillcold Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 I had a girl like that. What I found out was that she had something dark to hide. It just depends on what it is that you guys are talking about. Like are you disclosing information about yourself approperatly, while she just listens and hides whatever she has to disclose? Or does she not talk? The women I dated who were all reserved were totally broken inside. One was a single mom at 19 (wtf was I thinking?) And the other one was a girl who was depressed due to being sexually abused by her BF. Either way, now I just run away! Thanks for the reply buddy. She doesn't really talk. If she does, she'll reply to what I ask her and will ask me the same question back. All topics brought up pretty much start and end with me; conversation is about 70% me 30% her. I try to make things personal and go into deeper topics but I feel she still has walls up. Anything she talks about is related to our previous dates or jokes I've made, nothing new. She doesn't inquire about things, and when there's silence I'm always the one to pick it up. I think she may have baggage too since she was in a 1 and half year relationship with some guy, they got engaged, and she dropped it last minute. So definitely I'm sure that has something to do with it.
Author stillcold Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 Ask her questions about things that she's interested in. Maybe that will draw her out of her shell and get her talking. If all you're getting back are short responses, then she may just be a really bad conversationalist. Thanks for the reply. I have asked her things she's interested in and what not. There's things I know she is interested in and I even created the opportunity for her to tell me by asking the questions but she didn't. I mean, I don't mind asking questions but when I'm not getting asked anything back, it just makes it all the more harder for me to hold a convo with her.
mightycpa Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I went out with a girl like that, but worse. She was probably one of the best looking girls to ever go out with me, and we went out on a date and it was terrible. I tried probably 10 times to get her to talk... she was able to order a meal, but that was about it. Of course, my decision was easier - it was a lot more blatant. But you are facing the exact same issue. In the end, it is not really about looks or sex. It is about being together with a person. It is a really basic thing between a couple and completely necessary. If you can't converse freely and with interest in each other, you don't really have anything. Bail. The good part is that because she doesn't talk a lot, you don't really have to give her an explanation.
Author stillcold Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 I went out with a girl like that, but worse. She was probably one of the best looking girls to ever go out with me, and we went out on a date and it was terrible. I tried probably 10 times to get her to talk... she was able to order a meal, but that was about it. Of course, my decision was easier - it was a lot more blatant. But you are facing the exact same issue. In the end, it is not really about looks or sex. It is about being together with a person. It is a really basic thing between a couple and completely necessary. If you can't converse freely and with interest in each other, you don't really have anything. Bail. The good part is that because she doesn't talk a lot, you don't really have to give her an explanation. Thanks for the reply bud. Funny you say that cause she's very very pretty herself. I mean she DOES talk, don't get me wrong, but it's not even at the level of how two friends would normally talk and enjoy each other's company--I don't even feel it's at that level yet. Thanks though for sharing your experience.
dragonfire13 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 (edited) I had a girl like that. What I found out was that she had something dark to hide. It just depends on what it is that you guys are talking about. Like are you disclosing information about yourself approperatly, while she just listens and hides whatever she has to disclose? Or does she not talk? The women I dated who were all reserved were totally broken inside. One was a single mom at 19 (wtf was I thinking?) And the other one was a girl who was depressed due to being sexually abused by her BF. Either way, now I just run away! Insensitive, judgemental comments like this really have me shaking my head. So, if a girl has any kind of baggage a guy should "run"? Women with a history don't deserve to ever be in relationships? How about a little compassion and understanding? I get the whole "it's not my problem" mind set if it's someone you've just met. And sure, in a perfect world, only those with perfect lives and a perfect past should date. If a woman is dealing with tough things at the present moment, then perhaps starting a relationship probably isn't the best idea. But you can understand someone who has experienced some kind of emotional turmoil taking a while to open up, especially since we all know how brutal dating can be these days, even for the most emotionally stable person. That aside, in regards to the original poster, it seems like an incompatibility thing - he may need someone with a more animated personality who maintains his interest. Edited September 30, 2014 by dragonfire13
central Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 It sounds like lack of compatibility to me, which is a good reason to move on.
Maleficent Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Hey all, I'm a male (25) that's been dating a female (23) for about two months now. No official title yet, just still testing the waters so to speak. We see each other about once a week and speak/text about a 1-2 times a week due to busy schedules and it's clear we're both interested in each other; however, it is still very hard to hold conversations with her even after two months of dating. From a conversation standpoint, it's mainly 70% me and 30% her, and I feel she still hasn't "opened-up" so to speak making it very hard for me to keep interested as it's killing my attraction for her pretty fast. She was in a LTR about a year and half ago where she ended up breaking it off for specific reasons regarding her partner. Don't know if that has anything to do with her being "reserved" so to speak but at this point I feel maybe she's not being "reserved" but rather it's just an issue of "compatibility" as I've dated other girls where we've spoken for hours non-stop on the first date whereas with her it's almost as if there's nothing to talk about even on our 10th date. So what do you guys think about this? Is this an issue of "compatibility"? What would you do in this situation? Thanks. Step 1 - make it official. There is a high chance she is holding back because she isn't sure where you two are standing at the moment.
Author stillcold Posted September 30, 2014 Author Posted September 30, 2014 Step 1 - make it official. There is a high chance she is holding back because she isn't sure where you two are standing at the moment. Thanks for the reply. That is a very likely possibility and something that I do intend to talk to her about, but am thinking of only doing it if she calls since I had called her last Thursday, told her I missed her etc, then she went on a weekend trip from Fri-Sunday and she hasn't called since. She does keep checking our previous messages though as there's a feature that lets me see what time she looked at it last on my phone... so I have no idea why she won't just pick up the phone and call.
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