SillieBillie Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I return! Once again very confused. And once again asking advice about the same person. My ex boyfriend dumped me abut 3.5 months ago. Our relationship was quite rocky- as I was an alcoholic and a smoker which he hated. I also have severe depression and at that point did not have it under control at all. After 6 months of trying he finally got rid of me and I was shattered. After the breakup- I became involved with an old coworker and fell pregnant to him. I lost my rental house and my job, I did not love the man I fell pregnant to. An incident happened involving domestic violence with a family member- I ended up at the police station (where my ex works) and he contacted me shortly after I left. He asked if the baby was his and when I told him it wasn't he said he was "relieved and disappointed"... I told him I was terminating the pregnancy and went ahead and did that. He continued to chat to me over fb and ended up drunk dialing me and inviting me over at 2am because he wanted to be "little spoon". I love this man like crazy so I went to his house after he called me a taxi and he was very drunk. He spent the whole time showing me funny videos and held my hand. He still has my number and all our messages and read me some of them. He also kept photos of me. He mentioned how all of the things we did in bed won't go away and certain memories are stuck in his mind. And he also told me that he keeps finding my hairs all over his house and it drives him nuts. He has started drinking since we broke up and has put on quite some weight. He invited me over again after that night, and we had sex. I asked him what is going on and he isn't very clear about it at all. He did say the sex meant something to him or he wouldn't have done it. He blames himself for everything that happened after we broke up. He said if he had done a better job and not treated me so badly that I would never have gotten pregnant and had to abort my baby. He blames himself. I was honest with him and told him I still love him. The feelings are as if we never had time apart. I really really love him. I can't get over him. I don't want him to walk out of my life again- it would break my heart all over again just like the first time. I love this man. I'm hoping that he loves me too.
FitChick Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Try smoking e-cigarettes because it will be easier to quit smoking eventually and there is no smoke to irritate him. Both of you should go to AA meetings to stay sober. Get on the birth control pill. Go to couples counseling. Start job hunting. 2
Author SillieBillie Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 I don't drink or smoke anymore. Also, we aren't back together so couples counselling isn't even something we can do. He is leaving town on Wednesday. I'm dreading that. I don't want to lose him.
Omei Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I think right now you need to learn how to stand on your own two feet. I do not think it is wise to be hoping from guy to guy like this you pretty much said you got dumped 3 months ago went to another man fell pregnant, aborted, now you're considering your ex again. Girl you are a mess get your act together and dont involve men untill you have your own place, job and still continuing with your self help. Now is not a good time to drag people into your situation, you come off as one of those women that must need a man in her life for her to have any form of happiness, worry about your situation not boys. 3
mightycpa Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Everything Omei said, and I'd only add, if you are to drag anybody into your life, it probably shouldn't be this guy. It doesn't sound like he could help you.
Diezel Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I think right now you need to learn how to stand on your own two feet. I do not think it is wise to be hoping from guy to guy like this you pretty much said you got dumped 3 months ago went to another man fell pregnant, aborted, now you're considering your ex again. Girl you are a mess get your act together and dont involve men untill you have your own place, job and still continuing with your self help. Now is not a good time to drag people into your situation, you come off as one of those women that must need a man in her life for her to have any form of happiness, worry about your situation not boys. I think this is severely UNDERSTATED. Exactly this, but times 1,000,000.
Assasda Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 The funny part of the post is that "I fell pregnant" hahahaha Like I came down with a case of "The pregnancy" If your ex saw that you were pregnant when you visited the Police station, you must have been showing. So I'm thinking, you had a pretty late term abortion. Make me feel sorry for you Get some help with your self esteem OP
Author SillieBillie Posted October 3, 2014 Author Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) The funny part of the post is that "I fell pregnant" hahahaha Like I came down with a case of "The pregnancy" If your ex saw that you were pregnant when you visited the Police station, you must have been showing. So I'm thinking, you had a pretty late term abortion. Make me feel sorry for you Get some help with your self esteem OP He did not see I was pregnant. I told the officer dealing with my case as I was beaten. I did not abort late term. I feel sorry for YOU for assuming stuff. As for getting told to get my life together and not involve anyone else until I have done so- what makes anyone think my life is a shambles? It is not. And hopping from guy to guy? Wow. No. Wow, I am never posting in this community again. Edited October 3, 2014 by SillieBillie
almond Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 As for getting told to get my life together and not involve anyone else until I have done so- what makes anyone think my life is a shambles? It is not. And hopping from guy to guy? Wow. No. Wow, I am never posting in this community again. You lost your boyfriend due to being an alcoholic and a smoker. You also state that you had severe depression, and it was out of control. This was only 3.5 months ago...a few weeks really. You jumped into bed with another guy, who you didn't love, and fell pregnant to him. You were involved in a domestic dispute. You then lost your home and your job. Now, you are trying to win back your ex, who dumped you for being an alcoholic mess...but he is now drinking himself. Not a good idea for a recently sober alcoholic, wouldn't you agree? Omei gave you some great advice, but often, people in these situations such as yours don't want to hear the truth. It's a shame. Please seek individual counseling and sort your life and health out. You are likely unable to be in a healthy, happy relationship at this point - you need to get yourself happy and health first, and it seems as though you are unfortunately far from it at the moment. Good luck, I hope you make some smarter choices from here on out. 1
Omei Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) You lost your boyfriend due to being an alcoholic and a smoker. You also state that you had severe depression, and it was out of control. This was only 3.5 months ago...a few weeks really. You jumped into bed with another guy, who you didn't love, and fell pregnant to him. You were involved in a domestic dispute. You then lost your home and your job. Now, you are trying to win back your ex, who dumped you for being an alcoholic mess...but he is now drinking himself. Not a good idea for a recently sober alcoholic, wouldn't you agree? Omei gave you some great advice, but often, people in these situations such as yours don't want to hear the truth. It's a shame. Please seek individual counseling and sort your life and health out. You are likely unable to be in a healthy, happy relationship at this point - you need to get yourself happy and health first, and it seems as though you are unfortunately far from it at the moment. Good luck, I hope you make some smarter choices from here on out. This here is your post re-worded with looking at it very realisticly you cannot give us that list of serious problems currently going on and expect us not to make comment that in your current situation looking for a man isnt what you need unless your plan is to have him support you which is my guess. Why your ex has serious guilt about you getting pregnant he shouldn't at all, you made those choices not him. If you truly believe you're ready for a relationship go for it but it will only be equal to what you have to offer which right now is currently nothing or your going to force yourself into a situation where someone else is caring for you but they will have their power over you again. Hate it if you must but being dumped getting with someone else, pregnant, and then going back again in a time period of 3 months is nothing but jumping from relationship to relationship quite carelessly with no regard to the consequence its caused so far since you are ready to jump again. If you want any quality of life I do suggest my advice if you think nothing is wrong continue your path and it will bring more pain more sorrows and hardships, but people will eventually stop having sympathy if you choose to ignore your problems. Edited October 3, 2014 by Omei
Author SillieBillie Posted October 4, 2014 Author Posted October 4, 2014 This here is your post re-worded with looking at it very realisticly you cannot give us that list of serious problems currently going on and expect us not to make comment that in your current situation looking for a man isnt what you need unless your plan is to have him support you which is my guess. Why your ex has serious guilt about you getting pregnant he shouldn't at all, you made those choices not him. If you truly believe you're ready for a relationship go for it but it will only be equal to what you have to offer which right now is currently nothing or your going to force yourself into a situation where someone else is caring for you but they will have their power over you again. Hate it if you must but being dumped getting with someone else, pregnant, and then going back again in a time period of 3 months is nothing but jumping from relationship to relationship quite carelessly with no regard to the consequence its caused so far since you are ready to jump again. If you want any quality of life I do suggest my advice if you think nothing is wrong continue your path and it will bring more pain more sorrows and hardships, but people will eventually stop having sympathy if you choose to ignore your problems. I did not say I want to jump straight back into a relationship- I was asking for advice, not shaming behavior! Why does being in a relationship have to mean I am being supported, huh? You haven't ever been in someone's life just because you genuinely enjoy their company?
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