Jcarrier Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Hello Background: Im married, and have been for a decade. There are problems in my marriage. One is we dont have that same passion for each other, particularly myself. But there are good things, so im not looking to break up for now, but i need to get around a bit, i did not date much when i was young, was fat, had self steem issues. The case: Went on tinder, got matched with a beautiful 22 yr old bombshell. Been texting with this girl for a whole week, great connection, we're both into each other, but since im married of course its not like i can take her on a date at night, since it'd be hard to present wife with a good excuse. So it starts getting to the point where im thinking if i should tell the girl of my status beforehand or just take her out and tell in person, in middle of a conversation. As we get on texting, she then senses something is odd (cause i cant speak on the phone late at night) and asks if i have someone. I had by then decided i'd call her to break the news (since i read that its better to tell the girl youre married before than after), but now i had no other alternative. So i call her, tell that im married but say that marriage is bad, that my intuition says that we should meet, etc. She seems shook up, as if shes disappointed cause she was interested, but she goes on and says that her morals are against this, she puts herself on my wifes place, that i should first resolve my issues. We hang up, i send her a sad face txt, she sends one back. i ask her to think about us just meeting for a coffee so we can meet, no expectations, but after a few exchanges (in which she asked how long ive been married) in the end she cuts the convo dry, tells me to have a great life with my wife, to have beautiful kids, and says she will stop talking to me. that was five days ago, and i have made no further contact. shes on my mind, i want to try to convince her and persuade her to meet at least for a coffee. maybe she needs time, maybe i have to give a bs story that im separated now, or maybe there are better, subtle tactics that i can implement over time that will get her to cave in. shes still on my whatsapp, hasnt blocked me apparently... Solution: i will be thankful for any concrete inputs. fellow artists, can i revert this situation in my favor? what are useful technique, mind games, tactics in these cases? Ps: Please spare me of judgements as to my motives to cheat on my wife. i do not intend to have a full time lover, but just have so side dates, and see if that may also relieves some of the tensions at home.
Tayken Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 @OP.....Please please please. Get your mess sorted out first, before looking elsewhere. This will benefit you psychologically, and will bring some dignity to your wife and yourself. If your marriage is not what it is use to be, then end it pronto as opposed to looking elsewhere for a band aid solution. There is also counseling if you want to go down that road. You left out if you have kids or not? Regardless, if there are kids involved...take them into consideration also before you go get someone else pregnant. A 22 yr old.....argh, I don't care what kind of bomb she is. She was 12 when you got married for crying out loud 2
FitChick Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 If you must cheat, have an affair with someone else who is married or pay a pro.
Author Jcarrier Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 Thanks for the advice, but i disagree to some point. I think there can be a duality in a relationship: you can love your wife as a person, as a companion and as a friend, but maybe you've lost that passion, the desire. I don't want to end my marriage because of those reasons, but i also don't want to live life unhappy because i've felt i did not experience it fully, specially other women. Of course i'll be very careful when going about these "adventures", so that wife is not hurt. Now, could someone please give an input to how i can revert the situation? Anyone have any suggestions regarding that? Thanks
d0nnivain Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 If you want this girl to meet with you, get a divorce. She won't meet you because you are married & she has enough sense & self respect to stay far away from a man of your character. You won't fix your marriage by going on side dates. So either fix your marriage & stay faithful or get a divorce. 4
ThorntonMelon Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 This is not a site for people looking to play mind games to cheat. Not sure how in the world you got that impression posting here. This is a site for good people to support each other through challenging life situations. 2
deathandtaxes Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 PS Grow a pair and fix what's wrong or walk away 2
90s kid Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I commend you for being honest with her about your situation from the get-go. I for one would be really angry if a man waited till we were dating to spring that information on me. With that said, dating a married man is a serious moral issue for a lot of women. Please respect her decision by not contacting her again. At least until you've resolved your situation with your wife.
Mrin Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I'm Not going to dig into the right or wrongs of you wanting to have an affair. You're getting enough of that already. What I will say is that you are barking up the wrong tree. Look - the lady doesn't want to have anything to do with you and your situation. Move on and head on over to Ashley Madison or the like. There you will meet women who expect and accept your situation. Stop trying to talk a lady into doing something she doesn't want to do. And stop being a douche about it. Tricks... Mind games.... Smh.
Cristo Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 If you must cheat, have an affair with someone else who is married or pay a pro. Really? Terrible advice. OP, act like an adult and sort out your issues. Hot 22 year old women that are willing to hookup with older men are not as uncommon as you think. You could go down this avenue after you get a divorce (if it comes to that). But I implore you to maintain your integrity and dignity, which are more important than getting your rocks off in the long run. 1
stillcold Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Don't cheat on your wife. I know you lost the passion, but that's why marriage is work--you've got to be willing to maintain it and nurture it even to the end as you made the commitment to yourself and your wife. Don't cheat on her, you are going to regret it. You are just giving in to your bodily/animal desires and disregarding your marriage which is not something everyone has. Please think about what you are going to do, and what harm you are going to inflict on yourself and your wife. If she were doing the same thing as you, would you accept it? If you would, then by all means go ahead and DO IT. But I highly doubt she would do the same. Please, reconsider your actions. Best wishes. 1
hellon Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 First of all, you are asking for advice on how to manipulate/force someone with "mind games" and "bs stories" into meeting you, so that you can cheat on your wife. No one is going to spare you judgement, because this whole scenario is just gross. Second of all, you can revert (???) the situation by dealing with your marriage or ending it. Cheating will hurt your marriage and your wife, regardless of how "careful" you are. If you feel like you missed out on sowing your oats before you got married, get a divorce so you can do it now. You can't have your cake and eat it too. 2
mightycpa Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 You're friggin' kidding right? First, you misrepresent yourself by omission, then you come clean because she gets suspicious, you out yourself as a "well-intentioned" cheater, she says SAYONARA and you're actually here expecting to figure out how to get her to change her mind? She'll never change her mind. She's seen you for who you are and she no likey-likey. Can you really blame her? 3
quidproquo89 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 This is not a site for people looking to play mind games to cheat. Not sure how in the world you got that impression posting here. This is a site for good people to support each other through challenging life situations. great stuff!
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