SamJones Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 He consumes 75% of my daily thoughts and the other 25% is of me hating myself, and here's why... I moved to a new city after a horrible long term relationship came to an end. I ended up signing myself up to an online website to meet some new friends and build a new life. So 2 years ago I met this guy online...we met for the first time over a few drinks at a local pub. It ended up going well; so well that we decided to invite out some of our own friends and all go out together for a night on the town. It was an amazing night. We talked a couple of times after that night but over the next year, we fell out of touch (he worked far away and for weeks on end). Though he was ALWAYS in the back of my mind and I felt an amazing connection with him, but I never pushed myself to make an effort to keep In Touch with him because of my previous relationship. My primary focus was on myself and making this new life. Over the next 8 months I developed an amazing group of friends and truly started to feel happy within. I met this other guy from a friend of a friend...we started hanging out and really enjoying each other's company; at this point we were "seeing each other" Which all sounds great until... Myself and a few other friends go out for a night to a local club, along with the guy I'm seeing and his friends (him and his friends meet us there later). It was a good night, we all had our own fun but we were all scattered throughout the club. The night came to an end and we all decided to meet outside to go to an after party all together. My friends and I waited outside for my new guy and his friends...they all walked up and my new guy wanted to introduce me to his best friend....as his best friend walks up, It turns out it was the guy who has been in the back of my mind for almost the last year....it was the guy I met online. All of the feelings I've had for him over the last year hit me like a life threatening title wave all at once and I then realized...I missed him. The introduction went smoothly and we both explained that we've met before and we all continued our night of fun. Time is going on at this point, still dumb founded and amazed at how "online guy" and I ran into each other again but nonetheless, things are going and me and "new guy" are getting a little more serious... Here's where it gets harder... I truly know the guy I have is a good guy and he treats me so well, I know he loves me and BELIEVE ME, I'm trying so hard to love him too but at the end of the day...I'm head over heels for his best friend. I'm realizing that I always have been. I'm a very independent person and never ever ask for help and my close friends say I never show emotion but this situation has me feeling like I should be medicated! I've never felt what I feel for this "online guy". I can't shake him and what truly makes it harder is I always catch him looking at me. Everyone will be engaging in conversation but he'll be sitting there quiet, staring at me. When I hand him something, he holds on to my hand for that extra few seconds longer. Now that we're all a close circle of friends, our mutual friends always say that me and "online guy" are the exact same person and how crazy it is how much we're alike. we're both very shy people so when we get around each other, we're like high school kids (that's what my bestie says anyways...). He never has problems talking to other girls but he gets awkward around me... I'm awkward around him too but we all know why that is... If I truly didn't feel like he feels the same way, I would be able move on. I don't know what to do....I'm with his best friend. I don't want to hurt anyone but I cannot have a future with "new guy" when his best friend is in the picture but I'm not ready to let go of "online guy" so I feel that I'm staying with "new guy" to stay close to "online guy". This is killing me and I hate myself for this but I can't help how I feel; BELIEVE ME, I wish I could..."online guy" consumes me, completes me and I'm head over heels for him. Help. In a crazy world and how things work out...I believe that we met again for a reason and that this is playing out the way it is, for a reason. Am I going crazy? What do I do? Please, any advice...any.
preraph Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 No matter what the situation, you would be dead wrong to pursue your bf's best friend. Since you really don't care enough about your bf, it's time for you to break up with him, but then you need to disappear from his life and his friend's life. It's very bad mojo. It will be a double loss to your ex. You break his heart and then right when he needs him most, he has to break off with his friend as well IF he goes along with it, and I wouldn't assume he will. I had a bf who was basically gay and his male bf seemed very flirtatious with me, so I figured after I broke up with the gay guy, why not see if he wanted to go out, I mean, since the ex really was gay as it turned out and just trying not to be. His friend, though he'd been flirtatious, turned me down flat and clearly didn't think much of me for asking to begin with. And this one won't think much of you either, and if he goes for it, he will be betraying a good friend, so if he does it, he's a fool.
lollipopspot Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 If you're not feeling it with the guy you're with, break up. Wherever you go from there, give it a little time.
OwMyEyeball Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 You're infatuated. Find a close and trusted friend/family member/counselor you can spill your guts to about this. You're holding a lot of powerful emotions that will pass. One thing that can help is to put them all out in the open for someone else to hear and accept. Someone you can confide in. You might have to do this often. It should help you to process through your feelings and begin to see the situation with a bit more of a level head. Let go of the hate and guilt. You have done nothing wrong. As you say, you cannot control how you feel about this guy. 1
Tayken Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 @OP.....oh dear. What is it that this friend has that your BF doesn't it, and are the thoughts more substantial or is it more to do with fluff? Do your bf and yourself a favour, and show your true colours. Just remember what karma is
Author SamJones Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 It's definitely not about the "fluff" . yes, we both love the same music, food, sport -right down to the same team AND player but it's about how I feel when he's around. It's unexplainable...my head is clear, my mood is euphoric, and the our energy is magnetic. I know that sounds ridiculous but that's why this is so hard to walk away from...it's not about what he has that my boyfriend doesn't, it's about the intense feeling that I have for him and not my boyfriend. It's a connection I've never felt and don't want to let go of...I do hear what you are all saying and truly appreciate you taking time out of your day to give me advise. I need to stop being selfish and open my eyes to reality. my bf doesn't deserve this... My deepest appreciation to you all
Candy_Pants Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Mehh, you met the best friend first and were already crushing hard before bf ever came along. I say you should confess this to both of them and move on with your life. 2
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