single pringle Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 So I have been dating this girl for only a month and things were going great, she is really affectionate and always telling me how much she likes me, and I felt the same She went out drinking this weekend with her best friend (lets call her louise) and normally when shes drunk she showers me with texts telling me how much shes missing me and wants to be with me, only this time I didn't get many texts but I didn't think too much of that Anyway fast forward 3am when shes coming home with her friends, she lets me know shes coming home and asks if she can call when she gets home to which I reply sure, but then she said something that really made my heart sink "Been a great night, is snogging louise classed as cheating"? From this point onwards im really angry and i ask her if she is bi, to which she replies yeah but more towards guys, well towards you, i just fancy her when im drunk, and its just a drunk thing nothing more. To which i then say, would that make it ok when im drunk to kiss other people? This was last night and i haven't spoke to her since, her best friend is a straight female whos in a long term relationship with a man, so my question is am i making a big deal out of nothing? how should i act from here on? Even tho i was extremely angry i think it would be harsh to finish her for it so what do i do? Im not even sure she is bi, and she claims its never other people she kisses just her best friend and only when drunk, its not the worse crime in the world but i still class it as cheating, and i always swear to myself if anyone cheated on me there are no second chances....
Gaeta Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 First thing first. It's not because a woman is curious about same sex or is drunk kissing another woman that she is bi or gay. It's a very common phenomena. Not all women act on it but a high percentage of women will have random same sex fantasy. Second. Kissing another person (male or female) while in a committed relationship is a type of cheating in my book. The question is here, are you in an exclusive relationship with this woman? If not then she has not cheated on you. When and If one day you become exclusive than it's up to you 2 to establish rules and you tell her that while in a committed relationship with you kissing other women (or men) is unacceptable. 1
GemmaUK Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Lots of young girlies do this. Even I did once a long long time ago back in my dim and distant past. It was part of a game we were playing and her fella was there as was mine. I do think women in general are more bi-curious than men are especially when they're growing up. She told you about it so to her it was a funny thing that happened and meant nothing to her at all apart from it being a giggle. I suspect she then said what she did to defend herself. Maybe she should have just said it was only in fun. You're angry about it though so if it's something you can't tolerate then you're best off breaking up now. 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Look at this way... Your GF has two for one deal. Why not allow for threesomes??? It is only fair right? That is how I feel about it. Just think how she would feel about it if you were snogging away with Loiuse while drunk. As Scots put it... an eye for eye, aye!
jjtr Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 The problem is not that she may or may not be bisexual. The problem is that she cannot control her urges when drinking. I'd cut things off here and get out while it'll hurt the least. Better to find this out now than a few months down the road. 2
Assasda Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 So I have been dating this girl for only a month and things were going great, she is really affectionate and always telling me how much she likes me, and I felt the same She went out drinking this weekend with her best friend (lets call her louise) and normally when shes drunk she showers me with texts telling me how much shes missing me and wants to be with me, only this time I didn't get many texts but I didn't think too much of that Anyway fast forward 3am when shes coming home with her friends, she lets me know shes coming home and asks if she can call when she gets home to which I reply sure, but then she said something that really made my heart sink "Been a great night, is snogging louise classed as cheating"? From this point onwards im really angry and i ask her if she is bi, to which she replies yeah but more towards guys, well towards you, i just fancy her when im drunk, and its just a drunk thing nothing more. To which i then say, would that make it ok when im drunk to kiss other people? This was last night and i haven't spoke to her since, her best friend is a straight female whos in a long term relationship with a man, so my question is am i making a big deal out of nothing? how should i act from here on? Even tho i was extremely angry i think it would be harsh to finish her for it so what do i do? Im not even sure she is bi, and she claims its never other people she kisses just her best friend and only when drunk, its not the worse crime in the world but i still class it as cheating, and i always swear to myself if anyone cheated on me there are no second chances.... "class" it as whatever you will. The fact is that she told you, because she think you were mature enough to understand. - You obviously umderstand. And if you get mad and the truths that she tells you, shes just not going to trust you with her feelings. You seem super jealous and emotional anyway, I dont think it will last too long 1
mightycpa Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 (edited) I have been dating this girl for only a month things were going great she is really affectionate always telling me how much she likes me I felt the same All 5 of these points are irrelevant to your ultimate question. You understand this, and you even asked pretty much the same question I'm about to ask: would that make it ok when im drunk to kiss other people?So, was it OK? Did you actually have an understanding between you? Either that is a very soft way to say "IT IS NOT OK" or, instead, and what I really think, is that you had an understanding, but only in your head. You made an assumption because of the way things are going, but you didn't have an agreed understanding between the two of you. If I'm right, you should immediately apologize, explaining that you confused "what you wanted" with "what you actually had". Then, you can explain your feelings and desires and hopes and dreams and formally ask for exclusivity, and make sure you address the questions surrounding Louise. You could always create an exception for her, but only if you get something in return. ok 'nuff said about that. If you actually did have a commitment, then you have to decide if it is forgivable, and you have to decide if drinking loosens her up sufficiently to make cheating a fairly regular thing. Did she cheat a little bit on her ex when she met you? You don't really say. The proper retort to this text Been a great night, is snogging louise classed as cheating?would have been: Not if you both come over for some three-way snogging.It sounds like you have a fun one on your hands. She did that, she's willing to broach the subject with you and she clearly likes you. Now, the only question is whether you can live with it or not. Edited September 28, 2014 by mightycpa 1
spiderowl Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Some posters say it's just something girls do sometimes, but put the shoe on the other foot. If your boyfriend was out and kissed another guy and said he liked to do it sometimes when he was drunk, would you think he was just having fun or bi? I'd think he is likely to be bi and the same applies to this girl. The question is, do you want to date a girl who is bisexual or not?
mammasita Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Kissing some one other than your SO while in a relationship is cheating. Are you guys exclusive yet? Have you defined those boundaries? Clearly her drunk text would not be a proper time to have that discussion, but it's obviously something you need to define. IF you're already exclusive and in a relationship, I'd be pissed because as mentioned above, she's showing signs of having little self control and enjoys getting a rise out of you. That in itself is T.R.O.U.B.L.E. BI or not is irrelevant. It's about being faithful.
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 It sounds like you're both pretty young; this kind of experimentation happens. I think the fact that she was willing to tell you so easily means she's both honest and trusting. If she REALLY wanted to be with someone else, do you think she'd be so flippant? Maybe she thought you'd find it funny. Regardless, she was open with you and you can be open with her. Just say "no, it isn't, and I'm not comfortable with you kissing other people even if they're girls. Can we talk later?" When you have your talk, make it clear that it actually really upsets you. She might be very surprised at how much you hurt. if she's any good (and it sounds like she is), she'll apologize and you can go forward. Relationships are not about acting and reacting, striking and retaliating; you shouldn't look at this transgression as something to punish. Relationships are about two people, defining both themselves and each other. In the initial stages you will inevitably cross boundaries and cause wounds when you're still learning how you fit together. If you can't make it work, that's when you break up. But don't give up just because one stumbling block appeared.
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