tiredofbeingtheother Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 [font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color]well my mm and his wife split a month ago and decided to divorce. (yea we got caught). she knows he is staying with me, and he wants to get married next year! im kind of excited kind of scared. i almost told him i wouldnt marry him. im just scared because i wanted this for so long and now its here. have any of you felt this way?
tiki Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 You should have feelings of fear. He cheated on his wife. What (as a wife) is going to make YOU so special that he won't cheat on you? Have you addressed these issues with him?
MsMree Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Here we go w/the "if he did it to her, he'll do it to you" - ALL CHEATING H'S ARE WHORES!!! I don't believe this - or i should say that is not the case w/my MM - Best to ya, "Tired"!! How long were you involved w/MM?
tiki Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by MsMree Here we go w/the "if he did it to her, he'll do it to you" - ALL CHEATING H'S ARE WHORES!!! No, but all cheaters are cheaters. And he's a cheater until he stops. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck.....
Moose Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 I'd definitley keep my guard up.....but that's just me. I subscribe to the once unfaithful, never true to one theory.
debs Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Tiki and Moose both have valid posts. I have learned through the years and i have almost 50 of them to be able to say this with some certainity. "once a cheat always a cheat"!!!! Sorry to disappoint those who are in OW with MM but history does/will repeat itself! There is a 3% chance the one who strays will never do it again!~ Those are the exceptions from those who learned a valuable lesson in life only! Guess some MMnever grow up
lynnered Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by MsMree Here we go w/the "if he did it to her, he'll do it to you" - ALL CHEATING H'S ARE WHORES!!! I don't believe this - or i should say that is not the case w/my MM - Best to ya, "Tired"!! How long were you involved w/MM? agree with ya msmree!! congratulations!! I'm so glad you're sharing with us ,so we know it does happen!!! leap, and the net will appear.
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Not saying it will/ won't work out...I hope it does work out for you. The love is there...But is the trust and honesty? Pure 100% trust and faith that 5-10 years down the road he isn't going to get his head turned by some 'other' woman.
Sad Flower Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 I'm struggling with the once a cheater always a cheater theory..... I have a friend who has talked with my ex MM, she says give him a year and he will cheat again! What does she know that I don't know?!?! Well from what I hear he was being flirtatious with her!! tiredofbeingtheother~~ It is all still so new for you two, you say it's been a month, I think it is kinda silly to be talking about a new marriage with you...My MM talked to me about moving into his father's house (where he lived when he came to town) I never did, but good thing I didn't, MM went back to his wife a few months later. From the way my MM talked, it seemed divorce was concrete, so final, but yea right, where is he now!!
KissMyTiara Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Have any of you "once a cheater, always a cheater" actually ever cheated? Are you seriously THAT pure and honest? When you were in HS and college, can you honestly say your lips never so much as touched those of someone whom you shouldn't bc you were already involved?? PULEEZE. I have cheated, and I can say that I am NOT a cheater. I will never, ever do that to someone ever again. Cheating is either pathological or a symptom of a greater problem. If you're talking about the latter, then the "once a cheater" theory flies out the window!
izzybelle Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 i don't believe in the once a cheater always a cheater theory either. and the thing with MMs that repeatedly cheat on their wives .... i also don't think the theory applies there. my exMM had cheated on his wife before and in many ways, i wouldn't be a bit surprised if he cheated again. not because i think it's in his "blood" but because i don't think they fixed the problems in their marriage that existed when the 1st A occurred and i'm not so sure they can be fixed. so...., i wouldn't be surprised if he cheated on her again, but i don't know that i would be any more worried than the typical person about him cheating on me. i'd want to take a serious look at why he has cheated, we may never know the whole story but i do believe that it's possible for someone who's cheated to have a commited relationship again (or still in some cases). when a new relationship starts the dynamics are their own, there is no history to repeat itself. it's fresh and new and deserves to be treated the same way we would treat any relationship. as mree said, we're all human and blind trust in any case is not typically a good idea. i cheated on a guy in college (a 5 year relationship) and saw first hand the pain it caused him. and it was with a close friend of his which i'm sure made it worse. so i know i'm not innocent in all of this either.
Author tiredofbeingtheother Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 we have been seeing each other off and on 9 yrs. (yeah i know long time). we both had cheated on our spouses with each other (i always hated that. it made me feel cheap). my husband passed away last year. he said he wanted to get caught because he didnt have the balls to end it. he started taking more and more risks till we got caught. he couldnt bare to think of me with anyone else. and i WAS getting tired of my OW status. i think he could tell he had to make up his mind. and when we first got caught he wanted to stay with her for the kids(he has 2 i have 3). but i told him one or the other had to end and he has been with me since the first of february. we do love each other ALOT. the fear of him cheating on me will probably always be there (he fears me doing the same) but i do love him enough to try a REAL relationship.
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