Gaeta Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Tinder is a site that's completely based on looks, 100%. Thus, it is a hookup site anywhere in the world. Sorry to burst your bubble. Well, just for the sake of arguing, if you approach a man or a woman in real life, it is 100% based on looks too, yet people feel it's a more honorable of meeting someone for a relationship.
Fondue Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Not sure about this logic. I would say don't stay the night unless you're ready to have sex. What is not to understand? It is true. Going over to someone's place implies doing the business. You don't go there unless you're sure about it happening. The are literally millions other venues to hang out in. You can even google the subject. Something like "what does going over their house imply?" I'm sure you'll find the same results.
Cristo Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Well, just for the sake of arguing, if you approach a man or a woman in real life, it is 100% based on looks too, yet people feel it's a more honorable of meeting someone for a relationship. I don't think that cold approaching is the best way of meeting people either, though it is still better than OLD due to the amount of deception that is possible online. The best way to meet people is the way that people have been successfully doing it for thousands of years: through social interactions (be it through friends, school, or work). You want to see that person in their natural habitat, so to speak, in a situation where they are not trying to impress you.
MissBee Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 (edited) I don't blame him. I know I sent some wrong signals, but I was confused afterwards because he did kiss me goodbye and text me the next day. If he hadn't, I would have known he wasn't interested in anything else. Instead, he let me think there was something more and now he hasn't responded all weekend. I honestly didn't see it as a tease, because he invited me to stay. I never wanted to hurt or disappoint him, I just felt bad for kicking him out of his bed, so I said it was okay if he slept in the bed as well. I think I somehow did send the signal of not wanting anything, since I started out by laying down with me back to him, but I can see how it could have been confusing for him. I never meant any harm. I was just naive. I'm very sad about this, because we really clicked and talked great. I also found him very attractive and I could have had sex with him, if I wasn't as insecure as I am regarding sex and guys only wanting sex. If you had had sex with him it probably would make you feel worse because he'd probably be just as distant. It doesn't seem like he genuinely wants a relationship. Obviously he thinks you're attractive and likes you casually but none of his actions show he's serious...so stop blaming yourself for not having sex. A man who genuinely likes you will not bail because you sent the wrong signals about sex. With my last bf, and other bfs, we kissed on our first date and even heavily made out but I didn't go all the way with sex. They did not bail because I led them on by touching them and kissing them...the whole leading on idea itself makes it seem like a man is entitled to sex and so if you are physical but don't offer sex you are a bad person. We're all free to kiss, make out touch and do what we're comfortable with. It's called being attracted to someone but still having boundaries. The guys I dated saw it as a sign that I clearly like and am attracted to them but want to wait to be more established for sex...since they actually liked me they stuck around. However, a man ONLY interested in sex has little incentive to stay around if you blow off his hand job requests and don't offer sex. So stop blaming yourself and realize it's actually HIM! Also...texting someone a lot in a short space of time and using nicknames is a false kind of intimacy and lots of men esp do this to make a woman feel comfortable, also it doesn't have to be manipulative but sometimes people behave this way and get carried away and begin to feel a lot closer to someone than they should. But reality is: you didn't really know him well and what you liked or thought you liked wasn't based in really knowing him but more so a fantasy of what could be based on just texts and "sweet nothings." When you met up did you even go on a date or you just went to his place??? For me, I don't care how late you get off work, if we are not already in a relationship, find a proper time in your schedule to go on a DATE with me. I do not accept invitations to meet up late at night esp not at a man's home whom I've never met. I would suggest personally, that if you're serious about a man expect time to be made for you at a decent hour and expect that when you meet you go out and not to his home. Otherwise, 9/10 times if a man suggests late night meet ups at his place, it spells hooking up. Not to mention hand job requests...wtf...no excuse! Casual sex is also not something special to Denmark...people have casual sex in America and other places btw...it's just that most people differentiate between when they are looking just for NSA sex and a relationship and act accordingly. Edited September 28, 2014 by MissBee 1
Author Janni Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 (edited) If you had had sex with him it probably would make you feel worse because he'd probably be just as distant. It doesn't seem like he genuinely wants a relationship. Obviously he thinks you're attractive and likes you casually but none of his actions show he's serious...so stop blaming yourself for not having sex. A man who genuinely likes you will not bail because you sent the wrong signals about sex. With my last bf, and other bfs, we kissed on our first date and even heavily made out but I didn't go all the way with sex. They did not bail because I led them on by touching them and kissing them...the whole leading on idea itself makes it seem like a man is entitled to sex and so if you are physical but don't offer sex you are a bad person. We're all free to kiss, make out touch and do what we're comfortable with. It's called being attracted to someone but still having boundaries. The guys I dated saw it as a sign that I clearly like and am attracted to them but want to wait to be more established for sex...since they actually liked me they stuck around. However, a man ONLY interested in sex has little incentive to stay around if you blow off his hand job requests and don't offer sex. So stop blaming yourself and realize it's actually HIM! Thank you. This really means a lot to me. It really makes sense. I normally feel so wrong for not being ready for sex right away, but you make me believe I shouldn't. That it's actually a good way of sorting the "bad guys" from the good guys. That way I wont end up having sex with someone and THEN get rejected. Also...texting someone a lot in a short space of time and using nicknames is a false kind of intimacy and lots of men esp do this to make a woman feel comfortable, also it doesn't have to be manipulative but sometimes people behave this way and get carried away and begin to feel a lot closer to someone than they should. But reality is: you didn't really know him well and what you liked or thought you liked wasn't based in really knowing him but more so a fantasy of what could be based on just texts and "sweet nothings." Again, thank you. I guess you're right. I didn't know him. It was obvious too. He had a lot of weird habits, like saying "yay!", snapping his fingers and sticking his tongue out. When you met up did you even go on a date or you just went to his place??? For me, I don't care how late you get off work, if we are not already in a relationship, find a proper time in your schedule to go on a DATE with me. I do not accept invitations to meet up late at night esp not at a man's home whom I've never met. I would suggest personally, that if you're serious about a man expect time to be made for you at a decent hour and expect that when you meet you go out and not to his home. Otherwise, 9/10 times if a man suggests late night meet ups at his place, it spells hooking up. Not to mention hand job requests...wtf...no excuse! Well, no. We didn't go on a proper date. Dates aren't really a thing. Mostly it goes 1. meet each other at a bar and go home together 2. hook up some more 3. start to like each other 4. might go to the cinema (but it's not exactly a date) 5. a relationship. That's how people "date" in Denmark. So therefore it's pretty rare to go out on a date. Mostly you just meet up at one or the others place. But I get your point and I think I'll push the real date if I meet another guy. Edited September 28, 2014 by Janni
MissBee Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Are you sure this is what everyone in Denmark does?? Lots of people in America do this as well...but people have a choice about if they want to just hook up or not and those who want more tend to date normally. In any event, if you're not comfortable with it a man who likes you won't have any issues with actually going on a proper date.
Author Janni Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 Are you sure this is what everyone in Denmark does?? Lots of people in America do this as well...but people have a choice about if they want to just hook up or not and those who want more tend to date normally. In any event, if you're not comfortable with it a man who likes you won't have any issues with actually going on a proper date. Of cause there are always exceptions and Denmark is getting influences by America and your dating. But it's not as strange to go to his/her place on a first date, as it is in America. Anyway, it's not important. It was wrong and I wont go to a guys place for a first (or second, third, fourth) date again.
Ami1uwant Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 I know. Just trying to explain the culture. Sex is very normal on a first date. I understand there will be some cultural differences... Here in the USA first date sex can happen here but most dates don't end that way...especially if first date is from online. Here meeting someone for a date late like after 2100 and you yo to his place screams booty call.
snowflakes88 Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 You know what he wants. If you give him some of what he wants, he may well find it interesting to want to know more about you. Terrible advice. I hope you don't take this to heart, OP. 4
HappyLove Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 "I guess you're right. I didn't know him. It was obvious too. He had a lot of weird habits, like saying "yay!", snapping his fingers and sticking his tongue out." I'm confused. Did you go out with a man or a frog? Why exactly are you upset about this weirdo? Print out what Missbee told you and carry it in your purse. Read it daily. Just be happy this creep wasn't the killer and you made it out alive. 1
Author Janni Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 Terrible advice. I hope you don't take this to heart, OP. Of cause I don't. I'm done with that guy. "I guess you're right. I didn't know him. It was obvious too. He had a lot of weird habits, like saying "yay!", snapping his fingers and sticking his tongue out." I'm confused. Did you go out with a man or a frog? Why exactly are you upset about this weirdo? Print out what Missbee told you and carry it in your purse. Read it daily. Just be happy this creep wasn't the killer and you made it out alive. I am not upset anymore. Missbee's post really helped me realize what I DIDN'T loose. So I am fine now. I also think it might have been so difficult on me, because it boils down to me own insecurity - "Am I ever good enough?" And whenever a guy doesn't choose me, I feel like this is evidence of me not being good enough. But I am glad I got rid of that guy. He had some strange habits and I honestly wasn't even sure I wanted to see him again after I went home. But the fact that he didn't want me, made me want him and made me feel like I would never be good enough for anyone. Now I have decided to take a break from dating and focus on myself. I am good enough and I will do whatever makes me happy. I don't need a man to make me happy. Thank you, to all of you. 1
LoneIsland Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Well, the man did want to make you happy. But he got destroyed when he was rejected.
anne1707 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Well, the man did want to make you happy. But he got destroyed when he was rejected. Destroyed? Good grief man. How on earth did you get that idea because he did not get a hand job? Is this how you feel if a woman won't have sex with you? You do realise it sounds incredibly desperate, sad (and even dangerous for any women who happens to not yield to your demands).
Recommended Posts