blind_otter Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Of course I am doing great seeing my new honey, and my exH calls me from prison over the weekend. I hate him. He makes me SO MAD. I did a lot of crap, he did a lot of crap. Well, at least I never gave HIM the clap while we were together. BUT....I digress. He called basically to tell me that he would get out of prison on work release in August and find a better woman than I ever could be, to be with. Well good luck, asswipe. I wish you all the worst luck. He acts like he is such a catch. Whatever, he's an excon with a BA in business administration. He's been in federal prison for the last coupla years and he doesn't have a very strong personality. He said that honestly, he didn't think he could be with me again because I "got the opportunity to date other people and he never did". So he basically wanted me to wait until he was done with his dating so he could have me as a "fall back" wife, and meanwhile he wants to date other people. So he won't send the f*cking divorce papers back to me, he refuses to give me a f*cking divorce, but he doesn't want to be with me....he is just torturing me, he said as much, just making me squirm like an insect....just because that's ALL he can do to get back at me from prison. I hate people sometimes and I hope that he is bitter and lonely. I hope I find a great guy and have a great life and have babies and a nice house, and he can suck it, several times and/or in quick succession.
izzybelle Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 you could always just ask him, if he calls again, if he's met anyone nice while he's been in prison! ok maybe you don't really want to tick him off, but ... i don't blame you for being ticked off. he sounds like a first class loser. my 1st H was in the military and refused to sign the divorce papers because he was drawing support pay for me.... big surprise for me when i found out after he dragged his feet for a year. i never saw a penny. and i was even more surprised to find out he was using the money to support his GF, the baby, and the other one on the way. i really picked a winner that time.
Moose Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Sounds like to me he's succeeding with his efforts to piss you off BO. You should kill him with kindness and love your enemy. Don't waste your energy being so vendictive. Relax and show him how well your doing.
Barby Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 I'm sorry BO!! I hope you never go back to him or fall into being his "fall back on" wife! Next time he calls...let him know that it's also holding him off by not sending the divorce papers. What if he meets someone and wants to get married? You have to not let people get to you so much! Chin up girl!
debs Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Why allow him to upset you? Ignore his dumbass self blind_otter! If you filed the divorce papers and he won't sigh just get it on default! As for your sentiments about his stupid self? BRAVO! GIRL! Spoken like a true trooper you are!
Author blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Yay, thanks guys....it does feel better to have a cyber support network. I you guys.
Mr Spock Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 You're actually LEGALLY married to this guy BO? but he doesn't want to be with me.... You are still in the wrong mindset here.
Author blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock You're actually LEGALLY married to this guy BO? You are still in the wrong mindset here. Yup, in FL we have a no-fault divorce where you just fill out a packet. I did my part, waiting for his. I thought he had done it already, months ago, when I got pregnant by my exBF, but apparently my exH was just waiting to torture me. I am in the wrong mindset, I suppose. THe thing that irritates me the most is that he's trying to keep the divorce from going through, even though HE doesn't really want to be with me - just to piss me off, basically. In all honesty, if he were trying to stay married to me because he loved me and still wanted to be with me, it would be more excuseable in my head - but just to piss me off, that's inexcuseable and childish.
Mr Spock Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 ahh..my mistake....thought those two jerks were one and the same.
Author blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock ahh..my mistake....thought those two jerks were one and the same. I know, I am probably one of the few humiliated women on here who has *2* ex's who are either in or going to prison. exBF is still in jail his arraignment is at the end of the month, I hope he pleads guilty and just takes it like a man. I still don't know yet. ExH is in federal for growing pot...exBF is in jail awaiting sentencing for burglary with battery, felony posession of a controlled substance, and robbery. NOW you see why I have a "date dorks only" policy.
Mr Spock Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Yeah. I know, I seem to only want to date assh*les too.
Bronzepen Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I know, I am probably one of the few humiliated women on here who has *2* ex's who are either in or going to prison. exBF is still in jail his arraignment is at the end of the month, I hope he pleads guilty and just takes it like a man. I still don't know yet. ExH is in federal for growing pot...exBF is in jail awaiting sentencing for burglary with battery, felony posession of a controlled substance, and robbery. NOW you see why I have a "date dorks only" policy. Ahh, just get a pet. Preferably a dog. Dogs are very noble animals. They give you love and devotion and only ask for food and water in return. Woof, woof!
Author blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen Ahh, just get a pet. Preferably a dog. Dogs are very noble animals. They give you love and devotion and only ask for food and water in return. Woof, woof! :lmao: :lmao: I have 3 dogs and a cat. Dogs: Bruce Banner (half pitbull half lab); "The Dingo Ate my Baby" (brindle shepard mix mutt); Norman Bates (lab mix) Cat: Nyx, aka "Tuna Fish" (grey calico) I have an excessive amout of neediness, and I have too much Luuuuuuuve to give!!!
alphamale Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 you'll be back together with him probably within 2 wks of his release. I can almost guarantee it.
Bronzepen Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter :lmao: :lmao: I have 3 dogs and a cat. Dogs: Bruce Banner (half pitbull half lab); "The Dingo Ate my Baby" (brindle shepard mix mutt); Norman Bates (lab mix) Cat: Nyx, aka "Tuna Fish" (grey calico) I have an excessive amout of neediness, and I have too much Luuuuuuuve to give!!! Looks like you have nothing to worry about then. Next time your ex calls, give the phone to one of your pets.
shamen Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Hi Blind_Otter, I'm so sorry that he called you just to be a big huge butthead! What a jerk!
Author blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 He doesn't mean to be a jerk. It was a terminal illness he was born with where he has a massive throbbing a**h*** where his head should be. Seriously, though. I struggle with this a lot....I was talking to my friend at lunch yesterday and I was like, I can't believe I was with my exBF. He was such an a**h***. So was my exH. How can I reconcile this - I mean, there are reasons I was with them. I can remember the reasons. But now I talk to my exH on the phone and it's like there's nothing - I love him, but then again, I know I don't - how can I say that when I secretly hope that he gets his by a bus when he gets out of prison? I love what we HAD, I suppose. I love the security he gave me. Knowing that there would always be someone there to take care of me and remind me to pay my student loan payment and do my taxes, someone who would climb on the roof and clean out the gutters or mow the lawn, someone who would rub my feet for me on command and do the little piggys thing when I was depressed or upset, or sing "Accentuate the Positive" when I was having a case of the blahs.... I was melancholy and reminiscing about past relationships but you know what? The guy, in my memory, that I cuddled up to all nude and half sweaty, at first it was my exBF, then my exH, then a series of other ex's - like the specific person didn't really matter that much. I wanted just *a* person. Someone who would love me and be supportive of me. That's really the entirety of it. It's sick, really, ya know, really sick.
laRubiaBonita Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 when he calls, isn't it a collect call that you have to AGREE to answer?
Author blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita when he calls, isn't it a collect call that you have to AGREE to answer? Yeah "Hang up to decline the call, to accept the call, dial 5 now...." I feel bad because his dad was refusing his phone calls for a while, so he wrote me a letter asking to accept his calls because he was lonely. And anyways, he does this thing where he keeps calling and calling and calling, he called like 4 times on saturday, once I picked up and we argued, twice I ignored the call, and the last time I picked it up again and stopped feeding into his little game, was calm and collected and just sort of agreed with him and then hung up after 5 minutes.
d'Arthez Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 What you saw in them, BO, was your projections. In short: the things, that you wanted to see in a man. I don't mean an infatuation (although that can play a role), but the qualities you wanted to see. When either of them was rude, you saw the confidence, and swept the rudeness under the carpet. When they cuddled with you, they gave you a sense of security, an idea, you were safe. Which made you not realise the parts of them at the time. You once loved your EX-H, and parts of you still do. But that is because you don't give enough weight to the bad stuff he has done to you. He called past Saturday. And what happened? You got into a fight, and because the old hurts return again, you make it harder for yourself to move forward. You ignored the bad parts too much, which drove you in ****ty relationships. But now you are working on yourself, things will improve, and definitely the men in your life too. If not, you'll be able to kick them out of your life.
LittleMiss Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 So you are paying for him to treat you like sh*t. Just don't answer his calls. Except for the divorce you two don't have anything you need to talk about. You know he is just calling to piss you off.
Author blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by g_tabatha So you are paying for him to treat you like sh*t. Just don't answer his calls. Except for the divorce you two don't have anything you need to talk about. You know he is just calling to piss you off. I suppose this way I can vicariously get the emotional abuse I seek from relationships, without having actually be emotionally abused by my current significant other. har har har. Sarcastic laughter. Yeah I can date an emotionally healthy guy whose biggest problem is being emotionally stifled, and still get crazy phone calls from my a**h*** ex. My new guy even sat there and listened to me vent about what an a**h*** my ex is, and calmly said exactly the same thing you said, g_t.....yeah. Good times.
shamen Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I love what we HAD, I suppose. I love the security he gave me. Knowing that there would always be someone there to take care of me and remind me to pay my student loan payment and do my taxes, someone who would climb on the roof and clean out the gutters or mow the lawn, someone who would rub my feet for me on command and do the little piggys thing when I was depressed or upset, or sing "Accentuate the Positive" when I was having a case of the blahs.... I was melancholy and reminiscing about past relationships but you know what? The guy, in my memory, that I cuddled up to all nude and half sweaty, at first it was my exBF, then my exH, then a series of other ex's - like the specific person didn't really matter that much. I wanted just *a* person. Someone who would love me and be supportive of me. That's really the entirety of it. It's sick, really, ya know, really sick. I feel ya about loving what you had. The security is always the hardest part to give up and forget. Obviously though, now you see him for what he is. Yea! I also completely understand what you mean about the "just *a* person." If you're sick, I'm sick too! Hopefully any relationship that I have in the future is not about this. It sounds like your new guy isn't that; that's cool!
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