Birthday coming up- scared of the emotions :(

[Sweeetie]

Hello all,

 

Some of you might know me from the myriad of threads I've posted on here, and you've all helped me very much in making wise decisions. My ex and I broke up 2 months ago due to him having a lot of misunderstandings and misconceptions about me. I moved to a new town 2 weeks ago and a change of scene has helped me to see clearly now how breaking up with him was the best decision I made.

 

I also faced a lot of anger and hatred from him in the weeks following the breakup. Before I left town I asked him if he would like to meet up, he said he would like to meet to say bye properly but that I "shouldn't expect him to be nice" and that he "would try his best to not be angry and hateful". This ofcourse put me off going to meet him, which made him feel insulted and in his words made him "hate me even more". His take on it was "after spending almost 12 months with me I couldn't even spend 2 hours with him before I leave town". We haven't spoken since then and I do not intend to re-initiate contact at present.

 

However, a time of year is approaching which I think will be quite difficult for me due to him being completely out of my life- my birthday. This is especially because last year, he made my birthday very special. I want to be clear that I am not talking about him spending money and doing big things for the occasion (which he did)- I'm talking about the simple and special things that he did to see me happy. One of the things was, he gave me a teddy bear, carrying a note that he wrote saying that whenever I feel sad I should give the bear a hug and remember how much he loves me, and pretend that it is he who I am hugging.

 

I just can't imagine having my birthday this time round without him in it. I am going to be absolutely devastated if he doesn't wish me happy birthday, which is why I don't intend to check if he has wished me on the day; I'll check the next day so as not to have my birthday ruined.

 

My question is, how do I cope? I will still celebrate with my family and friends and that will be very nice. I'm iust scared of feeling hurt by my ex' indifference about my special day when he made it so special last year. The effort that he put into it, has never been matched by anybody before in my life. I'm starting to build a new life for myself now and move on, but with my birthday approaching it is making me think about my ex and how difficult this time of year will be.

 

Words of wisdom would be appreciated

Edited September 27, 2014 by Sweeetie

[Dontfindme]

Birthdays can be tough, but just think about it logically- apart from that one birthday (last year) when he made your day, you managed to celebrate many more to get to this point. And I'm sure you didn't need to cope for those.

 

Let your friends and family shower you with love, like you deserve. It's your day, and you shouldn't let someone who can't be "expected to be nice" ruin that for you.

 

Happy Birthday OP! - in advance- Here's to a new year filled with good times, good people, laughter, and lots of love.

[me85]

I know exactly how you feel but you need to keep in mind the last conversation you had with him. Enjoy your birthday with friends and family. They will fill the void in such a much healthier way than your ex can.

 

He was really mean with his words to you. Let that be your fuel to brush thoughts of him aside.

 

He's not the person he was last year. And neither are you. You, in a good way. Remind yourself that all the time.

[Feelbettersoon]

I too am afraid of my upcoming birthday and feel this way, my last two were very special and I felt loved.

 

I think we need to just surround outselves with our closest and not check until the next day if we got a HB message. Would you reply if you did?

[Sweeetie]

I too am afraid of my upcoming birthday and feel this way, my last two were very special and I felt loved.

 

I think we need to just surround outselves with our closest and not check until the next day if we got a HB message. Would you reply if you did?

 

Yes, we should definitely check the day after to see if we got a message, we don't want to be crying on our birthdays. If he does wish me, I would reply to thank him and maybe to ask how he is. If they don't wish us, we will know that we are better off- it might hurt a bit at the time but in the long term it will serve us well to help us forget them.

 

Thank you all for your words of wisdom guys, that's really helpful. Being with people who love me and would not say such cruel things to me is all that one could ask for on their birthday. Birthdays come once a year and are very special, and we never know who we will have by our side as the years go by. All that should not be ruined by a man who hates me.