evanescentworld Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I'm sorry, you make it sound as if you are completely set in your ways and you like things done in a certain way. You complain women aren't like you ('Shades of Grey') whereas you are very much the 'Black and white' guy. I suppose compromise is out of the question? While I'm not asking you to change your persona - you're clearly wishing women would change theirs. Why can't you accept that this is the way women are? If you know they're 'shades of Grey' - then expect more of the same. Adapt, go with the flow, accept and live with it. it is what it is. Women cannot change their MO any more than you should be expected to. If you already know that this is the way they are - live with it, expect it, and deal with it.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 I'm sorry, you make it sound as if you are completely set in your ways and you like things done in a certain way. You complain women aren't like you ('Shades of Grey') whereas you are very much the 'Black and white' guy. I suppose compromise is out of the question? While I'm not asking you to change your persona - you're clearly wishing women would change theirs. Why can't you accept that this is the way women are? If you know they're 'shades of Grey' - then expect more of the same. Adapt, go with the flow, accept and live with it. it is what it is. Women cannot change their MO any more than you should be expected to. If you already know that this is the way they are - live with it, expect it, and deal with it. You should go back and read through the thread a little more. She made a lot of assumptions and her intentions/expectations were not made clear. I never said think like me. It's not my job/ability to interpret her thoughts. She expected me to "know" what she was thinking and I should automatically anticipate that. Maybe if I had known her for years that would make sense but not when you're just starting to date. Not sure about you, but I do not know how many men who can read minds with any degree of success. I'm all for compromise but not to the point where it's assumed I should know what her wishes/desires are automatically. Shades of Grey/Gray infers to "Making a man guess what I am saying/thinking".... and I am simply incapable of that. Being clear and direct makes communication a lot easier. it's bull**** and you are full of ****. **** your religious right views too. Ah, I see we touched a nerve. Do you suppose all Christians are perfect? Infallible without fault? Only Jesus was perfect. Man kind is imperfect, sinful. It's a daily struggle for Christians to do what is right. The good thing is we have a Savior who is our Counselor before God. As you are aware, I am black and white. I know many people are going to hate my opinion, but I don't go off on a filthy-mouthed tirade such as yours. Whatever intelligent point you had for your argument, you tossed it out the window with your response. You need go jogging or something and get that angry behavior out of you. That kind of response I would expect from a 17 year old....not an adult. If I tick you off to this degree, you really should block or ignore me, my friend.
sid3 Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 it's bull**** and you are full of ****. **** your religious right views too. I'm not sure where this crap came from, hardly insightful and far from constructive. Anyhow, having read some of your posts and replies some time ago, what came to mind mostly is that it sounds, although I may be mistake,is that you have become somewhat feminized. Could just be my mood so ignore me when I say from the little of this thread I was able to read, it sounded like you were being a bytch.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 I'm not sure where this crap came from, hardly insightful and far from constructive. Anyhow, having read some of your posts and replies some time ago, what came to mind mostly is that it sounds, although I may be mistake,is that you have become somewhat feminized. Could just be my mood so ignore me when I say from the little of this thread I was able to read, it sounded like you were being a bytch. I tend to agree. I take threats seriously and yes, LS has been notified. Not because he scares me (he doesn't) but making threats online is unacceptable behavior.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Women cannot change their MO any more than you should be expected to. If you already know that this is the way they are - live with it, expect it, and deal with it. I just wanted to add... "Let your Yes mean yes and your No mean no." I have a hard time with the word "maybe"....because there's an unknown assumption attached to it.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 I'm not sure where this crap came from, hardly insightful and far from constructive. Anyhow, having read some of your posts and replies some time ago, what came to mind mostly is that it sounds, although I may be mistake,is that you have become somewhat feminized. Could just be my mood so ignore me when I say from the little of this thread I was able to read, it sounded like you were being a bytch. Thankfully the admins relieved us from that childish bantering user
Allisha Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Thankfully the admins relieved us from that childish bantering user Well, well, well..... Look who it is.. 1
FitChick Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Possible solutions: Date women with no kids or kids who are teens or older. No need for babysitters. Date women over 40. More experienced and mature. Date women newly arrived from out of state. Different mindset unless they moved to California to get into showbiz. I am middle-aged and drama free. I have no problem speaking my mind. If someone is afraid of confirming a date for fear of being needy, there are subtle ways to do it. Ask what sort of place you will be going to because you want to be appropriately dressed. Then end the conversation with, "Looking forward to seeing you (place) (date) (time)."
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Well, well, well..... Look who it is.. Hello Allisha, how are you?
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Possible solutions: Date women with no kids or kids who are teens or older. No need for babysitters. True, but hard to find in my age range. Date women over 40. More experienced and mature. I haven't found a single woman >=40 that do not have kids at home. Date women newly arrived from out of state. Different mindset unless they moved to California to get into showbiz. Agreed! I am middle-aged and drama free. I have no problem speaking my mind. If someone is afraid of confirming a date for fear of being needy, there are subtle ways to do it. Ask what sort of place you will be going to because you want to be appropriately dressed. Then end the conversation with, "Looking forward to seeing you (place) (date) (time)." She was actually going to come here where I was going to take her to dinner since my place is on the way there.
FitChick Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 She was actually going to come here where I was going to take her to dinner since my place is on the way there. Easy explanation. She thinks you were hoping to get laid. Am I right, ladies?
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Easy explanation. She thinks you were hoping to get laid. Am I right, ladies? No hon, that was HER suggestion! She wanted chivalry (man picks her up, takes her to dinner) however, she didn't want me to come to her place (safety I am sure) since it was the opposite direction. She lives in East County, most good places to eat here are near the beach. Please, don't make assumptions. I understand why you feel that way though.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 So, did she cancel your date? Or just raise a conflict about it? My impression from what you've said is that her emotional need for reassurance might be elevated right now, given the infidelity that destroyed her marriage. This emotional need may feel like too much for you, so you call it "drama". That's your call to make. Different people have different tolerance levels for accommodating people's emotional needs/"drama". Maybe she's not healed enough from her divorce to date with an open heart yet. How long ago was she divorced?
Author CaliGuy Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 So, did she cancel your date? Or just raise a conflict about it? My impression from what you've said is that her emotional need for reassurance might be elevated right now, given the infidelity that destroyed her marriage. This emotional need may feel like too much for you, so you call it "drama". That's your call to make. Different people have different tolerance levels for accommodating people's emotional needs/"drama". Maybe she's not healed enough from her divorce to date with an open heart yet. How long ago was she divorced? On my way out the door here but wanted to respond (I'll be back later). She canceled the date BECAUSE I did not, between Weds when I made it and Friday when we were supposed to go out, I did not remind her of the date on Weds/Thurs/Fri. We talked Weds/Thurs/Fri. I didn't feel I had to reminded her. She had a bad relationship between the divorce and me too. She also is in counseling but I am not sure that is helping her. I think right now she is damaged goods and I personally do not like to involve myself in someone else's drama. I don't bring drama to a relationship, lol! I like to bring fun, excitement, energy, happiness, enjoying the town, restaurants, sight seeing, etc. I really, REALLY do not want to shoulder someone else's baggage. Get yourself (them) fixed first before you start seeking a date. How long did I abstain from dating after I had the problem that brought me here? 3 years or so? Not saying I am perfect by any means, but at least I am not taking junk with me when I go on dates and start pre-judging them based on something someone ELSE did Ah! Venting over! LOL Good to see you again, Ruby!
Phoe Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Maybe some of your down to earth personality migrated over to her as well? I think NORCAL people are more down to earth than SOCAL. Remember, SOCAL is full of Hollywood-wanna-bes and the people in OC, well they'll step on your mother to make a few extra dollars..... See, I've actually had a rough time with NorCal folks. They have a tendency to get WAY too up in arms simply about the fact that they are from NorCal and I am from SoCal. I wore a Padres jersey to a party at a friends house, and a complete stranger, a guy, came up and started getting in my face, verbally abusing me, threatening me out of nowhere, and poured his cup of beer on my head. I never saw the dude coming, never said a word to him. He attacked me for being a SoCal person and he's shouting "NorCal for life!" I've had other experiences where someone got snippy for no reason as well. I'd say NorCal is just as dramatic as SoCal. 1
2sunny Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 I just wanted to add... "Let your Yes mean yes and your No mean no." I have a hard time with the word "maybe"....because there's an unknown assumption attached to it. I take maybe as a no. Maybe usually means the person needs to see if a better offer comes around. 1
Woggle Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 I would cut some slack to somebody who has been cheated on. Not saying you should ever pay for their sins but that kind of stuff shakes a person to their core. Betrayal is a very hard thing to get over. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 She canceled the date BECAUSE I did not, between Weds when I made it and Friday when we were supposed to go out, I did not remind her of the date on Weds/Thurs/Fri. We talked Weds/Thurs/Fri. I didn't feel I had to reminded her. Did you set a date, time, and place before Wednesday? Dinner at Mamasita's at 7, for example? Or was it a general yet unspecified plan? I think right now she is damaged goods Well, that pretty much says it all. It seems whatever has happened has gone beyond what you can accept when getting to know someone. I agree that bitterness can be hard to shake. I've never been cheated on to my knowledge, have always had pretty amicable breakups, but it takes time to feel light and open-hearted again. That's just life. Nothing wrong with moving on if you're not on the same wavelength. If it feels wrong, it probably is. 1
CrystalCastles Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 I wore a Padres jersey to a party at a friends house, and a complete stranger, a guy, came up and started getting in my face, verbally abusing me, threatening me out of nowhere, and poured his cup of beer on my head. I never saw the dude coming, never said a word to him. He attacked me for being a SoCal person and he's shouting "NorCal for life!" I hope you punched his face. 2
Phoe Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 I hope you punched his face. Nah, he was grabbed and ejected from the house before I even had a chance to process what happened. I was more interested in having a rational talk with him about how I have no personal ties and I like all of california, but most importantly I wanted to ask why he would waste perfectly good beer. 2
CrystalCastles Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 but most importantly I wanted to ask why he would waste perfectly good beer. Good point! I don't think his peabrain factored that in. 2
Author CaliGuy Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 See, I've actually had a rough time with NorCal folks. They have a tendency to get WAY too up in arms simply about the fact that they are from NorCal and I am from SoCal. I'd say NorCal is just as dramatic as SoCal. That behavior is redneck-ish to me! I take maybe as a no. Maybe usually means the person needs to see if a better offer comes around. Agree there. I would cut some slack to somebody who has been cheated on. Not saying you should ever pay for their sins but that kind of stuff shakes a person to their core. Betrayal is a very hard thing to get over. Agree -- but don't try to get back into another relationship until you are TRULY ready. Did you set a date, time, and place before Wednesday? Dinner at Mamasita's at 7, for example? Or was it a general yet unspecified plan? Nothing wrong with moving on if you're not on the same wavelength. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Yes, date time was set. Agreed, not anywhere near the same wavelength.
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