CaliGuy dates, but dates smartly :)

[beach]

Oh I was just teasing you dear.

 

I have a date tomorrow with a guy who is 44 (I'm 43). When we chatted yesterday he reconfirmed the date. Maybe it's a Midwestern polite thing to do but every date I've ever been on with a guy has either been reconfirmed by him or by me.

 

I do agree that it's good to arrive early to a date too and very considerate to let the guy know you're running late when you're on your way.

 

There's nothing wrong with his style of confirming - it's that "REconfirming" that gets annoying for me.

 

I'm not 2 years old where a guy needs to remind me that I've made plans with him. It feels like nagging if he does it past the basic "confirming".

 

I guess that's where I draw the line... But that's just me. Hehe

 

If he confirms PAST that initial time - I'm inclined to be direct and state "I told you yes the first time". He can get the idea he's nagging me - which I don't appreciate - and if he's THAT needy - we can cancel the date.

 

When a man makes a date and I say yes - then it's because I expect him to add some beauty to my life and I also expect he is capable of talking with me about a multitude of other things as well. If he can only focus on talking about whether or not we are meeting - then he's too one dimensional!

 

Talk about OTHER THINGS! Let me know a little about yourself. But stop nagging me about meeting.

[Popsicle]

The only men I know who fit the "Shades of Grey" profile are "players"....

 

Ugh, I don't like players, but I wouldn't know what they were because we never got far enough for me to find out. Too much confusion/frustration.

 

Women who are black and white -- instant attraction for me because I do NOT like playing guessing games.

 

This is my experience too.

[CaliGuy]

Yeah I know one: Me.

 

And I totally agree that people should not let their past experiences taint the future experiences.

 

Dear Popsicle -- PM me! LOL. I at least want to start a private conversation with you because, not even knowing you, I do want to KNOW who you are

 

Sorry, but I am forward that way. That is my black/white statement.

[Phoe]

Grr tried to edit my other post but it wouldn't let me.

 

I see now that asking for confirmation isn't the issue, it's sitting back and doing nothing, and then getting mad that is the issue.

[CaliGuy]

Why is a woman confirming a date "gray". If I ask if we are still on for Friday, how is that drama or a guessing game? I'm asking a direct question, expecting a direct answer. Still on? Cool.

 

That's fine. She never asked that question when we talked. NOT ONCE! We talked Weds/Thurs/Friday AM.

 

Do I need to dance, sing and put on a Broadway play to confirm the darn date?

 

If you want an answer, ASK THE DARN QUESTION CLEARLY!!! Don't dance around that Maypole expecting the magic fairy to tell me "Oh, she wants you to confirm the date, even though she hasn't asked you yet..."

[CaliGuy]

Grr tried to edit my other post but it wouldn't let me.

 

I see now that asking for confirmation isn't the issue, it's sitting back and doing nothing, and then getting mad that is the issue.

 

Bingo....

 

blah blah blah because LS won't let me respond with just one word

[Phoe]

Well, I'm gonna back away from this thread now, haha.

[CaliGuy]

Well, I'm gonna back away from this thread now, haha.

 

No worries. I may not have clearly explained my frustration with her, like not including the fact that she didn't ASK me to confirm the date a second time while we talked the days between and then gets MAD at me when it's an hour before the date and says she's not going because "I didn't confirm the date"

 

To me, that is UNNECESSARY DRAMA!

[Popsicle]

Normally I would agree with you but it takes all of about one or two dates for the drama to start. It's the same (and yes, I did look within to see if I was doing something wrong) thing every time.

 

Gray in her questions and answers.

I am clear and direct.

 

For example: If I make a date on Wednesday and say "Let's meet X place at 7pm" and we confirm -- why do I need to confirm again on Thursday and Friday? I am a man of my word. If I say I am going to do something, I do it. If I make plans, I stick to it. I'm on time. I don't play games.

 

Maybe that's it. I don't know how to play the dating game....

 

Okay, this sounds to me like it wasn't so much that she needed to confirm, but that she just wanted to talk/chat/connect/etc. more with you by text/email/phone/FB/whatever before the date. It's like a lead up to the date and it feels good to some women. I even like it but I don't require it. What I DON'T like is when a guy does too much of this before setting a date. I prefer if he sets one up for the next few days quickly, and until then, we can chat/text/email until our hearts content.

[CaliGuy]

Okay, this sounds to me as if she just wanted to talk/chat/connect/etc. more with you by text/email/phone/FB/whatever before the date. It's like a lead up to the date and it feels good to some women. I even like it but I don't require it. What I DON'T like is when a guy does too much of this before setting a date. I prefer if he sets one up for the next few days quickly, and until then, we can chat/text/email until our hearts content.

 

That is exactly what we had been doing. But we're both professionals, working (and she has 2 kids) so I get it. I don't bug em. She's got 2 kids to handle so the last thing I would ever do is ping her when she has something far more important to deal with on a daily basis than me or if I am for SURE going to be on my date (even though she NEVER asked me to confirm).

 

Grey < Black/White

[Popsicle]

That is exactly what we had been doing. But we're both professionals, working (and she has 2 kids) so I get it. I don't bug em. She's got 2 kids to handle so the last thing I would ever do is ping her when she has something far more important to deal with on a daily basis than me or if I am for SURE going to be on my date (even though she NEVER asked me to confirm).

 

Grey < Black/White

 

Well, maybe she wanted you to ping her.

 

Even though you didn't, she still should not have made a stink before even having a date with you.

[BlueIris]

I think I'll get a dog. At least they tend to tell me exactly what they want (Go outside, want to eat, pet me, glad to see you, I ate your shoe, etc).

 

True! My dog has even learned to say "yes" by making a little sneeze (sounds like "sssss.") Dogs rock. No drama. And appreciate the little things.

[CaliGuy]

Well, maybe she wanted you to ping her.

 

Even though you didn't, she still should not have made a stink before even having a date with you.

 

Definitely agree.

 

True! My dog has even learned to say "yes" by making a little sneeze (sounds like "sssss.") Dogs rock. No drama. And appreciate the little things.

 

That settles it. I'm going to get a husky! Beautiful dogs!!! And they can sing

[2sunny]

She depended on you to confirm in order to make the date a go?

 

No way! As soon as she said yes - she should have been lining up a babysitter!

 

It looks like she just used that as an excuse not to go.

 

She sucks!

[CaliGuy]

She depended on you to confirm in order to make the date a go?

 

No way! As soon as she said yes - she should have been lining up a babysitter!

 

It looks like she just used that as an excuse not to go.

 

She sucks!

 

Hey 2Sunny!

 

I don't think that is the issue. I think trust is the issue, as was discussed earlier. She's a divorcee who was cheated on. I get that she has trust issues. But she cannot simply place all men in the same bucket and put us on "trial" without providing an opening statement as to the accusations we're accused of

[2sunny]

While I read your comment I can only keep thinking that she is the one who is untrustworthy.

 

She didn't keep her word.

 

She said she'd go. Then there are steps to take as a single Parent that have to be in place (like getting a babysitter).

 

Then canceling on you shows she isn't good with her word - which ultimately makes HER a liar! But then she dumps it back onto you by saying YOU didn't confirm??? No can do!

 

She didn't make the necessary plans to make sure to go.

 

 

 

But she sucks even MORE by trying to make it YOUR fault!

 

 

Did I mention she sucks? Ahaha

[CaliGuy]

While I read your comment I can only keep thinking that she is the one who is untrustworthy.

 

She didn't keep her word.

 

She said she'd go. Then there are steps to take as a single Parent that have to be in place (like getting a babysitter).

 

Then canceling on you shows she isn't good with her word - which ultimately makes HER a liar! But then she dumps it back onto you by saying YOU didn't confirm??? No can do!

 

She didn't make the necessary plans to make sure to go.

 

 

 

But she sucks even MORE by trying to make it YOUR fault!

 

 

Did I mention she sucks? Ahaha

 

Clearly! LOL.

 

Look, I consider myself a very intelligent guy (high IQ type). I'm an intellectual. I do not "wonder" about things -- I think them through. When asked a question the first time my first response is "Don't ask a question you do not want a straight answer to". In other words, I am blunt. Probably brutal sometimes. This is where I am so very black and white. I never leave someone "guessing" as to what I think. If you want to guess, don't ask me questions lol.

 

With her, she wanted ME to guess the answer to questions she didn't ask me. That's not how ol' CaliGuy works.

 

I'm logical.

Up front.

Direct.

To the point.

Clear and Concise.

 

BLACK/WHITE!

 

Don't leave my head in the clouds where I have to constantly ask you questions while you dance around a clear answer. Just give me the d*mn answer

[2sunny]

Her passive aggressive style wouldn't work for me either.

 

When it's necessary to say "it's a yes or no answer" - that's when I understand it's not worth it for me - to try to CHASE their truth.

 

 

Someone who is that inadequate at clear communication is just an attention whore or a true time waster; or both.

 

If I ask a question and the other person doesn't answer clearly with a firm yes or no - I may as well bow out.

 

It's always to avoid truth. It's designed to manipulate.

 

Not qualities I look for in any person I intend to spend time with.

 

They can go be time/energy wasters with someone who doesn't mind lies and manipulation.

[Woggle]

I live in SOCAL and I have a drama free marriage. Then again we are both from the NJ but living here hasn't created drama.

[CaliGuy]

Her passive aggressive style wouldn't work for me either.

 

When it's necessary to say "it's a yes or no answer" - that's when I understand it's not worth it for me - to try to CHASE their truth.

 

Someone who is that inadequate at clear communication is just an attention whore or a true time waster; or both.

 

If I ask a question and the other person doesn't answer clearly with a firm yes or no - I may as well bow out.

 

It's always to avoid truth. It's designed to manipulate.

 

Not qualities I look for in any person I intend to spend time with.

 

They can go be time/energy wasters with someone who doesn't mind lies and manipulation.

 

Lies and manipulation are total turn offs!!! There's an old Ratt song called "Lack of communication, lack of..." and I find that on every single date I've been on. I'm not joking.

 

I live in SOCAL and I have a drama free marriage. Then again we are both from the NJ but living here hasn't created drama.

 

That's because you're not natives

[Woggle]

Lies and manipulation are total turn offs!!! There's an old Ratt song called "Lack of communication, lack of..." and I find that on every single date I've been on. I'm not joking.

 

 

 

That's because you're not natives

 

Technically my wife is. She went to Princeton University and never left Jersey until recently but she was raised in California. I am a NYC native myself.

[CaliGuy]

Technically my wife is. She went to Princeton University and never left Jersey until recently but she was raised in California. I am a NYC native myself.

 

Maybe some of your down to earth personality migrated over to her as well? I think NORCAL people are more down to earth than SOCAL.

 

Remember, SOCAL is full of Hollywood-wanna-bes and the people in OC, well they'll step on your mother to make a few extra dollars.....

[Woggle]

Maybe some of your down to earth personality migrated over to her as well? I think NORCAL people are more down to earth than SOCAL.

 

Remember, SOCAL is full of Hollywood-wanna-bes and the people in OC, well they'll step on your mother to make a few extra dollars.....

 

We are in Santa Monica and I actually like most of the people I meet. You can find those same kinds of people on the east coast and especially modern New York.

 

She always was a down to earth person who hates drama as much as most guys do.

[CaliGuy]

We are in Santa Monica and I actually like most of the people I meet. You can find those same kinds of people on the east coast and especially modern New York.

 

She always was a down to earth person who hates drama as much as most guys do.

 

Ah then there you go. Of course I have been generalizing, but I can only speak on what I have run into. You're in a sane, steady marriage.

 

When you're single, you find a TON of lemons!

[CaliGuy]

lol. i treat girls well and don't demand sex but girls assume it's a ploy to get sex.

 

Well they assume it, and rightly should. I assume at some point we will. Not on the first date or anything but I'm a man. I think about sex every 3 seconds or so....