I've been dreaming about him almost every night this past week.

[Sunbathe]

I've been having a hard time coping lately unfortunately. He's been in my dreams very frequently lately, probably reflecting the fact that he's been on my conscious mind more often as well. It's been nearly 5 months since the breakup and I'm suddenly feeling a strong urge to reach out and contact him. You have no idea how tempted I am to text an "I miss you".

 

I don't know what it is about the last couple of weeks that have me feeling this way. I have a lot going on between school, work, and volunteering and I feel a little overwhelmed by everything. But staying busy is not keeping him off of my mind at all.

 

I had been talking to a coworker for a while, and we spent time together maybe once every 1.5 weeks, but he just ended our friendship last night. He was looking for a romantic relationship but there were a few things that stopped me from going in that direction with him. Super attracted to him, but his personality just wasn't quite a match. A few red flags for the long term also. Kind of bummed about losing someone whom I talked to daily, but not that broken up about it.

 

That just proves to me though that the fact that I'm missing my ex so much isn't due to the fact that I just miss having somebody there. If I just missed having somebody I could easily be with the guy mentioned above. I miss my ex because of who he is down to his soul. I love his values and depth and perspective, and I don't think anyone else will ever quite measure up.

 

Isn't it supposed to be getting easier by now? Isn't my love for him supposed to be fading? Isn't the longing supposed to be dissipating? I feel like I've taken a few steps back these past couple of weeks.

[Dontfindme]

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear about the setbacks, but they happen. There is no linear timeline of when you're supposed to be over him. Feelings come in waves.

 

I recently got dumped, and for the most part I have been okay, but last week I randomly started missing my ex before my most recent one. It was weird, and it has been years! But it happens, and I let myself feel what I needed to feel and told myself that I decided to move on- so there's no turning back.

 

You should do the same. It sounds like you have been doing quite a few things to distract, and better yourself. Please continue with those. And don't text him. You'll regret it when these feelings start to dissipate- and trust me, they will.

 

Also- sorry to hear that you lost the companionship of the coworker, I'm assuming that played a role in these setbacks. I'd suggest finding another new activity to immerse yourself in to fill that (temporary) void.

[Sunbathe]

Thanks for your support. I guess a lot of factors are coming into play here, and the loss of my coworker's friendship is definitely one of them. Also, I go to the same uni as my ex so I'm constantly on edge about running into him. I already ran into his younger brother. Not to mention we have the same group of friends, so I hear his name pretty frequently as well as see pictures of him. It's unavoidable.

 

And I've recently been questioning my choice in a career path. Volunteering has me questioning whether or not what I thought I wanted to do is what I actually want to do. So my future seems pretty uncertain right now and that is terrifying to go through all alone.

[Sunbathe]

Guess who I ran into in the hallway today... First time seeing him since the breakup in May. I was busy talking to a couple of classmates so we didn't talk, just kind of awkwardly smiled at each other. Definitely reeling from it.

[Sunbathe]

I've been having a particularly tough last few days. Been feeling really down about myself and missing my ex. I was the closest I have been yet to texting him and telling him I miss him. Literally about to pick up my phone and send the text... when I saw one of my assignments for a psychology class. It was to write a love letter to yourself. This pick me up was definitely needed today, and it was the sole thing that stopped me from sending the text. I'm thankful for the timing of it. Still, I don't know how long it's going to hold me over. I've been going through cycles lately where I feel okay for a week, and then I'm feeling really sad again the following week. In general I feel like I'm on a downward trend. Seriously considering seeking out free counseling services at my school. I don't think I should still be feeling this way nearly half a year out of the relationship. (holy crap, has it really been half a year already?! just typing that out makes my heart hurt)

[Jewels7]

You are in the same boat as me right now. It has been almost 6 months for me and I have dreamed about him every night for the last three days. I also keep hearing songs that make me miss him so much. In my case though I think I'm romanticizing because I'm far enough out that I'm forgetting how terrible he made me feel while we were together. So hugs to you. This must be normal since we are both feeling it. The urges to break NC have been bad for me too the last week!

[Sunbathe]

You are in the same boat as me right now. It has been almost 6 months for me and I have dreamed about him every night for the last three days. I also keep hearing songs that make me miss him so much. In my case though I think I'm romanticizing because I'm far enough out that I'm forgetting how terrible he made me feel while we were together. So hugs to you. This must be normal since we are both feeling it. The urges to break NC have been bad for me too the last week!

 

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling as well! *hugs* I think it's pretty common to romanticize the relationship post breakup. Realistically I know I'm doing the same. My ex used to be a great guy, but he was a pretty crappy boyfriend the last year and a half we were together. But despite trying to focus on this, I just remember the parts I loved (and still love) about him.

 

Anyways, hope you're feeling a little better as this week comes to a close

[Sunbathe]

I have my good days once in a while where I feel good about myself, but overall I have still been having a really tough time. Between having a really difficult semester academically, volunteering, maintaining an apartment with irresponsible roommates, and working 30 hours per week (although most of the hours are during fri-sun) I feel like I don't have much time to socialize and even to do things that I enjoy doing alone such as reading and painting. Not to mention nearly all of my friends live back home, and we all attend different colleges so we don't see much of each other during the school year. I'm in some kind of a rut I guess. I'm burnt out and I can feel my mood and self confidence declining.

 

I still think about my ex every single day, multiple times a day. I've been bad and have checked up on him on twitter multiple times. Only to find out that he has been spending time with an 18 year old (she's absolutely gorgeous) who loves to tweet about how high and drunk she gets. Posts pictures of herself smoking. When we were together he always said that he loved how I'm not one of those typical party girls who likes to advertise how high/drunk they are to the entire world. Funny how things change.

 

Multiple guys have shown interest in me but I just can't find myself interested in any of them. This scares me. Looking back, this has always been the case for me. I don't know if I'm just way too picky or what, but I just don't really feel interest in guys like most girls do. In high school I had a lot of guys after me, but I turned every single one of them down. Until I met my now ex. Even with my ex, I was kind of reluctant to date him at first. It wasn't until I just said "f it, I'll just get some practice with dating before college" and we went out a few times that I started to develop feelings for him. And even then, after we shared our first kiss, it just felt very weird to me. It got better after that, obviously, since we spent 4 years together and I grew to be very much in love and attached to him. But yeah... I just feel like there's seriously something wrong with me. Why don't I attach very easily? I know that I greatly desire a close, loving relationship, but obviously I can't get there without being interested in a guy first.

 

I feel like a mess.

[Arient]

I have my good days once in a while where I feel good about myself, but overall I have still been having a really tough time. Between having a really difficult semester academically, volunteering, maintaining an apartment with irresponsible roommates, and working 30 hours per week (although most of the hours are during fri-sun) I feel like I don't have much time to socialize and even to do things that I enjoy doing alone such as reading and painting. Not to mention nearly all of my friends live back home, and we all attend different colleges so we don't see much of each other during the school year. I'm in some kind of a rut I guess. I'm burnt out and I can feel my mood and self confidence declining.

 

I still think about my ex every single day, multiple times a day. I've been bad and have checked up on him on twitter multiple times. Only to find out that he has been spending time with an 18 year old (she's absolutely gorgeous) who loves to tweet about how high and drunk she gets. Posts pictures of herself smoking. When we were together he always said that he loved how I'm not one of those typical party girls who likes to advertise how high/drunk they are to the entire world. Funny how things change.

 

Multiple guys have shown interest in me but I just can't find myself interested in any of them. This scares me. Looking back, this has always been the case for me. I don't know if I'm just way too picky or what, but I just don't really feel interest in guys like most girls do. In high school I had a lot of guys after me, but I turned every single one of them down. Until I met my now ex. Even with my ex, I was kind of reluctant to date him at first. It wasn't until I just said "f it, I'll just get some practice with dating before college" and we went out a few times that I started to develop feelings for him. And even then, after we shared our first kiss, it just felt very weird to me. It got better after that, obviously, since we spent 4 years together and I grew to be very much in love and attached to him. But yeah... I just feel like there's seriously something wrong with me. Why don't I attach very easily? I know that I greatly desire a close, loving relationship, but obviously I can't get there without being interested in a guy first.

 

I feel like a mess.

 

Hi Sunbathe, do not worry, I think I experienced it here and then too If you feel that you are burnt out, maybe you should think of some possible ways to slow things down, to make peace with yourself more. I think it's very important.Because I used to feel completely collapsed inside while I tried to do so many things to cover/fill up my feelings inside.

 

About your ex, just try to fight the urge to contact, check up on him. A text back and forth might give you comfort for a very short time, and after that, you would have to deal with the reality and feelings of despair again. Don't go there. Just don't care if he's still seeing this and that chick, etc, it's his life now and you're not in it anymore So focus on yours instead.

 

About being picky with guys, it's totally normal too I guess I'm on the same boat with you. But I realize that, for being picky and serious in relationships, when I found the ones I want, it felt extremely great And heck, guys are picky too. Just find the ones matching with you.

 

Hugs!!!! We will all be fine!

[Sunbathe]

Hi Sunbathe, do not worry, I think I experienced it here and then too If you feel that you are burnt out, maybe you should think of some possible ways to slow things down, to make peace with yourself more. I think it's very important.Because I used to feel completely collapsed inside while I tried to do so many things to cover/fill up my feelings inside.

 

About your ex, just try to fight the urge to contact, check up on him. A text back and forth might give you comfort for a very short time, and after that, you would have to deal with the reality and feelings of despair again. Don't go there. Just don't care if he's still seeing this and that chick, etc, it's his life now and you're not in it anymore So focus on yours instead.

 

About being picky with guys, it's totally normal too I guess I'm on the same boat with you. But I realize that, for being picky and serious in relationships, when I found the ones I want, it felt extremely great And heck, guys are picky too. Just find the ones matching with you.

 

Hugs!!!! We will all be fine!

 

Thanks for reading

 

Things should start winding down soon with the end of fall semester. I have almost all of January off where I can just focus on working, applying to grad school, and having a little time to myself and with friends. But come the end of January things will pick up again with spring semester, as I have 4 classes and an internship. I'm going to try to cut back my hours at work though. And I really want to start going to the gym and getting into the habit of exercising!

 

You're definitely right in that I need to just fight the urge to check up on him. It's hard though because sometimes I unintentionally see something due to our many mutual contacts. But while I can't control that, I can control intentionally checking his Twitter.

 

Thanks for the reassurance about being too picky! Glad to hear I'm not the only one

[sadsoymilk]

Sunbathe, your description of how you are picky really resonated with me! I have only had 2 relationships, one in high school that lasted on and off for a few years and this most recent one (about 5 months?). Even when guys like me, I just can't find myself interested, no matter how cute/interesting/serious they are! My last relationship was the same as yours, I basically thought, "why not, let's give it a try" and it ended up being the emotional roller coaster that I'm on now..

 

But just because it's hard for us to have a connection right away with people doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us. I know that I feel weird about myself knowing that all of my friends have been in many many more relationships than me, but seeing them go through the dating and breakup process over and over and comparing it to the few experiences that I've had, I find that there's nothing wrong at all with being selective. Besides, when someone comes along who is meant to be, maybe we'll have that attraction right away, who knows? So don't feel alone!