I asked a girl out. She doesn't want to get drinks, so do I offer coffee or dinner?

[DarkNoel]

I met a girl at a party and asked her out for drinks (since that is what young people do these days). She said "sure, it sounds like fun." Later on, as I was planning for the date, she said she did not want to go to a place that serves alcohol. My thinking is that she wants a sober date (and doesn't want anything crazy happening), and I see nothing wrong with that.

 

So what should I say in response? Ask her to coffee? Ask her to dinner?

 

I normally ask first dates out to coffee or drinks, since there is less pressure and there is an opportunity to bail after an hour. But since I have actually met this girl before and talked for a few minutes, I'm leaning towards dinner. I personally think it's harder to get excited about meeting someone for coffee (esp. on a Friday night) and it might get mistaken for a hang out. Coffee also seems a little cheap, and may show that I'm not too serious about her. But is dinner too much pressure for a first date?

 

Any advice? Thanks.

Edited September 27, 2014 by DarkNoel

[Gaeta]

I personally never accept a dinner invitation for a first date. It's not really a date anyway, it's a first meet and you don't know if you'll want to see that person again. I also prefer an environment where there is no table between him and I. I find restaurant very impersonal for dates.

 

I personally like heading to a park. You are free to move and really see the personality of your date. You can combine that with ice cream, coffee shop or a cake place.

 

I had a 2nd date a couple of nights ago, we headed to a park that has trails along a seaway, it was great, lots to see, lots of conversation starters, lots of laughs, etc.

[d0nnivain]

Coffee would be OK but get creative about where. Not a well lit place but maybe a coffee house with softer lighting.

 

Depending on the time of day, getting ice cream could be a possibility.

 

I wouldn't jump all the way to a fancy expensive dinner a slice of pizza might work.

 

You could also try an active date like miniature golf.

[Phoe]

Fancy dinner is overboard for a first date.

 

I agree with an above comment that said coffee is fine, but choose a good shop. My first date with my boyfriend was a lil mom and pop type coffee shop with big squishy chairs, a fireplace, soft lighting.

[organizedchaos]

Coffee would be OK but get creative about where. Not a well lit place but maybe a coffee house with softer lighting.

 

Depending on the time of day, getting ice cream could be a possibility.

 

I wouldn't jump all the way to a fancy expensive dinner a slice of pizza might work.

 

You could also try an active date like miniature golf.

 

Yes, coffee date can work for first date, but not at a Starbucks. Find some little local place with couches, books, interesting crowd. Things that can spark conversation.

[CarrieT]

How about a place that has a Tea Service with scones? It will be quiet, intimate, and will definitely make points with a girl...

[StanMusial]

I met a girl at a party and asked her out for drinks (since that is what young people do these days). She said "sure, it sounds like fun." Later on, as I was planning for the date, she said she did not want to go to a place that serves alcohol. My thinking is that she wants a sober date (and doesn't want anything crazy happening), and I see nothing wrong with that.

 

So what should I say in response? Ask her to coffee? Ask her to dinner?

 

I normally ask first dates out to coffee or drinks, since there is less pressure and there is an opportunity to bail after an hour. But since I have actually met this girl before and talked for a few minutes, I'm leaning towards dinner. I personally think it's harder to get excited about meeting someone for coffee (esp. on a Friday night) and it might get mistaken for a hang out. Coffee also seems a little cheap, and may show that I'm not too serious about her. But is dinner too much pressure for a first date?

 

Any advice? Thanks.

 

Are you certain that you have her locked in for Friday night? Coffee shops are not my thing, but I have been in a few LOL. It was never on a Friday night though, that's for damn sure.

 

Was she drinking at the party? I don't want to rain on the parade but I am wondering really what her level of interest is here.

[fortyninethousand322]

Ask her to go to the batting cages in honor of the baseball playoffs. Try to see if either one of you guys could hit a 90 mph fastball.

 

That should be fun.

[Phoe]

Ask her to go to the batting cages in honor of the baseball playoffs. Try to see if either one of you guys could hit a 90 mph fastball.

 

That should be fun.

 

If she's into baseball, this would actually be an awesome date.

[FitChick]

Go bowling.

 

Play tennis.

 

Go ziplining.

 

Go to a shooting range. She might get turned on firing a gun.

 

Check out local events. Once when I was in London, I had a date with a guy and we went to a dog show. I had no plans to get a dog and he already had one, but we had fun looking at all the new breeds and talking to the breeders.

[GemmaUK]

Coffee when you already know her and for a Friday night is lame.

 

I would go for dinner.

But figure out who is paying what beforehand to save all the who pays grief.

 

Or maybe she might like bowling? Personally I hate bowling but some folk like it.

[FitChick]

Ferris wheel or roller coaster.. It would give her an excuse to pretend she was scared and grab onto you.

[Assasda]

Ask her something like "Why no alcohol?"

I'd then suggest something like a sports bar.

 

I'd have no problem if it seemed as a hang out, because youre trying to get to know her.

 

Anyway OP I agree with most of your comments, so follow your guy and and that. DOnt think you can go wrong, if a woman wants to go out, she will and it doesnt matter where

[Els]

If you're young, coffee or dessert sounds fine, though it does sound like an odd thing to be doing for Friday night.

[Noproblem]

going to a cafe is your best bet

 

Dinner is a lot of pressure for the first date!

 

You can never go wrong with a nice cafe

 

but restaurants .. Oh no!

[Diezel]

If you ask her out for drinks, but she doesn't like your idea, it is up to her to come up with a counter offer. If she can't do at least that much, I would move on. She just isn't all that interested.

 

Bingo.

 

I was looking to see if someone responded something similar.

I don't like the venue change specially after her "initial" acceptance. She is dictating the pace. That doesn't fly with me. Or she just isn't as interested anymore.

[ktya]

I met a girl at a party and asked her out for drinks (since that is what young people do these days). She said "sure, it sounds like fun." Later on, as I was planning for the date, she said she did not want to go to a place that serves alcohol. My thinking is that she wants a sober date (and doesn't want anything crazy happening), and I see nothing wrong with that.

 

So what should I say in response? Ask her to coffee? Ask her to dinner?

 

I normally ask first dates out to coffee or drinks, since there is less pressure and there is an opportunity to bail after an hour. But since I have actually met this girl before and talked for a few minutes, I'm leaning towards dinner. I personally think it's harder to get excited about meeting someone for coffee (esp. on a Friday night) and it might get mistaken for a hang out. Coffee also seems a little cheap, and may show that I'm not too serious about her. But is dinner too much pressure for a first date?

 

Any advice? Thanks.

 

Odd she doesn't want to go to a place that serves alcohol.

 

I'd skip the coffee date, some dudes can work magic with those dates but IMO they turn into lame job interviews that dont really go anywhere. I've had a girl actually ask me out to dinner after a coffee date and pick the date and time, then bail when the rubber hit the road and I was going to make the reservations.

 

Take her to a tapa bar where the food is more focal than the drinking. Then order a drink yourself. Just because she doesn't want to have a drink doesn't mean that you can't.

[mightycpa]

Odd she doesn't want to go to a place that serves alcohol....Then order a drink yourself. Just because she doesn't want to have a drink doesn't mean that you can't.

 

And don't forget to ask her WHY she didn't want to go to a place that serves drinks. It may be no big deal, or she might have some problems you'd rather not get involved with. Now's the time ask.

[oberkeat]

And don't forget to ask her WHY she didn't want to go to a place that serves drinks. It may be no big deal, or she might have some problems you'd rather not get involved with. Now's the time ask.

 

Bad advice. No need to grill her on why she doesn't want to drink. She said no, and that should be enough.

[MissBee]

I personally never accept a dinner invitation for a first date. It's not really a date anyway, it's a first meet and you don't know if you'll want to see that person again. I also prefer an environment where there is no table between him and I. I find restaurant very impersonal for dates.

 

I personally like heading to a park. You are free to move and really see the personality of your date. You can combine that with ice cream, coffee shop or a cake place.

 

I had a 2nd date a couple of nights ago, we headed to a park that has trails along a seaway, it was great, lots to see, lots of conversation starters, lots of laughs, etc.

 

He met her at a party....so it's not a first meet. With online I sort of understand but if you've already met in person and know each other face to face I don't see why you should consider your first date a "first meet."

 

I wouldn't suggest coffee OP. I think you can suggest dinner, although most restaurants do have alcohol, or ask if she wants to get ice-cream or dessert.

[mightycpa]

Bad advice. No need to grill her on why she doesn't want to drink. She said no, and that should be enough.

 

THAT is bad advice. No need to grill, but never be afraid to ask people about themselves, that is, if you want to get to know them.

 

For example, she may be an alcoholic and the biggest accomplishment of her day is not taking a drink. You would want to know that.

 

She may be a Jehovah's Witness, and you're Catholic. You'd want to know that.

 

Maybe she's way underage. You bet you'd want to know about that.

 

She might want to have a nice conversation with you without any chance of either of you being influenced by alcohol, to see who you are without it. That's nice. I'd want to know that about somebody. You don't have to be judgmental about it unless it matters to you. That's pretty much true of anything you might want to know.

 

Never be afraid to ask why, especially with people you don't know, but would like to know. If they are reluctant to tell you things, you'll want to know about that too.

Edited September 28, 2014 by mightycpa

[FitChick]

I don't drink beyond having a sip of my date's drink if it's something I'd never tried before. I've never liked the taste of alcohol. Reminds me of the cheap cough syrup I had to take as a child. It also irritates my stomach. Besides, most men are quite happy for me to be the designated driver so they can enjoy an extra drink.

 

Sadly, many people can't loosen up and enjoy themselves without having alcohol.

[Diezel]

I met a girl at a party and asked her out for drinks (since that is what young people do these days). She said "sure, it sounds like fun." Later on, as I was planning for the date, she said she did not want to go to a place that serves alcohol.

 

Some of you REALLY need some reading comprehension classes.

 

She said YES to drinks first and then CHANGED it.

That's a whole different situation.