Grevensteiner Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 For the past month I've been meeting with one girl like 2 times a week. We kiss on each date, some hotter actions, she cuddles a lot, and seems really attached to me. No sex though. I'm 21, she's 19. But there's one problem here which bothers me a little - she doesn't know what she wants, and doesn't actually like relationships. Why? Because she doesn't like the idea of being controlled, cause she had bad relationship experience - toxic relation in which her bf was beating her (it ended half year ago). I could understand that, but she keeps having fun and meeting other guys...actually one guy. She says he's not important for her, she wasn't sleeping with him but they've been kissing, so...She just keeps having fun, goes clubbing with her friends from time to time, and tries not to develop deeper feelings for me (and I keep trying to make her fail). Still, when I ask her about the relationship, she says she herself doesn't know what she wants. And that is really ****ed up, if you mix all of this with her being also a great friend after all. What should I do in this situation? Keep pressuring her for a relationship and hope for the success? Keep meeting with her as a friend, get something more from time to time, and not caring what she does with other guys? That one actually sucks. Or go no contact, stop chasing her, loose the hope and a friend?
waiting4u Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Sorry to say this, but she's probably seeing someone else that she's more serious about. I recognize the situation - I've been that girl (unfortunately).
reliablewolf Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Every relationship is about compatibility, and you two just aren't compatible. She wants to be with other men - if that doesn't work for you unfortunately you're going to have to go no contact for a while (which will hurt) and move on. Maybe you can be friends later down the line when the feelings are flushed out, and enough time has passed, but for now, try and move on and date others.
GemmaUK Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 She isn't for you. She isn't into anything major with anybody just now. Much less someone who would like to stick her paws to the wall and want/need commitment quick. It's not the right time for her. Leave her be and find someone who wants commitment if that is what you are looking for.
Author Grevensteiner Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Thanks for the quick response! To clarify a bit, I'm 100% sure she's doesn't meet with any guy that she's serious about. She wants to have fun, and on the other hand thinks about having a relationship with me. And yeah, I know it's pointless, it's just that ****in false hope...I'll just try one more time, maybe after a couple of days, and see what comes out of it, if nothing then I'm having a couple of quite painful days Oh, and we are "compatible", and that's what she's afraid of, unfortunately.
CharlieFox Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Oh, and we are "compatible", and that's what she's afraid of, unfortunately. Can you elaborate on that?
Author Grevensteiner Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 She kind of prefers to remain single, doesn't like to be controlled, and now starts feeling something deeper for me, she's afraid of that and afraid of that she might actually want some commitment. At least that's what she told me, what her best friend told me, and that's my understanding of this situation...might also be an illusion of course.
Diezel Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 She wants to be single for some other guy she might like better. Don't take her seriously and keep her as a FWB. Don't get emotionally attached. If she ever comes to you, it's because in her mind, she is "settling". Go date other women instead. 1
Gloria25 Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Well, IMO, in your age group girls are gonna be flighty and flakey... And, I do not condone her or any person holding on to you cuz they wanna shop around and have you as home base, but you both are at the age where IMO, you shouldn't take dating so seriously.... I'm not saying sleep around, but go out, meet chicks, have a good time...Cuz, you are probably not gonna be the same person in your mid or late 20's, and by then - when you're ready to settle down and got college and/or establishing a career and your own stuff - you'll be ready to make an informed decision on a longterm mate cuz you already met enough chicks to know what you want.
Assasda Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 She doesnt want to be controlled, and youre trying to control her. - So nothing good can come of this. What you do, is you stop being her lap dog and you see other women. If you still want to kiss her, next time when you kiss her tell her "I dont kiss girls that kiss other guys", make sure she understands that. If she says she want to kiss other guys tell her "Well, we just wont be kissing then" - Stay friends basically And, again, see other women
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