rioscent Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I recently moved to another state due to my job posting and started a LDR with my bf. The distance have been excruciating for me since we our rship is still very new. In this new strange place, I received a lot of help and guidance from a good friend who happens to be single. He has given me a lot of reassurance and keeping me company. Basically, he made my move so much easier. But since we have been spending so much time together, my feelings wavered. I know that this is all due to circumstances and because my SO is not here physically to comfort me. I want my LDR to work and I need to do something before I actually give in to temptations! As confused as I am, I know that I love my bf very much and I can't imagine hurting him. On the other hand, I enjoy the company with my good friend very much and being selfish, I really can't stop going out with him. I know that he shares the same feeling as well but knowing I am already attached, he never makes any move on me. We just basically go on *dates* and enjoy each others company. I always feel guilty at the end of the day. I even hid the fact that I went out with him from my bf. I kept lying to him. I need to stop! Can someone tell me how????? Cutting off contact with my friend would seem really rude since he has been of great help to me. I don't want to make him feel bad either. Please let me know what I should do............
CarrieT Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I always feel guilty at the end of the day. I even hid the fact that I went out with him from my bf. I kept lying to him. I need to stop! Can someone tell me how????? Cutting off contact with my friend would seem really rude since he has been of great help to me. I don't want to make him feel bad either. Please let me know what I should do............ You have already started the deception towards a man who is not in your life full-time which is a slippery slope towards cheating. You already ARE cheating. You said your relationship with your BF is new. Just call it off now. People who are capable of LDR do so because they are 100% committed towards building a life together. The fact that you are so easily swayed towards the temptations is a sign that you aren't there yet and shouldn't be with your BF. Either that, or move back to pursue the relationship with your BF. Personally, I would just end it with your BF - sounds like you aren't all in with that relationship anyway. 1
HeavenOrHell Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I would end your LDR, it doesn't sound like you're bonded to him. You're going to end up cheating, like Carrie said you already are cheating in a way as you're not being truthful to your partner, let him go, so he can meet someone else as well. Temptation to be with someone else never entered my head during my 4 year LDR, as my r/ship with him was my priority, no matter how much I missed him or felt lonely at times. I was missing him, lonely for *him* and being with someone else was not the answer. I wasn't open to being with anyone else as my heart was with him. 2
justwhoiam Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 But since we have been spending so much time together, my feelings wavered. I know that this is all due to circumstances and because my SO is not here physically to comfort me. Maybe, but I doubt it. I guess you could go out with a male friend every day and it wouldn't be a big deal, were you not interested in him. Which means... you didn't friendzone this guy. There must be some sexual attraction, and it's just that you are trying to keep yourself in check for the moment. he never makes any move on me He, in turn, might not be interested in you or just sticking around in hope you might break up with your LD boyfriend. After all, there's a 50% chance you'll be single. I know that I love my bf very much That is not enough to feel safe from temptations. You need to be deeply in love with him. And I guess you're not. I enjoy the company with my good friend very much If there's sexual tension (and I sense there is in your case), I would stop going out with him, at least for a while. If then you think of him all the time, miss him a lot, etc., well you know what that all means. We just basically go on *dates* and enjoy each others company. I think there's a difference between going on dates/dating and casually hanging out together. So, what are you doing exactly? Going out on dates or hanging out casually with a friend? A stroll at the mall Saturday afternoon is not like a dinner for two on Saturday night........ And do you always split anything? I always feel guilty at the end of the day. Well, it seems that you are dating another guy. That's why. I kept lying to him. I need to stop! Can someone tell me how????? You can go on seeing this guy and tell your boyfriend. Or keep lying, or stop seeing this guy. It's up to you. As I said, I think you should slow down and see what you really think of this guy, besides feeling like jumping on him. After you've assessed that, you decide. BUT if you want to go your way, aka tell your boyfriend, you can simply tell him that you've met this guy, he's been very nice to you and helpful and you are seeing him in your spare time now and then. After that, if he happens to call or text you when you're with him, you tell your bf. Cutting off contact with my friend would seem really rude You don't need to cut him off. When he asks you out, you say you have other plans already. If he asks you out for the next week, you kindly say you're booked. So that you don't meet him more than twice a month in your spare time. like Carrie said you already are cheating I'd argue you've not cheated on your boyfriend. It looks like you cheated your boyfriend.
HeavenOrHell Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I'd argue you've not cheated on your boyfriend. It looks like you cheated your boyfriend. Well not cheated on him exactly, but she said she has been lying to him which is a form of cheating >I always feel guilty at the end of the day. I even hid the fact that I went out with him from my bf. I kept lying to him. I need to stop! <
HeavenOrHell Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I think you care more about your friend than your bf or you'd stop seeing this friend, and also wouldn't be developing feelings for him in the first place if you cared more about your bf than him, it's not your fault but I just think end it with your bf before you go too far with this friend.
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