travelbug1996 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 If he's not impotent he's probably just discouraged and doesn't want another failed relationship.
thefooloftheyear Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 One of my oldest friends is in his mid 30's and has totally given up on women. He's not gay, he just doesn't think they are worth all the trouble. Last time I talked to him about it he just mentioned everyone we know who has gotten a divorce, the women that have left him or tried to change him, and other things like that. I couldn't imagine just giving up women though. 30's is a bit early...he must have really been kicked in the balls... But fast forward 20-25 years...then its not so crazy....At that point more of life is behind you than ahead..You grow cynical and begin to pick your battles... I will agree with you that I am not ready to put up a white flag there, but I can say that as I approach 50, there are definitely things that 20- 25 years ago I would have gone to war for and now I just dont give a shyt... TFY
FitChick Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Havent you been saying for some time that you are seeking a committed relationship and marriage? I think you are making my point? Apologies if I am wrong... FY Yes, you are wrong. Most women who have been married/widowed are like the women in the article which you clearly didn't read. I've never been married so still have fantasies of married life Because of the older, unhealthy men like in the OP's story, who have lost their lust for life, I date younger men.
jay1983 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 30's is a bit early...he must have really been kicked in the balls... But fast forward 20-25 years...then its not so crazy....At that point more of life is behind you than ahead..You grow cynical and begin to pick your battles... I will agree with you that I am not ready to put up a white flag there, but I can say that as I approach 50, there are definitely things that 20- 25 years ago I would have gone to war for and now I just dont give a shyt... TFY I'm already there at 31. I don't pursue, get attached or care if the girl I recently met sticks around. I got to this point just months ago, it got to be to too much of a rat race. I just grew tired and started doing what I wanna do. 2
gaius Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I dont think you get it.... Ill make an assumption here, just based on your posts...Forgive me if I am incorrect... You've never been close to being married, dont have a very stressful life/career, have no kids, likely havent had a ton of sexual experience, either...So all of this still might be "fresh"....Therefore, sure, to think of life without is just incomprehensible..Not demeaning you and if I am wrong, apologes in advance.. I know some of these guys very well...Its not even really the sex...They are grizzled veterans with women and life..They may still want it, but not enough to turn their lives upside down(divorce), or play games with a bunch of menopausal women that think they are 25 years old..Its become kind of passe...from what I have seen...They just seem A-OK with not getting in the game anymore... If you notice many of the advertisements for ED pills, there is this underlying message that you better do this to keep peace in your life and make your wife/SO happy...Maybe I am reading it wrong..but I dunno.. Like stated, I am not in that group.....but I have witnessed it first hand...These guys aint queer...not by a long shot.. TFY Did you even read ircs post? About the guy who's so out of it he won't even ask a woman out on a date? Maybe you did and you can relate but that level of aversion is not a normal thing for a guy, of any age. Sorry if you're offended but it's true. I'd honestly be very surprised if you have more stress than I do tfy. And I know what I'm talking about because I've headed up a small company before. But it's never wore me down to the point I didn't want the company of a woman. And there are plenty of successful guys way older than me with failed marriages and bad experiences who still want to bang their brains out. That aren't satisfied dealing with just tailpipes and their kids all day. You've got an odd little clique going there.
thefooloftheyear Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Did you even read ircs post? About the guy who's so out of it he won't even ask a woman out on a date? Maybe you did and you can relate but that level of aversion is not a normal thing for a guy, of any age. Sorry if you're offended but it's true. I'd honestly be very surprised if you have more stress than I do tfy. And I know what I'm talking about because I've headed up a small company before. But it's never wore me down to the point I didn't want the company of a woman. And there are plenty of successful guys way older than me with failed marriages and bad experiences who still want to bang their brains out. That aren't satisfied dealing with just tailpipes and their kids all day. You've got an odd little clique going there. You missed my point... This is not about me...Im not even dating..I have said numerous times that I am not feeling what they are..not one bit.....But there is no doubt I have heard it and seen it. ..Its real.. And sure, as I previously stated, they may want to "bang someone's brains out", but they dont want all the other parts of the relationship....Or if they do, it needs to be very much low drama.. Again, for those that have never had klds, never been married, dont have a lot of experience....blah blah, all one can do is stand back and make assumptions...If you have lived that life and have all those scars, then it can change your perspective entirely... Point is its not ":aversion" as you are calling it...Its more like "apathy"...And the realization that if you are married and miserable there is no longer a point in making huge life changes just for tthe possibility that your sex life will get better.....and if you arent married, then maybe having to go through the necessary dog and pony show and putting up with all the drama and baggage isnt as much fun as it once was... TFY
Mysterio Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 I am like this Now. There are really only 6 women a man can be with. The same can be applied for women with Men being the Good guy/Bad Boy. The Good Girl/Bad Girl that you are attracted to, but they are not attracted to you. The GG/BG where there is mutual attraction. The GG/BG where they are attracted to you but you don't feel the same way to them. Each Man/Woman just have to define who they are with when a romantic prospect comes along. Or Go out there and date up a storm and see what comes out. I say its easier if you are more colder and less emotionally warm. For me. I can't just go out there and date a lot of women, because its too draining for me. I really want the One. So to speak. Unless that woman is a good girl that is into me romantically. Whats the point. I don't feel like I need a GF for the sake of having one. For me personally. I would rather be single than attached and not really feeling it. I see the couple that make it, have a strong bond with each other. The ones that don't make it. Another thing I have also noticed with me is this. You get to a stage where you can see what works and what does not in your life. All the women that are attracted to me romantically. Will just come to me and say it. Its really not about me being on the hunt. The best women although short lived have been the ones that picked me up. I have never had a real great time with a woman that I was the one making the moves. I believe that the universe provides. So if I don't have a woman coming to me romantically or making that moves. Why bother trying to force it into my life. Its not my time yet. It does not matter what my age is at the time. For all of us to marry off in our 20/30's is unrealistic. I can see the only hitch is for women, in the sense that its better for them to have kids bio wise, as when they hit their late 30/early 40's it may be hard for them to bare children.
jay1983 Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 Did you even read ircs post? About the guy who's so out of it he won't even ask a woman out on a date? Maybe you did and you can relate but that level of aversion is not a normal thing for a guy, of any age. Sorry if you're offended but it's true. I'd honestly be very surprised if you have more stress than I do tfy. And I know what I'm talking about because I've headed up a small company before. But it's never wore me down to the point I didn't want the company of a woman. And there are plenty of successful guys way older than me with failed marriages and bad experiences who still want to bang their brains out. That aren't satisfied dealing with just tailpipes and their kids all day. You've got an odd little clique going there. You're not understanding. Yeah pussy's great, and I'll almost never turn it down. After a while, jumping through hopes gets tiring and isn't worth it. With all the repeated crap, over and over, it gets to the point where I'd rather just tune into porn to relieve myself, then go through all that crap again. The urge to be with a woman never goes away, but if it's not at my convenience, I won't work for it and can easily use my hand. 1
Tayken Posted September 29, 2014 Posted September 29, 2014 You're not understanding. Yeah pussy's great, and I'll almost never turn it down. After a while, jumping through hopes gets tiring and isn't worth it. With all the repeated crap, over and over, it gets to the point where I'd rather just tune into porn to relieve myself, then go through all that crap again. The urge to be with a woman never goes away, but if it's not at my convenience, I won't work for it and can easily use my hand. Er....correction. They are NOT all created equal, and this is the problem where some women, actually think every man will jump at the chance of sleeping with them. I don't hit everything in a skirt so to speak, and this has nothing to do with looks. Don't get me wrong I enjoy a good shag as much as the next person, but I don't put it on a pedastal 1
Author irc333 Posted September 29, 2014 Author Posted September 29, 2014 Yeah, or you could say these types are "psychologically neutered". No offense, just a lack of a better set of words. You missed my point... This is not about me...Im not even dating..I have said numerous times that I am not feeling what they are..not one bit.....But there is no doubt I have heard it and seen it. ..Its real.. And sure, as I previously stated, they may want to "bang someone's brains out", but they dont want all the other parts of the relationship....Or if they do, it needs to be very much low drama.. Again, for those that have never had klds, never been married, dont have a lot of experience....blah blah, all one can do is stand back and make assumptions...If you have lived that life and have all those scars, then it can change your perspective entirely... Point is its not ":aversion" as you are calling it...Its more like "apathy"...And the realization that if you are married and miserable there is no longer a point in making huge life changes just for tthe possibility that your sex life will get better.....and if you arent married, then maybe having to go through the necessary dog and pony show and putting up with all the drama and baggage isnt as much fun as it once was... TFY
Gloria25 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 You're not understanding. Yeah pussy's great, and I'll almost never turn it down. After a while, jumping through hopes gets tiring and isn't worth it. With all the repeated crap, over and over, it gets to the point where I'd rather just tune into porn to relieve myself, then go through all that crap again. The urge to be with a woman never goes away, but if it's not at my convenience, I won't work for it and can easily use my hand. While I'm not a man, I'm a woman in my late 30's, never married, never had kids...and I feel like most of the men identified in this thread... Now, since I came from a broken home, I believe I have intimacy issues and over the years put career, family, whatever in front of trying to get married and/or have kids... But yeah, I've gotten very picky when it comes to guys and at the first sign of their lack of interest or me having to do all the effort, I just say "f-it"...Something good on TV, some good food and porn later in the evening are lately better than me getting all dolled up and going out with some guy who's gonna waste my time. Sad? Eh, some days I feel bad and some days I get frustrated...You see other people meeting people, falling in love, shopping together and you're like 'awwww'....But meh, then it passes. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 While I'm not a man, I'm a woman in my late 30's, never married, never had kids...and I feel like most of the men identified in this thread... Now, since I came from a broken home, I believe I have intimacy issues and over the years put career, family, whatever in front of trying to get married and/or have kids... But yeah, I've gotten very picky when it comes to guys and at the first sign of their lack of interest or me having to do all the effort, I just say "f-it"...Something good on TV, some good food and porn later in the evening are lately better than me getting all dolled up and going out with some guy who's gonna waste my time. Sad? Eh, some days I feel bad and some days I get frustrated...You see other people meeting people, falling in love, shopping together and you're like 'awwww'....But meh, then it passes. Do you own any cats????? Ok..just kiddin'.... Id say you are rather unusual-for a woman...I'll bet you snap out of this funk..Most women I know are eternally optimistic in this area...Among the many things I admire about women is this attribute...they are very resilient here and will always hold out hope for a better tomorrow..Seems like the guys are more cynical and less optimistic....but I dunno...just an observation.. TFY
LuckyLady13 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I may not be a man in his 50's but what I am is observant. This has been such an interesting subject to me for a long time now. I watched my uncles get older, dad and his friends get older and I'd actually say 90% eventually fall into this cynical pit coupled with depression. Depression sometimes manifests as just losing interest in things without the sadness or obvious signs of depression. Besides being cynical and depressed, I noticed something else too. A new social anxiety they didn't have when they were younger. The older they get, the more fear they have in general but that carries over into how social they are or aren't. I think the fear factor may stem from low T. But I don't buy Testosterone being like a fountain of youth for men. When you put these 3 things together, you get men who are content gardening or doing woodwork in the garage, very complacent with their situation. Being complacent with such a boring, uninteresting and unfulfilling life is a big neon sign pointing to depression. Beginning to think women are so complicated that they don't get up or move is an obvious sign someone is overwhelmed by things that aren't difficult and that shows they are depressed just as clearly as their complete lack of interest in things they used to be interested in. I also though can't jump on the bandwagon of saying that these people are just beat down by years of this and that or too tired from having a family and bills. There is just a different way of life as we age and a different viewpoint we have to take because if we don't, we end up like these guys we're talking about. There are men in their 50's who are absolute dynamo's! I do think physical condition has a lot to do with this horrible slump that seems to last the rest of peoples lives. I've had an interest in this since I was a kid because I remember thinking I didn't want to ever get married when I got older if it meant that the man I marry will fall apart like this and I saw it happening so often it really scared me! I thought married women are doomed once they hit about mid 50's unless they don't get married or wait until they're older and marry a much younger guy. I think this is a problem that should be addressed very seriously. I don't think men falling apart in this way is acceptable. I don't think it's okay to look at a guy in a state of mind like this and say "he's content so no harm, no foul" because that's too similar to me as an alcoholic swearing and thinking they have no problem but everyone around them sees something they don't - there is a problem! Sometimes I think men are forgotten too much. They get lost with everyone worrying (for a good reason) about womens rights and children but we always just kinda let the men tough it out. I think it's bad enough that we got so used to thinking about men having shorter lifespans that people mention it without thinking twice, no emotion about it, taking it so matter of fact and no one is really doing something about it. Nobody prepared us for getting older. I think low T doesn't have much to do with this because if you put a 55 year old brain into a 25 year old body, sure, the guy will have fun for a bit but all that cynicism will eat his brain alive and he'll start acting 55. When I was 25, there seemed to be so much to learn and so many things to see yet. Now? Not so much. People got too predictable after knowing too many of them. Places started looking the same. New Years Eve starts to look like an ordinary Sunday night. It's harder to keep enthusiasm alive. I do think women have a slightly better track record for staying more enthusiastic and hopeful into their older age but why is this and what can we do so that men can retain their enthusiasm?!? When do we really start addressing men having shorter lifespans? If I'm not mistaken, "Cougars" are on the rise. I don't think it's fair to anybody. Older men are so out of it and shot in the head that women completely lose interest because they don't want to settle into the old folks home with the men their age? Women do seem to keep a spark and seem more alive compared to men of an identical age. I don't want to be a Cougar but I'll tell you one thing. I will if I have to! I think it would be better to start addressing this stuff and taking it seriously and stop forgetting about men and the problems they face when it gets this serious where they'd rather hang out doing housework alone. That's not a life!!
Tayken Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Do you own any cats????? Ok..just kiddin'.... Id say you are rather unusual-for a woman...I'll bet you snap out of this funk..Most women I know are eternally optimistic in this area...Among the many things I admire about women is this attribute...they are very resilient here and will always hold out hope for a better tomorrow..Seems like the guys are more cynical and less optimistic....but I dunno...just an observation.. TFY Trust me, I am sure there is more to that story than meets the eye.... Now, since I came from a broken home, I believe I have intimacy issues It has been said that people from broken homes are more likely to get divorced, and the cycle just continues.
Author irc333 Posted September 30, 2014 Author Posted September 30, 2014 If I'm not mistaken, "Cougars" are on the rise. I don't think it's fair to anybody. Older men are so out of it and shot in the head that women completely lose interest because they don't want to settle into the old folks home with the men their age? Women do seem to keep a spark and seem more alive compared to men of an identical age. THIS.....!!!! I am noticing the more older women...with energy, some that tend to keep an eye on their health, tend to date younger men. Not because they're "Cougars", but because the men they've dated their age...simply didn't have the energy to do anything. I knew a very attractive woman who I went out with a couple of times. Her las boyfriend was about her age. Late 40's, would never leave the house on the weekends, just sit on his arse watching Football games. She worked out, but she wasn't expecting much from him than a causal bike ride or an easy going kayaking paddle. So she gravitated towards younger men simply because they were on the same level activity-wise. Seems women in their 50s and older seem a lot more energetic than men in their 50s
Tayken Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I am noticing the more older women...with energy, some that tend to keep an eye on their health, tend to date younger men. Not because they're "Cougars", but because the men they've dated their age...simply didn't have the energy to do anything. Seems women in their 50s and older seem a lot more energetic than men in their 50s You are indeed right about this. However, I'll say start at late 40s and you will see that some women do put a lot more effort into being active e.g. hiking, cycling, visit the arts, run and just generally a blast to be around.
thefooloftheyear Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I dont think some of you are getting it.... These guys arent depressed, out of shape, or "sad sacks"...They are reasonably content, just dont care that much about it and dont make it a priority anymore...Most of them are busy with other stuff and just would rather do that then perticipate in that game.. Its as simple as that... TFY
Author irc333 Posted September 30, 2014 Author Posted September 30, 2014 Yea my 50 yr old friend was lolly gagging trying to get to know this woman he met at a social gathering. He sent me a pic of her via text. My jaw dropped because she was on POF. Had great curves, pretty blue eyes, and intelligent. My type physically and mentally. The dude kept making excuses not to go out with her. Last year she mentioned she was going to do a haunted house thing with friends and invited him. He was making it out to be a " If I run into her.. I'll say Hi" But he made NO attempt to meetup with her at the entrance. He just went through the house with a dude friend he bumped into. I was like man just give her #!!!! Lol I dont think some of you are getting it.... These guys arent depressed, out of shape, or "sad sacks"...They are reasonably content, just dont care that much about it and dont make it a priority anymore...Most of them are busy with other stuff and just would rather do that then perticipate in that game.. Its as simple as that... TFY
WesternWizard Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Seems women in their 50s and older seem a lot more energetic than men in their 50s Seems to give the lie to the line about ALL men enjoying "the chase". It's pretty obvious the ones who've lost their energy are the ones who tried the chase and got nothing to show for it.
gaius Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 You missed my point... This is not about me...Im not even dating..I have said numerous times that I am not feeling what they are..not one bit.....But there is no doubt I have heard it and seen it. ..Its real.. And sure, as I previously stated, they may want to "bang someone's brains out", but they dont want all the other parts of the relationship....Or if they do, it needs to be very much low drama.. Again, for those that have never had klds, never been married, dont have a lot of experience....blah blah, all one can do is stand back and make assumptions...If you have lived that life and have all those scars, then it can change your perspective entirely... Point is its not ":aversion" as you are calling it...Its more like "apathy"...And the realization that if you are married and miserable there is no longer a point in making huge life changes just for tthe possibility that your sex life will get better.....and if you arent married, then maybe having to go through the necessary dog and pony show and putting up with all the drama and baggage isnt as much fun as it once was... TFY For every guy you're talking about there's another guy that's been through all the same stuff and is still making time for women. My stepfather was stuck married to my mother for a good decade and a half, which must have been pure misery. Just based on what I saw and my experience as her kid. But he's still managing to find time to try and get a 25 year old to move in with him. Even though he's plenty busy being a published writer. There are older dudes that still crave what women have to offer even if it becomes less about sex. The fact that they have stress or they're successful or had a bad marriage makes no sense as the distinguishing factor if you look at the big picture.
xxoo Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 It may depend on how much a guy genuinely likes women, beyond the sex part. If a guy doesn't truly enjoy a woman's company, that's bound to override sex drive at some point in life. I don't understand it, because I enjoy mixed company....but some men and women seem to have a hard time relating to the opposite sex outside the bedroom (and in, in some cases). I'm sure you eventually get tired of being annoyed.
gaius Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 You're not understanding. Yeah pussy's great, and I'll almost never turn it down. After a while, jumping through hopes gets tiring and isn't worth it. With all the repeated crap, over and over, it gets to the point where I'd rather just tune into porn to relieve myself, then go through all that crap again. The urge to be with a woman never goes away, but if it's not at my convenience, I won't work for it and can easily use my hand. But there are women out there who don't bust your nuts or make you jump through hoops, at least at first. So why not even short term dating going on? Like Clooney used to do. Date them until they get demanding and want marriage, then onto the next one.
Author irc333 Posted September 30, 2014 Author Posted September 30, 2014 I also wanted to make mention. That during photo opportunities at the Meetups, he gets weird with the women he's dating. (If you even call it that). I was about to take this photo of the host of the party, him, and his "date". He was leaning on her like a fence post or a low wall (not on her head, but on her shoulder). He didn't put his arm around her like a normal date would.
LuckyLady13 Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 irc333, was this an issue when this friend of yours was younger? Are you positive his age has to do with the way he's acting in his particular case? When all of my grandparents got older, I did notice my grandmothers having the desire to be the more active ones and my grandfathers were just blah. After both my grandfathers died, my one grandmother had a full time job and volunteered on the weekends into her 80's and my other grandmother retired but goes out dancing, still likes going out to dinner to nice places, has gorgeous furniture and said to me when I asked her why she isn't dating anyone "I'm never going to take care of a man again". She was excellent to my grandfather when his health started to really deteriorate so I did not expect her to say that so bluntly. She really loved him but I guess after giving everything she had, she just wants to have fun now with the rest of her life. Can't blame her, of course. But the mentality and attitude seems very different to me between men and women as they age.
Gloria25 Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 Do you own any cats????? Ok..just kiddin'.... Id say you are rather unusual-for a woman...I'll bet you snap out of this funk..Most women I know are eternally optimistic in this area...Among the many things I admire about women is this attribute...they are very resilient here and will always hold out hope for a better tomorrow..Seems like the guys are more cynical and less optimistic....but I dunno...just an observation.. TFY No, no cats...I got dogs. Dogs are more loyal and they will protect my butt.. And no, this is no "funk"...Now, while there have been some stressful things that really took me out of dating, over the years I've pretty much put career, education, and/of family over marriage. I've just dated guys on/off over the years...Now I'm to the point that even for something casual, I rather just get some porn on and call it a day. Nah, no hope here...
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