thefooloftheyear Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 irc333, was this an issue when this friend of yours was younger? Are you positive his age has to do with the way he's acting in his particular case? When all of my grandparents got older, I did notice my grandmothers having the desire to be the more active ones and my grandfathers were just blah. After both my grandfathers died, my one grandmother had a full time job and volunteered on the weekends into her 80's and my other grandmother retired but goes out dancing, still likes going out to dinner to nice places, has gorgeous furniture and said to me when I asked her why she isn't dating anyone "I'm never going to take care of a man again". She was excellent to my grandfather when his health started to really deteriorate so I did not expect her to say that so bluntly. She really loved him but I guess after giving everything she had, she just wants to have fun now with the rest of her life. Can't blame her, of course. But the mentality and attitude seems very different to me between men and women as they age. Well.... Guys in those days worked very hard....They were depended on by everyone in their family...Most of the time they were the sole breadwinner and aside from working hard they also tended to all of the tasks around the house...Its not like today where the average guy cant change a faucet washer.. Guys back then built stone walls and roofed houses all while still earning and keeping everyone afloat...It was exhausting, to say the least.. The guys I know arent like this...They are generally fit and active...They go out with their buddies all the time...They have busy hobbies outside of work...They are content and not beat down(physically anyway), alhough they have become cynical and jaded to relationships and the desire to chase every piece of ass on the street... The "ship sailed" and they really dont care to call the Coast Guard to save it... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 But there are women out there who don't bust your nuts or make you jump through hoops, at least at first. So why not even short term dating going on? Like Clooney used to do. Date them until they get demanding and want marriage, then onto the next one. I don't think it was "marriage" or "commitment" that made Clooney move from woman to woman...I think he just likes young women and cuz of his celebrity he took advantage of that. I don't like jerks like that. I don't get women's desire for him. If he was not a celebrity, he couldn't pull in that much tail. Look at the "woman" he married, she is younger too. He probably is just getting old and tired and decided to settle with one who is young enough to "age" with him w/o wrinkling or getting saggy boobs on him.... I don't think it will last long though. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 My father is very active and in better shape than some people half his age. He dates and has sex but after divorcing my mother he said he is free and not going back to prison. He can finally live life without having everything he says and does criticized and picked apart. I saw how my mother treated him so I understand. He lives in NYC and still walks almost everywhere except for when he goes out of town so he has kept healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Do you own any cats????? Ok..just kiddin'.... Id say you are rather unusual-for a woman...I'll bet you snap out of this funk..Most women I know are eternally optimistic in this area...Among the many things I admire about women is this attribute...they are very resilient here and will always hold out hope for a better tomorrow..Seems like the guys are more cynical and less optimistic....but I dunno...just an observation.. TFY Im a woman who is very cynical. Im a lot like the guys being described in this thread. For the most part I dont have a desire to date. I like peace. Ive btdt with drama. Dudes can cause some serious drama, too. Now that im secure being SINGLE AND HAPPY guys are chasing me. I have a few crushes, but I dont see them going anywhere long term. Im not in a hurry to have kids at this point. I wanted to have kids really young, but that didnt happen. Ive known guys who have been married and divorced several times and still want to date. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 But there are women out there who don't bust your nuts or make you jump through hoops, at least at first. So why not even short term dating going on? Like Clooney used to do. Date them until they get demanding and want marriage, then onto the next one. I dont think thats necessarily the case. It wasnt all about avoiding commitment. Lets be real. The women before Amal just werent that exciting to George. Take Stacy Keibler. Aside from being in wwe, what does she have going for her? Stacy is more of a girl next door. Amal is a smart beautiful diplomat, and im sure she has many other wonderful qualities. I think he would have been miserable if he had married Stacy. Imo GC had to date a lot of people before he found the right one, just like everyone else. That being said, if a woman has to pressure or demand commitment from a man something is already wrong. Im willing to bet Amal didnt have to pressure George but Stacy did. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 (edited) That being said, if a woman has to pressure or demand commitment from a man something is already wrong. Amen to that. People who view the opposite sex and marriage/LTR as oppressive or onerous aren’t going to want to be in a close, committed relationship or pursue the opposite sex, or they'll want something "lite" that avoids the parts they consider oppressive or difficult. True for men and women, and at any age. There are even some 20, 30 and 40 year olds who view the other sex and relationships as “putting up with crap” and prison. I certainly met a lot of men over 50 on OLD who viewed relationship and women that way. I wouldn’t even want to be deemed special enough to be given the keys to their cell. Plenty of them always viewed women as burdensome, takers, demanding and difficult, and so I’d hesitate to attribute it to age. Edited October 1, 2014 by BlueIris Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 I was having a conversation with my 50 year old friend about the Halloween parties that are going on through Meetup and Facebook. I asked him what he planned on dressing as and he said he really doesn't like going through the work involved in getting a Halloween costume. With all these temporary stores popping, he really doesn't have an excuse. But he finds reasons to come up with one. He's told me people at the parties tease him about as being the only one there not in costume, but he's like "Oh well" so not only it's relationship oriented, but overall socially as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 While I'm not a man, I'm a woman in my late 30's, never married, never had kids...and I feel like most of the men identified in this thread... Now, since I came from a broken home, I believe I have intimacy issues and over the years put career, family, whatever in front of trying to get married and/or have kids... But yeah, I've gotten very picky when it comes to guys and at the first sign of their lack of interest or me having to do all the effort, I just say "f-it"...Something good on TV, some good food and porn later in the evening are lately better than me getting all dolled up and going out with some guy who's gonna waste my time. Sad? Eh, some days I feel bad and some days I get frustrated...You see other people meeting people, falling in love, shopping together and you're like 'awwww'....But meh, then it passes. I come from a temporarily broken home, and have had intimacy issues, but my parents got back together. I'm picky, because despite what any man or boy did to me or my mother when I was younger, I knew what I wanted, and I knew that I didn't deserve to be treated badly. I'm not attracted to many men, but I didn't think it would be this difficult. My parents remarried, and I got to experience life with my Dad, that I'd missed out on (we were in different countries), so I think my rose-coloured glasses returned, somewhat. My Dad is the best man I know. I have cats *and* dogs. They're gorgeous, and much better company than I'd have if I married someone just so that I wouldn't be single anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I was having a conversation with my 50 year old friend about the Halloween parties that are going on through Meetup and Facebook. I asked him what he planned on dressing as and he said he really doesn't like going through the work involved in getting a Halloween costume. With all these temporary stores popping, he really doesn't have an excuse. But he finds reasons to come up with one. He's told me people at the parties tease him about as being the only one there not in costume, but he's like "Oh well" so not only it's relationship oriented, but overall socially as well. Eh...I wouldnt put too much weight into that.....I never understood the whole adult Halloween thing myself...Women are great, but you couldnt drag me to one of those events.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I come from a temporarily broken home, and have had intimacy issues, but my parents got back together. I'm picky, because despite what any man or boy did to me or my mother when I was younger, I knew what I wanted, and I knew that I didn't deserve to be treated badly. I'm not attracted to many men, but I didn't think it would be this difficult. My parents remarried, and I got to experience life with my Dad, that I'd missed out on (we were in different countries), so I think my rose-coloured glasses returned, somewhat. My Dad is the best man I know. I have cats *and* dogs. They're gorgeous, and much better company than I'd have if I married someone just so that I wouldn't be single anymore. Umm, well, I feel ya...I have intimacy issues and still haven't come out of them. I mean, if I'm with one guy - I'm with him. But the whole marriage and/or commingling finances is not for me. I can't trust someone that much. Maybe that's why I date casually cuz it's like I can resist the human need to have someone - but I have to keep them at a distance and not let them get too close. If they start getting to close, I get scared. Eh, my parents haven't "reconciled", my mom just lives with me cuz it's more convenient and my dad (as usual) is broke. But I bet they still hook up when she goes to visit where he lives. I saw him last time I went there about a year ago but the "love" isn't there. I'm just nice to them cuz they are getting old and I believe God would want me to just show compassion for them. I love my doggies, and while masturbation helps with my "needs", I still would like a man in my life - but, the thing is what I want isn't something that guys go for. They are either seeing or want to see other people and/or need the RL to progress into something (i.e. marriage or kids). I also don't wanna sleep around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 Got done talking with my friend this evening. Said he's "escorting" a lady to the Navy ball. A very formal event. Found it strange since he's never mentioned her. And I asked him if she's married, because sometimes when you escort someone He tends to come up with his own definition of when a man and a woman gets together for a formal evening. I asked him, "Is it a date?" and he says, "Well, I'm just calling it escorting." He seems to mince words A LOT when he talks to me about what he defines the parameters of a "date" in fact, I think he HEARS calling it that. He mostly says, "Just two people having fun" (of a non-intimate nature of course). It's kind of weird, because I am not entirely sure I can be happy for him if he's going out with a woman, because he tends to down play it a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Maybe he's private and discreet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 I think sometimes you reach an age where changes in lifestyle and situation are no longer "worth it"- I suppose..I am sure that age varies quite a bit with all people, but even though I consider myself to be vibrant and youthful, I know for myself that now that I am getting close to 50, there has definitely been a shift in how I view many things in life..You dont see that much ahead of you anymore....most of it is in the rear view mirror already..... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 OTOH, one of my friends ended up marrying a good friend's widow a few years after their respective spouses died from cancer and he and she are out having the time of their lives in their early 80's, traveling the country in their RV. He made his millions doing grunt work, moving houses (picking them up and moving them) and now his house rolls down the road with a steadfast companion at his side. He could have stayed single, not dated, nor ever thought about marrying again, but each man is different. When I'm in my 80's, I wanna be him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 (edited) THIS.....!!!! I am noticing the more older women...with energy, some that tend to keep an eye on their health, tend to date younger men. Not because they're "Cougars", but because the men they've dated their age...simply didn't have the energy to do anything. ...... So she gravitated towards younger men simply because they were on the same level activity-wise. Seems women in their 50s and older seem a lot more energetic than men in their 50s I know quite a number of older (late 30s up) women going out with (though usually fwb) guys quiet a bit younger than them, and its not because they were struggling to find men their age. They did it for the same reason older guys will chase younger women. These women not having to seek out young guys because they had shortage of options. The women took care of themselves and had guys of all ages interested in them. The older fit 'good catch' guys their age though were sort after and tended to not want anything serious long term...with older woman anyway or not until they had they started to struggle for ONS or their libido waned. The guys they wanted were likely preferring younger version of them for LTR, so these women adopted the same outlook. They would have no problem finding older fit guys but it meant having to drop their standard from the level of the guys that had been having ONS/flings/STRs with. They were not ready to embrace that, so if they are going to be older players fling, they might as well get the younger version...and they did. When I did OLD I noticed quiet a number of the sexy women in their 40s were looking for guys in their 30s exclusively. For sure they would have stood out to guys in their 40s on the site. I don't buy the line about 'its so hard to find a guy in his 40s who's interested', when it comes from an older sexy woman. Many of the women are just going yolo, and word gets out for younger guys there are lots of mature women these days who are bang up for action with no strings attached and so younger guys are hitting on it. They have a mixed attitude to the term cougar. They like it as it meant they were still seen as sexually desirable, but at the same time they resented the stereotype and they were not exclusively going for junior guys. Edited October 4, 2014 by ascendotum Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 Funny thing....I recently had been exploring women 50+ in my area as I have exhausted all my options of non-responsive women in my area UNDER the age of 40. So I had decided to explore the 50+ realm. There's this woman in my "Backwoods/BFE" area age 53, and most women that age in THIS area don't look as great as she does at the age of 53, unless they are new in town or they are already married or spoken for. Apparently she keeps herself looking good healthwise. Noticed her specified AGE bracket is 40 to 47 only...and she's 53 meaning no man her age will be contacting her...the site won't let them. So I get your point. Apparently men her age are likely not able to keep up with her...or at least active enough to get off the couch and away from the series of weekend football games and beer. lol I know quite a number of older (late 30s up) women going out with (though usually fwb) guys quiet a bit younger than them, and its not because they were struggling to find men their age. They did it for the same reason older guys will chase younger women. These women not having to seek out young guys because they had shortage of options. The women took care of themselves and had guys of all ages interested in them. The older fit 'good catch' guys their age though were sort after and tended to not want anything serious long term...with older woman anyway or not until they had they started to struggle for ONS or their libido waned. The guys they wanted were likely preferring younger version of them for LTR, so these women adopted the same outlook. They would have no problem finding older fit guys but it meant having to drop their standard from the level of the guys that had been having ONS/flings/STRs with. They were not ready to embrace that, so if they are going to be older players fling, they might as well get the younger version...and they did. When I did OLD I noticed quiet a number of the sexy women in their 40s were looking for guys in their 30s exclusively. For sure they would have stood out to guys in their 40s on the site. I don't buy the line about 'its so hard to find a guy in his 40s who's interested', when it comes from an older sexy woman. Many of the women are just going yolo, and word gets out for younger guys there are lots of mature women these days who are bang up for action with no strings attached and so younger guys are hitting on it. They have a mixed attitude to the term cougar. They like it as it meant they were still seen as sexually desirable, but at the same time they resented the stereotype and they were not exclusively going for junior guys. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Noticed her specified AGE bracket is 40 to 47 only...and she's 53 meaning no man her age will be contacting her...the site won't let them. Which site is that? Maybe I should join. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted October 5, 2014 Author Share Posted October 5, 2014 Which site is that? Maybe I should join. It's POF, depends though, men on that site date cougars for sex, but if you're okay with that, knock yourself out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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