How does he feel?

[Issues]

I'm sorry for going on a rant here, but it might better help you understand my situation.

 

I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend (we're both juniors in high school) after a 1 year relationship (officially, only 6 months). He was out of the country for a month and a half during the summer, and a week after he came back, I left for a two week vacation with family. During that time we were unable to see each other, and beginning from his departure, we spoke only every few days. During that period, I could sense that we weren't as close anymore but I figured things would return to normal once he came back. We didn't talk much, but he assured me that he still had feelings for me. I missed him terribly, but I trusted that things would be fine - afterall, we had been dating for a while, right? But a few weeks in, I began feeling hurt that he was constantly on Facebook yet he wouldn't reply to my messages until hours later or the next day (before, we used to spend hours a day messaging each other, EVERY single day). It eventually turned into this game we both played; I felt hurt and replied less often, and he would reply late in response. The last two weeks we spoke only twice.

 

When he came back, I asked him to meet up with me. At this point I figure that I'll see how the conversation goes to see whether or not we should break up. I bring up how I haven't felt as close with him lately because we don't talk anymore, and told him that maybe we should consider breaking up. He seems surprised and says that once school starts everything will be back to normal. I give in because what I really wanted was not a breakup, but to confirm that we were still a couple because it hadn't felt like a relationship in a long time. I hug him tightly because I have to go (and I'm leaving for China two days after and won't be able to see him) but his arms hang limply at his sides.

 

I come back from China two weeks later, and school starts the next day. It turns out we have two classes together - I'm not sure how I feel about this because of how rocky the relationship has been. Two weeks later though, there's no improvement at all. He might as well have been out of the country again because that's how often we interacted despite having many chances to talk. I ask again to meet up. Again he says he wants to continue dating and that maybe we should eat lunch once or twice a week together from now on. I agree, happy that he's for once taking a step to improve things.

 

However, in the next week, not only does he not bring up lunch again, but on a Thursday at the end of the class he's talking to his old crush (only two desks away from me), doesn't say hi to me nor look at me, and walks out ahead with his old crush to break, talking to her the whole time. I feel like absolute crap and later I go home and have a good cry about it because with this incident I finally realized this relationship isn't working out. The next day, Friday, I ask to meet up one last time and I tell him I don't want to continue dating anymore. He goes, "Yeah, I agree since we're both so busy with homework and classes and stuff." I figure I can't just end a relationship with a two sentence conversation, so I explain that I don't feel as close to him, we haven't been talking as much, etc. And then for some reason he still thinks its an issue of we're too busy and once again talks about how we're too busy. I feel like crap again because I know he spends his free time watching TV series and playing games, and before he would sacrifice some of that to talk to me, but now he's suddenly using the "we're both busy" excuse. At the time, I didn't point out that it wasn't the fact that we're too busy, but now I'm wishing I said something.

 

I say I have to go and we walk out to the front of school together since we're both headed the same direction. We make some small talk; I avoid his eyes while he goes on talking like nothing just happened. When we get there, he meets one of his girl friends that he made this year, and walks off with her (he never had any girl friends before, let alone hanged out with girls). BTW I'm 100% sure he is not attracted to her, but that just made me realize how much he had changed from before.

 

It's now been exactly two weeks since we broke up. He doesn't make any effort to avoid me. We share mutual friends, and when I'm hanging out with them during school, he's not afraid to come up and join in the conversation with said friends, but he doesn't really talk to me. So I either stand there feeling awkward or walk away. For example, today my friend (let's call her Emily) was making nicknames for everyone, and she said her name was "Emily from the hood" and mine would be "JC Dollar". Then my ex bf, who sits two desks away from us, commented that she should stop making nicknames and that she isn't even from the hood. So it's like he's constantly indirectly contacting me. He never directly talks to me, but he'll join in the conversation with whoever I'm talking with. I can't help but wonder if he's doing that with a motive in mind, or if our break up affected him so little that he doesn't bother to avoid me.

 

To be honest, a big part of me wants him back. All I really wanted was for him to want me, and act like he did, and I think that if he suddenly one day showed up at my door and asked to start over, I would say yes. I walk around and I'm constantly reminded of him. It's Homecoming time again, and I'm reminded of when he asked me last year with flowers. I walk around the mall and remember the inside joke we had about running around in the shopping mall. I eat a freaking banana and remember the times we walked to Safeway and bought bananas. It's been two weeks and I don't cry as often anymore, but I miss him so damn much. I want to know if there's any chance that he still feels for me or if I'm the only one going through all this pain. Is he just pretending? Or did it really bother him so little he doesn't actively avoid me? Did he agree to the breakup in our last conversation because it hurt his pride to have to say no to a breakup a third time (despite him not changing after the previous two convos)? Or did he agree because he honestly didn't want to date anymore? What does it mean if he's talking with his old crush (who has a bf and would never cheat; I trust her)? Does he like her or is he trying to make me jealous? I have a thousand questions that just won't go away...

 

Thanks.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Based on his actions I would say he is relieved that you ended things so he didn't have to. Seeing you and talking to you doesn't bother him because he no longer has romantic feelings for you. That's pretty normal cowardly boy stuff.

 

Hold your head up high and go on. I have a feeling you won't have any trouble finding someone to ask you to homecoming if that's what you want. Focus on your schoolwork, spend time with your friends, and be excited about all the other crazy things you're going to experience in life. You may not believe me, but five years from now you're not going to remember that any of this even happened.

[Issues]

But why would he be relieved to break up if he resisted the first two times? Why didn't he make more of an effort after the two talks I had with him (when he still wanted to date)? How can someone so easily change? Everything was great until he left over the summer...How can I ever trust another guy in the future to not lose his feelings like he did? I trusted my ex boyfriend so much to the point where I am just in disbelief right now in how things ended when we were so close for a year. I know I should stop asking these questions and move on but everything just feels so unresolved and unanswered...I don't know how I'm going to deal with seeing him for two hours everyday at school for the next 8 months...