curlygirl40 Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 My first guess is ego stroke also. Some people (notice I didn't say men because women do it too) want to have people on the back burner incase they get lonely, want sex, want someone to sleep with, want someone to hang out with. If he was serious in any way about you, you would know it. Even if he was socially awkward and/or cheap and/or a homebody and just wanted to 'hang out' like kids at his place or yours and watch movies, if he saw a potential relationship with you and was really into you then he would be asking you to do this on a regular basis. Not following you around at the gym. The real question is 'is this working for you?'. And clearly it's not. It doesn't really matter why he's acting that way. Yes it's confusing. Maybe he doesn't even know what he wants. I would let it go like you plan. Be polite and that's it. Or invite some other hot guy to go to the gym with you. lol 2
Diezel Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 hang out= dating....same thing Try telling that to anyone under the age of 30. They flip out.
preraph Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I think he sounds like he is interested but that he is probably still hung up on his ex and keeps hoping to get her back. His comment to you about "more than you know" certainly was his way of telling you he has feelings for you. Your comment about social anxiety is likely at the base of all this confusion if that is what he really has. I clearly get that he likes you or at least wants to have sex with you, but knowing a social anxiety person or two, if he really does have social anxiety, he probably doesn't like going out and being social and doing fun things. I'm actually surprised he's at the gym, but one of the guys I know with extreme social anxiety also went to the gym but just kept to himself there and stole glances at women's bodies to use later. Social anxiety could be why he hasn't asked you on a real date, because he isn't comfortable out in public. He may also have a crap apartment or whatever after a recent breakup and also not want anyone over there yet. First you need to find out if that's the problem though, and that's easy enough. If it is, I would say don't even get involved with him because people with social anxiety won't be good in any domestic situation, just want to keep to themselves and do their thing and not participate in family things or go do anything out much. Of course, even guys with extreme social anxiety still want to have sex, but that doesn't mean they can deal with a relationship. How to find out is easy: Does he have a circle of good friends that he goes and does things with? Just ask him, "Who do you hang out and go do things with? Who are your friends? How long have you known them? Where do you go and what do you do together?" If he has friends he goes OUT with (not stays in with), he's probably okay for a relationship. If he can't even handle friends, he's going to be too asocial to sustain a relationship of any kind. If you find out he does have an active circle of friends, then that's not it and that's good news but might mean he needs some time to get over the ex.
Ami1uwant Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 He went from a 18 yr marriage right into a 6 yr relationship and was since for 3 months when he started to talk to me. He's not been single a full year. He also was still seeing his ex on and off until 3 months ago. We never talked in HS. We had different worlds back then. He was the bodybuilder buff guy (still in) and I was the quiet rocker girl Sounds like he isn't over the ex and he likely doesn't remember how to date/courtship anymore with 25 yrs of relationships
xxoo Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Since he was actively dating, I told him that we should not get attached. He agreed. But after a few more times hanging out, we both admitted we were getting attached. He backed off I think this says it all. He's interested in casual (maybe very so), but not interested in serious. It's the head in his pants following you around the gym.
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 I think this says it all. He's interested in casual (maybe very so), but not interested in serious. It's the head in his pants following you around the gym. There were times he would not want sex and to just talk.
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 I think he sounds like he is interested but that he is probably still hung up on his ex and keeps hoping to get her back. His comment to you about "more than you know" certainly was his way of telling you he has feelings for you. Your comment about social anxiety is likely at the base of all this confusion if that is what he really has. I clearly get that he likes you or at least wants to have sex with you, but knowing a social anxiety person or two, if he really does have social anxiety, he probably doesn't like going out and being social and doing fun things. I'm actually surprised he's at the gym, but one of the guys I know with extreme social anxiety also went to the gym but just kept to himself there and stole glances at women's bodies to use later. Social anxiety could be why he hasn't asked you on a real date, because he isn't comfortable out in public. He may also have a crap apartment or whatever after a recent breakup and also not want anyone over there yet. First you need to find out if that's the problem though, and that's easy enough. If it is, I would say don't even get involved with him because people with social anxiety won't be good in any domestic situation, just want to keep to themselves and do their thing and not participate in family things or go do anything out much. Of course, even guys with extreme social anxiety still want to have sex, but that doesn't mean they can deal with a relationship. How to find out is easy: Does he have a circle of good friends that he goes and does things with? Just ask him, "Who do you hang out and go do things with? Who are your friends? How long have you known them? Where do you go and what do you do together?" If he has friends he goes OUT with (not stays in with), he's probably okay for a relationship. If he can't even handle friends, he's going to be too asocial to sustain a relationship of any kind. If you find out he does have an active circle of friends, then that's not it and that's good news but might mean he needs some time to get over the ex. According to him, he left his ex and she is trying to get him back. He did say he was not going to go back to her and he stopped talking to her, but I am sure this is not the case. As far as social anxiety...I have had panic disorder for 30 yrs and got past it. I'm now a doctor. I am ok with someone who has anxiety or social issues as long as I know about it. I've been a weight lifter for 25 yrs and also went to the gym with social anxiety. In fact working out was part of how I got out of the fears. He actually never ever goes out with friends and says he never speaks to them much. He works, goes home and hangs with his son. He has a nice home, but never saw the inside. Either way, I am backing off. I am too old to be wasting my time on this sort of game you all gave amazing insight..thank you
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