RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 There is a guy I went to high school with back 30 yrs ago (I am 47) and he goes to my gym. I never spoke to him but 6 months ago, he started to talk to me. We became gym friends and I could see he was really interested in me. We kept it light and just chatted at the gym but never on txt. Then months in, we started to txt and continued to flirt at the gym never stopped. I would always invite him places and he would always decline. Finally 2 months ago, he agreed to hang out. We hung out, had a nice time and got intimate. Since he was actively dating, I told him that we should not get attached. He agreed. But after a few more times hanging out, we both admitted we were getting attached. He backed off Then when the found out I went on a date with someone else, he started to txt and ask me to hang again. We did a few times and then he pulled back again. He never ever asks me to hang or initiates. but he now always shows up at the gym when he knows I am there, follows me around the gym, and always waits for me to leave and walks me out. Last week he asked me what I was doing and sort of implied we hang out. I agree, then he cancelled both times Today he did the same. He was clear he wanted to get together tonight and then he cancelled. What is with all the mixed messages? I am too old to play these games
mightycpa Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 You're too old to "hang out". I know for a fact that dating existed back then. I also know that you're grown up enough to sit his ass down and talk to him about this rationally, and accept whatever it is that you can gather from his behavior. Do it soon and let us know. 5
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 You're too old to "hang out". I know for a fact that dating existed back then. I also know that you're grown up enough to sit his ass down and talk to him about this rationally, and accept whatever it is that you can gather from his behavior. Do it soon and let us know. hang out= dating....same thing
MrNate 2.0 Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 It's pretty clear he's not that interested. Or just lacking options. 1
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 It's pretty clear he's not that interested. Or just lacking options. I thought the same, but then why always show up when I am working out, hang out with while working out and stay until I am done to walk me out? I can handle not interested, but this is odd
BluEyeL Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Because some men like to get some ego boost, some attention on the side, maybe some sex. He likes to know you are into him and keeps you on the line. Don't be silly, you are 47 not 17! 2
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 We often worked out at different times and when I asked him why he shows up at the time I work out he said "I come when I know you're here?
MrNate 2.0 Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I thought the same, but then why always show up when I am working out, hang out with while working out and stay until I am done to walk me out? I can handle not interested, but this is odd Why does it have to mean anything to begin with? If he was interested, dates would have happened already.
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Why does it have to mean anything to begin with? If he was interested, dates would have happened already. this is true..just odd that he makes it a point to be at the gym at the same time as me and is glued to me at the gym
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Because some men like to get some ego boost, some attention on the side, maybe some sex. He likes to know you are into him and keeps you on the line. Don't be silly, you are 47 not 17! Maybe...and the insult is not necessary
Cristo Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 There is a guy I went to high school with back 30 yrs ago (I am 47) and he goes to my gym. I never spoke to him but 6 months ago, he started to talk to me. We became gym friends and I could see he was really interested in me. We kept it light and just chatted at the gym but never on txt. Then months in, we started to txt and continued to flirt at the gym never stopped. I would always invite him places and he would always decline. Finally 2 months ago, he agreed to hang out. We hung out, had a nice time and got intimate. Since he was actively dating, I told him that we should not get attached. He agreed. But after a few more times hanging out, we both admitted we were getting attached. He backed off Then when the found out I went on a date with someone else, he started to txt and ask me to hang again. We did a few times and then he pulled back again. He never ever asks me to hang or initiates. but he now always shows up at the gym when he knows I am there, follows me around the gym, and always waits for me to leave and walks me out. Last week he asked me what I was doing and sort of implied we hang out. I agree, then he cancelled both times Today he did the same. He was clear he wanted to get together tonight and then he cancelled. What is with all the mixed messages? I am too old to play these games Sounds like you're both immature and playing games. The bolded is where the drama starts. As a 27 year old male looking for something serious, I would have bailed from this situation at that point. 1
MrNate 2.0 Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 this is true..just odd that he makes it a point to be at the gym at the same time as me and is glued to me at the gym Well, until he asks you out on a date, no point in searching for further meaning. 1
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Sounds like you're both immature and playing games. The bolded is where the drama starts. As a 27 year old male looking for something serious, I would have bailed from this situation at that point. Why would you have bailed?
BluEyeL Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Maybe...and the insult is not necessary Didn't mean to insult you, sorry. It's 100% sure. I'd put all my life savings on this. This guy is not interested in anything other than a hook up when/if he wants it and/or an ego stroke. 2
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Well, until he asks you out on a date, no point in searching for further meaning. I totally agree with that....appreciate that I have decided to not keep in contact with him. When I see him at the gym i will be polite but won't get into it
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Didn't mean to insult you, sorry. It's 100% sure. I'd put all my life savings on this. This guy is not interested in anything other than a hook up when/if he wants it and/or an ego stroke. I think you're bang on...I do think it's an ego stroke
Cristo Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Why would you have bailed? As I said, I'm looking for something serious. My goal is to get attached (slowly). If a woman has sex with me and then tells me not to get attached, I would assume that she isn't looking for the same. Also, at this point in my dating life, I don't push for sex right away at all. I'd like to get to know the woman and, in my experience, sex gets in the way of that.
mightycpa Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 hang out= dating....same thing I'll take your word for it, BUT When that phrase is used around here, the terms of "hanging out" are indefinite, whereas a date generally has at a a minimum, a pre-arranged date, time and activity. It never consisted of simply spending time together doing nothing at somebody's house before you banged. That was an activity reserved for people who had already decided to spend lots of quality time with each other. So, when you first "hung out", that time when you got intimate, did you have those pre-arranged elements? Because if not, I think I have pinpointed the source of your troubles. You see, the weird thing is that when you refer to his activities with other people, you call it dating. When you refer to his activities with you, you call it "hanging out" - maybe this is a distinction without a difference. But in a way, you are bringing attention to some difference. He dates other people. He hangs out with you, and declines when you invite him places (ie, a "date"). Something just jumps out at me about that. I'm just probing because that's not how I understand the phrase. But again, if you say so, I believe you.
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 As I said, I'm looking for something serious. My goal is to get attached (slowly). If a woman has sex with me and then tells me not to get attached, I would assume that she isn't looking for the same. Also, at this point in my dating life, I don't push for sex right away at all. I'd like to get to know the woman and, in my experience, sex gets in the way of that. I see..thanks. We didn't have sex right away....we spoke for months (not dating) first. We would spend hours talking, but I see your point that was my 'don't want to get hurt" reaction when I said not to get attached
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 I'll take your word for it, BUT When that phrase is used around here, the terms of "hanging out" are indefinite, whereas a date generally has at a a minimum, a pre-arranged date, time and activity. It never consisted of simply spending time together doing nothing at somebody's house before you banged. That was an activity reserved for people who had already decided to spend lots of quality time with each other. So, when you first "hung out", that time when you got intimate, did you have those pre-arranged elements? Because if not, I think I have pinpointed the source of your troubles. You see, the weird thing is that when you refer to his activities with other people, you call it dating. When you refer to his activities with you, you call it "hanging out" - maybe this is a distinction without a difference. But in a way, you are bringing attention to some difference. He dates other people. He hangs out with you, and declines when you invite him places (ie, a "date"). Something just jumps out at me about that. I'm just probing because that's not how I understand the phrase. But again, if you say so, I believe you. Well, he told me when he was dating others before me, it was mostly at his/her place. He's very much a homebody and in fact, I think he has some social anxiety...but that is a guess. We hung only at my place and never at his. I told him that the next time we "hang" it would be out somewhere. What is also baffling is if I said I liked a certain movie or band, he would always download it for me. Not asking to watch with me, but always said he made me these. I do think the bottom line is he's just using me to stroke his ego, even though he first came after me. He did say something a few weeks back..he said "You own me" and I said "I do" and he said "more than you know" All so bizarre
Cristo Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Well, he told me when he was dating others before me, it was mostly at his/her place. He's very much a homebody and in fact, I think he has some social anxiety...but that is a guess. We hung only at my place and never at his. I told him that the next time we "hang" it would be out somewhere. What is also baffling is if I said I liked a certain movie or band, he would always download it for me. Not asking to watch with me, but always said he made me these. I do think the bottom line is he's just using me to stroke his ego, even though he first came after me. He did say something a few weeks back..he said "You own me" and I said "I do" and he said "more than you know" All so bizarre It's not that bizarre. I agree with what the other posters have said: he's not serious about you. Here's what you should do: define what you want. Set a specific goal and stick with it. If that goal is casual, then just keep doing what you're doing. If it's for something serious, don't have sex with someone until they've taken you out on a few legitimate dates at least.
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 It's not that bizarre. I agree with what the other posters have said: he's not serious about you. Here's what you should do: define what you want. Set a specific goal and stick with it. If that goal is casual, then just keep doing what you're doing. If it's for something serious, don't have sex with someone until they've taken you out on a few legitimate dates at least. good advice..thanks
Ami1uwant Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I don't know enough about his past relationships to draw conclusions. I think either he is on the fence on dating you or this dating training wheels are seriously broken. If he was married for 20 yrs or so and just got divorced and only now starting to date could explain some of this weirdness. What was yours and his relationship in high school...if you look very different from how you looked then maybe it's an issue. Did you have some Dort of reputation in high school? Maybe he is on the fence because he doesn't want yo date someone from high school....especially if he has little contact with anyone from high school in the last 25 years
Author RedDevil66 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 I don't know enough about his past relationships to draw conclusions. I think either he is on the fence on dating you or this dating training wheels are seriously broken. If he was married for 20 yrs or so and just got divorced and only now starting to date could explain some of this weirdness. What was yours and his relationship in high school...if you look very different from how you looked then maybe it's an issue. Did you have some Dort of reputation in high school? Maybe he is on the fence because he doesn't want yo date someone from high school....especially if he has little contact with anyone from high school in the last 25 years He went from a 18 yr marriage right into a 6 yr relationship and was since for 3 months when he started to talk to me. He's not been single a full year. He also was still seeing his ex on and off until 3 months ago. We never talked in HS. We had different worlds back then. He was the bodybuilder buff guy (still in) and I was the quiet rocker girl
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