You Don't Gota Work

[beautifuldiva1989]

This is for the girls but I think it applies to the guys too. Would you date a guy that told you

 

"Hey you don't got to work, I'm the man I should be working, I don't mind if you don't ever work".

 

I know that way is all 50's era of the man working and the women playing house wife, taking care of the house and errands etc. I know to this day there are still some families that do this set up while everyone else believes in the equal rights of both working, both driving, etc.

 

But for the women would you date a guy that said this to you or what would you do? What about you guys, would you date a women that told you this as well? What are your thoughts on it?

[LoneIsland]

If a woman tells me I don't got to work, I'll marry her instantly.

[leavesonautumn]

No, I wouldn't date a man who said that. We would not make a good match and our lifestyles and view of the world would be way too different. I have no problem with the set up in general if it works for the couple (even the other way around, man stays at home and woman works) but for myself, it wouldn't work.

[CarrieT]

I am 50 years old and I just got married.

 

For the past 25+ years, I have worked to support myself (and, in one case, to support a partner for almost 11 years).

 

Besides my JOB, I have always had part-time interests that brought in extra money; writing and jewelry-making.

 

My new husband told me that I no longer had to work my JOB (Executive Assistant to a CEO) and that I could pursue my art and writing with the caveat that I would be responsible for his kids (teenagers who need driving, lunches, home-cooked meals).

 

Our logic was that he was paying a nanny to do what I could do if I were home, so I accepted. Honestly, I feel as though I have worked harder in the past 12 months than when my time was my own... It is harder to find quiet time to create my art and although I have a book contract with a manuscript due next February, it is harder to work on that when there is a house to take care of (and I do have a housecleaner every other week to help with things like floors).

 

Sometimes "not working" is more work than a job.

[WhatIsLove2014]

I would marry someone like that. Like I'm not lookin for a sugar daddy or for someone to take care of me. I can easily take care of myself. But I wouldn't mind staying home with the kids, soccer mom type. I wouldn't mind.

[preraph]

As long as you understand that "you don't gotta work" means you'll actually be working longer and harder than the man, go for it. But when men want you to stay at home, it's usually they plan on you doing all the housework, all the childrearing, and that they get to be the boss because they think bringing home the only paycheck gives them that right -- but I will let you in on a secret. Back in the 50s, even though women were mostly locked into that lifestyle, they did not let the man control all the money and do everything he said but were instead the captain of their household and usually the ones who spent and controlled the money, so don't ever forget that. And don't ever not have a private stash all your own with a parent or friend in case you need to get out and have no access to what he considers his funds.

[anne1707]

Well I could never bring myself to dating someone who says "don't got to" let alone "don't gota" so I guess I am not going to have this dilemma.

 

 

 

 

 

Note: apart from the fact that I am happily married to a man who has too much respect for me to expect me to be so passive and dependent on him.

[Emilia]

Sure if he was going to pay off my mortgages, service charges, etc that come with owning properties, found the income that I currently have on top of what he earns. If he gave me all that money to replace my earnings then by all means. Kinda highly unlikely though he would probably think I'd live on pocket money?

[mightycpa]

"Hey you don't got to work, I'm the man I should be working, I don't mind if you don't ever work".

 

Ignoring the grammar, which would be an even bigger issue for me, these things sound pretty good:

 

#1- you don't got to work

#2- I don't mind if you don't ever work

 

It sounds like I've got options. I can work if I want to, but I don't have to. The implied promise is that I can live in the same lifestyle that I could afford myself if I was working. (a 1%er, thank you very much)

 

I guess the question I'd ask is,

If I don't work, what would you expect that I actually do?

[Gloria25]

Well, I guess by now some people can see I have some very "old fashioned" and/or "conservative" views....

 

I think people are fighting against biology...Men physically and emotionally are made different from us cuz they are built to provide and protect.

 

If you look around now a days, with men flipping out of college and women working, a lot of men are turning into "boys" who are irresponsible, in perpetual adolescence, and have no purpose.

 

Some women in marriages/RLs where there's a role reversal, also appear to lose sexual interest in their man, cuz duh, it's biology, and he's no longer "the man".

 

For me, since I came from a broken home where my dad was a bum, I am very adamant about making my own money and am scared to let a guy be in charge...

 

I think that some people down-play the need for mothers in the homes...I don't believe daycare, nannies, grandparents are the same as having your mom around...Since all this "mothers need to not be at homes" is mostly this generation, I think it will be a while before we see the repercussions of not having women caring for the home and the kids.

 

Also, being a homemaker is not just about the kids, it's about making the house a "home". I work full-time, have pets, and cooking and cleaning my home is literally a task. It takes a lot of work. But, I like serving food for my mom and I and family members who come over - I feel like I'm "nurturing" them...and, I like a clean/decent home. But, with me working full-time, it gets rough to keep it all up, so I can only imagine how a woman with kids, husband, and full-time job would not be able to juggle all those things...

 

So, the childhood obesity, kids with issues, and unhappy husbands, IMO, are a result of women preferring the workplace instead of the home...And, I don't know why, cuz if you married a good man, then why would you put a "Job" (where they will replace you the day you drop dead) over your man and home?

[slizl]

Anyone that says you don't GOT to work instead of you don't HAVE to work probably won't make enough to support two people...

[BlueIris]

This is for the girls but I think it applies to the guys too. Would you date a guy that told you

 

"Hey you don't got to work, I'm the man I should be working, I don't mind if you don't ever work".

 

I know that way is all 50's era of the man working and the women playing house wife, taking care of the house and errands etc. I know to this day there are still some families that do this set up while everyone else believes in the equal rights of both working, both driving, etc.

 

But for the women would you date a guy that said this to you or what would you do? What about you guys, would you date a women that told you this as well? What are your thoughts on it?

 

Um, no. Not for me. Great for some, but not for me. I was a stay at home wife and mom for 13 years and while I loved our life and home, it wasn't enough for me. I started falling in love with NPR reporters because they talked to me as though I was an intelligent interesting woman. It was bad for my mental health.

[carhill]

What about you guys, would you date a women that told you this as well? What are your thoughts on it?

 

"I know I don't have to work. I like to work"

 

My thoughts are whatever works for the couple, works for the couple.

 

FWIW, I was raised by a SAHM and she worked her ass off. It was the hardest job she ever did for no pay, and she chose to give up a good job in her late 30's to do it and yep, this was back in the 50's.

[NJ123]

I'm a guy & I guess it depends on whether we're married with kids or not. If we weren't married or didn't have kids I'd think that was a bit weird for her telling me that. But if we were married & had kids & she was making way more $ than me than I wouldn't mind staying home since she would make more household income. It would make sense for her to continue to work instead of me.

[d0nnivain]

No. I met a guy in grad school who had that attitude. We didn't last. I couldn't believe he thought I would spend that much money on a post-graduate degree to get an MRS