heartshaped Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 So I met this guy two weeks ago while out with some friends. We made plans to go out last Friday, but I ended up having to work late and had to cancel. We've been talking everyday though or almost every other day and he's just so...clingy or affectionate or sweet or whatever take your pick. The thing that has me running for the hills currently though is our last exchange. I worked a half day today and am currently off doing some house keeping. I passed a mirror in my house, saw I looked fairly nice, and snapped a photo and sent it to him. His response was, "how did I ever get so lucky." Mind you, I haven't been on the first date with this guy. I guess he realized how strong he was laying it on because he tacked on, "if things work out I mean." But now I'm sort of like...to go on this date or not to go on this date. I think I could deal if he was just the player type, but I'm pretty sure he's sincere. Just seems like if I go on this date and it turns out well he may turn into a stage five clinger.
BioFlux Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Are you ready for a relationship? If the answer is no, then let him be. 1
Jules Dash Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I see your concern but keep in mind, he could be pouring it in on a little thick during the honeymoon period and is not good at rationing out the cuteness. 2 months from now, he may not be as cute or clingy. Give him a shot. He may work out the kinks. 1
Author heartshaped Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 I feel like on the one hand maybe he was just trying to be sweet and laid it on way too thick. I feel like this has to do a lot with timing too like if he had said this to me 10 dates into the future I probably wouldn't have batted an eye at it. But it isn't just this. It seems he's always laying it on thick. For instance, if I don't reply to his messages right away (say within a few hours) he will text again, he's always going on about how sweet and gorgeous I am, and he has made some mention of potential future plans. Which again all of this probably wouldn't bother me if we were a few dates in, but this is a bit much before date one no?
CarrieT Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 he will text again, he's always going on about how sweet and gorgeous I am You haven't met him yet? He doesn't know if you are sweet and the gorgeousness is based on photos, not reality... Red flag, red flag, red flag...
40 Fonzarelli Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I don't think you can really judge someone's real personality over texts. I say go on the date. What do you have to lose? 2
preraph Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 There is probably someone out there right for him who loves being worshipped even though the guy doesn't even know them, but you're not that person and neither am I. The longer you stay, the harder he'll hold on. So follow your instinct here.
BlueIris Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 So I met this guy two weeks ago while out with some friends. We made plans to go out last Friday, but I ended up having to work late and had to cancel. We've been talking everyday though or almost every other day and he's just so...clingy or affectionate or sweet or whatever take your pick. The thing that has me running for the hills currently though is our last exchange. I worked a half day today and am currently off doing some house keeping. I passed a mirror in my house, saw I looked fairly nice, and snapped a photo and sent it to him. His response was, "how did I ever get so lucky." Mind you, I haven't been on the first date with this guy. I guess he realized how strong he was laying it on because he tacked on, "if things work out I mean." But now I'm sort of like...to go on this date or not to go on this date. I think I could deal if he was just the player type, but I'm pretty sure he's sincere. Just seems like if I go on this date and it turns out well he may turn into a stage five clinger. Hm… I’m not going to be so harsh on this guy. You sent him a picture without having ever gone on a date with him, and you’ve been conversing with him every day or almost every day. I dunno… Seems like you’re also giving him strong signals. I’d reserve judgment (or reserve the signals) until after you’ve gone out and spent a couple of hours together. Personally, I like it when a man thinks I’m attractive and feels lucky to be talking and dating. It’s necessary but not sufficient, you know? 3
you_can_not_see_me Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 So I met this guy two weeks ago while out with some friends. We made plans to go out last Friday, but I ended up having to work late and had to cancel. We've been talking everyday though or almost every other day and he's just so...clingy or affectionate or sweet or whatever take your pick. The thing that has me running for the hills currently though is our last exchange. I worked a half day today and am currently off doing some house keeping. I passed a mirror in my house, saw I looked fairly nice, and snapped a photo and sent it to him. His response was, "how did I ever get so lucky." Mind you, I haven't been on the first date with this guy. I guess he realized how strong he was laying it on because he tacked on, "if things work out I mean." But now I'm sort of like...to go on this date or not to go on this date. I think I could deal if he was just the player type, but I'm pretty sure he's sincere. Just seems like if I go on this date and it turns out well he may turn into a stage five clinger. texts can give you the wrong impression! sure he might be clingy, but he could have also been just trying to joke. I think you should go to the date, worst case scenario you can ignore him or turn him down for the next date, but if you don't you there is a chance the guy isn't clingy and you just got the wrong impression.
Joaquin Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 (edited) Your sending him pics of yourself looking all that and you haven't even been on a date yet. Then getting testy that he's over familiar. And he's over the top one. Pot. Kettle etc. Edited September 26, 2014 by Joaquin 10
Cristo Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 So I met this guy two weeks ago while out with some friends. We made plans to go out last Friday, but I ended up having to work late and had to cancel. We've been talking everyday though or almost every other day and he's just so...clingy or affectionate or sweet or whatever take your pick. The thing that has me running for the hills currently though is our last exchange. I worked a half day today and am currently off doing some house keeping. I passed a mirror in my house, saw I looked fairly nice, and snapped a photo and sent it to him. His response was, "how did I ever get so lucky." Mind you, I haven't been on the first date with this guy. I guess he realized how strong he was laying it on because he tacked on, "if things work out I mean." But now I'm sort of like...to go on this date or not to go on this date. I think I could deal if he was just the player type, but I'm pretty sure he's sincere. Just seems like if I go on this date and it turns out well he may turn into a stage five clinger. First of all, don't ask advice like this from an online where you don't know anybody (as it is, some of the female responders here are of questionable morality). Ask your friends IRL that have what you are looking for. One thing that you have to ask yourself is are you looking for something serious or just a fling? If you are looking for something serious, re-read what I've bolded. Because if you turn down seemingly good guys for reasons like this, you'll get what you're asking for. 2
ThorntonMelon Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I don't see anything wrong with what he's doing, except you like players. 2
BlueIris Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 (edited) I’m thinking about this, and want to say, there’s no “fault” implied in my response above or here. And being the romance cheerleader to the end, I think you have a boy flirting with you! How delicious! And so, very tentatively and for now, and without drawing wild conclusions, you might have someone pretty terrific on your hands. Look at all the good stuff here: ~ He’s met you and it was good ~ He’ll talk to you and isn’t pressuring you ~ He thinks you’re very pretty ~ He feels lucky that you’re paying attention to him and being nice to him ~ He seems sincere No guarantees and you can’t tell, but based on this, this is very good so I’d be letting him know I’d like to cash in that rain-check and I’d be preparing for a flirty first date. Edited September 26, 2014 by BlueIris 2
Author heartshaped Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 Your sending him pics of yourself looking all that and you haven't even been on a date yet. Then getting testy that he's over familiar. And he's over the top one. Pot. Kettle etc. Yes, I suppose I was being a bit...I don't know the word I'm looking for, but I certainly knew I looked nice. I guess if he'd responded back without acknowledging that I looked nice I would've been miffed the other way around because then I would've thought perhaps he didn't find me attractive. I guess I was just expecting, "you look nice today, heartshaped." Instead I got, "how could I possibly be this lucky." If anything, I guess this teaches me that sending pictures of myself to guys may have unexpected results. I am [possibly] looking for a relationship right now, but I just feel like this guy is coming on so strong. Some of this, however, makes me feel like maybe he's just a bit insecure. We met when his band was playing a set downtown and I was out with my girlfriends so we only interacted in person maybe for 30 minutes or so altogether? We talked mostly about general fluff topics and shared a few laughs, but it does stand out in my memory when he asked for my number he seemed very unsure of himself. His last relationship also ended because his ex cheated.
Day.One Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 But it isn't just this. It seems he's always laying it on thick. For instance, if I don't reply to his messages right away (say within a few hours) he will text again, he's always going on about how sweet and gorgeous I am, and he has made some mention of potential future plans. Seriously!
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Meet him 1st. He's probably just an awkward guy. Keep your distance & be mindful that this could be a red flag, like Carrie says. Right now based on your negative reaction to him I'll call it a yellow caution flag but the idea of not meeting someone because they are too nice saddens me. I'm all for running away from jerks but give this guy a chance, perhaps only an hour but a real chance. 2
Author heartshaped Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 Meet him 1st. He's probably just an awkward guy. Keep your distance & be mindful that this could be a red flag, like Carrie says. Right now based on your negative reaction to him I'll call it a yellow caution flag but the idea of not meeting someone because they are too nice saddens me. I'm all for running away from jerks but give this guy a chance, perhaps only an hour but a real chance. I've decided to go and see how things go. On the phone, he's fine. It's just over text he seems too affectionate. But after giving it a bit of thought, I realized he didn't start being like this until after I canceled our date last Friday. I was swamped at work and called him on my lunch break to cancel. I didn't offer a different day, but said I would let him know when I'd be free. I think he may have thought I was giving him the brush off and in retrospect it probably seemed that way. We didn't speak after that until Monday or Tuesday when he sent me a short message asking me if I had given any thought to another day we could grab dinner or lunch even. I replied that I was sorry I hadn't gotten back to him, the weekend had been busy for me, and that this Friday would probably be good as this week was suppose to be slower at work and I would probably only work a half day. Ever since he's been way more attentive and affectionate so it could be possible he's just doing all this to compensate for what he's reading as a lack of interest on my part. I'll see how this date goes and if after this I still feel like he's coming on too strong I'll say something. 1
Cristo Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Great decision. I think you are making the right choice here. I'll see how this date goes and if after this I still feel like he's coming on too strong I'll say something. In a slightly unrelated note, this brings up a good point. I wonder why people are so afraid of direct communication when dating even in the early stages. I've been doing this recently and it works very well. You will know pretty quickly whether or not you are right for the person. Also, if people aren't directly communicating and are just assuming, you could potentially be missing out on great long-term (or even short-term) partners over something very small that becomes magnified. But I guess this goes along with the general lack of social skills of most people (both men and women) these days, as well as the many options that each person has to allow them to move on so quickly. Just a thought.
Assasda Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 This woman is walking all over this poor dude. Its not OP's fault either Being needy and clingy just isnt attractive Hopefully you have a good date, and he's not the sort of dude that gets walked over.
SpiralOut Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Yes, I suppose I was being a bit...I don't know the word I'm looking for, but I certainly knew I looked nice. You were being a tease. Nothing wrong with doing that, just don't be surprised when you get a reaction like that.
Cristo Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 This woman is walking all over this poor dude. I don't see how she's walking all over him. She's simply questioning whether or not she wants to date him. She didn't ask him to wash her car or anything. Its not OP's fault either Being needy and clingy just isnt attractive Just for the sake of argument, a person behaving in an unattractive way is no excuse for another person to treat them poorly. We've evolved passed decisions based solely on instinct. OP is more than capable of consciously controlling her actions. If OP WAS treating him poorly (which I don't think she is), then it would definitely be her fault. 1
Author heartshaped Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 You were being a tease. Nothing wrong with doing that, just don't be surprised when you get a reaction like that. Tease? I was fully dressed in this photo. It wasn't even a full body shot for heaven's sakes. And I think, "how could I possibly be this lucky" is a reaction no one is/was/or ever will be expecting. Anyways, on to this date, the date went fine. I think saying it went 'well' is a bit of a stretch, but not because of him being clingy or awkward or anything like that. He was a perfect gentleman, the conversation flowed, and we shared a few laughs. I wouldn't mind seeing him again, I think. 2
reliablewolf Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 what kept the date from going "well" in your opinion?
Author heartshaped Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 I hate to say it or sound cliche, but there wasn't any chemistry between us. I felt almost as if I was having dinner and drinks with a friend of mine. But, it may be because of how he acted on the date. To say he was so affectionate and clingy over text, in person, he did not flirt with me at all really or initiate any physical contact. He was very respectful and gentleman like opening doors, etc. and we only hugged at the end of the night.
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