d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Several years ago a dated a guy for about 2 years. We'd known each other in high school but we didn't date until 20 years later. We broke up after he lied to me. It was the right decision & I never looked back. Fast forward 2 years. I met a great guy & we started dating. About 6 weeks into that new romance, I get a call that the EX committed suicide. I was devastated. The "new" BF actually helped me through it. He was amazing & I fell in love with him as a result. The EX's sister got involved with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. She is the local leader of a Walk Out of the Darkness fundraiser which is amazing. I have never been able to bring myself to help with her fundraising efforts because the 1st event was held on my wedding day & the subsequent ones have always been the weekend of our anniversary. The date is coming up again & I remain conflicted. I feel guilty that the EX is dead & I'm happy (survivor's guilt). I feel disloyal to my husband that I think about the EX this time of year. I don't want the EX back but I do wish he was still alive. I'm trying to get up the courage to at least send the sister a check for her / the organization's efforts. What do you think?
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Being traumatized by such a thing, I am sure you'll never fully get over it. I am sure it won't be any harm to donate. I am sure the family/sister would appreciate your kind gesture.
stillafool Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 So sorry about your Ex. My brother commited suicide and it's a devastating experience for the family. My brother commited suicide over 25 years ago and I'm still not over it. I think it would be very kind and thoughtful to send a card with a check to the sister.
Author d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 Does it matter that I haven't given before? Trust me. She will notice my check. And she is aware that I backed away. She asked me to help in years past, including the 1st year & I had to say I was getting married. Stillafool sorry for your loss.
stillafool Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Of course not. You can explain in the card that this is something you've always wanted to do but was out of town etc., bla bla. She will be touched that their family is still in your thoughts. 2
True Gent Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Does it matter that I haven't given before? I don't see why that should matter, it's always been difficult timing for you. I would see it as a token of repect and good will. It's not your fault he is dead, you struggled to come to terms with it by the sounds of it and that's understandable. Anyone with any decency should realise that, if not then that's on them not you. Give yourself a break, make the donation and enjoy your anniversary. 1
Itspointless Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Does it matter that I haven't given before? Trust me. She will notice my check. And she is aware that I backed away. She asked me to help in years past, including the 1st year & I had to say I was getting married. Stillafool sorry for your loss. Somehow your posts in this thread made me a bit emotional. You know my mother died years ago due to the disease that ice-bucket challenge is for. I think I have seen a bit to much death and illnesses nearby when I was young hence the getting emotional. Anyway, I always found it difficult to express my emotions in public, especially since. I even wasn't able to say something at her funeral or do what she expressed she hoped at that time. I had the feeling I fell short to her and others as others seemed to not have that problem at all. Bottom-line is we all process our grief differently, hence me almost watering-up with your posts now. I am happy to read your partner does not feel threatened, as there is no need for that and really no need for you to feel disloyal to your partner. We love some people during our lives and your partner knows that, it makes him special. The ex's sister probably understands too, sometimes we are our own worst enemies.
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