where to stay for the first meeting?...

[blugirl]

Hello,

 

so my SO (or simply: the guy I've been talking to, as some ppl here seem to be all up in arms at the mention of 'bf/SO', if people havent met yet - whatever) has finally booked the flights to come to me in January and is in the process of completing all the necessary documents to get a visa. It will be a lot of paperwork before he gets it, I also have to help him by going to the foreigner's office here and get an official invitation for foreigners for him - he will be applying for a 'friend visit' visa, so I guess it will be much easier for him to get it than if he applied for a tourist one because I will officially vouch for him. Also, my country doesn't have an embassy in his, so he has to do it through another European country's embassy, which is authorised to issue visas for my country.

 

Anyways, one of the documents he has to provide is either a proof that he'll be staying over at my place - but we won't do that so he has to provide hotels reservations' details. That means we have to book the rooms soon. And now we get to the issue I'm pondering over.

 

Hotels are very expensive so we won't be staying in any, we don't have that much money to waste. I've found an awesome international website, Airbnb, where people offer their apartments or only rooms for rent and it's on average half the price cheaper than hotels and so cool because we would have an access to the kitchen - and I want to cook some traditional food for him when he's here; I wouldnt be able to do that in a hotel.

But the thing is, we would be sharing the apartment and the bathroom together and it makes me feel a bit stressed out due to silly reason. I don't mind sharing a flat with him in general cause we've been talking to each other for 5 years so I know him and I know that he won't hurt me or anything. The thing, which makes me uncomfortable is, erm, using the toilet and, you know, gases >< I've read here on the forums countless times that people shared a flat or even only a hotel room when they met for the first time, but it makes me think - how did they go about those things...? I mean, it's already a bit stressful to share space with someone you meet IRL for the first time, and I can't really imagine eg. using the toilet and all those sounds, when he would hear it all o_O, it would be extremely uncomfortable for me. And when I try to hold gasses in, my stomach starts to ache and I feel like sh*t.

 

How to go about it? Or maybe you guys have another idea where to stay? I'm curious how you solved that "problem" during your first meeting?

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I am probably a bit older than you, but I think with age and experiance with with a few women in BF / GF relationships... Sharing a flat or single room is not a concern for me or the other for knowing each other for the first time in a personal way.

 

It think if you are too worried about sharing details that go beyond what you have shared before, it will make matters worse.

 

If I were to see my LDR for the first time and spend the night, sure we'd get a kick out of hearing a fart across the room. Just that is natural, as seeing the others anatomy when having sex.

 

For me I rather know if I am in love with a gas bag when meeting than to find out later when properly moved in.

 

6 years, and still touchy feely. Might as well start talking about them farts and poos now before you meet.

 

My LDR shares without going too far on TMI about her tummy issues. I am fully aware of her needs, and if need be to be careful of her privacy, will not follow her into the loo just because I can. heheheheh!!!

 

I think being open about such matters before you see each other will allow personal things to be more accepted than hiding them away.

[d0nnivain]

I think sharing on the 1st meeting is a bad idea. What if you don't click?

 

You stay in your apartment & he gets accommodations elsewhere. If you can't afford the trip now, postpone it or shorten it but don't share.

 

Airbnb is a great for discounts. Why can't he stay there by himself & you go home after your dates? Why can't he come to your house while you cool & then leave after?

 

Also try Priceline or hotwire for cheaper hotel room rates. I just booked a hotel in Virginia that is usually $190 per night for $66. Several years ago I got a hotel in Paris for $125 per night that is normally $450. There are bargains to be had.

[blugirl]

I think sharing on the 1st meeting is a bad idea. What if you don't click?

 

You stay in your apartment & he gets accommodations elsewhere. If you can't afford the trip now, postpone it or shorten it but don't share.

 

Airbnb is a great for discounts. Why can't he stay there by himself & you go home after your dates? Why can't he come to your house while you cool & then leave after?

 

Also try Priceline or hotwire for cheaper hotel room rates. I just booked a hotel in Virginia that is usually $190 per night for $66. Several years ago I got a hotel in Paris for $125 per night that is normally $450. There are bargains to be had.

 

Because we will be touring my country and staying in different cities, we wont even go to my hometown on our way. He wants to see the country and see me at the same time, killing two birds with one stone.

 

Thanks for the suggestions

 

sdrawkcaB ssA, yeah, I think we'll both need to have a little discussion beforehand...

[d0nnivain]

Because we will be touring my country and staying in different cities, we wont even go to my hometown on our way. He wants to see the country and see me at the same time, killing two birds with one stone.

 

I think you bit off more than you two can chew. Schedule two trips. One should be the 1st meet. He stays in a hotel. You stay home. If that works & goes well, then you do this big trip with him.

 

You are putting yourself in a potentially dangerous & untenable situation by committing to this long tour with no support for your 1st meeting. What are you going to do if you don't click? How will you get out of it? How will you get home? Going on a long trip & sharing close quarters with a stranger is a BAD plan.

 

What if after your talk he still doesn't take no for an answer? Alone in a rented apartment, he does have the ability to overpower you. Now what?

[Els]

IMO toilet sounds should be the least of your worries. It doesn't matter to me that you're calling him your bf when you've never met (people should be able to call others whatever they like as long as the other person agrees), but you still need to consider basic safety precautions. Living in an apartment together with a man you've never met is really not a good idea, regardless of how long you have talked online. If you two were truly meant to be, then there would be no harm in taking things a bit slow in the beginning.

 

If hotels are too expensive, how about a backpackers or hostel? At least there would be other people around in the worst case scenario, and they tend to be much cheaper than hotels.

Edited September 26, 2014 by Elswyth

[blugirl]

I think you bit off more than you two can chew. Schedule two trips. One should be the 1st meet. He stays in a hotel. You stay home. If that works & goes well, then you do this big trip with him.

 

You are putting yourself in a potentially dangerous & untenable situation by committing to this long tour with no support for your 1st meeting. What are you going to do if you don't click? How will you get out of it? How will you get home? Going on a long trip & sharing close quarters with a stranger is a BAD plan.

 

What if after your talk he still doesn't take no for an answer? Alone in a rented apartment, he does have the ability to overpower you. Now what?

Such scenario is out of the question. For starters, only my dad and my close friends know that he's coming. My dad is awesome and I can tell him anything and he supports me but he doesn't live with me, my parents are divorced long ago. I still live with my mum and she's kinda a racist person (my SO is of different race than me) and I just know she would totally rage and wouldnt leave me alone if she got to know I have feelings for him, she would say all the ugly things and try to make me break it. That's the kind of person she is. So I don't intend to tell her because if me and him dont click then no point making a fuss in vain. I will just tell her I'm going to tour with my friends so he cant come to my hometown. Us touring the country is the only way we can see each other for now. Since my dad and friends know about him, I feel safer andbefore I leave for the trip, I will certainly leave his home address, phone number and company name&address to all of them, just in case. My dad is a bit concerned over this but it's not the first time I meet up with a guy I know from the internet so he is mostly ok with it, just tells me to be cautious and call him immediately if something was wrong.

 

I dont know what if we dont click, I cant even imagine it. Both of us talked about such a possibility and he says that if it happens, then we'll just keep touring like friends and will enjoy the trip. It's only 11.5 days.

 

IMO toilet sounds should be the least of your worries. It doesn't matter to me that you're calling him your bf when you've never met (people should be able to call others whatever they like as long as the other person agrees), but you still need to consider basic safety precautions. Living in an apartment together with a man you've never met is really not a good idea, regardless of how long you have talked online. If you two were truly meant to be, then there would be no harm in taking things a bit slow in the beginning.

 

If hotels are too expensive, how about a backpackers or hostel? At least there would be other people around in the worst case scenario, and they tend to be much cheaper than hotels.

I was thinking about a hostel but I want privacy and they usually have 1-person room but without a bathroom (a no-no for me, I need my own bathroom), which costs a bomb so by sharing an apartment we would save up a lot of money.

[justwhoiam]

Cut it down to a week, and get one-bedroom suites. They have a living room separate from the bedroom. It gives you enough privacy to change, etc.

If you pick hotels that are not downtown, you spend less. Assuming you travel by car, it should be a non-issue for you.

 

I guess it's just normal you have some privacy at first. Also, I too think that hostels wouldn't be a good idea for a couple on their first trip.

 

On the other hand, I'd be concerned to go full-in on a first date, for various reasons. But I guess here there are logistics problems preventing different arrangements, as in not many options viable. Where is he coming from? And what country will you be touring?

 

Regarding the visa, I would discourage the friend's invitation, it's not a priority, especially if issued by a woman for a man. They're not stupid. The best thing would be having some close friend/relative owning a company and writing the invitation letter for a business trip of X days. I guess they would seldom reject a business invitation for a very limited amount of time. I myself have prepared such letters for the embassies abroad, and they always worked. If it's not an option for you, then go the friend's route and good luck.

[blugirl]

Cut it down to a week, and get one-bedroom suites. They have a living room separate from the bedroom. It gives you enough privacy to change, etc.

If you pick hotels that are not downtown, you spend less. Assuming you travel by car, it should be a non-issue for you.

 

I guess it's just normal you have some privacy at first. Also, I too think that hostels wouldn't be a good idea for a couple on their first trip.

 

On the other hand, I'd be concerned to go full-in on a first date, for various reasons. But I guess here there are logistics problems preventing different arrangements, as in not many options viable. Where is he coming from? And what country will you be touring?

 

Regarding the visa, I would discourage the friend's invitation, it's not a priority, especially if issued by a woman for a man. They're not stupid. The best thing would be having some close friend/relative owning a company and writing the invitation letter for a business trip of X days. I guess they would seldom reject a business invitation for a very limited amount of time. I myself have prepared such letters for the embassies abroad, and they always worked. If it's not an option for you, then go the friend's route and good luck.

The thing is, the dates cant be changed cause the tickets he bought are the promo fare so no changes can be made. Also, neither of us drives a car, we'll be relying on a public transport. He's coming from the Philippines over here to Poland.

 

Thank you for the invitation letter suggestion - I thought about it but I dont know anyone, who owns a company so I have to rely on myself.

[azureorb]

Where to stay? Well, I'm sure he's planning to stay inside your va-jay-jay.

 

You should both look online for coupons/discounts on a hotel that has 2 bathrooms. Combined, that should be (knock on wood) cheaper than getting separate rooms, if you find the right place that's not too "glamorous" but just has a large space with 2 baths.

 

If you can't manage that, just buy the book "Everybody Poops", and leave it on the nightstand.

[blugirl]

Where to stay? Well, I'm sure he's planning to stay inside your va-jay-jay.

 

You should both look online for coupons/discounts on a hotel that has 2 bathrooms. Combined, that should be (knock on wood) cheaper than getting separate rooms, if you find the right place that's not too "glamorous" but just has a large space with 2 baths.

 

If you can't manage that, just buy the book "Everybody Poops", and leave it on the nightstand.

 

Lol....he can be planning all he wants but I'm not sure, if I do! Muahahaha.

 

Thanks, hilarious suggestion

[Els]

I was thinking about a hostel but I want privacy and they usually have 1-person room but without a bathroom (a no-no for me, I need my own bathroom), which costs a bomb so by sharing an apartment we would save up a lot of money.

 

How old are you, OP?

 

You are prioritizing all the wrong things IMO. Toilet sounds, your own bathroom... yes I totally get the feeling of wanting my own bathroom (I'm a picky person when it comes to bathrooms, that's why I hate camping! ), but not at the expense of my life and safety. You are choosing to risk living in an apartment with a man you have never met, just so you can have your own bathroom and save a bit of money. Things can go really, really wrong. Of course, they might not, but do you value your life so little as to take the chance?

 

Come on, book separate rooms for the first few nights at least, then once you are more confident with him you can room in with him. Also backpackers/hostels tend to have ensuite rooms which have a bathroom and is still cheaper than a hotel. There are various sites that offer discounts on hotel rooms as well, especially if you are there during the non-peak period.

Edited September 27, 2014 by Elswyth

[K0203]

sdrawkcaB ssA I am probably a bit older than you, but I think with age and experiance with with a few women in BF / GF relationships... Sharing a flat or single room is not a concern for me or the other for knowing each other for the first time in a personal way.

 

It think if you are too worried about sharing details that go beyond what you have shared before, it will make matters worse.

 

If I were to see my LDR for the first time and spend the night, sure we'd get a kick out of hearing a fart across the room. Just that is natural, as seeing the others anatomy when having sex.

 

For me I rather know if I am in love with a gas bag when meeting than to find out later when properly moved in.

 

6 years, and still touchy feely. Might as well start talking about them farts and poos now before you meet.

 

My LDR shares without going too far on TMI about her tummy issues. I am fully aware of her needs, and if need be to be careful of her privacy, will not follow her into the loo just because I can. heheheheh!!!

 

I think being open about such matters before you see each other will allow personal things to be more accepted than hiding them away.

 

Very much agreeing with this.

 

First time meeting my SO we spent two days together in a hotel followed by journeying on a 9-day cruise together.. You've known your SO longer than I did. It depends on the people and relationship I think.

 

For us, we did a lot together "through the phone". We talked about all the "natural" things and heard them.. I listened to him sleep (snoring and gases and all).. After a while we became really comfortable with each other.

 

Then we were having trouble at first deciding on a good place to meet, since we are both travel fanatics and already been to many places. We got on the subject of my experience on a cruise which he had never tried, so it was settled then and there lol.

 

Point is it depends on the people. If you're open and honest about all of that it won't be as awkward. Nonetheless, there's still a risk of it not working out between the two. So there should always be Plan B just in case. Like making sure they're two beds in the room, having the cash in case you must get another last minute room, etc.

[blugirl]

How old are you, OP?

 

You are prioritizing all the wrong things IMO. Toilet sounds, your own bathroom... yes I totally get the feeling of wanting my own bathroom (I'm a picky person when it comes to bathrooms, that's why I hate camping! ), but not at the expense of my life and safety. You are choosing to risk living in an apartment with a man you have never met, just so you can have your own bathroom and save a bit of money. Things can go really, really wrong. Of course, they might not, but do you value your life so little as to take the chance?

 

Come on, book separate rooms for the first few nights at least, then once you are more confident with him you can room in with him. Also backpackers/hostels tend to have ensuite rooms which have a bathroom and is still cheaper than a hotel. There are various sites that offer discounts on hotel rooms as well, especially if you are there during the non-peak period.

You're right, actually I forgot to mention there are 2-room apartments available as well so I think it's a good idea to book them for the first few days and we'll see how goes.

 

I'm 26.

 

Very much agreeing with this.

 

First time meeting my SO we spent two days together in a hotel followed by journeying on a 9-day cruise together.. You've known your SO longer than I did. It depends on the people and relationship I think.

 

For us, we did a lot together "through the phone". We talked about all the "natural" things and heard them.. I listened to him sleep (snoring and gases and all).. After a while we became really comfortable with each other.

 

Then we were having trouble at first deciding on a good place to meet, since we are both travel fanatics and already been to many places. We got on the subject of my experience on a cruise which he had never tried, so it was settled then and there lol.

 

Point is it depends on the people. If you're open and honest about all of that it won't be as awkward. Nonetheless, there's still a risk of it not working out between the two. So there should always be Plan B just in case. Like making sure they're two beds in the room, having the cash in case you must get another last minute room, etc.

Thanks a lot for sharing your story! That's what I wanted to hear from other posters here but you're the only one so far

[HeavenOrHell]

Originally he was going to stay in a B and B close to my home, he sounded a bit upset when I suggested it rather than stay at mine as it made him feel I didn't trust him, but he understood when I said women have to be cautious, I think sometimes men just don't get how cautious we have to be as they don't have those same fears.

 

In the end though we met in another town, in my country, I wouldn't have met first time in his country, we met halfway for both of us, so about 3 or 4 hours traveling for each of us, maybe I was mad but I felt I trusted him enough to share a hotel room with him, but I'm not suggesting everyone should do that, on the contrary in fact. We'd been talking online/phone/skype every day for 4 months.

 

I thought if I met him and something didn't feel right then we could find another hotel room for one of us, I also told a couple of friends which hotel it was and one of them phoned me.

 

It took me about 5 minutes of meeting him to feel at ease with him, we were both so nervous as we're both shy and anxious meeting new people, especially when you really want things to work out, anyway I knew pretty much straight away that it was the right decision to share a room. When I'd booked it he said please don't book separate rooms, he didn't mean for sex, he meant so we could just hang out and chat together, just feel close, which I thought was sweet, I didn't feel pressured into sharing a room, I just knew what he'd prefer.

So glad we shared a room, its one of those memories which will stay with me for ever for various reasons.

 

So I can only say what my experience was, can't say what others should do, except for go with what your instincts are, be cautious, have a plan B in case you don't feel totally at ease when you meet, so maybe separate rooms would be best just in case?

 

For a first visit 4 or 5 days is enough for me, as I'd have worried if we'd had longer and hadn't click as we'd hoped, but then if you have a longer distance than ours 5 days isn't worth it.

[kimiky]

Hi there blu If it makes you feel more relaxed, I went through the same doubts when I met my online bf, we talked for aproximately the same ammount of years than you. And I stayed at HIS house, nothing more nothing less, because we are both a little younger than you and we have no economic independence. Remember that you are both humans, and that he may have the same worries, hell some boys even have a lot of complexes regarding their "smell" when they do their things lol. When I arrived his house, we were sitting and due to the long journey, my stomach started to make sounds, and it sounded like farts lol, but he did understand, and i was so comfy with him that i didn't even worry about that or what he may think. Regarding going to the bathroom... well I had no choice but using the fammily one and well, if i really needed it i would use it and have no worries about sounds or smells, if happens to have bad smell well, wash yours hands with soap while the "air renews". But as you are going to be with him alone, if it will be your partner for life, why worry about those things? Someday you will talk with him about that and laugh a lot

The idea of staying on those apartments is alright. You know what you do and that you can trust him so no need to listen to "i would stay at an hotel for security reasons blablabla". In fact you will have more time to spend together and know each other better than staying apart.