One headlight....

[Secondplace]

So, last night i was on youtube looking for videos on getting over a breakup. Ran across one, based on science. They did studies and said that a breakup has the same effect as drug withdrawals. This is why its so important to go NC and STAY NC!! Doing anything else is keeping yourself on the addiction.

 

Then, i ran across another video about relationships. They had couples on asking questions. The way these couples interacted with each other. Then i started thinking about my ex. I thought of what i did for her, and what she did for me, and what i was getting out of it. I could not answer what she has done, or what i was getting out of it. It was my lightbulb moment!!

 

I really did some deep thinking at that point, and began to feel really good about myself.

 

Today is casual friday. I put on my jeans, grabbed my boots, and headed for my bike. Its nice.... A Cadillac on two wheels. Got on the on ramp, kicked her into 5th gear, had the tunes going... What a ride!!!

 

You all can beat the addiction. Stay NC!!

 

It's cruising time for me!!

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

A relationship is give and take... and that can only be done with trust and no expectations.

 

I can't say she was selfish, by how you expressed how you enjoy your nice bike.

 

So from what you said, it sounded like you were not getting what you expected in return.

 

Did you expect her to understand your needs or did you expect to understand hers???

[Secondplace]

I was getting nothing in return. I did so much for her. I did my very best to meet and exceed her needs. All i got from her was excuses. I tried to find solutions, she could only find excuses.

 

I am not sure what i was to her. The past few months i have felt more like a maintenance man. One time when i tried talking with her, her response was that her presence should be enough for me. Then these past couple months when the intimacy stopped, she said sleeping with her should be enough. The only time she has had is just to crawl in the same bed and sleep.

 

I continued to do things for her, listened to her.

 

I basically felt like her maintenance man who got to share the same bed occasionally just for rest.

 

Funny thing, if i did something by myself when she was busy, and did not tell her before hand, i got my as.. Ripped apart.

Examples, just taking a ride on my bike, or visiting one of my brothers. Innocent things like that.

 

I would leave her little notes here and there.

 

From her, i would get nothing

[mav3rik]

as i was reading your post, i cant help but think of the wallflowers..

 

now the song is stuck in my head..

[AaronSG]

Getting very little to nothing in return sounds way to familiar! Sounds like we have dealt with the same personality of woman!

 

Like you, I gave my ex-fiance just about everything I could, when she first arrived around June 2013 I showered her with everything within my means, I told her my home is your home, everything I have in the home is now yours, I bought her stuff she felt she needed and or wanted, I gave her my time, my attention, access to my money, I gave her access to my friends, access to my Family, made sure the house was always stocked with food!

 

We gave her so much, like my Mom renting us rental cars and giving us a little money to take trips out of town like San Francisco, Lake Tahoe, Bodega Bay, Santa Cruz ect. ect. ect. I made sure she was well entertained and took her to shopping malls and down town and movie theaters, but more importantly I gave her all my love, all my hopes, all my dreams, all my wants, all my desires, for what?

 

For like you, I was getting tired of the "excuses", as the relationship progressed I don't think I ever heard my ex-fiance say "sorry" for anything, but rather would make excuses for her behavior or her choices, while making her problem out to be another persons fault. And the very limited amount of "thank you's" for anything that was ever done for her, in the final 3-4 months of our relationship, like you with getting the line "her presence should be enough for me", I was getting just about the same verbiage. It's almost like my ex-fiance felt a sense of "entitlement", I think everything that was being done nice for her, I think she came to the mental position that she was entitled to things because she's special.

 

Plus my ex-fiance had a very high "drama factor" she sure liked to whip up the drama, be it personal, family, me, my friends, my family, she sure liked watching other people swim in drama, but when it came to her own, nothing was ever her fault, she would almost always excuse her action onto someone or something else. In the end, some of my friends and family were done dealing with her, with my ex-fiance's high level of entitlement, and her very rare "thank you's" people started to feel like she was nothing more than a natural born user of people. And again with these friends and family members pulling back and no longer being in a position to assist and or help my ex-fiance, to her it was all their faults, needless to say she didn't feel like she did anything wrong, it wasn't her fault, she almost acted like she was doing these people a serious favor by allowing them to help her with whatever she needed.

 

Like you, I felt like I got very little in return! I gave her everything I could, everything I had, everything I was but I guess in the end it wasn't enough!

[mav3rik]

but i can feel you on the maintenance thing.. i used to have a gf just like that (not the most recent one).

 

I felt like she wasn't looking for a bf but rather someone who would just serve her, a slave maybe, took me long enough to get the courage to put a stop to the relationship that was poisoning me.. I didnt even have a hobby because i always do her biddings.. I was fat and overweight during that time (this was last yr). now Im 20kg lighter. Im fit enough to enter an amateur mma fight.. yey!