Women Not Texting Back to a Direct Question.....Highly Irritating

[GemmaUK]

This has turned into a very interesting thread where some guys really have no idea about social boundaries where tiny children are involved.

[BlueIris]

At this point in my dating life, poor communication skills are almost a dealbreaker (depending on the context).

 

Oh, man, if that isn't the truth. I'm beginning to think that the real growth business would be teaching communication. Sort of like verbal cotillion.

[Emilia]

This has turned into a very interesting thread where some guys really have no idea about social boundaries where tiny children are involved.

It's actually all over loveshack. Not just regarding very small children but appreciating how threatening a male stranger can be due to his strength and size. Like they can't relate whatsoever, as if they had never had their mothers' teaching them anything. I find it most bizarre.

[BlueIris]

It's actually all over loveshack. Not just regarding very small children but appreciating how threatening a male stranger can be due to his strength and size. Like they can't relate whatsoever, as if they had never had their mothers' teaching them anything. I find it most bizarre.

 

And fathers, Emilia. And fathers.

Agree all around.

[you_can_not_see_me]

In my experience, not ALL women do this (or at least, the more intelligent ones do it less frequently).

 

At this point in my dating life, poor communication skills are almost a dealbreaker (depending on the context). If I notice that a woman simply doesn't respond to something to avoid confrontation, it's a huge turn-off and a red flag to me.

Of course not all women do this, but its much more common among women, especially younger women.

[ExpatInItaly]

Man Not Taking Hint to a Rejection and Lack of Response...Highly Irritating

[BlueIris]

......

So, as retarded as it may sound, I may give her a call in 1 week and leave a message asking how she is and if we can talk like around the lobby or maybe go to a nice coffee place. Yeah, I may be an idiot that can't get a clue, but then she's not some random girl I met over in Starbucks and asked for her number. We're bound to run into each other within a month or tow, so the whole ignore thing makes it more awkward than just saying it flat out over text. That's like the easiest way too.

 

So, I think it could be a test. In the meantime, I'm doing pretty well on OkCupid. It's a tough site for even decent looking guys like me.

 

She's not responding to you and you've already gotten really angry at her (your first post). Let this go.

Try not to set such firm expectations in the future and you won't get as angry.

[mrgoodcat]

She's not responding to you and you've already gotten really angry at her (your first post). Let this go.

Try not to set such firm expectations in the future and you won't get as angry.

 

So you don't think there is a possibility she wants to know if I'm serious about her or just have a short-term crush? I've had now several girls play hard to get initially to see how serious I am about them before starting to reply to me mutually. Yes, girls that approached me and initiated with me were the ones that also initiated texts and conversations, but this is not the case here.

 

There is about a 2-3 year age difference and difference in family status- she has a baby.

 

I am an optimist and so I'll give it another try in a week and give her a call. If I again don't hear of her, she's too immature and troubled for me to involve with. And her baby surely doesn't need to be my problem.

[Tayken]

So you don't think there is a possibility she wants to know if I'm serious about her or just have a short-term crush? I've had now several girls play hard to get initially to see how serious I am about them before starting to reply to me mutually. Yes, girls that approached me and initiated with me were the ones that also initiated texts and conversations, but this is not the case here.

 

There is about a 2-3 year age difference and difference in family status- she has a baby.

 

I am an optimist and so I'll give it another try in a week and give her a call. If I again don't hear of her, she's too immature and troubled for me to involve with. And her baby surely doesn't need to be my problem.

 

Ah...it's all coming out now. So you expect a person with a "baby" to be on standby for your texts? I can easily tell you now that if you haven't added the baby part to your equation, you are not going to be able to balance is simultaneously.

 

Especially if she has this baby all the time, you can kiss goodbye to maximum time. I am pushed to hazard a guess here that all you are seeing right now is the artificial stuff, and haven't considered what it will be like to take on her situation.

[mrgoodcat]

Ah...it's all coming out now. So you expect a person with a "baby" to be on standby for your texts? I can easily tell you now that if you haven't added the baby part to your equation, you are not going to be able to balance is simultaneously.

 

 

Her son is 3y.o. but I consider that a baby. I spaced my texts out by 3 days. That's the point, I know she is busy, but it doesn't mean she should become a nun. Someone caring and more or less well off wouldn't hurt her. Like I said, I will call her next week, if it's once again a dud, now to a call and a message, it's not meant to happen.

 

Unlike some haters on here(I do appreciate the genuine thoughtful/critical responses), I think there is a chance she is playing hard to get. Why the heck would she waste her time going out with a guy who is not even serious about her. I think she's at that point right now that she'll only go out with a man who is serious enough to take on a relationship or who'll be willing to volunteer his heart to her and never hurt her again like her scumbag ex husband did by cheating on her.

 

I think the whole cheating experience makes her more cautious than most women and on top of that she has a young child. With that said, I've put myself in overly leveraged position, but at least she knows I think of her. If this is a test phase of how serious I am about her, I think I've not struck out just yet.

 

But I could be wrong and there could be an easier ways for her to play hard to get.

Edited September 27, 2014 by mrgoodcat

[heartshaped]

So you don't think there is a possibility she wants to know if I'm serious about her or just have a short-term crush? I've had now several girls play hard to get initially to see how serious I am about them before starting to reply to me mutually. Yes, girls that approached me and initiated with me were the ones that also initiated texts and conversations, but this is not the case here.

 

There is about a 2-3 year age difference and difference in family status- she has a baby.

 

I am an optimist and so I'll give it another try in a week and give her a call. If I again don't hear of her, she's too immature and troubled for me to involve with. And her baby surely doesn't need to be my problem.

 

No. Just no. If she was interested she would make that interest apparent. Don't be that creepy guy that keeps pushing and makes a woman feel uncomfortable.

 

No, even when unstated, means no.

[mrgoodcat]

No. Just no. If she was interested she would make that interest apparent. Don't be that creepy guy that keeps pushing and makes a woman feel uncomfortable.

 

No, even when unstated, means no.

 

Noted. Yeah, I have too much ego to be that guy. But I think you as a young woman hadn't been through experience she has. I think she was flirty with me before. But if she doesn't want me pushing, why not just state it out right. I gave her an opportunity on more than one occasion now. Because meeting me in the elevator after 4 weeks after ignoring me is much less awkward than just saying "I'm not looking for a relationship right now". Right...

 

I'll look for additional input. I remember on my thread about chasing the girl who just started going out with this guy and there were bunch of those yelpers telling me not to pursue her because it's a lost cause and I'm a scum. Everyone in that thread was dead wrong and I was doing the right thing (turned out I didn't really have much feelings for her and I did some silly things afterwards), but I had the right approach and was right on pursuing her.

 

So, common sense isn't always right, otherwise everyone would be millionaires and great leaders.

Edited September 27, 2014 by mrgoodcat

[Maleficent]

So you don't think there is a possibility she wants to know if I'm serious about her or just have a short-term crush? I've had now several girls play hard to get initially to see how serious I am about them before starting to reply to me mutually. Yes, girls that approached me and initiated with me were the ones that also initiated texts and conversations, but this is not the case here.

 

There is about a 2-3 year age difference and difference in family status- she has a baby.

 

I am an optimist and so I'll give it another try in a week and give her a call. If I again don't hear of her, she's too immature and troubled for me to involve with. And her baby surely doesn't need to be my problem.

 

 

When it comes to dating, you can't be an optimist. Mixed signals means no signal. Someone who wants to be with will at least meet you halfway. And from what I've read, in your case, no means no.

[mrgoodcat]

When it comes to dating, you can't be an optimist. Mixed signals means no signal. Someone who wants to be with will at least meet you halfway. And from what I've read, in your case, no means no.

 

So if she was to consider dating a guy, how would she go about making sure he's not a cheater and a player who dates women 12 times a year.

 

I also remember one time I've had a girl come by just to pick up something I sold on CG and she looked pissed when she saw me with her. I tried to say hi and she didn't even respond as she usually does. Let me give you another example:

 

She was walking from the car carrying her son and I was working on my car and said hi, and as she was about to walk into the elevator she looked back to see if I was looking at her. I did intentionally and we smiled at each other. Maybe she just was flattered with my attention, since I'm not a bad looking guy.

 

 

I don't know. Looking like a creep is one way of looking at it, but another way is to see someone as persistent and who'll be there for the long haul. Just trying to rationalize on not abandoning this situation.

Edited September 27, 2014 by mrgoodcat

[mightycpa]

OP,

 

No offense, but I don't think she cares what you think about her. The god-awful truth is that she can't even muster the energy to text you back and tell you she's done with you.

 

There is a slight chance that she did this on her own. There is a larger chance that something about you made her turn her back. Let's be real - this is a single mother. She's hitting the dating scene with serious disadvantages. She might as well have an amputation. That she has rejected you out of hand either says something terrible about her, or about you.

 

I realize that my opinion may seem harsh, but....

[mrgoodcat]

OP,

The god-awful truth is that she can't even muster the energy to text you back and tell you she's done with you.

 

I don't buy that. That's an easy way out, she could have sent a quick lie anything about how she's not looking for a relationship and has too much going on. Dozen of effortless ways to get rid of me, but she didn't. I really do think she wants to know how serious I am.

 

I've read from now several "dating sources" (all sketchy, but aren't all dating sources unreliable?) that the woman who is not interested in you will often tell you outright. Those who like you may play hard to get.

Edited September 27, 2014 by mrgoodcat

[mightycpa]

I don't buy that....the woman who is not interested in you will often tell you outright. Those who like you may play hard to get.

 

So "hard to get" that you never will.

 

How do you play your way into that game? How does she play her way out? How does that game work?

 

I might be wrong. But generally, I'm not. That said, let me tell you a little story:

 

When I met my wife, we really hit it off. But she decided that because we were both seeing other people seriously, that there was no future with me. Things were too complicated, too unlikely. No reason to pursue.

 

I called and called and called and called and called and called until she finally called back. She threw me a bone, we met up at a happy hour, and we've been together ever since.

 

So what you think is within the realm of possibility. But here's what I knew for a fact at the time, that you never said:

 

We really enjoyed our time together. She had interest, but she also had two reasonable and concrete reasons to ignore me - her BF and my GF. These problems were fully disclosed at our first meeting.

 

You haven't said any of that. As far as I can tell, you are manufacturing her interest. Let us know when the deep freeze ends.

[mongo]

dude, most women are not very direct like men. its not becuz they are mean. a woman who is interested will make time for you. if shes not into you she wont.

youre acting like a woman at this point. thats why she doesnt want you.

[mrgoodcat]

 

So what you think is within the realm of possibility. But here's what I knew for a fact at the time, that you never said:

 

We really enjoyed our time together. She had interest, but she also had two reasonable and concrete reasons to ignore me - her BF and my GF. These problems were fully disclosed at our first meeting.

 

You haven't said any of that. As far as I can tell, you are manufacturing her interest. Let us know when the deep freeze ends.

 

I know when women like me. I think she likes me and I don't think I did as much damage as many are making it out to be. There are a ton of hating flies on here saying that "she doesn't like you, bro" who got it wrong with the other girl who really liked me. I lived long enough to detect when women like me. I didn't help my chances, but I didn't eliminate them. All this talk of "women are not direct" and "she just doesn't want to talk to you" is nothing but speculation.

 

Don't you think you were creeping out this woman by incessantly calling her. No. What you were doing is showing her your interest and that you were serious about it. She could have told you she didn't want any relationship straight away and ended your calling right?

 

I think this whole ignore thing allows me, above all, to realize if I'm serious about this girl. I have to like her really really much since she has a young child who'll occupy her time.

 

Thanks for your reasonable post. Much appreciated on here. A lot of rejected and sore people on here.

[Maleficent]

Looks like what we have here is a restraining order waiting to happen

[mrgoodcat]

Looks like what we have here is a restraining order waiting to happen

 

You're just bitter there's no one who is into you like that .

 

I will ask her out again next week, if nothing I wait two weeks (while looking to date other girls). Then give her a call again. If nothing, I don't ever call back.

[GemmaUK]

Good luck with asking her out again but I don't think you will get anywhere with this.

You say she is close to your sister. What has your sister said about this? Is she encouraging you?

 

There are other cues you're not picking up on as well as the lack of response which has all lead me to think she is not interested and is actually quite likely to be creeped out by you.

 

Now I am really into a 28-29 year old single mom with a 3 year old child. She lives in my building and we've always been friendly, but nothing truly to it- she smiles at me and looks back and I always stared at her for as long as I could.

 

Then two days ago after some soul searching I asked to see if I can drop by some toys for her kid that I supposedly bought for someone else. Did exactly that in the evening. Her boy was excited about toys and went on playing and we talked in the doorway for probably 10-15 mins.

 

These two posts from your last thread give so much information.

It all backs up why she smiles at you, looks back at you and why she isn't responding.

 

'I always stared at her for as long as I could'

There is a big difference between looking at someone long enough to indicate interest and staring.

I think the staring has already sent alarm bells off and this is why she smiles and looks back at you when she is getting in the lift or whatever.

She is keeping you on side and being civil but is also making sure that you are not following her.

 

I do the exact same thing with a guy who lives near me. I used to live just around the corner with my now ex. We lived there for about 5 years. There was a guy back then who lived in the road I live in now. I saw him about two or three times while we lived there and he acted like he knew me and would say hello and try to strike up a conversation. I would say hello back but had no idea who he was so kept things very brief.

6 years later I split with my ex and moved back to the area.

Two days after I moved I popped out and bumped into him. He instantly recognised me and stopped me saying it was good to see me and was asking where my partner was as he had not seen him.

At this point I just didn't recognise him and had no recollection who he was but I figured we must have been friends when I had lived here before so I explained we had split.

It was only later it dawned on me that he was the guy who I never actually knew, rarely saw but he was always over familiar with me.

I see him quite a lot these days and we both always smile and say hello but he creeps me out. I smile so as not to rock the boat. When he tries to strike up conversations he seems to always know stuff about me. Things I have never said to him. I don't see or speak to other neighbours round here so he isn't getting any info from them either.

 

Smiling is my self protection and yes I always check that he is not following me too. He also stares - for longer than is comfortable.

 

So, onto the other quote. If she felt she 'knew you' or felt comfortable with you she would not have kept you at her front door. She would have invited you in.

If she was interested in you then she would have invited you in.

Did she invite you in?

 

Was she engaged and smiling for that conversation and asking you questions to keep the conversation going? You didn't mention her asking you anything and I think you would have mentioned it if she had.

If she wasn't then it wasn't a conversation that she wanted.

[Maleficent]

You're just bitter there's no one who is into you like that .

 

I will ask her out again next week, if nothing I wait two weeks (while looking to date other girls). Then give her a call again. If nothing, I don't ever call back.

 

ACtually, I am really glad there is no one into me like that.

Very creepy.

[mrgoodcat]

ACtually, I am really glad there is no one into me like that.

Very creepy.

 

So, nobody seriously likes you? Ok, I'd buy that.

 

Good luck with asking her out again but I don't think you will get anywhere with this.

You say she is close to your sister. What has your sister said about this? Is she encouraging you?

 

There are other cues you're not picking up on as well as the lack of response which has all lead me to think she is not interested and is actually quite likely to be creeped out by you.

 

These two posts from your last thread give so much information.

It all backs up why she smiles at you, looks back at you and why she isn't responding.

 

Well, my descriptions have been not acute to the readership here, because apparently everyone is a psychologist without a degree.I never "stared" like a psycho.....what I consider staring is a gaze that is just a bit longer than I usually grant hot women I see. I don't stare at women in public, I'm not that guy that sees a hot girl walk buy and has to check out her butt. I often intentionally control my urges to look at a lady because I don't want to be like that other douche who couldn't help himself. I'm very reserved, so what I consider staring would probably just qualify as "just barely showing interest". I am good looking enough that I never had to ask women out- they did it for me. Typically I know a girl likes me if she stares at me frequently and mimics my gestures. If I talk to her she responds eagerly. I know she likes me. Only two girls that I went out with the going out part was mutual or initiated by me. This is my third, so I don't have a lot of experience. So, all the over dozen or so dating experiences I had were initiated by girls who liked me and they were at least as good looking as this young lady, albeit more of my age. I can definitely tell when a girl likes me. I think this girl likes me or liked me, since my shenanigans may have turned her off.

What nobody cares to explain to me is how this young lady with a child is planning on eliminating guys with fake intentions? What would be her vetting process to tell if someone just wants to get in her pants? I think this is where I have to get past for her to take me seriously.Keep in mind she's dealt with infidelity that ruined her marriage, allegedly.

Edited September 27, 2014 by mrgoodcat

[mightycpa]

Don't you think you were creeping out this woman by incessantly calling her.

 

Actually, it sure did cross my mind. But I was talking to her secretary, and I didn't get the old "don't call here anymore". I made friends with the secretary, and that's who convinced her to call, give it a shot because I seemed like a nice guy.

 

So, I guess that's one more thing I had that you don't. Feedback.

 

I'm not going to say you're wrong, but you are facing some serious uphill.