moonlightpath Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 We broke up about 7 months ago. Let me just start by saying he was an AWFUL person. He used me in more ways than one. Used me for sex basically. Cheated on me many times behind my back. He intentionally messed with my feelings. Manipulative. When he would do something wrong I would somehow be the one apologizing in the end lol. Our relationship was TOTALLY fake. He pretended to be this great person but he is farrrrrr from the person I thought he was. The problem is that I loved the person I thought he was. But I don't understand how since that person has never existed. I do think that on some level he is that good person. But part of me still holds onto that good person I saw. When I met him I was new to the city. I didn't know anyone. He took me out and I had so much fun with him. He was always the highlight of my day. I was crazy about him. A lot of my best memories are with him. He was this fun outgoing risky person. I had the best time of my life with him. But he never loved me. I don't even know if he ever even liked me. Now he is with a girl he has had an on and off relationship with for the past two years (I unknowingly was his side girlfriend). He seems happy and serious about her now. He told her about all the cheating he did behind her back with me and with other girls. I'm glad he confessed. She took him back. I'm not upset he's with someone else. Everyone should be with the person they love. After realizing who he really is I instantly lost my feeling for him. But what drives me crazy is not knowing if he every really liked me as a friend at least. While we were not having sex did all the time we spent together and had deep conversations really mean nothing to him?
me85 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 You'll never really know how much you meant to someone. It's all a life experience. I promise you will and have learned something from this situation. Oh you are sooooo far beyond your years because you question things and care. That's a really good sign. 2
Arieswoman Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Moonlight path, I am sorry you are hurting and confused over this situation and I really feel for you. You nailed it here ;- The problem is that I loved the person I thought he was. But I don't understand how since that person has never existed. I do think that on some level he is that good person. But part of me still holds onto that good person I saw. I did exactly the same with my exH and for months I was unable to let go of that image I had of him. It is very hard to accept that we have been duped and that what we had wasn't what we thought it was. I don't think there is an easy answer to this. NC is a must, as is focusing on yourself and the things (apart from HIM) that make you happy. It will get better in time and you can't rush the healing process. Good luck 1
me85 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 ^^^^ what she said!!! We love you! Even though we don't know you. LOL What I had to do is delete all his contacts so that I couldn't contact him even if I wanted to. It helps sooo much. And I'm just like a lot of others…wanting to contact every now and then but protect yourself yourself. It's the best solution. Otherwise, I'd still contact him and hate myself later for it. 2
Author moonlightpath Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 (edited) I just think that maybe I’m also holding onto him because he was my first college boyfriend. But the stupid thing is that he never considered me to be his girlfriend. Ever. We don’t contact each other. Last time I spoke to him was around June/July I think. I guess after many bad things started happening to him our mutual friend told him it karma for all the terrible things he did to me and to other people. Apparently that’s what made him apologize to me. His apology sounded totally fake. It was over FB. At first I guess it sounded semi-real. But after a few days of talking I could tell he was back to his old self. He was making his classic douchebag/perverted/ yet charming/ yet funny/ comments. We talked about hanging out once in a while. I didn’t see the harm in it since I wouldn’t want to be with him again since he treated me badly while I was dating him. I thought it wouldn’t hurt to be friends since I always did enjoy his friendly company. But then something happened. I think after he told his girlfriend about us she told him to cut contact with me. Which was the right thing to do. He texted me saying he needs to change his life and become a better person. Which would entail not keeping up with his past. He told me, "Don't think of our good memories. Think of all the times I cheated on you and made your cry." I just noticed that he recently blocked me on FB and so did his girlfriend. I admit it kinda hurt. But I know it’s for the best. Edited September 26, 2014 by moonlightpath Added info
me85 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I just think that maybe I’m also holding onto him because he was my first college boyfriend. But the stupid thing is that he never considered me to be his girlfriend. Ever. We don’t contact each other. Last time I spoke to him was around June/July I think. I guess after many bad things started happening to him our mutual friend told him it karma for all the terrible things he did to me and to other people. Apparently that’s what made him apologize to me. His apology sounded totally fake. It was over FB. At first I guess it sounded semi-real. But after a few days of talking I could tell he was back to his old self. He was making his classic douchebag/perverted/ yet charming/ yet funny/ comments. We talked about hanging out once in a while. I didn’t see the harm in it since I wouldn’t want to be with him again since he treated me badly while I was dating him. I thought it wouldn’t hurt to be friends since I always did enjoy his friendly company. But then something happened. I think after he told his girlfriend about us she told him to cut contact with me. Which was the right thing to do. He texted me saying he needs to change his life and become a better person. Which would entail not keeping up with his past. He told me, "Don't think of our good memories. Think of all the times I cheated on you and made your cry." I just noticed that he recently blocked me on FB and so did his girlfriend. I admit it kinda hurt. But I know it’s for the best. Omg! yes it was for the best! I was more or less in this situation and let me tell you…once you let them go things automatically start to improve in your life. I blocked my ex and his gf from the get go…you're better off. Belief me. You have to let go of everything they tell you because IT'S ALL BULL****. No matter how you say it's not…IT IS. It's bull****. Believe me. They want their cake and eat it too. PM me anytime. I know. I was done this way too. 1
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