clower Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 So long story here. My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday and I'm devastated. She had been dating my really close friend for 8 months and broke up with him a while back, then we started to get together after only a month of them breaking up(we had been dating for a month and a half). Her reason for breaking up with me is that when we are together it reminds her of things she did with her old boyfriend and of how she broke my friends heart and then hurt it even more by dating me(his friend). She says she is over her old boyfriend and wouldn't get back with him but she hates that she hurt him so much so she couldn't be with me. She told me that I did everything perfect, and everything her old boyfriend did that she didn't like I did right which makes me hurt even more. She says if she would stay with me it would tear her apart because she would keep feeling bad about hurting her old boyfriend(her and her old boyfriend are friends now and me and her old boyfriend are still friends). I need advice on what to do cause I still love her and I want her back. I know we would've lasted forever and I want to give it another shot with her but I don't know that if we get together that she won't be reminded of how she hurt my friend. Someone please help
me85 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 What do you do? You find yourself. You love yourself. You understand that situations like this are really beyond your control and you move on. What's meant to be will be.
David87 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 She has issues not you. It's pretty clear shes not over her ex boyfriend. The best thing to do at the moment is to get out of this weird triangle. Start the healing process immediately, use nc. 1
Bella2 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 The reality is most likely that you will not get her back. She made a choice. When someone wants out of a relationship, there usually is a good reason for that, although for you it's now difficult to accept. And it sounds like you were "the rebound". You can do better than that!!! Start reading threads here, you will learn a lot... Good luck and hang in there, you will be fine (even if you don't believe that now)
lolablue17 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I don't believe her. She doesn't want you and that's it. the reason she gave you is pretty stupid and it presents her as an unhonest girl who likes to daub and blur things.
littleblacksubmarine Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I know we would've lasted forever and I want to give it another shot with her This statement is a big part of your problem right now and means that you are going to ignore a lot of good advice. This is a fairly common problem, that I have personally experienced and have also witnessed in others, so you're certainly not alone. You're hurting badly right now, and believe that the only way you are going to feel better is by being with her. I can tell you that isn't true, but you'll have difficulty accepting this and will probably remain dead set on getting her back. The good news is that the best way of getting over her is also the best way of getting her back, so you can at least use that as a motivator. You need to start no contact (NC). The NC guide on this forum is the best way of doing this, so follow it closely. NC isn't just about not having direct contact such as email or phone, it's about avoiding things that will make you think of her such as looking at her facebook page. You need to remove her from your life as much as possible right now. If she really wants to be with you then she will contact you, and if not then there really isn't anything you can do to change that. But using NC properly will mean that you start to feel better over time anyway and will be better equipped to deal with this if you do have to give up on her. I'm using NC properly for the first time right now and it feels so much better than in previous ones where I've had to fumble through and find out the hard way what works and what doesn't. Use the forum too, especially if you feel the urge to get in touch with her, it really will help
Author clower Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 I know she isn't lying to me when she says I remind her of how she hurt her old boyfriends heart by breaking up with him and getting with me. We've all known each other for a long time(him for 6 years and her for 3 years). She is being completely honest and her old boyfriend was always making her feel bad about the whole situation. We are all attending the same college so it doesn't help the situation.
Quiet Storm Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 If you really love her and have her best interests at heart, then you wouldn't want her to be in a situation that brings her stress and pain. Respect her wishes and let her go. As an adult, its her responsibility to protect herself from emotional pain. If circumstances create negative feelings in her, it's up to her to distance herself from the situation. So while it certainly sucks for you, she is taking care of herself, and you should respect that. Take your feelings for her out of it and look at it objectively- are you really thinking about her best interests here, or are you just trying to protect yourself from grieving the loss?
Chi townD Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Sorry dude, but time to move on. You were a rebound and she (possibly) used you to hurt her Ex. To get back at him. Make him jealous. But, here's the rub and I've said it on here before. Girls hate the fact that there Might be someone on this planet that doesn't think they're a nice person or they hate them. She dated you, got her revenge. Then, things started to cool down and she saw how much pain her Ex was in because of her actions. So, she threw you to the curb because she couldn't live with herself if she was with you any longer. Your relationship with her was causing her Ex to hate her. So, tossed you to the side. But, what does that say about you? Dude, move on. Move on to a girl that doesn't have any baggage.
lolablue17 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I know she isn't lying to me when she says I remind her of how she hurt her old boyfriends heart by breaking up with him and getting with me. We've all known each other for a long time(him for 6 years and her for 3 years). She is being completely honest and her old boyfriend was always making her feel bad about the whole situation. We are all attending the same college so it doesn't help the situation. Yes, of course she's telling the truth. But i still don't believe her. That truth is only a part of the equation. By telling you just a part of the whole truth, she is lying as i see it. It is a well known trick - To lie by telling "some truth" which is not the real meaningful truth. I don't buy it.
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