oberkeat Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 So, I've been out of the dating game for a while, and my last few dates have been via online. But today at work I met a nice woman at an office luncheon, and after a little chitchat about a variety of subjects (her background, what books she likes, etc.) she gave me her email. My question is basically, how do I not screw this up? With online dating, it was usually 4-5 messages, then straight to a date. Now that I'm dealing with a real life woman, I'm not sure about next steps. Believe it or not, I don't know how to proceed to get to know her.
LoneIsland Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Buy her coffee, tea, meal, or whatever and then ask what you want to know of her. 1
angel.eyes Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Send her an email saying you enjoyed meeting her. Would she like to grab lunch together sometime so that you could continue your conversation? If you spoke about something specific or enjoyable, mention it. Ideally send the email the same day or the next day. 3
deathandtaxes Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Forgo the e-mail. Go find her in person and ask her out for a drink.
Assasda Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 You dont screw it up, by not thinking about screwing it up. You 2 go out somewhere and get to know each other better. Ask her where she hangs out, or what she does for fun
Mister Zen Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I spent most of my 20's as a PUA, so I can give you pretty solid advice. But before I do that, you need to understand how relationships work. Understand that a woman who is attracted and interested will let you get away with almost anything. At the same time, a woman who is not very interested will dismiss you over something stupid, like wearing the wrong shoes. So its stupid to worry about "screwing up". You can't screw up being yourself. And either she likes who you are or she doesn't. Right? Now for the PUA steps (if you still need them): - Send a text telling her you'd love to see her again. Ask her to grab drinks or coffee. - Get to the point too. Don't get into any long text conversations. Just ask her to meet. This is how you weed out the time wasters who just want male attention and are not really interested in much else. Good luck. 1
Author oberkeat Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 I personally hate lunch dates. In the past, they've felt stifling and rushed. Not much room for romance, eat then back to the office. My favorite dates were late night outings that involved drinks, but after one conversation with this girl, I am not sure if that should be the first thing we should do together.
Mister Zen Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I personally hate lunch dates. In the past, they've felt stifling and rushed. Not much room for romance, eat then back to the office. My favorite dates were late night outings that involved drinks, but after one conversation with this girl, I am not sure if that should be the first thing we should do together. Drinks after work or at night are definitely the best dates. Alcohol relaxes both of you and the dark night covers your physical flaws. You should invite her to do what you want to do. If she doesn't like it, she can suggest something else. Don't try to guess what she wants.. do what YOU want.
angel.eyes Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I personally hate lunch dates. In the past, they've felt stifling and rushed. Not much room for romance, eat then back to the office. My favorite dates were late night outings that involved drinks, but after one conversation with this girl, I am not sure if that should be the first thing we should do together. I totally agree with everything you said. But you didn't connect on a dating website where everyone is clearly looking to date. You met at a work function, and she gave you her email address...not her cell phone, not her FB page, not her phone number. Keep the first outing semi-professional. For all you know, she wants to pick your brain about some work project. If it's all work? Well people get together for lunch all the time. No biggie. If things seem more personal at lunch, then suggest you meet for drinks the next evening. Tread carefully in a work environment.
Author oberkeat Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 Ahhh fudge, she's got a boyfriend! And there was such chemistry there.
angel.eyes Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Bummer! That's why you start with something neutral like lunch. It's unclear in the setting you met whether she's single and interested or just being a friendly work colleague.
LoneIsland Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Often, girls like to keep back-up bf's. If you can handle being in that position, she might still be yours.
Author oberkeat Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 Bummer! That's why you start with something neutral like lunch. It's unclear in the setting you met whether she's single and interested or just being a friendly work colleague. She was worth a shot. Unlikely, but she's got my info in case she changes her mind.
sid3 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Ahhh fudge, she's got a boyfriend! And there was such chemistry there. Sorry to hear that for you. Remember to take the good from the interaction you had with her though. That being there are plenty of women out there that you'll 'click' with. I've heard "I have a boyfriend" usually I'll just say , that's ok, I have a couple of girlfriends.
sid3 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Often, girls like to keep back-up bf's. If you can handle being in that position, she might still be yours. While probably true, there's attractive single women just about everywhere.
Author oberkeat Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 Frankly, I would have been surprised if she wasn't taken. The competition for quality women is just brutal. It's as if there aren't enough to go around.
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