blue_eyes18 Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Hey everyone! I have a question that is bugging the piss out of me. Please just bear with me, this post is kinda long. I started talking to this guy a few weeks ago. He has known my brothers and stuff like that, but we never really knew each other, although I have known his brother since I was like 11 years old. Anyways, me, this guy, and two otehrs went somewhere one night, and he was telling me I was beautiful and all this stuff and being so sweet. I really thought he was looking for a serious relationship. Ok, so the next day, he asks me to come over and stuff, so I do. I was so freaking shy, and plus my 15 year old sister was there talking to his brother. My sister and his brother can be so annoying sometimes, so I was all stressed out cause they kept busting up in his room acting stupid. I was hardly talking or being myself, but I was still being nice I thought. By the way, I am 19 and this guy I like is 24. One night, about week ago, we were laying in his room, and he said he loved me. I laughed and said"No you don;'t, you don't know me enough" and then we talked. I was laughing cause I was kinda freaking out, although I kinda liked it too, I just didn't know what tot really think. He said"Why are you laughing when I am just trying to tell you my feelings?" He said "How do you know when you start caring for someone?" and I said'Well, everytime I have said it too soon, it always goes away". Then he was really quiet and started acting different. He just quit talking to me almost. Like, the next day Iwent over there but he was ignoring me, although I would catch him staring at me. Friday, I stayed the night with him but he was acting like Iw as bothering him or something. He said he needed space cause he worked 60 hours that week. It is so crazy cause I think he is trying to get me back for acting like a bitch, altough I was just trying to tell him I need to take it slow. I have been so ****ed over before. Well, I got to thinking that maybe I should just dive in and all, and then when I ask him if he wants to be together, he starts saying stuff like"What do you think a relationship is?" and stuff>? I wonder if he still likes me, cause yesterday I had to call him and he said he was busy, but he still wanted to know if I had gotten my brakes fixed on my car. See, wasn't that sweet? He didn't call me back though. How could he busy when he was hanging out a someone's house just sitting there? But over the weekend, he was telling people were were togehter and stuff, but then again it's like he is trying to pester me or something. I think he is trying to **** with me because of what I said, but it upset me when he said he loved me cause I thought he was ****ing with me. I think he might have really meant he just likes me alot and wants to move further. Yesterday, I asked him if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore then just ell me, and he said"You know it's not even like that". He also said the other night that he was kinda scared to get close to someone cause his heart has been broken so much/ Mine has been too. But why was he coming on so strong and now saying that? And acting like we are going out but also like we're not? Do you think I turned him off by telling him what I told him or confusing him or what happened? I just wonder if I should keep telling him subtly that I like him alot, and it keeps growing, or shoUld I leave him alone? Any advice would be greatly aprreciated. I really think he likes me.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 I would be willing to bet that if you and he stopped talking about the relationship as much, and just had it and enjoyed it for what it is with each other rather than obsessing over what you/he think it is/want it to be then he'll probably stop holding you at arm's length. It sounds like you are both trying so hard to avoid being hurt that its interfering with the relationship you have.
Author blue_eyes18 Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Thanks for your reply L! I just hope that I can quit over analyzing everything. It's just that I am afraid to get attached to him in a way cause I don't need to be upset over a relationship again!!!! If he is gonna say he loves me, I want him to actually mean it, not just cause he thinks I am hot or something. I am wanting us to grow and when we say those words, actually mean them! Ya know? How can I let him know this without him thinking I am just not interested or something? Or that I am bull****ting him or trying to play games? I am just trying to make sure I don't get hurt. I am afraid if I don't tell him sometihng soon, he will go away. I don't know. I think he is sincere, so I will quit analyzing everything. Your post was very good and it makes tons of sense. Thanks again L!
moimeme Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 I am just trying to make sure I don't get hurt That's pretty much impossible. When you go into new relationships, do it in the full realization that you might get hurt - and then do it anyway. If you get hurt, you'll live. We all do.
Author blue_eyes18 Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 He didn't tell me he loved me until after we slept together...
laRubiaBonita Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 not that i know The WHOLE story and you 2's past.... but when i first read this post, my thoughts were, he wants to get into your pants and will say nice things..... OR he has gotten in your pants, and is being all Coy to throw you off, to make you think That You hurt him by dismissing the "feelings" he has told you. Maybe not though. But i have been there, done that. some people are very good manipulators and know how to get their way, and have no real conscience.
Author blue_eyes18 Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Well, that's what I am wondering, if he is trying to throw me off like you said and trying to make me feel bad like you said. He didn't start acting this way either til I told him what I told him after he said that/ That's another reason why yesterday on the phone I told him that he needs to just tell me if he don't wanna talk anymore or something and get it over with. He said it is nothing even like that. THen why is he doing this? I have notcied how he keeps throwing those things up that I told him whenever I ask him a question. He'll say"but you said when you say it too early, it always goes away" or he'll say"Why would you care if we're just friends?" or something else, so whatI did was, I got sick of it and asked him what he wanted, if he wanted to be together. Hell, I was trying to make it simple. Then he says something that confuses me or something. I know over the weekend though he was telling people we are dating, etc. Then yesterday morning before I left his house, he said some **** like he is tired of getting his heart broke. Acting kinda like I am the one who started this whole thing, when it was HIM! SO now I am sitting here, don't know WHAT he wants or is trying to say really!!! I don't know how to handle this right now without making things worse. I don't know if it is my fault or what. I am trying to be nice and stuff as I can. Maybe he really thinks since I said all that, That I am full of crap and he might think I don't like him really or something. He should know by now that I do like him or I wouldn't ask him those questions though. I don't think I will call him anymore. But then again, I am afraid he might take it the wrong way since I don't know for sure what he is thinking or feeling right now. I wonder if he is a manipulator and got ill cause I didn't jump in and say"I love you too" so maybe he knows I am not going to be manipulated? No, I don't think he is like that though. I dont' know.
Author blue_eyes18 Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 That's definitely what he is acring like though, like I hurt him or something by dismissing those things he said, but he should know that I like him. I don't know. I don't understand why he would think otherwise after calling him and stuff yesterday and trying to talk to him about this. He could possibly think I am not attracted to him or something just because I was skeptical about all the things he said. He should understand me, not act like I hurt him even after I try to tlak to him about it. He said he is sensitive. I know he smokes too much weed though. For sure. Maybe that has something to do with it? Who knows.
laRubiaBonita Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 well, in my case with my arss "friend". you have to do no contact. even if only for a month. just let him be alone......since that is how he is acting, if if really is interested he can win you over, which it does not sound as if he plans on it. But do NC. that way if he does like you he can miss you.
Author blue_eyes18 Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Yeah, that's what IWas thinking I should do, I just wanted to make sure he was not misunderstanding me and acting this way because I actually made him feel bad or something. I don't understand why he was so intent on winning me over, and now I can't decide what in the hell he is trying to do. Tha'ts why I am worried aobut whether he may not be into me anymore, or id he is just really tired or something like he says. I don't buy it though, cause he was acting all sweet and stuff. If he don't like me or something, why won't he just tell me instead of saying he does or something? My gosh. I will do the no contact thing, and I guess if his intentions were good in the first place. He has just completely confused me. I just hope by not talking to him, he doesn't think I don't like him, but I am not gonna chase him either.
Author blue_eyes18 Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 I just hope I didn't change his mind by telling him that stuff. I can't help it though, if he reallyl ikes me he should understand. Sorry for all the typos! I am in a hurry. lol
laRubiaBonita Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 exactly...if he limkes you he will come around. maybe he just needs time to think.....which NC will help him do as well.
Author blue_eyes18 Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 I know, I just wish I understood why all the sudden he needs all this time to think. I wonder if he is doing this because he thinks that I am the one who needs time to think! That really could be it, especially after I have he has said things like"I don't even know if you're ready for a relationship" and all the other stuff he said, which makes me feel like i did something wrong just cause I didn't say I love you too. Maybe he took it the wrong way, or maybe I have turned him away. OR maybe he is just doing what he thinks he needs to do to keep me or fix this. Who knows. I wish I knew. I hope I can tell him I want to be iwth him now without pushing him away, although you'd figure it would be the opposite again or something. I will try NC, although it will be hard to not call him. I am afraid it won't work if we don't fix this now. I will try to wait and see. I just hope it's not my fault.
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