quidproquo89 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Hey, so I'm in a place at the moment where I'm not very content. I work three/four jobs. The supermarket is my first and is my reliable income. The second a agricultural store which was to try a new place and see if I can replace the supermarket (which gives me stress). The third is my own gardening business. This is my pride and joy but I've only just restarted this so it cannot sustain me on its own. The fourth is here and there doing cleaning jobs. I want to eventually just garden with maybe just a day at one of the other jobs. Keep a social job too. The work keeps me going as it keeps my mind active and I'm looking to really save. However when I'm not at work I'm lost. I've made a good effort this week, I went to see my mate in the next town and another yesterday in this town. Spent some time with the brother in law. Generally get out of the house as much as I can. But despite all this socialising I miss having one best mate, like back in my hometown. What I'm really looking for is a great girlfriend. But the picking are slim in my town so I don't get chance to meet any. Most of the ones here are taken. I've tried online dating and got two dates in two years. Neither has got past the second date. I'm a good guy, work hard, save money, have a few friends. However I can't find that special someone. I'm also very bored when I'm not working. The answer I suppose would be do more outdoor activities. I'm already making an effort to see friends. I would have to get a mate to come with me as I'm not comfortable joining a group on my own, sound weird? What I'm saying is what would complete what I'm after in life would to have my 'group' of mates around me, who always want to do interesting things. Find that great girl and go on holiday together, share great experiences together and further my gardening. I want to start enjoying life fully, and I don't feel like I'm doing that. I'm not a shut in - but don't feel like i'm doing enough. I'm not a loser, shy or unconfident but I cant yet get the girl. The ball is rolling with gardening. I guess I'm just expressing myself on here. Any thoughts, advice or votes of confidence would be great. Nice responses please.
me85 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 It sounds like you are doing just fine! Just a bit lonely. I miss having someone (if only a friend) every now and then. Get spiritual about it. There's a very good reason you're alone right now. Don't see it as a negative but as a positive! I promise there will come a day when you meet someone and fall in love again. 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I went through nights of staying out late after work... all to hide my sorrows. It took a lot longer to bury the hurt than I wanted. If I had just let it go through me and ruin me for a weekend or multiple weekends, I would have felt better and understood myself better. Everyone wants to fight for something they don't understand. Usually they find an answer later when they realize it was beyond their control. I see for myself and others, that expectations ruin more than not saying anything at all. Though I learned, to keep things as honest and open from the beginning and always redefine the relationship when things become to comfortable. As every relationship changes within its growth. For ever reasons, give up the fight and allow yourself to be taken by your hurt so you can rebuild faster and feel whole again. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 That's really nice advice! Your right I am lonely. Particularly when I meet someone whether it be online or offline and I get used to having them around and they just disappear on you as if they never even cared. I shouldn't repeat myself but I started chatting to a girl online and even though we hadn't met yet I felt like I was getting to know her. She was telling me about the figures she collected, video games she played and her fav films. We spoke of animals and shared stories etc. I arrange a meet, which she said she would be shy, nervous and dorky. This made me think, oh great I can really engage in a convo with this girl and we have so much in common. I got there and she wasn't shy or dorky. There was a really hot girl who faned interest but didn't really turn up or ask me anything about myself. I found it hard going as I felt she didn't want to be there. So bitterly disappointed as I thought I'd cracked it here. Anyway she rejected me two days later saying I was too young for her. She knew my age and had seen what I looked like so it must have been that I was too interview like and bored her or she didn't want anybody in the first place. Sorry to ramble but this is what I'm missing a great bond with a girl. I have a lot of love and deep feeling in my heart and I can't yet share and I've had disappoint after disappointment after disappointment. I'm a strong person and will never give up but I've got to say surely probability must be favouring me sooner of later. I like to think I'm a good guy. Not a wet blanket as this monolgue might suggest but rather a deep and thoughful person. But I loved the comment on here. Your single for a reason, so that hopefully means the right person is just waiting for me to find them
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 well, i never put what i get from online as the full truth. my soul mate started off as a 23 year old and single. after 3 plus years she is amrried with childeren and older to boot. though we found and accepted each other before anything really started. so in one way you must find truth within how everything is lain out. sure it could have been hell to find out, but everything fit into place, since we both were not looking for a relationship. For me everything was shared truthfully, just the phyicals were kept secret, until she was sure i would accept her. 1
me85 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) That's really nice advice! Your right I am lonely. Particularly when I meet someone whether it be online or offline and I get used to having them around and they just disappear on you as if they never even cared. I shouldn't repeat myself but I started chatting to a girl online and even though we hadn't met yet I felt like I was getting to know her. She was telling me about the figures she collected, video games she played and her fav films. We spoke of animals and shared stories etc. I arrange a meet, which she said she would be shy, nervous and dorky. This made me think, oh great I can really engage in a convo with this girl and we have so much in common. I got there and she wasn't shy or dorky. There was a really hot girl who faned interest but didn't really turn up or ask me anything about myself. I found it hard going as I felt she didn't want to be there. So bitterly disappointed as I thought I'd cracked it here. Anyway she rejected me two days later saying I was too young for her. She knew my age and had seen what I looked like so it must have been that I was too interview like and bored her or she didn't want anybody in the first place. Sorry to ramble but this is what I'm missing a great bond with a girl. I have a lot of love and deep feeling in my heart and I can't yet share and I've had disappoint after disappointment after disappointment. I'm a strong person and will never give up but I've got to say surely probability must be favouring me sooner of later. I like to think I'm a good guy. Not a wet blanket as this monolgue might suggest but rather a deep and thoughful person. But I loved the comment on here. Your single for a reason, so that hopefully means the right person is just waiting for me to find them I'm really sorry she shot you down like that. But the upside is that she didn't waste any more of your precious time, right?? This will happen a few times until you meet someone you're meant to spend real time with and really connect with. There wasn't anything that girl was supposed to teach you. Are you planning romantic dinners with the girls you meet up with? Or short casual encounters? Maybe try that next time so there won't be as much pressure on the date maybe ? I don't think you find the "right" person or that they find you...I think you just sort of bump into each other. Your paths just cross. Try having this mentality instead..."I'm going to pursue dating because it's fun and I enjoy spending time and meeting with new girls." They say you don't date to waste anyone's time or you don't date "just to date" but I say, why on Earth not?? lol Date simply just to date, not to find your life partner. Otherwise, I think you're putting too pressure on yourself and the dating experience itself. You can have standards, just try not to have any expectations. There's a big difference. That works very well for me when I decide to date. (= We have to first be content and happy with being single. Loneliness will come and go. You'll get better with it. Edited September 25, 2014 by me85 1
Gloria25 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Some say 'life is better/sweeter when you have someone to share it with'... I feel ya, the work/exercise/clean (wash, rinse, repeat) thing gets old...I mean, we can't have all work and no play. Have you tried meeting women at church, or in certain social groups (not sure if they have "meet-ups" in your area)? OLD sucks so much... I hate it. It's a bad combination of superficial peeps and flakes. Then the awkwardness of trying to make a connection from a profile - to in person - doesn't make it any easier. Hopefully by meeting people that are part of "groups" - at least you can meet people with similar interests. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 this advice you guys have given is brilliant, thank you so much. Sometimes you just need to get it off your chest. I'm glad you guys were listening . I'm off the OLD now, as it brings a lot of trouble. I'm in contact with one girl from that on text. That's it! I will definitely take in mind your advice on crossing paths with the right person and not pressurising myself too much
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 Some say 'life is better/sweeter when you have someone to share it with'... I feel ya, the work/exercise/clean (wash, rinse, repeat) thing gets old...I mean, we can't have all work and no play. Have you tried meeting women at church, or in certain social groups (not sure if they have "meet-ups" in your area)? OLD sucks so much... I hate it. It's a bad combination of superficial peeps and flakes. Then the awkwardness of trying to make a connection from a profile - to in person - doesn't make it any easier. Hopefully by meeting people that are part of "groups" - at least you can meet people with similar interests. groups events sounds like a good idea, I'll look into it
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 Some say 'life is better/sweeter when you have someone to share it with'... I feel ya, the work/exercise/clean (wash, rinse, repeat) thing gets old...I mean, we can't have all work and no play. Have you tried meeting women at church, or in certain social groups (not sure if they have "meet-ups" in your area)? OLD sucks so much... I hate it. It's a bad combination of superficial peeps and flakes. Then the awkwardness of trying to make a connection from a profile - to in person - doesn't make it any easier. Hopefully by meeting people that are part of "groups" - at least you can meet people with similar interests. truer words have never been spoken
Author quidproquo89 Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 I'm really sorry she shot you down like that. But the upside is that she didn't waste any more of your precious time, right?? This will happen a few times until you meet someone you're meant to spend real time with and really connect with. There wasn't anything that girl was supposed to teach you. Are you planning romantic dinners with the girls you meet up with? Or short casual encounters? Maybe try that next time so there won't be as much pressure on the date maybe ? I don't think you find the "right" person or that they find you...I think you just sort of bump into each other. Your paths just cross. Try having this mentality instead..."I'm going to pursue dating because it's fun and I enjoy spending time and meeting with new girls." They say you don't date to waste anyone's time or you don't date "just to date" but I say, why on Earth not?? lol Date simply just to date, not to find your life partner. Otherwise, I think you're putting too pressure on yourself and the dating experience itself. You can have standards, just try not to have any expectations. There's a big difference. That works very well for me when I decide to date. (= We have to first be content and happy with being single. Loneliness will come and go. You'll get better with it. Usually go for a drink so you can have a good one on one chat. I wanted to take this last girl to the zoo as it would be fun and we're both into animals, but she wanted to break the ice first with a drink
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