Redhead14 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I go to this place J's on the way home from work to eat sometimes. It's a nice place, lots of good/nice people and a few months ago, I gave my business card to B because I didn't have any paper or pen. He never called me which is fine. We are friends and we talk there often but usually don't hang out or sit next to each other. He's got his buddies and they usually are all in a line at the one end and I sit with my girlfriend, her husband and another older gentleman. He's 82 and they bring him out to get him out of the house during the week. Anyway, another guy, S, who goes there occasionally and is friendly with B was there yesterday and the day before. I had been talking to S (we've talked previously as well just in passing) and he said "maybe I'll see ya here tomorrow and we can talk some more". I came in yesterday and was going to sit around the side of the bar and they both said " hey, where you going? I said "to sit over there". They said "sit here". There weren't any stools so they both stood up to give me their chairs. I took S's stool and we all started talking. A little before S had to leave, he asked me for my number and was fumbling with his phone trying to enter it and we were laughing. B said "what the heck are you doing"? S said "never mind what I'm doing" but B knew and was ribbing him a little. B made a comment about giving business card which I kinda heard but not exactly and S didn't notice. But I looked at B and pointed at him to "be good". It's not a big deal, just weird. I'm not sure what he said I just know it was a reference to that. I'm free, white and way over 21 so I can give my number to anyone I want to. If they use it, great, if not so be it. Anyway, S and I are going out on Friday. He's a really good guy too. There are a lot of really nice, nice people/guys at that place. There are only a couple of odd balls there besides me I'm usually out of there by 5:30/6:00 when I go, so I don't really know the "night crowd". I imagine it's more "pickupy" if you know what I mean. Once in a while I go to listen to the bands. They have great bands. I have dated someone else from there but we don't go there on dates. I won't go there with S either. I think it's best to take it out of there. One reason is that it's difficult to have a one on one interaction when other friends are around. We would just end up talking as a group. Anyway, I'm thinking I should not accept anymore dates from anyone there, although, there is someone else who has expressed interest and may ask me. I'm not sure I'd accept though, haven't talked with him as much. This is not necessarily a bad position to be in. I mean, having several people interested. Sometimes you through dry spells But, do you agree, I should limit dates from there now or screw it -- I'm free and way over 21 -- not exclusive/committed to nor sleeping with anyone (one precludes the other anyway)?
CarrieT Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I think you are *WAY* over-thinking it. You are just dating. If you aren't having sex with every guy there that asks you on the first date, there is no reputation or bad joo-joo to be established. And, besides, all you've done is give your number out; it isn't like you are establishing a network of paramours from the place or anything.
Author Redhead14 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 Thanks for the input. You and I both know, there will likely be a couple of other takes on this Assumptions abound sometimes at places sometimes. I really think it's pretty clear to everyone that I go there for dinner early and am pretty much in and out when I go, so my agenda is not to "get guys". It just so happens that I've been on a little bit of a streak in being approached and I like them at least enough to accept a date or two.
Author Redhead14 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 The thing about this that made me even think about it was that B mentioned it at all. I think he was maybe a little out of line in my opinion. Like, "hey, I got her number too". If S were paying attention, he might not have asked me because of maybe toe stepping or something. I'm going out with S anyway, so it's not holding me back. If it seems like B is talking to other peeps about it, I'll address it with him. He's a good guy too. He may not "get it" and just funning around.
CarrieT Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 You are totally projecting and assuming what others are saying about you which is a bad, bad thing. Just go with what feels right and natural without bringing in external social implications that may or may not be there. Doing so will choke you.
Author Redhead14 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 You are totally projecting and assuming what others are saying about you which is a bad, bad thing. Just go with what feels right and natural without bringing in external social implications that may or may not be there. Doing so will choke you. There it is CarrieT A look from the outside in. As comfortable as I am with myself, everybody needs to brought full circle every once in a while. Thanks.
CarrieT Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Oh, yeah - and this "addressing the issue with B?" No, no, no... As soon as you do, it BECOMES an issue and WILL be talked about. You will only feed an ember that your actions could turn into a fire. By remaining detached and aloof, the mystery and allure will be yours. Talking about it will show you as paranoid and controlling.
Author Redhead14 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 Yes, I agree. I wouldn't do that unless he said something to me, really. I'm leaving it alone.
mightycpa Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I think Carrie T is right. You can accept dates from people there. What's the harm? B was just having a little fun needling his friend. Accept it for what it was and drop it as if it never happened. It probably meant nothing, but if it meant anything at all, B was feeling a little remorseful that he didn't call you. Because now that S has moved in, the guy code dictates that B has no right to initiate any claim on you without S's express approval.
Author Redhead14 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 I think Carrie T is right. You can accept dates from people there. What's the harm? B was just having a little fun needling his friend. Accept it for what it was and drop it as if it never happened. It probably meant nothing, but if it meant anything at all, B was feeling a little remorseful that he didn't call you. Because now that S has moved in, the guy code dictates that B has no right to initiate any claim on you without S's express approval. Yepper. And I am now reminded that I was in a similar situation once while on a bowling league years ago. One guy had asked for my number about 2 weeks prior and then knew a second one had approached me. I got a call the next night
angel.eyes Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 CarrieT is spot on! There's no need to turn this into more than it is. You flirted with some guy, gave him your number a few months ago, and he's never bothered to call you or ask you on a date even though he chats with you. A few months. Sorry, he doesn't seem interested in dating you, so it's highly unlikely he's gossiping about you with other guys. Some other guy now asks for you number in front of this guy. You gave him your number. It promptly turned into a date because he is interested. Fantastic! Go enjoy your date. Simple!
Diezel Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 I'm free, white and way over 21 so I can give my number to anyone I want to. What does this even MEAN?
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