gwennebe Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 What a hellish weekend I just had! Got in a fight with my boyfriend Friday night and we didn't talk Saturday all day then Sunday he came over and we talked and he broke up with me. It wasn't an easy break up by any means he was almost crying when he left. I sent him an email about 2 hours later and within a half hour he calls me crying and agrees to come back over and we agree to still see each other but maybe slow things down a little by only seeing each other about twice a week which isn't too different than before. I am scared to death right now. It's obvious he is releived that we are going to still date but I'm afraid in the future we will break up for the same reasons which is because he is not sure he is going to be around here for that much longer. Maybe not even a year. He claims he was afraid of getting any more involved with me if he had to move away or if things started not working out again. We were picking little fights with each other about once a week over nothing. I think it was to test each other and we talked about that issue and came up with a solution. This is so hard because we like each other so much and have a lot of fun together but he is so afraid of getting involved too fast. It's not that I was putting pressure on him either. I never demanded his time or got mad at him for doing his own thing because I'm not like that and he admitted I didn't do those things so basically I think he's afraid he's falling for me and is scared as heck!! His last relationship lasted 2 years and he got hurt really bad because she cheated on him. I feel so insecure right now about everything. I dont' know what to do or think. Thanks for listening.
GirlDown Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 i went through the same thing with my boyfriend. he was engaged and the girl was (from what i understand from his family) an immature jerk who did terrible things to him before she just picked up and left one day. he's told me about her and his suspicions, but i have heard more from his family, maybe more than he even knows. in any case, when we first got together, it wasn't long after she screwed him over, maybe a little more than a month after she left (they were also together two years--what's the deal with sour 2-yr relationships?!) and he was hesitant to get involved again ( no matter how much i wanted him! how frustrating!) but honestly, the best thing i did was act like i was patient, even though i was anything but. i made sure he knew that i was interested because i didn't want him to think i was giving up, but i gave him the right to make the decision. he eventually made the decision i wanted, and i think it's because i wasn't forceful about it. if i had done the desperate thing, he would have been turned off...if i acted like i was ambivalent, he would have thought i didn't care. all you have to do is find the right balance. let him know you understand, and that you are obviously interested enough to give him the time to figure things out and that you hope when he does, that you're a part of it. (however, in your case if it takes longer than you're prepared for, it's okay for you to say enough, i'm not waiting anymore--i almost got to that point, and i think my boyfriend could sense it...and then he realized he did want to be with me and that he would lose me if he didn't get over the crap the other girl put him through.) i know he says you're not putting pressure on him, and that's a great start, but sometimes not giving enough pressure lets them get away with being indecisive for too long... and then you have to put your foot down, but nicely good luck, and i hope it work sout
TOMUCH Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Just because he's having in-securities don't put yourself down...From what I read you did absolutely nothing wrong...don't make yourself feel less then what you are...You need to be strong and enjoy the moments you have together and if it's to much for him to handle because of his in-securities then you know what you should do...The truth hurts but its better to know the truth then be lied to and pretend everythings ok.. Guys do get a little weak when they fall in love or starting too...but once they are he might just be the perfect guy...but don't be afraid be strong...woman shouldn't be afraid to be alone...u know the famous saying they're plenty fish in the sea...cheer up its a new day
Author gwennebe Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Thank you for the advice I appreciate it very much. He sent me an email today and it was really nice. He said he was very happy we decided to stay together and that he thinks it is worth putting forth 100% effort to at least see what could happen and he said he would try to be more open with his thoughts and feelings with me and communicate better so we can try to avoid misunderstandings in the future. Guess I have to leave it to fate now. Dang ex girlfriends, and dang bad timing always seems to get in my way. lol.
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