how would you feel about this?

[chados]

so weve been together for 3 years. she moved her studies closer to me, but its in another country. ive been visiting her once and shes been there for about 2 months now.

 

 

she talks to me like she normally does. i feel like shes texting a little less but at the same time thats understandable considering its probably harder to learn in school. she cant use the phone for her teachers like she could before and she's getting to know new people.

 

 

i spend the first month worrying about things working out because of all the new things in life, because we all know that new isnt always good. i talked to her about it and she said dont worry etc. shes been out at bars a lot. which shouldnt bother me because i trust her, but it does. reason being its to often. were talking 2-3 times a week. she's not getting drunk though. but she's still out to much for me to think its okey.

 

2 days ago i asked her to talk and we did for about 20-30 minutes while she was in bed. then she almost passed out so i said we can talk tomorrow instead. she went to a dinner until 12 at night, she comes home and decides to have tea with people for one hour. now its 1 a clock. of course same scenario this time.

 

 

i totally understand that she wants to do things, get to know people and study. but i dont think this is okey. as soon as she notice that im getting tired of it she says things like, im gonna be off for this long at christmas break. or i wish you could be here. just something to make me feel better but im not. i feel like she's taking me for granted and i dont know wether to bring this up again or to let her do her things and take a big step back.

Edited September 25, 2014 by chados

[justwhoiam]

- How often is too often?

- I don't see a problem if she's being social till midnight or 1 am during weekends. If that happens during the week, then I guess it's not fine. What's the scenario exactly?

- I think I know why you're let down. She's not making time for you. I mean some quality time, unless you ask her. And that becomes tiresome. You'd want to see some interest, while here, it's you asking and her kind of compromising to fit you in her schedule. No wonder you feel low.

- Drop contact and see what comes from her spontaneously for a couple of weeks. Based on that, you will talk to her about practical matters.

[chados]

- How often is too often?

- I don't see a problem if she's being social till midnight or 1 am during weekends. If that happens during the week, then I guess it's not fine. What's the scenario exactly?

 

its been during the weeks too. and she does respect me by not getting drunk but its the fact that its been so many times now.

 

- I think I know why you're let down. She's not making time for you. I mean some quality time, unless you ask her. And that becomes tiresome. You'd want to see some interest, while here, it's you asking and her kind of compromising to fit you in her schedule. No wonder you feel low.

 

yes i agree. well she has been but she thinks that i will always have time for her and she's more busy then i am. but i definitely think that she should show that she appreciates the time we have more.

 

- Drop contact and see what comes from her spontaneously for a couple of weeks. Based on that, you will talk to her about practical matters.

 

 

i know that she will text me if i would ignore her for a few hours. i know that she would call my sister/mom or friends if i didnt answer during a whole day. she cares but she doesnt seem to understand that when you do have time together you need to use that time and not have tea for an hour.

 

 

 

im thinking that i should let her do what she wants cause theres nothing i can do to prevent it. well maybe i could but forcing her to not do what she wants isnt gonna help me or her. i think the less i force her the faster she will snap out of it. i do know that im overreacting in a way but i think its important to invest equally in a relationship.

[central]

LDRs seldom work. She may well lose interest in you as she gains new experiences and insights. At the very least, you should be doing the same. The question is, can you both live your lives apart without getting involved with other people in a romantic sense? It's difficult, of course, when you rarely see each other, and you have no way to easily tell if they are losing interest in your relationship until it's too late.

 

While LDRs can sometimes work, I think it's best to assume they won't, live your own lives as you wish, agree that you are both free to date, and then when and if a time comes when you can be together, decide then if you still want to be a couple - if one or both of you hasn't already moved on.

[chados]

LDRs seldom work. She may well lose interest in you as she gains new experiences and insights. At the very least, you should be doing the same. The question is, can you both live your lives apart without getting involved with other people in a romantic sense? It's difficult, of course, when you rarely see each other, and you have no way to easily tell if they are losing interest in your relationship until it's too late.

 

While LDRs can sometimes work, I think it's best to assume they won't, live your own lives as you wish, agree that you are both free to date, and then when and if a time comes when you can be together, decide then if you still want to be a couple - if one or both of you hasn't already moved on.

 

 

yeah but i mean weve been together for 3 years and weve been seeing eachother a lot during that time. we spend 2-3 months together, then the other person comes over for about the same amount of time. then we have 2 months off. and besides this can happen with all relationships.

 

ive never had any doubts and she hasnt either. its just like you said when things are new and things changes a little you start worrying.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Its all about personal expectations... On both sides.

 

I have had 3+ years of not being able to meet up face to face.

 

What we share deep feelings equally and have full understandings between us.

 

So expectations are very minimal at most.

 

To ease doubts, we convo the best we can, and share deep feelings in our messages.

 

Now for away times... I know we cannot say much from limitations and in between activities. So when we do have time, everything eventually gets caught up.

 

Since we do not spend money on each other, and only send wee gifts of personal affection, everything that we share in love is pure. So, having a pure and trusting heart makes doubts non-existent.

 

Time will also allow for trust to build, as the more you accept from each other the more comfortable you feel.

 

We did not make any expectations in becoming online friends, and kept it that way. So, when we became LDR we had already built up trust to allow further and deeper feelings to be shared without much doubt in the other.

 

Hope this helps with seeing what needs to be in an LDR for it to grow.

[chados]

Its all about personal expectations... On both sides.

 

I have had 3+ years of not being able to meet up face to face.

 

What we share deep feelings equally and have full understandings between us.

 

So expectations are very minimal at most.

 

To ease doubts, we convo the best we can, and share deep feelings in our messages.

 

Now for away times... I know we cannot say much from limitations and in between activities. So when we do have time, everything eventually gets caught up.

 

Since we do not spend money on each other, and only send wee gifts of personal affection, everything that we share in love is pure. So, having a pure and trusting heart makes doubts non-existent.

 

Time will also allow for trust to build, as the more you accept from each other the more comfortable you feel.

 

We did not make any expectations in becoming online friends, and kept it that way. So, when we became LDR we had already built up trust to allow further and deeper feelings to be shared without much doubt in the other.

 

Hope this helps with seeing what needs to be in an LDR for it to grow.

 

 

very nice said. yeah unfortunately i think that this new thing is making me go from a very comfortable guy in to an insecure and jealous person. and im definitely getting back to were i was before. and more importantly im not making a big deal out of this. thats why i ask here so i dont have to bring things up when i shouldnt. guess we all go through a time when we loose control. hopefully i can fix it.

[justwhoiam]

thats why i ask here so i dont have to bring things up when i shouldnt.

So, are you going to answer my questions?

[chados]

So, are you going to answer my questions?

 

i did answer your questions