my story about abuse.

[justagirl25]

Hi every one, I guess this is more of a vent than a question. I'd appriciate anyone patient enough to read my story .

 

Years ago I met a guy that was 12 years older than I am. I have a daughter and I thought since he's older then he must be more mature than guys my age. ( how naive of me) well long story short we met and he fell in love with me and moved to my state to be with me and treated me very nice. I've never had that before so I fell deeply in love with him and gave him 100% and more (we talked about marriage, kids, our future) .

 

 

Once we started getting more comfortable around eachother he started to change. It began with him being verbally and emotionally abusive then with every argument he slowly became more physical. He'd push me against the wall, throw me on the bed, grab my arms really hard to the point of bruising ect. I remember now that I look back it was always a cycle. we'd fight , he'd hurt me and leave and come back the next day with flowers crying his eyes out for hurting me and apologize . our arguments were about nonsense and mainly because of his short fuse. I was on birth control but some how ended up pregnant and he pressured me into an abortion which I'm not proud of at all but honestly I wouldn't ever have kids with him at this stage anyway. he wasn't supportive at all through it. he'd make me cry about feeling guilty by making comments like " it's not even a real baby yet, gtf over it" or making jokes in the abortion clinic while I cried my eyes out. the relationship went sour and toxic. I knew I wanted to break up. at at the end of our relationship he took a trip to Miami with a buddy and he contracted herpes from a girl he knew down there and gave It to me ( that's how I found out about the cheating ) I broke it off with him and he became angry and dragged me by my hair and pushed me around and I was left with scars and bruises . He completely destroyed my self esteem and I had trust and insecurity issues and was left depressed and lonely. I didn't think anyone would want me after all this.

 

 

Well , Since then I've forgiven him for my own peace and I'm a much stronger person compared to the person at the beginning of that relationship. After building myself back up , I've met a wonderful man, he's very understanding about all this and we have an amazing relationship. He has proposed to me last month and I'm head over heels in love. I'm a much happier person. Although I still have insecurities and what ifs from time to time, my fiance somehow makes all the doubt go away. He loves my daughter and I in a way no one ever has before and we plan on getting married March 2016.

 

I guess I'm writing this in hopes of helping someone that's been or is going through a similar situation . It is tough, I cried every night for months straight. I hated my life and constantly blamed myself for being stupid. BUT , I'm glad I made the decision to leave and I'm glad I saw the real him sooner than later. Dont ever forget that you deserve to be with someone that values you and makes you feel appreciated. No matter hard it may seem, you are worth it. LOVE yourself enough to walk away. You deserve happiness and love .

Edited September 25, 2014 by justagirl25

[sm2281]

Cheers to that. Thank You for sharing. 4X abuse SURVIVOR here (child/sex - rape - domestic x2)

 

 

Stay strong lady. Stay Strong.

(hugs)

[GoBlue]

Thank you for sharing and giving hope to someone else! Oh, and congratulations on your engagement. May the Lord bless your marriage and continue to use you to help other people as well. Grace and Peace!

[Jewels7]

Thank you for sharing. Congratulations on your engagement. I'm just wondering how long.it took you to get over it? It has been almost 5 months since I left my ex (I didn't realize he was abusive until I posted my story under abuse and violence). After 5 months though I feel like if I had to do it over again I probably wouldn't have left him... I think I only feel this way because I still love him and hurt so bad. Did you have these feelings too? How did you get over it?

[justagirl25]

Thank you for sharing. Congratulations on your engagement. I'm just wondering how long.it took you to get over it? It has been almost 5 months since I left my ex (I didn't realize he was abusive until I posted my story under abuse and violence). After 5 months though I feel like if I had to do it over again I probably wouldn't have left him... I think I only feel this way because I still love him and hurt so bad. Did you have these feelings too? How did you get over it?

Thank you everyone!

 

What you're feeling is normal. I went through the same thing during the first year and it was absolutely horrifying for me. my self image was out the door and I honestly thought no one would want me . Yes I did leave him and it was the hardest thing I've done. I couldn't understand why after all the pain hes put me through how could I possibly love him so much? I Missed him badly. I blamed myself constantly for how it all ended. but please believe me that theres nothing you can do to prevent an abusive person. you weren't the problem, you were a victim. It took some deep thinking to finally realize it wasn't him that I missed but I missed the times before the abuse started and the imaginary person he led me to believe he was. It's been 2 and a half years and I can promise you it will get better. you will heal but YOU have want to. take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up for not getting over it in a heartbeat like everyone else expects you to. youre only human and you have been through a lot. Just remember you were a victim and it will take time and effort to build yourself back up and you will need love and support and strength which i can tell you have just by leaving him. Remember that there is no real future with an abuser, you deserve better and consider yourself lucky you don't have to deal with him anymore. best of luck to you and STAY strong. you have a bright and happy future ahead . keep your head high beautiful.