meatball101 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 We broke up a month ago because she wasn't ready for a true relationship and needed to be independent to figure her life goals out. I tried convincing her for two weeks to change her mind but nope nothing. As a desperation act I said "Hey I have a date this weekend but I still care for you. Want to meet up? If not then yeah..." I did not have a date I was just trying to make her jealous. She replied with "Hey, my week is hectic but have a great time :)". I feel like she was hiding behind that and was maybe actually hurt that I had a date so fast after the breakup, but I'm not 100% sure on that. I replied with "Aite, take care of yourself." So for the next two weeks I've implemented No Contact. She texted me a week in saying 'how are you?' but I ignored that entirely. Anyway my question here is, since she knows I might be dating so fast already, would that repel her away from me or want me more? She could be mad that I've moved on so fast and didn't fight for her. Or maybe it could instill jealously into her? I don't know. Her personality is the anxious and insecure type. She's always nervous about things. I want her back some day because this relationship was near perfect and I want to fight for it. I just hope I didn't jeopardize it by telling her I was going on a date. In a couple weeks(one month full NC), I plan to text her and see what will happen.
broken2828 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I don't think its a good idea to play manipulative mind games.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 We broke up a month ago because she wasn't ready for a true relationship and needed to be independent to figure her life goals out. I tried convincing her for two weeks to change her mind but nope nothing. As a desperation act I said "Hey I have a date this weekend but I still care for you. Want to meet up? If not then yeah..." I did not have a date I was just trying to make her jealous. She replied with "Hey, my week is hectic but have a great time :)". I feel like she was hiding behind that and was maybe actually hurt that I had a date so fast after the breakup, but I'm not 100% sure on that. I replied with "Aite, take care of yourself." So for the next two weeks I've implemented No Contact. She texted me a week in saying 'how are you?' but I ignored that entirely. Anyway my question here is, since she knows I might be dating so fast already, would that repel her away from me or want me more? She could be mad that I've moved on so fast and didn't fight for her. Or maybe it could instill jealously into her? I don't know. Her personality is the anxious and insecure type. She's always nervous about things. I want her back some day because this relationship was near perfect and I want to fight for it. I just hope I didn't jeopardize it by telling her I was going on a date. In a couple weeks(one month full NC), I plan to text her and see what will happen. No it wont and your childish game playing wont get you anywhere. What you mentioned above is just that. You need to leave her alone and move along. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. You cant "fight" for someone that doesnt want to be with you. You sound incredibly young. I hope that's the case I really do.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 No, it's a silly game and she probably sees right through it anyway. She would have accepted your offer to hang out if she'd wanted to. I'm sorry you're hurting and we certainly all know what it feels like. But the truth is that if she was really ready to move on when she broke up with you, you dating someone else isn't going to affect her. She would probably be glad you're moving on too. You can't fight for her if she's not interested, OP. 1
ThorntonMelon Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 We broke up a month ago because she wasn't ready for a true relationship and needed to be independent to figure her life goals out. You broke up because she didn't want to be in a relationship with you. I tried convincing her for two weeks to change her mind but nope nothing. Nothing is more of a turnoff than to have someone invalidating their feelings. As a desperation act I said "Hey I have a date this weekend but I still care for you. Want to meet up? If not then yeah..." I did not have a date I was just trying to make her jealous. I assume you can look back at that and realize how ridiculous it looks. You live, you learn. We've all done our share of passive aggressive nonsense. She replied with "Hey, my week is hectic but have a great time :)". Had to hurt to see her good with it, but that's life. I feel like she was hiding behind that and was maybe actually hurt that I had a date so fast after the breakup, but I'm not 100% sure on that. You are not a therapist, and you want her to be hiding behind it and hurt. But I am 100% sure that there is no evidence of it actually being the case. I replied with "Aite, take care of yourself." So for the next two weeks I've implemented No Contact. She texted me a week in saying 'how are you?' but I ignored that entirely. Best thing I've read so far. Anyway my question here is, since she knows I might be dating so fast already, would that repel her away from me or want me more? Given she suggests she's no longer interested in you, it likely won't affect her. She could be mad that I've moved on so fast and didn't fight for her. Or maybe it could instill jealously into her? I don't know. Her personality is the anxious and insecure type. She's always nervous about things. I'm confused. You want to "instill jealousy into someone?" I suspect right now if she's nervous about anything, it's that she's nervous you're going to screw up the relationship she's having with the guy she's either sleeping with or wants to be sleeping with right now. You spent more time pondering her feelings for you writing your post than she spends in a week actually pondering feelings for you. I want her back some day because this relationship was near perfect and I want to fight for it. Fighting for a relationship is a Hollywood creation. And it wasn't perfect at all - you just said she dumped you because she didn't want to be in a relationship...so you are fighting for a mirage. I just hope I didn't jeopardize it by telling her I was going on a date. In a couple weeks(one month full NC), I plan to text her and see what will happen. You can be very comfortable that if she wanted you, there is nothing you could text her that would make her love you less. You jeopardized nothing. Except by typing "Look at me, I'm going on a date...by the way, you wanna hang out??", you looked extremely desperate and put her in a big time power position. But you had already done that by begging for her love. Make it 3 months of NC. One month of NC is nothing. You need to break the addiction. 2
Maleficent Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 If she broke up with you 'because she wasn't ready for a relationship' (we all know what that really means) she will probably be relieved...
Natsu21 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Dude, it's over. I know that you're feeling all kinds of emotions but you have to learn that some things you can not control. She ended it for the above reasons, which is basically beating around the bush for the ultimate reason: she is no longer attracted to you. You're young and this happens. You could have done nothing to prevent it. But you can act the right way: by moving on and never contacting her till she beats down the door begging for you.
oldshirt Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) We broke up a month ago because she wasn't ready for a true relationship and needed to be independent to figure her life goals out. No. she broke up with you because she didn't want to see you anymore and probably has someone else. I tried convincing her for two weeks to change her mind but nope nothing. You need to remember this simple fact until you die - if you ever find yourself trying to 'convince' a woman to like you/date you/want you/have sex with you etc etc etc etc, you have already lost. If she ain't "feeling it" you are never going to be able to convince anyone of anything. As a desperation act I said "Hey I have a date this weekend but I still care for you. Want to meet up? If not then yeah..." I did not have a date I was just trying to make her jealous. Which made you look even more pathetic, desperate and psycho. Don't ever do that again. She replied with "Hey, my week is hectic but have a great time :)". Translation = "Thank God!" I feel like she was hiding behind that and was maybe actually hurt that I had a date so fast after the breakup. No, she was wishing it were true and that your attention would be turned elsewhere....but she knows it was a desperate attempt to get her back. So for the next two weeks I've implemented No Contact. She texted me a week in saying 'how are you?' but I ignored that entirely. Good for you. Keep doing that. That is the one thing you have done right. Anyway my question here is, since she knows I might be dating so fast already, ummm no. she knows that you are not dating anyone and thinks that you are a manipulative psycho. would that repel her away from me or want me more? She knows that you aren't dating anyone and as has done wonders to convince her that she did the right thing by breaking up with you. She could be mad that I've moved on so fast and didn't fight for her. Dude, she know's you were BSing. Or maybe it could instill jealously into her? No. if it instills anything in her, it is that she is glad before she ended up buried in a crawlspace or chained up in your basement. I don't know. Her personality is the anxious and insecure type. You are calling her anxious and insecure???? She's always nervous about things. Now I know why. I am getting kind of nervous for her too. I want her back some day because this relationship was near perfect and I want to fight for it. It was far from perfect obviously, you just think it was perfect because she was talking to you. I just hope I didn't jeopardize it by telling her I was going on a date. She was probably long gone way before then. In a couple weeks(one month full NC), I plan to text her and see what will happen. I can tell you what will happen, she will have you blocked. The next time you contact her after that, she will call the police. See above. Edited September 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Natsu21 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) Paging Dr Stalker, Paging Dr Stalker!!! See above. I'm gonna shame myself: I WAS the guy he is describing above. I can understand that in the heat of passion, we don't think logically and all we want is the person back. That's why I'll be the voice of reason: Dude, she's interested in someone else. Nothing you do will bring her back. You have to LET that go. Getting her back isn't going to happen. You have to know she is never coming back. Or more to the point, why you want someone who doesn't want you in your life? Do you think yourself unattractive? Unattainable? Stuck? You attracted her, didn't you? You can attract someone else. I'd rather settle for someone that isn't what I fully want, than be with someone who isn't into me at all. Learn to walk away when you have to, and your life will be a lot better. You won't die when she leaves. Deal with the emotions properly and let the pain through. In time, they will go away. Because let me tell you, she wants you gone. Give her what she wants. Edited September 25, 2014 by Natsu21
ThorntonMelon Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Natsu - No reason to be ashamed of it - we've all been there. But there's a group of us on here who just do the tough love thing because so many on here are still in bargaining/rationalizing phase. Most important part to get through. Once you convince yourself that what you had is over and there's not some magic action or speech or gift that will get it back, all the grieving stuff is 500x easier.
angel.eyes Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 She's relieved! You're no doubt bluffing, but she still gets a brief respite from your begging while you carry out your little dating charade. You know, you can't credibly claim to be happily dating and simultaneously harassing your ex to take you back. (The irony in all of this is that she's probably dating.) If you've actually moved on, that's even better. Your begging and clinging will now be someone else's problem. You really do need to stop the immature shenanigans and just go NC.
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