desertsessions Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) So January of this year an old flame also first real love started talking to me again. I kind of broke her heart three years ago because I was a really bad boyfriend, we would fight a lot, i was just too immature for a relationship. When we broke up we didn't talk at all for the whole three years. So when she added me back to facebook in January and said she'd like to catch up I was very surprised. We started talking more, and she'd start texting me and calling me all the time... we actually became pretty close again, and this time got along really well. We decided to hangout for the first time in May and it went well, it brought so many memories back and i had a really good time with her.. we were running around the whole night, holding hands and laughing and it felt like we were still dating.. it was really weird, but i liked it. Near the end of June I found out that a guy started taking a liking in her.. I kind of panicked and told her I was starting to fall for her again. She felt so guilty and said she had no idea I even liked her again. So far she was just hanging out and talking with me, but she actually did really enjoy catching up. I was very understanding about it and told her if she wasn't interested I was going to walk away, and there was no hard feelings. I think this kind of upset her. two weeks later she texted me... I ignored it. Then another two weeks went by and she sends me a facebook message saying "Really, I get nothing anymore? :(" I went to her facebook and saw that she just started dating this guy now... so i explained i was pretty hurt that she seemed interested in me, just to start dating this other guy. She's being civil about everything, and being quite kind, i can tell she feels really bad... i dunno what to do... Do i just walk away like i said, or try to be friends with her. I really enjoy talking to her still, but I don't want to constantly feel like i desire more with this girl and watch this new relationship unfold before my eyes. Edited September 25, 2014 by desertsessions
me85 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Oooh nasty spot to be in. I should know. I advise against being friends with her. I know the dilemma you're in. I went through the same thing, as far as "should I or should I not talk to my ex who's now in another RS?" ...definitely not. But because I'm literally addicted to 2 things: alcohol & staying in LC with my ex...it's quite difficult to stick to NC and refrain from responding to his emails. Sometimes when I drink I'll send him an email. We never talk about anything serious, just short BSing. But still, I hate myself the next day. You can't be friends with her if you have feelings for her.
Author desertsessions Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 Yeah that's kind of how i feel... it sucks because we're still getting along super well and i wanted to see where that would go. She knows i've been distant since i found out and that's why she's sending me messages upset now. I kind of feel like a jerk. I would somehow still like to win her over, but i guess that's kind of impossible now that she'd dating this guy.
me85 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) Yeah that's kind of how i feel... it sucks because we're still getting along super well and i wanted to see where that would go. She knows i've been distant since i found out and that's why she's sending me messages upset now. I kind of feel like a jerk. I would somehow still like to win her over, but i guess that's kind of impossible now that she'd dating this guy. I know but if she wanted to be with you she wouldn't have started dating someone else. She wants the best of both worlds. She sees you as only a friend now who she missed talking to but she sees the other guy as a romantic partner. Maybe even as a potential life partner. It's very hard because we know they still care about us in some way when they reach out and want to talk to us and that makes us feel good...until we realize they don't care about us enough to the point of wanting to be with us. Then that good feeling we originally felt goes away. Leaving us in misery. You're not a jerk but maybe instead of avoiding her you should briefly tell her how you feel. Did you say you already did? Sorry, I'm sick and kinda out of it so I may have overlooked the details. Edited September 25, 2014 by me85
Author desertsessions Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) I know but if she wanted to be with you she wouldn't have started dating someone else. She wants the best of both worlds. She sees you as only a friend now who she missed talking to but she sees the other guy as a romantic partner. Maybe even as a potential life partner. It's very hard because we know they still care about us in some way when they reach out and want to talk to us and that makes us feel good...until we realize they don't care about us enough to the point of wanting to be with us. Then that good feeling we originally felt goes away. Leaving us in misery. You're not a jerk but maybe instead of avoiding her you should briefly tell her how you feel. Did you say you already did? Sorry, I'm sick and kinda out of it so I may have overlooked the details. Yeah I told her how i felt, I said i was starting to have feelings for her again and she basically said so far she was just hanging out and talking with me, and it's been nice. She really enjoys being friends!! Right there and then I told her I was walking away if she had no interested. I didn't say a word to her after that it's just been her contacting me... I'm kind of angry in a sense because i feel like she's not taking me seriously, or taking my feelings into consideration by contacting me after I told her I was walking away if she's not interested. But each time she contacts me she just seems really upset that I'm not saying a word to her, that i can't help but feel bad and say something. I think she knows that we've been getting along so well lately so she feels really bad. I wanna just say if you're happy with that new guy, then I'm happy for you... because it's the right thing to do, and it would show I'm not going to chase her. I just don't understand why she'd call me all the time, and hold hands the whole first night we chilled if she really had zero interest. The first night we chilled in years, she would say things like "You promise you never cheated on me... not even once when we were dating?" I feel like she doesn't fully trust me or something due to the past... (I lied to her about a few things in the past and she found out) It was very low of me... and i'll always regret it. So i can understand why she would be hesitant. But why not just leave me be, if she knows I'm hurt about this.. I dunno if i should just continue being the nice guy i've been to her, or distance myself even more. Edited September 25, 2014 by desertsessions
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