Theresaaa95 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) My questions are, did I screw things up for good past the point of no return? Will he ever speak to me, will he ever by any chance find the love he had for me? And secondly, am I crazy? Am I truly crazy for how I acted? Or can someone shed some light on what the hell is going on. Here's the gist of my story, my boyfriend and I were together for almost a year. He's 24 I'm 19. I'll try to make this short, and I apologize if it's pretty lengthy. But let me tell you it was roller coaster of a year. We had the crazy, fighting toxic-like relationship. We were crazy about each other and in the end always came to each other in a bout a day or hours after a fight. We were bat **** crazy. Now my ex is the type of guy that is kind of a player and a little bit of an *******. Not the relationship type. But somehow it worked with us, because we loved each other that much. And when I broke up with him I was stressed out and over it. I saw something on his phone that I probably overreacted to, but we talked and mutually broke up. Then the following days we talked and slept together. He asked if I ever saw us getting back together I said I wasn't sure. After that I think he really started to try to get thrugh the break up. I then panicked and realized what the **** did I do. I tried to text him and call him all the time. And we talked again and he said he was confused and didn't want a relationship right now. I cried and we hugged and we spent the night together. It was complicated. But then the reality of losing him and us set in for me and not talking to him every day not being with him. I began to freak out. Sending him long texts. The long goodbye texts. The angry texts. The pathetic texts. And he wouldn't reply. But would still call me up and come over. Then I realized what I had done to him. I revealed to him that I was sorry for the break up And I know when he was trying I wasn't and really pushed him away. And I was going to fight for him. That he was worth the fight and I was in love with him. This made him smile. He came over a few nights later and we had an amazing night. He said it was possible we could get back together. Even after all my crazy ass messages to him. Then something happened. This is three month after the break up. A friend of mine shows me that he's been talking to this girl and they pictures together and all this. I was so hurt and embarrassed and pissed I sent him a huge angry mean hurtful text and said a lot of nasty things. But in my head, how could you be seeing someone when you know how I feel and keep pulling me along? Something I forgot to mention also, was that while I've been sending these crazy emotional texts these past months I told him to tell me if he wants me to leave him alone just tell me or tell me that you're seeing someone or that there's no chance. He never did. I'm crazy. But I was hurt. He hated me, then I begged him and said I was sorry and wanted to talk again sending him novel texts. He didn't really reply. But then I sent him one saying I was sorry that I had no right to be upset. as I'm kind of talking to someone as we'll, and that it is over and all this. Then he calls me comes over and cuddles, no sex but cuddles. He says "you're ****ing crazy and I like your crazy. Me and that girl were never together yeah I liked her but nothing like that. I can't tell you to leave me alone because I'm in love with I don't want you to leave me alone. I love you" we didn't have sex because I told him I was talking to someone and it wouldn't be fair to him or me. And I wouldn't know what that would mean. So we just cuddled and fell asleep. But here's where **** gets real, after that night of cuddling. We didn't talk for two days, I didn't contact him he didn't contact me. I get a message from the "girl" freaking out on me telling me she knows everything she has his phone she's reading what I said everything. Tells me he doesn't want to be with me. He wants me to leave him alone. Quit contacting him. I was crushed, I told him if wants me to leave him alone walk over and say it to my face. He said " I'll leave you alone and you leave me alone. Ok completely." And says he doesn't want to say it to my face. I called him a piece of ****. That night I got drunk of course, and sent him a long message. He replied and told me to leave him alone. "He will be the ******* that he is that it's over. And he's tired of me sending him messages. He said it's been three months this is ****ing ridiculous. He doesn't want to be my friend and doesn't want to hear from me again." I told him what I said to her. And he told me to delete his number delete him and delete the memories. That I pushed him away and he's over it has been over it. That it is what it is. And then the last thing he said to me was "**** you you ****ing cunt" I told him to **** off of course. The message I sent to that girl that had been so nasty to me, i told her she could have him. But she should wrap it up. (He has chlamydia) ew. I guess I'm just so hurt, why could he not just tell me himself? Why lead me on and why let some girl read what I sent him. And I also saw that same day that he has unblocked me from facebook. ( he blocked me after we got in a huge fight when he saw me hanging out with friends after our break up)Me pouring my heart out to him. How could he do that to me? Am I crazy? Am I the crazy ex? I don't know what to think or feel right now I'm so hurt and heart broken. And confused. How can you be so honest and real with a person than get totally **** on? Can anybody shed some light on this for me? Is he gone for good, will he ever talk to me again? Or does he really hate me. How can I get over this? Ugh thank you for any responses. I don't understand. Edited September 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for clarity/breaks
Sweetescape910 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Awwww okay first off you NEED to relax. As hard as it is, just remember we have ALL been through it before. You think you're the only girl out there who has acted crazy? You're not. We all have. I used to cry to my ex every day and harass him and he would get so annoyed. I think you need to put some things I to perspective. Clearly you have no self control right now. You react and the. Regret. Have some respect for yourself. Clearly he's an ******* who's seeing another girl. Why would you want someone like that in your life? Seriously, ask yourself, is this guy worth it? Because I know in your heart he is but toue concious knows he's not.. The only thing you can do to not seem crazy anymore is BACK OFF. You need time for yourself and personal space away from this dick. And it is WISE if you do. And why would he hate you for you acting emotional? You should write in a journal or write him a letter. Trust me it helps. When I went through my break up, writing with just a pen and paper helped me validate my emotions and keep myself together. You're worthy of much more than a guy who calls you a c*nt. DONT YOU WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PRINCESS AND LADY?!
Author Theresaaa95 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 Thank you for responding. I've been going crazy thinking and rethinking about this. And I can't really talk to my friends because at this point they don't think I should be even thinking about him anymore after this. But I've never been like this before I've had great boyfriends that treat me amazing but I can't seem to shake him from my mind. I am at the point where I know I'm going to back off. I'm just so confused, that he played with my head and I feel so betrayed. Like a fool for even saying anything to him. I guess I don't want him to remember me as a crazy biotch, that he hates. I want him to remember the good times and the way I was before. But I don't know why I care about that. I guess I'm still just hurt that he was so heartless to me. I'm ashamed of being like this. And the way I acted. I wish I could take it back. But I can't get over how much he's sick of me and wants me gone. Do you think he will ever contact me again after time? Or will he hate me forever
broken2828 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I hate to tell you this, but this guy was just using you for sex. He's a pig. You shouldnt have been fighting year one. Thats supposed to be the honeymoon stage. He probably will contact you again, for sex. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 He's playing you and his new girl for fools. He's very clearly using you both for sex, and nothing more. Of course he wouldn't tell you to leave him alone to your face - then his supply of sex and validation would dry up. He's not in love with either of you. Sorry, OP, but this ship has sailed. Someday you will look back and ask yourself why you allowed him to treat you so poorly, and why you ever wanted him back in the first place. Tough lesson to learn, but take it from someone who's got several years on you: what you describe isn't love. It's a god-awful codependency. Bat-**** crazy is not love at all. It is indicative of emotional immaturity, insecurity and anxiety. It's not loving, supportive or nurturing. A relationship that is so emotionally crippling and exhausting isn't a relationship worth having. Get rid of him. He's nothing special whatsoever, and doesn't give a crap about how you feel.
Zahara Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 why could he not just tell me himself? How can you possibly ask this question when you admitted that he is known player and is a bit of an arsehole? Now you're surprised he didn't tell you he was stringing you along while he was with another woman? Why lead me on and why let some girl read what I sent him. Leading women on is what a player does. She probably saw the text messages. Whether he showed it to her is irrelevant. The fact is that he was playing you both. Am I crazy? Am I the crazy ex? You said you both had a batshytt crazy relationship. Toxic and unhealthy. It would be safe to say that such relationships can bring out the worse in people. How can you be so honest and real with a person than get totally **** on? It's because not everyone is going to behave like you. Can anybody shed some light on this for me? Is he gone for good, will he ever talk to me again? Or does he really hate me. You should block this guy and move forward. Set your standards a little higher and want better for yourself. You're only 19 and already creating a destructive path and pattern for yourself.
Author Theresaaa95 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 I know that what all of you are saying is true. It still sucks so bad. I guess I always saw the best part of him when we were together. And I know he was an *******. But I remember the times when we were together when he was really trying and I was pushing him away. I know he really did want the relationship to work. And I guess regret what I did to push him away. Then trying to win him back I pushed him further away. And I guess I never thought things would be like this. Or that he could be this totally different person to be. It sucks but I know I should move on and probably never talk to him again.
Author Theresaaa95 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 (edited) Despite what he's done to me, I still can't help but feel that it's all my fault. That I was the one that ruined the relationship and the chance to get him back and fix things. Because I know I pushed him away when we were together. As pathetic and sad as that sounds. Edited September 25, 2014 by Theresaaa95
Redhead14 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Whenever a relationship ends, whether you do it or the other person ends it, you should always handle it with dignity and respect. When you do that, the other person will be less likely to do hurtful things to you nor will you allow things to hurt you. Love yourself first and everything else will fall into place. Never try to "get" someone who wants to leave back. Let them go. It is only very rarely that they will come back to you. It's a slim possibility, but if it's going to happen, it's because they want to. Even then, you must be careful of the reason they come back. Oftentimes it's about comfort for Them because things didn't go they thought they would after they left and not because they actually want you and then they will leave again when they get "comforted". This is why there are on and off again relationships. You should learn from every lost relationship and bring more to every new relationship. Use them as stepping stones. All the best to you.
Zahara Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 roller coaster of a year.[/b] We had the crazy' date=' fighting toxic-like relationship[/b']. We were crazy about each other and in the end always came to each other in a bout a day or hours after a fight. We were bat **** crazy. Regardless of whether you think it was your fault, this relationship was never going to work. Just because you always gravitated to each other after every crazy fight, it's just indicative of two unhealthy people with a toxic dependence on each other. And my ex wanted to try as well and was so into me but yet he was cheating behind my back. So, don't be so hard on yourself. If he really wanted to try, nothing much could have changed in a span of a couple of months. I have to wonder if he just wanted what he couldn't have because he WAS gravitating towards you and even told you that you both could try again and the moment you called him out on the other woman, he split.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I know that what all of you are saying is true. It still sucks so bad. I guess I always saw the best part of him when we were together. And I know he was an *******. But I remember the times when we were together when he was really trying and I was pushing him away. I know he really did want the relationship to work. And I guess regret what I did to push him away. Then trying to win him back I pushed him further away. And I guess I never thought things would be like this. Or that he could be this totally different person to be. It sucks but I know I should move on and probably never talk to him again. OP, you said earlier that he was always a player and a bit of a**hole. So his behaviour towards you now is actually predictable. You need to take your blinders off and see this guy for who he actually is, and listen to your own words. As far as this all being your fault - no. The dynamic between you was very unhealthy and if you're on a constant roller coaster, that's a glaring signal that you were not compatible. You simply became dependent on each other to feed your insecurities and boost your self-esteem. It wasn't a good relationship. I don't know what silly notion of "crazy love" you two were fostering, but as you can see now, it wasn't that at all. Douchey players make really terrible boyfriends. The new girl is now realizing that too. 1
Author Theresaaa95 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 I guess it's just a hard realization to grasp. I know it's going to hurt for a while, but everyone'a right. Just move on and block him out of my life. I guess a part of me always believed the best in him and never thought he would be this way towards me. And it blinded me from who he really is and always was. It's hard concept to grasp, with all my different emotions running so high. I've never met a person like him, so a part of me always wants to believe that he'll change and realize what he's done. But that's a false hope, and the best thing to do is to remind myself that he is in fact an ******* and to move on.
Author Theresaaa95 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 Part of me also wonders, if the night he came over and told me he loved me and all this and that. If it was wrong of me to tell him I was seeing someone else. If what he was saying was really true and by saying that it hurt him or whatever and pushed him to be so mean to me. Idk so many different thoughts rambling on in my head. :/
Author Theresaaa95 Posted September 26, 2014 Author Posted September 26, 2014 I just love him so much, and want him back.. I hate that I screwed things up and pushed him away and messed up our chances of getting back together.... can anyone help me on how to get him back.... he was different with me and I pushed him away and screwed things up
Arieswoman Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 Theresaaaa95, Do you really want to go back to this ;- We had the crazy, fighting toxic-like relationship. We were crazy about each other and in the end always came to each other in a bout a day or hours after a fight. We were bat **** crazy. Now my ex is the type of guy that is kind of a player and a little bit of an *******. Not the relationship type. ???? If so why?
ExpatInItaly Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 (edited) I just love him so much, and want him back.. I hate that I screwed things up and pushed him away and messed up our chances of getting back together.... can anyone help me on how to get him back.... he was different with me and I pushed him away and screwed things up You're in the wrong place, OP. The vast majority of the posters here would never knowingly give you advice about getting back into a toxic relationship that is so destructive to you. You need to be asking yourself why you're not strong enough to walk away from someone who doesn't love you or respect you. You need to ask yourself why you think you have so much control over this that you're refusing to acknowledge that maybe - just maybe - it was a bad match from the get-go and he no longer wants to be part of it. You can't change how he feels. If he wanted you enough, he'd be there. But he doesn't, so he isn't. Nevermind the fact that he appears to have moved on to someone else. You need to let it go. He sounds like a loser, anyway. Wouldn't give this clown the time of day. You yourself said he's not the relationship type. I hate to break it to you, but I think there's a strong possibility that there were/are other girls you you didn't/don't know about. A guy like that is good at hiding his tracks and will say anything he wants to get what he wants, which is sex. You're being used, girl. Edited September 26, 2014 by ExpatInItaly 1
Author Theresaaa95 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Posted September 27, 2014 I guess what I'm really looking for is not so much getting him back, but maybe just talking to him and getting the closure I really need.
Arieswoman Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 Theresaaaa95, but maybe just talking to him and getting the closure I really need. No, no and NO again. That is a bad idea. He cannot give you closure, you need to find that yourself. I tried this with my ex-husband - it was a big mistake which only made me mad and set back my healing. Please don't contact him anymore.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 27, 2014 Posted September 27, 2014 I guess what I'm really looking for is not so much getting him back, but maybe just talking to him and getting the closure I really need. How do you define closure? What do you need to hear from him to truly grasp that he doesn't want to be with you any more? I'm asking you this because I think it would be unwise to talk to him. You two are so unstable together that such a conversation isn't going to bring the results you want. Perhaps this is harsh, but you need to stop finding excuses to contact him. He's done, and you should be too.
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