MM more likely to leave for rich OW?

[loveboid]

I am curious if the rate of MM leaving for OW is low because usually the OW is less financially well off and he's better staying in the marriage.

 

Likewise the rate of wives leaving their husbands is higher because usually their next husband is more financially well off then they are.

 

MM especially and anyone else, I would like your thoughts.

[Redheaded Mistress]

In my relationship, the man I was married to made far, far more than the man I was having an affair with, especially when considering what his post-divorce income would be.

 

In his relationship, his wife and I made about the same. The only difference would be that his wife worked less than I did and I was without debt while she isn't.

 

Money didn't play in our choices to have an affair or end our marriages. Financially, things were easier for me before.

[goodyblue]

I am poor as a church mouse, but I was OW, not married. My guy does very, very well and takes care of us. I work but make a pittance comparatively. He took a big hit financially when he left his marriage. I do not feel money had a thing to do with our outcome.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I agree.

 

The only role money played in the equation for us is that it was a large reason for his dissatisfaction with his ex. Other than that... He may have mentioned early on he was worried how much it would cost but by the time it came to filing the divorce, he was ready to give her whatever she wanted to just be done with her. It was me that had to say that while getting out was important, it couldn't ruin us financially for the rest of our lives. The divorce took a little longer, but in the end everything was settled and child support was brought down to something more reasonable, then he got a part time job to help make up the difference.

 

Since my income has gone up since then, I think we may have slightly more money than when he was married, between his main job, the second job where we keep 100% of the income, and my job, but not significantly. And it is still very significantly lower than the household income I had when I was married the first time, and I was not working at that point. In the divorce, I got a car and he paid my phone bill for a few months, but that was it. In his divorce, the kids get support (of course), she got a chunk of his 401k, the house, and a small payout that she never saw as it went to cover court costs, but the court declined her request for alimony and a large lump sum based off the value of his car.

Edited September 25, 2014 by Redheaded Mistress

[MissBee]

I doubt this is a major concern for the majority. Maybe for a few but I hardly hear anyone in discussing their A and motivations talk about who has more money and discuss leaving based on which person has a bigger pay check.

 

I don't think an OW being rich means a MM will more likely leave for her.

[whichwayisup]

I am curious if the rate of MM leaving for OW is low because usually the OW is less financially well off and he's better staying in the marriage.

 

Likewise the rate of wives leaving their husbands is higher because usually their next husband is more financially well off then they are.

 

MM especially and anyone else, I would like your thoughts.

 

I doubt very much $$ factors into him choosing to leave and divorce. Same goes for a MW leaving her H.

[cocorico]

I am curious if the rate of MM leaving for OW is low because usually the OW is less financially well off and he's better staying in the marriage.

 

Likewise the rate of wives leaving their husbands is higher because usually their next husband is more financially well off then they are.

 

MM especially and anyone else, I would like your thoughts.

 

I do think some MM (and perhaps MW) stay because they can't afford to leave, the same way many more kids now don't leave their parents' home as early as they would like, because they cannot afford a place of their own. These are financially straitened times and that will affect some people. And among those people will be some MM, and some MW.

 

Is it the case for the majority of MM? that's hard to say, but I'd guess not. Unless there are special circumstances, choosing relative material comfort above true love and happiness is unlikely to be a sufficient motivator *on its own*. However, with a basket of other factors, it could contribute to tipping the scales one way or the other.

 

I was certainly not wealthier than my H's xBW. Although I held a more senior position, I earned a currency that was a fraction of the currency she earned, and as a single parent, my financial obligations were greater. He expected to take a hit financially with leaving, especially since initially I would not be legally allowed to work in his country.

 

As things have turned out, several years later, all our K's are grown and out of the house, so our expense have shrunk, and our careers are both flourishing (she's long been retired, being older) so we've become much better off than we were. The other main change was that she was a shopaholic, compulsively spending the "shared pool" they each contributed to for the running of the household (their finances were otherwise separate) so he had been subsidising her spending habit during the M, which stopped at the D. Beside paying her out for her share of the house, he had no financial obligation to her, so life became a lot less expensive for him after the D - but he could not have predicted that at the time.

[gettingstronger]

This is an interesting topic as it talks about exit affairs which I think are a whole different dynamic than others-

 

I can see how money does not play a big role in an exit affair- but I do see money and status playing a role in other affairs-

 

For my H- he travels extensively-its amazing how many men who travel have affairs- they are big targets-fly first class (never hit on by the flight attendants in business class, usually only when he flies first class), upgraded rental cars, upgraded hotel rooms, expense account meals, etc...

All of these things made our OW feel like a "princess" (her words) compared to her typical suburban life- she traveled at her own expense but had access to these things once she got there- loved the managers receptions, the suite rooms, etc... so , yeah, if you are looking for an ego boost, those things are important-

 

If you are looking for a new life partner, money is not (or should not) be the driving factor-

[Got it]

My MM was accused of leaving because I did have more money. I did and do make substantially more than his ex wife.

 

While we both make well into the six figures I do make more and his monies are tied up in assuming their previous debt, child support, etc. so until that is done I will continue to bring home the lion's share.

 

He did and does make more than my ex husband though it doesn't matter for me. As long as I make enough to support myself I don't care how much the other person makes. And, honestly, when someone is self sufficient financially there is a level of comfort and relaxation that you aren't reliant on other party(ies) for your comfort.

[Arieswoman]

I can only speak from my own experience and seeing the experiences of girlfriends whose husbands had affairs.

 

In 4 situations the MM left within 2/3 months of meeting the OW. They came clean about the OW and said they were leaving, so I suppose these were "exit affairs". In all cases the OW was on a par with the MM intellectually, financially and career-wise.

 

In another 6 instances (including my own) the WS got caught out cheating and was basically thrown out. The OW in these situations was in a poorly paid job, no prospects, single and intellectually challenged. I would put the latter down as "cake-eating".

[loveboid]

This all makes sense. I see it as people are attached and that matters most. Thank you all for you input.