SpotyLove Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 After seeing a woman four months, I've found that we have a lack of compatibility in how we like to spend our free time. I am very extroverted and enjoy spending a lot of my free time out and about going to festivals, concerts, bars, museums, parks, restaurants, etc. She is more introverted and prefers staying home and reading or hanging out with a small group. She rarely makes any plans for us. She is very quiet when we do socialize, even around people she knows. She also never calls me which is a bit weird. When we do go out, she always wants to go home what I would consider prematurely. Other times she just a doesn't seem to have the energy to accompany me on my adventures. I've previously discussed this with her but it didn't really get resolved other than stating we'd probably have to both compromise. Honestly, I still find myself getting very irritated with her lack of energy or social participation. The lack of energy also seems to spill over to a minimal sense of humor. While we are compatible in many ways, I feel like this disconnect is preventing me from developing stronger feelings. Is it an unreasonable expectation to seek someone with a similar outlook on life? How important are these things in the long run?
pteromom Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 It's important if the couple involved feels it is. It's not important if both partners feel happy and fulfilled doing their own things. Imagine 10 years down the road. Would you be ok traveling and adventuring with friends, and coming home to a wife who prefers to stay at home? Imagine everything else is good - you come home to a happy, accepting wife who encourages you to go out and have fun. Are you OK with this scenario? Or do you just feel you would long to have a partner by your side for your adventures? It is up to you to decide.
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 It can work but in your case, if you already seem to resent her for it, that doesn't bode well for the long run. My great grandmother used to say she was a social butterfly but her husband my great grandfather was a stay at homebody. Social conventions of the time, restricted her freedom so she entertained at home a lot & if grandpa didn't want to participate he could go in the other room which he often did.
OwMyEyeball Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 How important is having an adventure partner to you? If this has been her temperament throughout her life and she isn't feeling invigorated by your spirit then she's highly unlikely to change her ways. It's certainly reasonable to seek someone with an outlook on life that mirrors our own. As far as introversion/extroversion go, I don't believe it's considered as strong a marker of long-term relationship success as similarities in socio-economic status, values, beliefs, self-control and life goals are.
nerdlingZA Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 She also never calls me which is a bit weird. You really need to stop been a wimp and stop calling her, this is a ****ing one sided relationship.
clia Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 To me, this kind of stuff ranks way up there in importance. I can't imagine being with a partner who didn't like to do the things I like to do. It obviously doesn't have to be everything, but you two sound majorly incompatible. You are forever going to want to be out doing things and she is forever going to want to be at home. Doesn't sound like you will be able to spend much time together. If I were you, I'd cut bait and find a girl who is more interested in getting out of the house. It shouldn't be hard.
Author SpotyLove Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 To me, this kind of stuff ranks way up there in importance. I can't imagine being with a partner who didn't like to do the things I like to do. It obviously doesn't have to be everything, but you two sound majorly incompatible. You are forever going to want to be out doing things and she is forever going to want to be at home. Doesn't sound like you will be able to spend much time together. If I were you, I'd cut bait and find a girl who is more interested in getting out of the house. It shouldn't be hard. I tend to agree with what you say. To me, there is nothing that bring more joy to me than connecting with others. It's almost like a drug to me and I get depressed when I'm deprived of it. At this point, is it fair to bluntly discuss what I'm looking for in a relationship?
Author SpotyLove Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 How important is having an adventure partner to you? As far as introversion/extroversion go, I don't believe it's considered as strong a marker of long-term relationship success as similarities in socio-economic status, values, beliefs, self-control and life goals are. We do connect on many of the things listed here, which has been why I've been trying to make it work. I also think sense of humor and energy are required before those take effect.
Maleficent Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 My parents are like that. My mom is incredibly introverted and my dad a classic extravert. Somehow, they made it work. My dad once told me that my mom never kept him from going out with friends or to social events even though she didn't want to go. However, it's not like my dad was always out and about either. They will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary next year.
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