Kid_Charlemange Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 40 is a wonderful age. Perspective changes, or should change, as it does with each decade. We get wiser, value our time and our gifts more. It' all a matter of perspective. I was divorced for the first time right around 40. Felt like my life was over. Three years later, I met my the woman who would be my second wife. (On line, I might add). We had a few wonderful years together, until she passed away. Now at 51... well, this time my dating life isn't over, it's just on hold for a year. It gets so much harder as we get older, that you have to be pretty much perfect -- or as perfect as you can be -- to even have a chance. It can be pretty frustrating.
quidproquo89 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 At least for me, the woman has to choose me before I can decide if we are a match. this is great because you are already off to a good start. They want to be there with you and most of what you say will go down well
quidproquo89 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I've seen some really good looking 40 year old women. I think a big factor for men choosing is fertility, but I myself would still date them, only problem is I'm 31. I have no problem with age at all within reason. Its about getting along with somebody and finding them attractive .
gaius Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I'll give you some constructive criticism morten if you're really interested. I'm 95% sure I've figured out what's going on with you. And it's not too hard to change.
quidproquo89 Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Gosh, I kind of gave up reading as there are a few here who have bent this thread to make issues out of a person's distress. I personally have been through just about everything life has to offer in a bad way. Men and women are different and just because a man feels so hurt does not mean he is inferior to a woman, just women in general have many issues in regards to men. This woman has issues... why do we have to drag her down with our own negative comments. There is not one issue so great for a woman to recover from. The amount of recover is up to her. I have told more than my fair share of women who feel lost and unable to find her way, to be strong, and release what binds her. It is a way of forgetting the unforgettable. It is allowing what happened to be experienced yet be only in the past. Many keep allowing the past to keep hold and suffocate them. There is another way for the weak to get out of the abyss that seems so inescapable. Instead of clawing and trying to scale the unimaginable. Dig deeper, and allow what is grabbing you to be found. Like a zipper, each thing that has hurt you will be part of unraveling the links that hold you down. Some things are too great to do on your own, and others that are easy enough to resolve when found. It is best to find the wee ones, as they will allow gravity to topple the monsters that you can't defend yourself from. The further you dig deep, the closer you are able to push and find the other side. Like a game, life is not set, nor is it a one shot deal. It is constantly resettable to be played as many times as you need without any set limits. Each side is a wall in the path you take. The only limits are from you and your preception. Some find more limits in their way than others, so pushing and clawing will be greater to get to the another side of their life. Never give up, even when you find nothing, there is something greater always ahead of you. First of, believe in yourself and your future, as the future is waiting for you. The sad thing is you have already lost in your past, why play life in your past over and over again. love it, very deep and thoughtful! 1
preraph Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 I sympathize, and I know what you said is true in many cases. There's something about men in that age group that if they're single or even if they're not, they're looking for validation of their better days and think a woman half their age, no matter how trashy they are, is the answer. Of course there are good men out there, but at that age, they're mostly taken if they're that good and reasonable to live with. I'm sorry if this derailed your dream. I was lucky because my dream was never really about being married or having kids. Of course, if it's kids you crave, you really ought to just adopt, as so many are in need. Love may or may not come along, but now you should just focus on other areas and see what happens. Do all the other things that make you happy.
mammasita Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 Well, if I remember correctly OP, you wasted some time with a guy who didn't even acknowledge you as his girlfriend and you were fine with that.....so I'm not sure what you're giving up on? I only say that to point out that IMO, I don't think you even know what you want. 1
Missy0724 Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 And we cannot generalize or stereotype. Believe me, there are PLENTY of men out there with deep issues! The last two I dated had some issues! Scared from their divorces, because their wives divorced THEM, blow to the big man ego I suppose...and both had intimacy issues, communication and avoidance issues, ran away when things got challenging. Told me they were "ready" to date, be in a healthy relationship. They obviously were not, needed more time to deal with their own issues. Live and learn... I'm enjoying being single now, no expectations, just living life. When the time is right, someone with whom I click with, someone who is at stage of life as me, in healthy place and can show with ACTIONS they are also in healthy place and truly ready - Then perhaps things will work out... Up to us, as individuals, to know what we want, not settle. Better to be alone, than with the wrong person. But then again, it is natural to be with some wrong people along the journey. It is how we learn and grow, and get closer to understanding what we truly want in a relationship. So it's actually a good thing, once you can get that perspective: we need to fail, get back up, keep trying... To get us closer to that healthy relationship... :-)
somegoodman Posted September 26, 2014 Posted September 26, 2014 What the hell did you expect OP? Women and men are not the same, no matter how many times some libarts journalist asserts that they are. Women have a limited window of opportunity to snag a desirable male and they have a much earlier expiration date than men. Sure, you can live up your 20's and 30's getting smashed and trashed by guys that otherwise don't want anything to do with you, but when the curtain falls it falls HARD. Now your options are to settle for a loser or go through life alone without children. Should've married your high school sweetheart indeed. At least that way you could have your extramarital affairs with those men who really turn you on and still have a chump hubby to come home to and tell you everything is gonna be alright.
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