I give up, and I REALLY mean it this time

[mortensorchid]

I'm going to be 40 in a few months. I think I have tried just about everything but just about everything has failed miserably. I'm too old for certain things, I'm too young for other things. All the guys I have met would rather have trash than me, they have thrown me over for trashy girls or go for something unattainable which they never get. Seems like whoever I may like isn't interested, and those who want to be with me I am not interested in or they are just not right for me. I feel like I wasted a lot of my time, I have met nothing but burned out losers. There are times that I wish I knew how horrible the world really is otherwise I would have just married my high school sweetheart, but that really wasn't right. I had to become an adult and those who do just that wasn't for me.

 

 

So I give up. I gave everything and anything a chance, and now I am done. I feel I am to be made of stone and touched by nothing. On the knife edge right now. Just wanted to rant.

[LoneIsland]

Welcome to the club. Fate can be a funny master/mistress.

 

40 is not completely game over. People live longer and things last longer in modern times.

Edited September 24, 2014 by LoneIsland

[JuneJulySeptember]

I'm going to be 40 in a few months. I think I have tried just about everything but just about everything has failed miserably. I'm too old for certain things, I'm too young for other things. All the guys I have met would rather have trash than me, they have thrown me over for trashy girls or go for something unattainable which they never get. Seems like whoever I may like isn't interested, and those who want to be with me I am not interested in or they are just not right for me. I feel like I wasted a lot of my time, I have met nothing but burned out losers. There are times that I wish I knew how horrible the world really is otherwise I would have just married my high school sweetheart, but that really wasn't right. I had to become an adult and those who do just that wasn't for me.

 

 

So I give up. I gave everything and anything a chance, and now I am done. I feel I am to be made of stone and touched by nothing. On the knife edge right now. Just wanted to rant.

 

A lot of women your age give in and pick the closest thing.

 

I am your age group and there has been a MAJOR rash of women I know getting married and having kids with the 'best available'. These guys are usually missing something major: either looks, personality, or career success. And by career success, I mean ANY kind of career success. I would guess that if a woman 'settled' on me, I'd be missing the looks portion.

 

Why? They want a family.

 

Women are usually so in love with the idea of a man who fits their standards, but after a while it begs the question. Would you rather be:

 

1) Married to a guy who is not quite right and it might not last, but maybe it will and have some good shared experiences and have a beautiful son/daughter.

 

2) Be lonely and alone with no mate and possibly lose the chance to have your own child.

 

It really is a tangible choice. And when you see how those mothers are around their children, you can see why they made that choice.

 

As I said I am a similar age, but for me it is a bit different, because women choose. I don't choose.

Edited September 24, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I would slap you silly, but I am a man that will not break a woman when she is down.

 

40's are just as good as 20's yet i not seen any woman in her 20's close to being as sexy and delightful.

 

 

You are just starting, and you have no clue.

 

 

my SM is older than you and is living like she never has before with me. Hell yeah i am proud, and honored even more so that she believes in herself.

 

 

Getaway from the trash that surrounds you and you will see you're better than that.

 

 

Hell I don't even know you, yet believe you can pick your arse up and walk away.

[jay1983]

I'm going to be 40 in a few months. I think I have tried just about everything but just about everything has failed miserably. I'm too old for certain things, I'm too young for other things. All the guys I have met would rather have trash than me, they have thrown me over for trashy girls or go for something unattainable which they never get. Seems like whoever I may like isn't interested, and those who want to be with me I am not interested in or they are just not right for me. I feel like I wasted a lot of my time, I have met nothing but burned out losers. There are times that I wish I knew how horrible the world really is otherwise I would have just married my high school sweetheart, but that really wasn't right. I had to become an adult and those who do just that wasn't for me.

 

 

So I give up. I gave everything and anything a chance, and now I am done. I feel I am to be made of stone and touched by nothing. On the knife edge right now. Just wanted to rant.

 

I've seen some really good looking 40 year old women. I think a big factor for men choosing is fertility, but I myself would still date them, only problem is I'm 31.

[TigerLilly78]

A lot of women your age give in and pick the closest thing.

 

I am your age group and there has been a MAJOR rash of women I know getting married and having kids with the 'best available'. These guys are usually missing something major: either looks, personality, or career success. And by career success, I mean ANY kind of career success. I would guess that if a woman 'settled' on me, I'd be missing the looks portion.

 

Why? They want a family.

 

Women are usually so in love with the idea of a man who fits their standards, but after a while it begs the question. Would you rather be:

 

1) Married to a guy who is not quite right and it might not last, but maybe it will and have some good shared experiences and have a beautiful son/daughter.

 

2) Be lonely and alone with no mate and possibly lose the chance to have your own child.

 

It really is a tangible choice. And when you see how those mothers are around their children, you can see why they made that choice.

 

As I said I am a similar age, but for me it is a bit different, because women choose. I don't choose.

 

 

This post makes sense up until the very last sentence men do very well choose they have standards just like women I don't get that last part. But other then that yeah I some times think alot are alone now a days because their standards are just to high.. My curent partner was rejected on something he absolutely couldent control at all many times im glad tho their loss...

[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry you are hurting this much. I hope you eventually find some peace. Perhaps stopping your search for now is the answer. Putting too much pressure on yourself doesn't help anyone.

[JuneJulySeptember]

This post makes sense up until the very last sentence men do very well choose they have standards just like women I don't get that last part. But other then that yeah I some times think alot are alone now a days because their standards are just to high.. My curent partner was rejected on something he absolutely couldent control at all many times im glad tho their loss...

 

At least for me, the woman has to choose me before I can decide if we are a match.

 

I have no 'what could have beens' because if I get my no, then it is a no.

 

Women (and a few men too) have dozens to hundreds of 'what could have beens', people who were interested over the years.

 

I can only imagine what that must be like, to be older and want somebody and have hundreds of people who could have filled that spot.

Edited September 24, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[nerdlingZA]

Well my mom is 40+ she has been single for as long as I can remember, I don't know why this is a huge problem to u.

[LoneIsland]

Well my mom is 40+ she has been single for as long as I can remember, I don't know why this is a huge problem to u.

 

She couldn't have been alone if she had to carry a screaming brat around everywhere she went.

[Trane]

I'm going to be 40 in a few months. I think I have tried just about everything but just about everything has failed miserably. I'm too old for certain things, I'm too young for other things. All the guys I have met would rather have trash than me, they have thrown me over for trashy girls or go for something unattainable which they never get. Seems like whoever I may like isn't interested, and those who want to be with me I am not interested in or they are just not right for me. I feel like I wasted a lot of my time, I have met nothing but burned out losers. There are times that I wish I knew how horrible the world really is otherwise I would have just married my high school sweetheart, but that really wasn't right. I had to become an adult and those who do just that wasn't for me.

 

 

So I give up. I gave everything and anything a chance, and now I am done. I feel I am to be made of stone and touched by nothing. On the knife edge right now. Just wanted to rant.

 

 

I hear your rant. I haven't totally given up on the world of women but after realizing that the majority of them are religiously quick to disqualify me as a man , I quickly lost interest in them myself. Repeated rejections sure have a way of opening up your eyes to everything else that the world has to offer. There is so much more to life than pursuing women and trying to make yourself acceptable in their eyes as far as I'm concerned.

 

Now in my 40s, the divorced, the separated and the never-married-moms-with-kids, all qualify me as an ideal man. I'm the best thing to them since sliced bread. They don't have the boatload of options and choices they did when they were young and fertile. They are lonely and well past it, in the eyes of the tall trophy guys they once dated exclusively. They are forced to consider the guys they so passionately avoided while in their primes.

 

Now it's my turn to pick, choose, reject and dissect from the lot.

 

What I find rewarding now in the dating world is that the girls who are 10 and 20 years younger than me, seemed to have wised up and aren't as shallow. They don't put all the focus on height, hair and good looks like their sisters of yesteryear. The older ladies who give me attention are definitely not that fond of these youngins. Why? They know their looks can't compete with them. The ones who still have some good looks have taken full advantage of their cougar status. They have no use for me when there are enough young guys to play with and that's OK.

[xxoo]

You like guys who are going for trashy girls?

 

It sounds like you have poor taste in men. Do you think you are drawn to the wrong sort of guys?

 

40 is a wonderful age. Perspective changes, or should change, as it does with each decade. We get wiser, value our time and our gifts more.

 

Many men and women find love after 40. Heck, many people haven't even divorced their first spouse by 39!

[quidproquo89]

I'm going to be 40 in a few months. I think I have tried just about everything but just about everything has failed miserably. I'm too old for certain things, I'm too young for other things. All the guys I have met would rather have trash than me, they have thrown me over for trashy girls or go for something unattainable which they never get. Seems like whoever I may like isn't interested, and those who want to be with me I am not interested in or they are just not right for me. I feel like I wasted a lot of my time, I have met nothing but burned out losers. There are times that I wish I knew how horrible the world really is otherwise I would have just married my high school sweetheart, but that really wasn't right. I had to become an adult and those who do just that wasn't for me.

 

 

So I give up. I gave everything and anything a chance, and now I am done. I feel I am to be made of stone and touched by nothing. On the knife edge right now. Just wanted to rant.

 

tomorrow is another day, tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of your life. Don't squander it. Be bold, confident and take every tiny option that is given to you. If a mate asks you to go to the pub or to a party etc. Just go, it makes you step outside your house. And once you do anything can happen.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I have noticed that when a woman makes a thread saying she is giving up on dating because her options are either unattractive or jerks, people have lots of sympathy and it's like, "Just hang in there."

 

But when a guy says he is giving up because he faces constant rejection, it's more like "Ok, then. Go ahead, give up, who's stopping you? Why are you telling us?"

 

[Trane]

I have noticed that when a woman makes a thread saying she is giving up on dating because her options are either unattractive or jerks, people have lots of sympathy and it's like, "Just hang in there."

 

But when a guy says he is giving up because he faces constant rejection, it's more like "Ok, then. Go ahead, give up, who's stopping you? Why are you telling us?"

 

 

Yeah, it's funny how the world sympathizes with a quitting woman, offers her consolation and is ready with the box of tissues to help her dry her eyes.

 

A quitting man on the other hand is more likely be callled a loser, "grow some balls," "suck it up" or "stop whining."

 

So fair and equal in this world isn't it. Too funny.

[Clay]

I personally think women in their 40s are far better then the ones in theirs 20s.

 

 

Just my 2cents.

[TigerLilly78]

I think bout men and women need to get over themselves this ones no good cause he doesn't make enough that ones no good cause shes not a size 2 that one will never do cause he doesn't pay everything for me.

 

Meh it goes both ways im not trying to put you down OP I don't know your exact situation im just saying in general ive seen both men and women discount other wise good partners because of stupid shallow reasons..

[jay1983]

I have noticed that when a woman makes a thread saying she is giving up on dating because her options are either unattractive or jerks, people have lots of sympathy and it's like, "Just hang in there."

 

But when a guy says he is giving up because he faces constant rejection, it's more like "Ok, then. Go ahead, give up, who's stopping you? Why are you telling us?"

 

 

Or when a guy complains that he's having problems, they'll tell him that it's probably him, he's the problem.

 

I've seen some of it go the other way, when women ask why they always get jerks and players. Some of the guys tell them that's what they're attracted to and that they don't want decent guys. While that maybe true in a lot of cases, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, treat every case individually and try and find out a little about the person.

[quidproquo89]

I have noticed that when a woman makes a thread saying she is giving up on dating because her options are either unattractive or jerks, people have lots of sympathy and it's like, "Just hang in there."

 

But when a guy says he is giving up because he faces constant rejection, it's more like "Ok, then. Go ahead, give up, who's stopping you? Why are you telling us?"

 

 

not really I was supportive

[Missy0724]

All I can say, is there is no predicability in life... I have a friend who divorced in her 50's. Tried dating, gave up. Accepted she be alone rest of her life.

 

Friend convinced her to try again, OLD. Within two weeks on ChristianMingle, she met a man. They are getting married in December.

 

They are both in their 60's.

 

Enjoy being single, live your life. Life is short and precious. And no one should "need" another person. That should be an added plus, to an already pretty good, decent life. And that is OUR responsibility to have, maintain...

 

Keep the faith...

[azureorb]

Yeah, but there's 4 factors that go into it all:

 

(a) What do you look like (for your age)? Yes, it's about as important for Both Genders.

 

(b) What do the guys look like who you're attracted to? This is important in comparison to (a). Many times, gals will aim for a better looking guy than they could/should get typically. Looks are VERY HUGE for both genders when you don't know them. Otherwise, it's "merely" just a Big Deal.

 

© Are you mentally stable, have a decent attitude, etc? And are the guy-type you're attracted to tend to be? Can't go halvsies on this.

 

(d) Do you have any health issues that would get in the way of seriously dating? Or any situational issues? ("I'm 40, but yeah, I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old right now..." or "Yeah, I live with my parents/ex-husband/wackos/etc")

[jay1983]

Yeah, but there's 4 factors that go into it all:

 

(a) What do you look like (for your age)? Yes, it's about as important for Both Genders.

 

(b) What do the guys look like who you're attracted to? This is important in comparison to (a). Many times, gals will aim for a better looking guy than they could/should get typically. Looks are VERY HUGE for both genders when you don't know them. Otherwise, it's "merely" just a Big Deal.

 

© Are you mentally stable, have a decent attitude, etc? And are the guy-type you're attracted to tend to be? Can't go halvsies on this.

 

(d) Do you have any health issues that would get in the way of seriously dating? Or any situational issues? ("I'm 40, but yeah, I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old right now..." or "Yeah, I live with my parents/ex-husband/wackos/etc")

 

I'm under the impression that 40 year old women were more realistic about what they look for.

 

Just what I hear, I don't know.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Gosh, I kind of gave up reading as there are a few here who have bent this thread to make issues out of a person's distress.

 

I personally have been through just about everything life has to offer in a bad way. Men and women are different and just because a man feels so hurt does not mean he is inferior to a woman, just women in general have many issues in regards to men.

 

This woman has issues... why do we have to drag her down with our own negative comments.

 

There is not one issue so great for a woman to recover from. The amount of recover is up to her.

 

I have told more than my fair share of women who feel lost and unable to find her way, to be strong, and release what binds her. It is a way of forgetting the unforgettable. It is allowing what happened to be experienced yet be only in the past.

 

Many keep allowing the past to keep hold and suffocate them. There is another way for the weak to get out of the abyss that seems so inescapable. Instead of clawing and trying to scale the unimaginable. Dig deeper, and allow what is grabbing you to be found. Like a zipper, each thing that has hurt you will be part of unraveling the links that hold you down.

 

Some things are too great to do on your own, and others that are easy enough to resolve when found. It is best to find the wee ones, as they will allow gravity to topple the monsters that you can't defend yourself from. The further you dig deep, the closer you are able to push and find the other side.

 

Like a game, life is not set, nor is it a one shot deal. It is constantly resettable to be played as many times as you need without any set limits. Each side is a wall in the path you take. The only limits are from you and your preception. Some find more limits in their way than others, so pushing and clawing will be greater to get to the another side of their life. Never give up, even when you find nothing, there is something greater always ahead of you. First of, believe in yourself and your future, as the future is waiting for you. The sad thing is you have already lost in your past, why play life in your past over and over again.

[Missy0724]

Honey, I'm soon to be 47. But take great care of myself, so look 37. And I'm very active, fun, young at heart. I was divorced three years ago. I got back out there, began meeting people, going to MeetUps, living my life. I've met tons of men, made a few good friends out of it, and been in two relationships. Though they did not work out (they not emotionally ready and noncommittal) I've grown and learned so much. I loved and was loved. Because I got out there to seek it out!

 

Nothing, esp at our age, is going to come to us! Gotta get out there, live life, meet people. I've been in a slump like you, I know how giving up feels. But it's all about choice. I chose to change my thinking, new perspective, life is short! Try think positive! Read some self help, positive, uplifting books, blogs. A lot out there! Everyone has a computer! Really no excuses after a certain point...

 

Really comes down to choice and how we want to live our lives...and only we can do that!

 

I'm more confident, sexy, strong than I've ever been. And men pick up on that. It's all in the attitude, girl. Gotta work it! And it's also ok to have those down times. Hard breakup for me three months ago, but I'm back on my feet and out meeting people again. Yes, that relationship fell apart, for good reason. And plenty of fish in the sea! And I'm never settling again! Good and healthy! Get back on that horse, because some day that person will cross my path. But not if I'm moping around the house in my PJs...

 

Good luck!

[Kid_Charlemange]

I know exactly how you feel. It's like banging a head against a wall: The wall never crumbles, and the scar tissue on the head just isn't appealing.

 

I'm taking a year off from dating. Into month two at this point, and it feels pretty good.

 

Didn't join a monastery, of course; should a woman approach me, I'll talk to her (although since that's never happened, I kinda doubt it will now). And "sex" and "dating" are not automatically the same thing.