TheNextLawyer Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 So I have been seeing someone new for about a month now. First 4 dates very close to one another, and the last one - a fancy one - was over a week later than the fourth. Now setting up another, but told she will know when free tomorrow. But she did say she is looking forward to 'it' -- either the confirmation and nature of the new date, or the date itself. She is clearly not just seeing me, and I even stated on date 1 I have no serious wish for one girl who herself has many criteria. So I just want to try and see how close we get. There has been some gentle physical contact but not anything near third base.
preraph Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Maybe it's time to invite her to dinner at your house. Actually, since you've taken her out 4 times, it would be nice if she had reciprocated and made dinner for you, but not everyone cooks. Get her somewhere private and kiss and stuff and see if she volunteers her intentions.
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 So I have been seeing someone new for about a month now. First 4 dates very close to one another, and the last one - a fancy one - was over a week later than the fourth. Now setting up another, but told she will know when free tomorrow. But she did say she is looking forward to 'it' -- either the confirmation and nature of the new date, or the date itself. She is clearly not just seeing me, and I even stated on date 1 I have no serious wish for one girl who herself has many criteria. So I just want to try and see how close we get. There has been some gentle physical contact but not anything near third base. Huh? Confused. There's no issue here, right? You're going on dates, she's receptive. But why do you presume she's seeing others? And what did you mean by 'I have no serious wish for one girl who herself has many criteria'? 2
Supernatural Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I don't understand what you're asking... She is agreeing to dates. She told you she is looking forward to date 5. She may be seeing other guys, but you said you didn't wish for something serious yet. She told you she would let you know when she is free tomorrow. Sounds like you like her and want to get serious. But at the start you said you didn't have the need for seriousness to sound cool, or that you had options. And now that she is taking her time in getting back to you, you think she has other, better options and is putting you on the back burner, so she can make plans with the better guy first. So now you're freaking out, wondering how to still 'play it cool'.
HappyLove Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 "seeing me, and I even stated on date 1 I have no serious wish for one girl who herself has many criteria." She got confused because you speak in riddles. 4
GemmaUK Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I really don't understand what the problem is here. You don;t want anything serious which you stated date 1. She is still going on dates with you, it doesn't sound like she is pressuring you or anything. Sounds like you are both free to do what you want and just enjoy a bit of time together now and then. Why do you think she is playing games? What games? 2
Author TheNextLawyer Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 "seeing me, and I even stated on date 1 I have no serious wish for one girl who herself has many criteria." She got confused because you speak in riddles. Well the people on OLD can put all sorts of criteria, and often want Mr/Mrs Right. "Sounds like you like her and want to get serious. But at the start you said you didn't have the need for seriousness to sound cool, or that you had options. And now that she is taking her time in getting back to you, you think she has other, better options and is putting you on the back burner, so she can make plans with the better guy first. So now you're freaking out, wondering how to still 'play it cool'." Part of me does want to make her my gf. Part just wants it to get physical as its so much harder to get some than at school or uni. No - I think she has other options because she allowed a post on Facebook of some guy hanging out with her. Unless he is gay he clearly wants her too. I'm not freaking out as such as I have had 5 OK-very good dates (date 4 was the only OK one). I just want to keep doing things right and building confidence. I'm more nervous about being independent and paying the bills than some near-stranger the other side of 4 weeks. Gemma - Yeah you might be right.. but sometimes its hard to know what feelings one has about someone.
BlueIris Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Part of me does want to make her my gf. Part just wants it to get physical as its so much harder to get some than at school or uni. Tell her that. That will clear things up.
Author TheNextLawyer Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 Tell her that. That will clear things up. You made me smile even if I won't do that just yet
Supernatural Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 You really don't divulge much. It's frustrating. Even in your messages there is so much being left out, it's confusing. You're a pro with warping a woman's mind, I'm sure. And that keeps her interested, but slightly frustrated. It's good game playing. But ultimately you never achieve what you want because you feel you're not enough as a person. My friend does the same thing.
Author TheNextLawyer Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 You really don't divulge much. It's frustrating. Even in your messages there is so much being left out, it's confusing. You're a pro with warping a woman's mind, I'm sure. And that keeps her interested, but slightly frustrated. It's good game playing. But ultimately you never achieve what you want because you feel you're not enough as a person. My friend does the same thing. Lol! So you don't have much from my end so you compare my limited online persona with your real life friend... OK?? I'm not warping anything.. first meet I just wanted to say that I ticked the same 'friend/ short term /long term' categories. She herself said 'it's good to just find new friends sometimes'. But that was meeting 1. Ever since then there has been a lot of 2nd base, and we get on quite well. My main issue with her is her lack of travel interest outside here, and her lack of listening to me or asking questions compared to people in general. But she is warm, smart and confident and I like her essentially when meeting her in person. I just wonder how cool she is playing it or just being casual full stop.
BlueIris Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 You made me smile even if I won't do that just yet She's going to figure out your thinking sooner or later. It's isn't original or unique. So, we're in "not sure you like her but want sex" mode. Then try to be more sexual and if she pulls back or says no, you'll know.
Author TheNextLawyer Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 She's going to figure out your thinking sooner or later. It's isn't original or unique. So, we're in "not sure you like her but want sex" mode. Then try to be more sexual and if she pulls back or says no, you'll know. All the meets bar one have been in the city - an equal distance from our respective locations. No private space essentially. So I have almost ensured 3rd base is not easy -- and I don't do wild/kinky/public stuff. Your advice is to the point and I take it on board, you take the time to really consider my posts and not launch into something else.
Missy0724 Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 I agree - ask her to your house, offer to cook for her...see what she says. Cook, watch a movie, snuggle... you will know what to do next. Or should... ;-) If she doesn't want to get physical, then she is not ready, or is content dating multiple people at once, not get serious with any one person. That is her right. But she must be upfront with that. If she has been, and you said, OK, then you need to understand if you ask her to your house, and she says, No. Continue dating, see what happens. One day at a time. You should be seeing other people, too maybe? 1
Author TheNextLawyer Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 OK, well she has some new work to do lined up but there has been a change and she needs to prepare for it, thus having less free time. I didn't get an answer to the 4 days i suggested but i told her I am fine with a day's notice before a particular day that suits her - (in general). A brief chat on FB and some flirty smiles.. but not nearly enough really IMHO. I would much prefer a phone call every so often but neither of us is good on the phone, especially her. I should point out that I kind of distorted my living and career situation a little before the first meet but only told her the full details on the last date - so perhaps I prized getting one or two dates over anything more genuine at the time. So it remains to be seen if she holds that against me.
deathandtaxes Posted September 25, 2014 Posted September 25, 2014 OK, well she has some new work to do lined up but there has been a change and she needs to prepare for it, thus having less free time. I didn't get an answer to the 4 days i suggested but i told her I am fine with a day's notice before a particular day that suits her - (in general). A brief chat on FB and some flirty smiles.. but not nearly enough really IMHO. I would much prefer a phone call every so often but neither of us is good on the phone, especially her. I should point out that I kind of distorted my living and career situation a little before the first meet but only told her the full details on the last date - so perhaps I prized getting one or two dates over anything more genuine at the time. So it remains to be seen if she holds that against me. A day's notice? Dood, you're going to be her fall back plan for sure. Is that what you want? And party foul on distorting your living and career situation. What did you tell her vs what was the truth?
Author TheNextLawyer Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 A day's notice? Dood, you're going to be her fall back plan for sure. Is that what you want? And party foul on distorting your living and career situation. What did you tell her vs what was the truth? Well so be it. Whether it ends at a 6th or 7th date I still have that opportunity to improve my overall skillset. I never said I was rich, I just implied my living was from home. But I also said a new job offer (genuine) was good news for me and my intention to study at college to further career was also true. Furthermore she told me an ex had made his career so much a priority and she wasn't too thrilled with that.
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