dichotomy Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 I don't clearly understand what you read in FB or emails or messages to OW1 or OW2. It appears you did not find "I love you" "I want you" or anything sexual. You say there was nothing disrespectful or degrading or private said about you. What exactly where the conversations about??? Since OW 1 lived far away - did he ever disappear during this time? go away for a day or something? I am not diminishing this - it does sound like it was headed to something bad. It was certainly an EA or perhaps EA lite and that is cheating and betrayal. but- only you can know what you read and what he was feeling and saying to these women. The biggest read flag to me this was more than just a EA lite - was the discussion about meeting in person several hours away in secrete. This seemed to me to be the step towards PA. Has he provided you access to those texts to OW2 ? I see no reason why either OW is going to be honest with you. Why would they? Would you believe them if they said nothing happened ....yet?
elaine567 Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 I think every case is different, some WH are just that, a WH, they have no real love for anyone but themselves, if it is on offer then they take it. Other WHs are people who have been trapped by circumstance and are looking for the "love of their life" in order to be able to break free. They are looking for the courage or a serious reason, to leave their wife. I think there is a lot of aggro and jealously generated between BSs and OW, but the real problem is the WH. He is at the centre of this, it is his choices that lead to there being an OW. It is his choice to text her, his choice to string her along, his choice meet her, his choice to f**ck her. I believe too many BSs choose to demonise the OW as opposed to blaming their OH, when the affair is revealed. I realise some OW are not looking for relationships. They are merely looking for fun, subterfuge and sex. However it seems to me that often both the OW and the BS can get very hurt by a cheating man. It is his cheating ways, or his lack of courage in not being able to leave his wife cleanly, that causes the heart-ache. 1
dichotomy Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 I see you moving towards divorce. Your right to do so, he crossed the line, how much he crossed it is what your wish to know - but that he lied and carried on an EA is enough..., you know him and your marriage. We second guess too much peoples choices to leave or stay. I wish you the best and that you get some closure. 1
elaine567 Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 He claims that they are old friends (a 15-year friendship) and that all of their conversations were innocent, yet, I never knew of her; yet they talked 3-4 times a day, and they texted 10-12 times a day for roughly 12 months. That is a big, big secret, and a lot of contact. You say he introduced you to his other female friends, does he contact them so frequently? Is he just someone who is constantly speaking to people or is the OW#2 just about the only person on his phone he talks to regularly?
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