Real36 Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 My ex did the same thing! He went through my phone any chance he got! My phone isn't attached to my hip either, I would leave it out when showering or doing chores the come back to check it and notice that it had been silenced, apparently so he could look through it without it making sounds. This happened all the time. A few times be even accidentally took screenshots of him looking through it which I found in my pics later, lol. But his phone never, ever left his pocket. When he showered it was right there playing music. We fought about his shady text habits often. There is way too much to go into but eventually he left a deactivated phone at home when he left one day. I finally snooped and what I had known was going on all along. I left that night (when he got home in my car). He basically accused me of all of the things that he was doing. Probably out of guilt and the thought that if he was doing it I must be too. Glad you are out of that situation, it's hard at first but it's the only way to maintain self respect. Enjoy your new deception free life without that loser!
LoneIsland Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 (edited) Yeah, revenge if I had actually done or he had found anything. Until he bought his own laptop, I let him use mine as if it were his own. He would also constantly grab my phone saying he needed to search something on Google and I wouldn't even bat an eye. I didn't care. I have absolutely nothing to hide. Use my laptop, use my phone, I'm your gf, I don't care. But with him, it's like his phone and laptop housed top secret government information. I'm also the type of person that can go to the grocery store and walk my dog without my phone - but hey, apparently I'm the freak. I think you and him are different sides of the same coin and so alike. You both get into the same kind of emotional ups and downs, same kind of shouting and same kind of checking each others phones, same kind of mistrust, same kind of fear for infidelity, same kind of names you'd call each other, same kind of emotional attachment for each other - incessant crying when parting, incessant texting when parting. What is really breaking you apart is the similarities and not the differences between you. Nor do I believe infidelity is a factor - it is merely an excuse. Regrettably I think women in general deserve this kind of thing because they always want a partner who is similar rather than complimentary. Imagine you live with someone who is another you, with exactly the same weaknesses and same strengths, that'd drive you absolute nuts. Does it sound familiar ? You left him not because you found him cheating. But because you could not forgive him for mistrusting you. I wonder what prompted him to start checking on you in the first place ? Perhaps your working pattern of always using your laptop and frequent travels scared him. Anyway I am glad you have now left him, and I hope you will find a new partner who is completely different to you, where his strength will make up for your weakness and vice versa. This is what will make it a success. Don't be bitter, I am absolutely certain a lonesome guy somewhere is waiting for fate to bring you to him. Edited September 28, 2014 by LoneIsland
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 ^^^ OP, the above is nonsensical garbage, and I know you know that, but I just wanted to let you know that all of us are rooting for you. You have gone through something tremendously hard and managed it with real grace. You obviously have healthy self-esteem, emotional awareness, and self-preservation skills, which is more than can be said for a lot of people. If you're ever in my city I'll buy you some bourbon and we can laugh about ridiculous men. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Wow, good for you OP. A lot people would lack the strength to just up and leave, but I think it was absolutely best for you. He was up to no good, and it sounds as though he's been at it a while. You are going to be so much better for unloading him.
Author thats_so_not_cool Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 ^^^ OP, the above is nonsensical garbage, and I know you know that, but I just wanted to let you know that all of us are rooting for you. You have gone through something tremendously hard and managed it with real grace. You obviously have healthy self-esteem, emotional awareness, and self-preservation skills, which is more than can be said for a lot of people. If you're ever in my city I'll buy you some bourbon and we can laugh about ridiculous men. Yes. The responses are actually kind of bizarre and do not even correspond with the story I have told. Anyway, THANK YOU. It wasn't and still isn't easy. My ego and my heart hurt, but I'm very lucky that I had my family and home to go to. I haven't told anyone in my personal life what happened though. Just this forum. I kind of just showed up at my house. They didn't press it. My response was, "It was just time." Since leaving, I have not felt a single emotion of "I think I did the wrong thing." Instead it's all been sinking in and complete disbelief that he could do and was doing such a thing. But hey, if that's what makes him happy, so be it. I just wish he wouldn't have involved me in his little attempt/science project to be a committed relationship. Hopefully he never tried again and just sticks to online. 1
Author thats_so_not_cool Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 I think you and him are different sides of the same coin and so alike. You both get into the same kind of emotional ups and downs, same kind of shouting and same kind of checking each others phones, same kind of mistrust, same kind of fear for infidelity, same kind of names you'd call each other, same kind of emotional attachment for each other - incessant crying when parting, incessant texting when parting. What is really breaking you apart is the similarities and not the differences between you. Nor do I believe infidelity is a factor - it is merely an excuse. Regrettably I think women in general deserve this kind of thing because they always want a partner who is similar rather than complimentary. Imagine you live with someone who is another you, with exactly the same weaknesses and same strengths, that'd drive you absolute nuts. Does it sound familiar ? You left him not because you found him cheating. But because you could not forgive him for mistrusting you. I wonder what prompted him to start checking on you in the first place ? Perhaps your working pattern of always using your laptop and frequent travels scared him. Anyway I am glad you have now left him, and I hope you will find a new partner who is completely different to you, where his strength will make up for your weakness and vice versa. This is what will make it a success. Don't be bitter, I am absolutely certain a lonesome guy somewhere is waiting for fate to bring you to him. I seriously do not what you base your responses off of. It's almost like you have what you want to say in your head, then you try and manipulate the story in an attempt to make it fit. We did not incessantly argue nor engage in shouting matches. I do not remember writing this. Instead, he would get upset if I ever asked him or confronted him about his laptop or phone attachment. We hardly ever fought.. like at all. Our relationship was relatively good with the exception of this No one cried hysterically.. He cried once the first time I tried moving out. Neither one of us were big criers. There also was not incessant texting after the break up. Maybe I made it sound more dramatic than it actually was. After a 2 year relationship there was an exchange of about 4 text messages between the both of us. Hardly the dramatic, co-dependent picture you're trying to paint. He was not threatened by my incessant laptop use, because I hardly go on my laptop. Again, not sure where you got this from. Did I ever use my laptop? Yes, but nothing questionable or beyond normal. I also don't think my going out of town threatened him. I think he liked it. I left him because he was shady as f--- and I couldn't stand the thought of spending one more night on the couch with him while he fidgeting with his phone every 3 seconds, jumped to grab his phone any time it made an alert, and sitting there quiet like a dumbass just watching him throw shade all around me. I also did not habitually nor constantly check his phone. I did once, the night I posted about it. I think that's a pretty reasonable track record for a 14 month stint of living together. He checked mine constantly in the beginning, but never witnessed him doing it again after we discussed it. Why was he checking up on me as soon as moved in? I think it's because he was cheating the entire six months we were long distance and he assumed I was probably doing the same. Simple
BlueIris Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Well, I feel bad for whoever ends up with this guy or gets pregnant by him. They will have a miserable experience of manipulation and BS. He is sooo persistent and gets so nasty if you say anything to him. He's the "baby" of the family and sometimes I would get the impression he was the legitimate product of not getting smacked across the mouth by his parents. He applied to a job in his home state and assumed I would go with him. The thought of being in his home turf, away from everything I know, horrified me. I can only imagine the games he'd play with me then. At least this time leaving only involved packing a car and driving away. His home state would involve plane tickets, most likely job transfer - good God I'm staying single for a while Yes, I feel bad for the next person as well, and hope she doesn't get pregnant. If she doesn't have a strong sense of self and is susceptible to manipulation or doubting reality, she'll be in big trouble. I admire that you just cut him off rather than trying to figure things out or staying and engaging in the head games. Some people just plain make things up. Your gut and good sense were right on.
LoneIsland Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 I left him because he was shady as f--- and I couldn't stand the thought of spending one more night on the couch with him while he fidgeting with his phone every 3 seconds, jumped to grab his phone any time it made an alert, and sitting there quiet like a dumbass just watching him throw shade all around me. This basically describes the entire problem. The guy sitting there and you just watching his every move. Anything he did at all, you were not happy. Be it fidgeting with his phone, typing on his laptop, or even picking his toenails, you'd found a problem with it. I honest can't see how any man can survive this because it is 10 times worst than in a maximum security prison. The fact he endured that shows that you must have meant a great deal to him. With any other man in his place, they would have turned insanely violent. A man can't live like that. The question would be why were you obsessed with him like that ? Because if you do the same with the next guy, the story is going to repeat itself. You really must give a man some room and let him play with his phone all he wants, it's not like he's having wild sex with anyone. Let's say you didn't want him to play with his phone and he agreed, what would you want him to do instead ? You want him to cuddle you, to kiss you ? What I am seeing is a man being smothered and constricted to death and he's startling awake in the middle of the night just to get some space, but he could get no further than the couch. You said he's happy when you were away, well he certainly then had the space to take a breath.
BlueIris Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 (edited) This basically describes the entire problem. The guy sitting there and you just watching his every move. Anything he did at all, you were not happy. Be it fidgeting with his phone, typing on his laptop, or even picking his toenails, you'd found a problem with it. I honest can't see how any man can survive this because it is 10 times worst than in a maximum security prison. The fact he endured that shows that you must have meant a great deal to him. With any other man in his place, they would have turned insanely violent. A man can't live like that. The question would be why were you obsessed with him like that ? Because if you do the same with the next guy, the story is going to repeat itself. You really must give a man some room and let him play with his phone all he wants, it's not like he's having wild sex with anyone. Let's say you didn't want him to play with his phone and he agreed, what would you want him to do instead ? You want him to cuddle you, to kiss you ? What I am seeing is a man being smothered and constricted to death and he's startling awake in the middle of the night just to get some space, but he could get no further than the couch. You said he's happy when you were away, well he certainly then had the space to take a breath. This is so twisted and overly dramatic, I sense some projection here. You're dreaming up a false reality and trying to say it's true so you can justify criticizing the OP even though it doesn't fit what OP described at all. Look at it this way- If your version is true, she left, so now this poor, oppressed man is free. Win! Edited September 28, 2014 by BlueIris 1
LoneIsland Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Look at it this way- If your version is true, she left, so now this poor, oppressed man is free. Win! He's lost something he endured so much for. His lost is great. If the OP wanted to hurt him, she succeeded.
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 LoneIsland's post history is, um, enlightening. Needless to say there's no way he would side with the OP by virtue of her being a woman. 1
Author thats_so_not_cool Posted September 28, 2014 Author Posted September 28, 2014 With any other man in his place, they would have turned insanely violent. Chill, Ray Rice. You have entirely the wrong picture. I don't want to keep harping on this either. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. Maybe you and him would have a lot in common and should hang out. You guys can talk about your psycho exes. 2
LoneIsland Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Chill, Ray Rice. You have entirely the wrong picture. I don't want to keep harping on this either. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. Maybe you and him would have a lot in common and should hang out. You guys can talk about your psycho exes. Thanks for the offer. I suspect he's severely traumatised now. So he's no good to anyone for a couple of years. So much for Madison Ashley, now they have a toxic member on their hands. But if he were to come on here to give his side of the story. I will be happy to re-evaluate my conclusions based on new facts. Have you considered having children ? I think those will do you good. They will not object, and in fact will demand, your constant closed quarter presence all day long. Then you could be a mother to them as you tried to be for him.
BlueIris Posted September 28, 2014 Posted September 28, 2014 Thanks for the offer. I suspect he's severely traumatised now. So he's no good to anyone for a couple of years. So much for Madison Ashley, now they have a toxic member on their hands. But if he were to come on here to give his side of the story. I will be happy to re-evaluate my conclusions based on new facts. Have you considered having children ? I think those will do you good. They will not object, and in fact will demand, your constant closed quarter presence all day long. Then you could be a mother to them as you tried to be for him. This is so funny! I'm loving your posts! Do you write scripts for Mexican Soap Operas? 1
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