Am I being paranoid?

[thats_so_not_cool]

I was ready to come in here and say you're being overly paranoid and borderline loony. But the further I read, the more alarm bells rang. Sleeping patterns change and so that behaviour alone isn't so odd, but coupled with the new laptop being glued to his side, etc - yes, I'd say something is up. I don't necessarily think it's other women or escorts, but it's strange when taken from an overall perspective. Have you asked him why he takes both laptops to work? One thing you could do at home someday is say you're having trouble logging on to your own comp, and ask if you can hop on his to quickly check your email or something. Just to gauge his reaction

 

Regarding always having cash, I am the same. And I certainly don't use escorts (I am a woman, though) I just like to have an emergency stash in the event my card doesn't work, is lost/stolen, what have you.

 

Originally I asked, "Why both laptops?". His response was, "I watch the World Cup on my personal laptop while I'm at work." He continued taking his personal laptop to work well after the World Cup. I brought it up again and he said he had no problem leaving it at home, but he still kept taking it. Finally, after a blow out where I almost moved out, he started leaving it. He left it at home for a few weeks, but has since started taking it again. This convo made me wonder where his laptop even is and it's no where to be found. This is so pathetic.

 

IF MEN WANT TO BE THIS PATHETIC AND SHADY, JUST BE SINGLE. Working and dealing with the stress of my job is enough. Why the hell do I need to deal with this mediocrity in my personal life???

[Supernatural]

I hate relationships. They can never be simple.

This makes me feel better about being single.

 

------------

 

OLD?

Maybe. I don't think this would encourage him to get out of bed so early in the morning. Unless he found someone who he really connects with. But then again, if it's been 3 months of this... Something bigger would have already happened.

What to do? Sign up for free online accounts and view matches within a 2 mile radius. See if he is there.

 

Porn/Masturbation

Maybe. But again... Would this make him get out of bed really early? doubtful. If he just needed a jerk he would go to the bathroom and spank one out real quick then come back to bed. I don't think it's this.

What to do?iPhone's have amazing recorders which you can hear things very well... Next time before you go to bed... Set your recorder around the living room area and record what is going on and listen.

 

The thoughts here are really obvious. Porn... Masturbation.. Stocks...OLD...

The thing that got me really thinking was when you said he said "the bed is not comfy". But then you got new sheets and a new bed matting and it didn't make a difference.

 

To me, I ask... "What really drives him to get out of bed really early?" - like that's commitment to wake up earlier than you have to to leave your warm bed to go to a living room... Unless you really had to.

 

My suspicion is guilt.

 

He already cheated on you and literally can't stand sleeping next to you because he actually cannot sleep. His mind is always racing and to get even a wink of sleep he has to sleep away from you because his betrayal is deep.

 

You have already asked him what's been going on. And he has been giving you lame excuses and not the truth. It sounds like you have been patient and you're sweet about things. But his deceit is making you go a little crazy.

 

I say go in to detective mode and do what you have to do to learn the truth. Sometimes in life you just have to find out. Asking isn't working. So get creative and find the truth.

 

 

What would I do?

 

I would buy a hidden camera and see whats going on and then play my next move from there.

 

People can call me crazy. I don't think it is. If my significant other can't tell me the truth to my face, than it's simply about protecting myself after that. And sometimes to get the truth you have to do things which seem crazy.

 

------

 

Me and my first g/f broke up. I heard rumors she slept with one of my friends after we broke up. Betrayed by my own friend and ex. Really ****ty. I asked all my other friends and no one could tell me the truth as they didn't want to choose sides - which was fine. But here I was all alone with what seemed like everything against me. Being played.

 

So one night I called my ex. She answered.

Me:"What's up?"

Her:"Out at the mall"

Me:"Are you with.. Him?"

Her:"With who?"

Me:"You know who..."

Her"Ya. So what?"

Me:"I can't believe you. I'll talk to you later. Bye."

 

After that... I knew I was all alone. No one telling me the truth. No one helping me. Just me, myself, and I... And a broken heart.

 

I drove to her place. Parked one block away behind a truck. I waited for 2 hours until I saw my one friends car park in front of her house and she got out. It was sick and it hurt so bad. I felt like ****. But you know what? I got the truth. And like the joker said... "Can't rely on anyone these days, you have to do everything yourself!"

 

Was it crazy? To some... Yes. To me? No. I did what needed to be done to survive my circumstances. Truth sets you free. And in life I seek truth even if I have to get my hands a little dirty.

[Versacehottie]

Does he take his phone with him when he moves to the couch?

 

It could be nothing but stress/anxiety or porn sites, etc but if he takes his phone with him, he could be texting with someone or on app chatting with ppl. Stress can cause people to wake up early like that. Is he stressed?

[Supernatural]

Does he take his phone with him when he moves to the couch?

 

It could be nothing but stress/anxiety or porn sites, etc but if he takes his phone with him, he could be texting with someone or on app chatting with ppl. Stress can cause people to wake up early like that. Is he stressed?

 

Yes. She stated he takes his phone everywhere with him. Except when she showers but she doesn't want to go through it because she things he covers his tracks well.

 

 

I swear some people don't read the thread and then just ask questions which have already been answered.

[Versacehottie]

Yes. She stated he takes his phone everywhere with him. Except when she showers but she doesn't want to go through it because she things he covers his tracks well.

 

 

I swear some people don't read the thread and then just ask questions which have already been answered.

 

wow, what a nasty response when we are all on here trying to help the OP. BTW, i did read that and usually read the majority of the thread posts. I took "taking his phone everywhere with him" means in his waking hours. If he is basically moving from one sleeping location (their bed), to another (the couch) and phone goes with him, that's the purpose which is why I wanted that specific answer--which is exactly what my friends cheating boyfriend did to her.

 

I can't imagine why someone would take the time to make a post to be sh*tty. relax

[Supernatural]

It wasn't a nasty response. I was just stating obvious facts about some responses. On this, and several other threads.

I didn't mean to offend you. I apologize, Versacehottie. I'm just doing that cause I like you... Duh.

[thats_so_not_cool]

He went to bed before me tonight. This is rare. I took the opportunity to look for his personal laptop and I could not find it anywhere. Weird if he chose to leave it at work.

 

He had his phone charging by the bedside and I took it. My heart was pounding out of my chest the entire time, but I went through it anyway. The only thing I found was in his Internet history. He had the login page for AshleyMadison.com. I tried to link it back to his gmail, but it was not showing as an active account. That's not to say he doesn't have an alternate email I don't know about it.

 

I created a bogus account and filtered to his age and our zip code, but did not see anything that looked like it could be him...

 

I feel like I just need to get over it and move out. I make enough money to live on my own and I'm the considerably better looking one in the relationship. I shouldn't have to put up with this. I hate how men (even mediocre looking ones) feel so entitled to do scumbag **** on the side.

[thats_so_not_cool]

Does he take his phone with him when he moves to the couch?

 

It could be nothing but stress/anxiety or porn sites, etc but if he takes his phone with him, he could be texting with someone or on app chatting with ppl. Stress can cause people to wake up early like that. Is he stressed?

 

He ALWAYS has his phone with him. He works for a 24/7 charter company, so he says he likes to stay on top of emails (even when he's not on shift)... He checks the damn thing like every 5-10 minutes. When I first moved in he would take it into the shower with him. I had a coronary about it and now that's the only time he's away from it. He doesn't take long showers though and showers with the door open.

[sm2281]

I read and agree with some of the responses about the shady-ness.

 

 

But, that being said - I have a young child that I tend to in the mornings and I am frequently up and out of bed early on weekends when my bf is around. So I try not to disturb him and Ill get up tend to my kiddo and go back to sleep on the couch sometimes. I try to cuddle and sleep in with him sometimes but I hate disturbing him in his sleep on the weekends when he doesnt have to work (obviously not the baby daddy)

 

 

So it could be simple, but I would still keep my eye open.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Since he's now apparently storing his personal laptop in another dimension entirely, information gathering is going to be hard, but not impossible. However you're going to have to take some steps which may seem - or actually BE - extreme. Such as GPS trackers (as you suggested) and apps that log his web/messaging history on his mobile device. Peruse more local dating sites with specifics to his interests/preferences. Scan craigslist, google his phone number and any instant messaging app names or nicknames he's used in the past. Hell, if you can afford it, hire a PI. Naturally, all this has to be done fairly soon, (as in yesterday really) and WITHOUT you showing your hand in the slightest bit.

 

No more asking where his laptop is and don't even bother confronting him about his change in sleep patterns again. You're going to have to go along as if everything is fine and dandy and stuff those awful, heart-pounding, nauseating, knot-in-your-stomach feelings way, WAY down and go into complete investigator mode. Moving quickly and hiding your suspicions gives him neither time nor inclination to hide things further or cover his tracks any more than he already has.

 

I just found out my BF was cheating on me - for a second time! - this weekend (though I'd had my suspicions for a while) so I KNOW the sickening, angry, depressing, dizzying emotional roller coaster you're currently on. It sucks. It makes you feel like you're absolutely losing your effing mind. You suspect everything and everyone; you scrutinize every word and every action and you live with this constant feeling of dread from your heart to the pit of your stomach. You start fearing the worst, the absolute WORST. Is he sleeping with an ex? Is it coworker? Dear God is it prostitutes??? is it MEN!?! You'll drive yourself crazy and into a depression in no time.

 

So, my advice? You need to track his every move in any and every way you can. Stalk his ass. That's right, you need to become your boyfriend's biggest stalker and #1 fan. Use every method you can think of until you find the truth. Don't wait for it to fall into your lap or for him to come clean, LOOK FOR IT. If there's something there...well, as they say, seek and you shall find.

[LoneIsland]

He ALWAYS has his phone with him. He works for a 24/7 charter company, so he says he likes to stay on top of emails (even when he's not on shift)... He checks the damn thing like every 5-10 minutes. When I first moved in he would take it into the shower with him. I had a coronary about it and now that's the only time he's away from it. He doesn't take long showers though and showers with the door open.

 

Sounds like he just enjoys doing his job. Since you get so angry with him for that, I am not surprised he tries to do it sneakily. Imagine if you caught him doing it in bed in the morning, you'd go ballistic.

 

I genuinely cannot imagine a guy getting up early every day just to chat with some women. But stress of job or stress of something else certainly could give him bad sleeping patterns.

 

Since he's so into his job, perhaps you should work out why he is so motivated. Is his pay performance based, or is he after a promotion, or maybe it's just a bad job where they make unreasonable demands on him ?

[CarrieT]

I genuinely cannot imagine a guy getting up early every day just to chat with some women.

Meh.

 

I'm a woman and when I had emotionally checked out of an 11-year relationship, I got up early everyday to trawl the 'net for online connections.

 

People will do crazy things when they start having affairs or are considering hooking up with someone.

[LoneIsland]

Meh.

 

I'm a woman and when I had emotionally checked out of an 11-year relationship, I got up early everyday to trawl the 'net for online connections.

 

People will do crazy things when they start having affairs or are considering hooking up with someone.

 

I further cannot imagine a man would want to hook up with someone so far away as to be in a different time zone. Long distance relationships might work a treat for a woman. It absolutely does not work well for a man. A man needs a physical connection or the connection is pretty useless and certainly not worth getting up early for, assuming of course we are not talking about a natural early bird.

 

I think the most horrifying part of this story could be that the man is found to be sneaking around doing his work rather than sneaking around with another woman. At least people can understand when another woman is involved. But the perversion of the man sneaking around with his laptop trying to process some early customer business bookings would be too much to bear for most females around here.

[CarrieT]

I further cannot imagine a man would want to hook up with someone so far away as to be in a different time zone. Long distance relationships might work a treat for a woman. It absolutely does not work well for a man.

Again, I disagree...

 

When I started OLD and online hook-ups, I was approached by more MARRIED men who were looking for online flirting than physically close men who wanted a real connection.

 

At one point, I was having conversations with men in Maine, New York, Tennessee, the U.K., Michigan, Nevada, Southern California, Oregon, and Idaho simultaneously! I can't believe that is an anomaly to have more than half-a-dozen men around the U.S. talking to me at once. It is a prevalent occurrence.

 

I was young and green in the process and seriously believed these were guys who wanted to meet up for a potential long-term relationship. In every case, it turned out these were men who were married or otherwise attached and just using the internet to flirt and play.

Edited September 25, 2014 by CarrieT

[angel.eyes]

Perhaps you should meander over to the Infidelity and OW/OM forums if you don't believe men engage in emotional affairs!

 

When I first found LS, there was an Australian OW in a multi-year emotional affair with a married guy in the UK...even after their first D-Day. He did precisely what is being described here and more. He got up at 4 am to chat with her in another room. When his wife woke up, he would rush off to work early. He sat up chatting late into the night with the OW in another room while his wife was in their bedroom.

 

Come on now! If this were work, why would he suddenly need a personal laptop, and why would he be on his personal laptop and not his work one? Why would the excuse be that the couch is more comfortable than the bed? Honestly, what couch is more comfortable than a bed!

 

That Ashley Madison log-on in his internet history is probably the smoking gun. I suggested checking his phone's browser history, because people are a little sloppy about clearing it, even when they're anal about hiding their tracks everywhere.

Edited September 25, 2014 by angel.eyes

[LoneIsland]

Again, I disagree...

 

When I started OLD and online hook-ups, I was approached by more MARRIED men who were looking for online flirting than physically close men who wanted a real connection.

 

At one point, I was having conversations with men in Maine, New York, Tennessee, the U.K., Michigan, Nevada, Southern California, Oregon, and Idaho simultaneously! I can't believe that is an anomaly to have more than half-a-dozen men around the U.S. talking to me at once. It is a prevalent occurrence.

 

I was young and green in the process and seriously believed these were guys who wanted to meet up for a potential long-term relationship. In every case, it turned out these were men who were married or otherwise attached and just using the internet to flirt and play.

 

I further cannot imagine a guy's chatting urge is so strong that he would get up early every morning for it. If the OP's guy is chatting to women all around the world, then putting a tracker on his car won't do much good.

 

In any case nothing is proven he's engaged in any kind of chatting. What has consistently been proven is that the guy is absolutely crazy about his job, crazy enough to take it into the shower. When a guy is that crazy about something, then regrettably I would have to say everything else would appear bland to him including women.

[CarrieT]

I further cannot imagine a guy's chatting urge is so strong that he would get up early every morning for it.

If he has an online connection with someone in a different time zone, then getting up early would totally make sense.

 

Not sure why you can't fathom that these things exist when many others are telling you otherwise from personal experiences.

[angel.eyes]

So he works at Ashley-Madison? ...or he was doing background research for a work project on Ashley-Madison?

[angel.eyes]

If he has an online connection with someone in a different time zone, then getting up early would totally make sense.

 

Not sure why you can't fathom that these things exist when many others are telling you otherwise from personal experiences.

 

Sometimes people live and post to discussion boards from under bridges.

[LoneIsland]

Perhaps you should meander over to the Infidelity and OW/OM forums if you don't believe men engage in emotional affairs!

 

When I first found LS, there was an Australian OW in a multi-year emotional affair with a married guy in the UK...even after their first D-Day. He did precisely what is being described here and more. He got up at 4 am to chat with her in another room. When his wife woke up, he would rush off to work early. He sat up chatting late into the night with the OW in another room while his wife was in their bedroom.

 

Come on now! If this were work, why would he suddenly need a personal laptop, and why would he be on his personal laptop and not his work one? Why would the excuse be that the couch is more comfortable than the bed? Honestly, what couch is more comfortable than a bed!

 

That Ashley Madison log-on in his internet history is probably the smoking gun. I suggested checking his phone's browser history, because people are a little sloppy about clearing it, even when they're anal about hiding their tracks everywhere.

 

As he appears to be a work freak who takes it excessively seriously, I am not surprised he spends his own money to buy a laptop for work. The reason could simply be the work one is cr*p. Computers are a bit like make up products, they come in different qualities and different performances. Some do a better job, just like some brands of make up cover the the nose better than others. A new laptop is not really a good indicator of infidelity. Given there is no proper communication between the OP and her guy, we will probably never find out what function the laptop serves.

 

As for the bed not being comfortable, there's no way to tell unless you go lay on it and see if it isn't. It is within plausibility it isn't, at least for him - maybe too soft, maybe too hard, maybe too warm, maybe too cold.

 

We don't know if Ashley Madison site visit started before or after all the issues begun. If the guy feels threatened then looking for a potential escape route would start to seem prudent for him.

Edited September 25, 2014 by LoneIsland

[thats_so_not_cool]

So he works at Ashley-Madison? ...or he was doing background research for a work project on Ashley-Madison?

 

Right.. and when he used to take the phone into the shower, it wasn't for work. He'd use it to play music while he showered - which he NEVER does. He's not even a big music person, so I found it extra odd.

 

I also do not go ballistic on him for work. He has no reason to hide work related things from me.

 

In any event, I've decided not to invest further energy in this. Last night when he went to bed, I decided to look for his laptop and could not find it anywhere. I looked under both couches, under the bed, in his backpack, in the closet, EVERYWHERE. I eventually gave up and figured he left it at work.

 

This morning I come out and he's on his laptop... I asked him where it had been because I wanted to watch a movie on it and couldn't find it. He nonchalantly claimed it was right next to the couch... I said I looked there and it wasn't there last night. He just gave me a blank stare and said, "That's funny. It was right there on the charger."

 

He then said he was going to take it to work because he wants to submit a cover letter for a job and feels he'll "get in trouble" if he's caught applying for another job on his work computer...

 

At this point, he can take his computer and go **** himself. This **** is draining and is so goddamn immature. How can someone seriously be this pathetic?

[LoneIsland]

If he has an online connection with someone in a different time zone, then getting up early would totally make sense.

 

Not sure why you can't fathom that these things exist when many others are telling you otherwise from personal experiences.

 

I fathom it perfectly well. But the theme has been that the guy was obsessed with his work even before he had the laptop. The question would be: was the obsession genuine or a ruse for covering something else ? Since the guy was disallowed to do his work when he was doing it in the open, we can no longer put him under observation and see what kind of work he's doing. It is equally possible he is sneaking around doing work or doing cheating. It seems unfair to automatically assume he's cheating when the other possibility is just as likely.

[LoneIsland]

He then said he was going to take it to work because he wants to submit a cover letter for a job and feels he'll "get in trouble" if he's caught applying for another job on his work computer...

 

Indeed he would. Work computers are all tracked. So he's reason is valid.

 

In my view, for him to get a new job might improve your situation. A new job would require a different morning routine. In that case, you will have an opportunity to rule out his previous morning routine was all to do with the current job.

 

Something was obviously bugging him to cause him to lose sleep. A bad job is one such thing. Now he's working to fix this situation.

 

My assessment of his story so far is that it ties up and consistent.

[Gaeta]

Indeed he would. Work computers are all tracked. So he's reason is valid.

 

Why does he have to do that from work anyway? Pushing 'send' button can be done from home too. And why work on a cover sheet from work when he can do that from home in a quiet environment.

[LoneIsland]

Why does he have to do that from work anyway? Pushing 'send' button can be done from home too. And why work on a cover sheet from work when he can do that from home in a quiet environment.

 

Doing personal work at work is perfectly reasonable. It gives you more personal time. It also gives you a feeling you have gotten the better of the employer, especially if you don't like them, because they are paying you to do your personal work. Lastly, there may not be enough work at work. So doing personal work at work can fill the void and help pass the time. Given your non-awareness of these subtleties, I presume your guy does all the bringing home of the bacon ?

 

As for why he reached that particular stage of letter preparation at that particular time, it could be just coincidence. I don't have the female intuition to come up with a more fanciful explanation than that. But I can guess it along the lines of: well, he was too busy chatting to women around the world for emotional support and for long distance simultaneous relationships that are totally hot and racy, therefore he only managed to get the letter half done by the time he needed to leave for work.

Edited September 25, 2014 by LoneIsland